Visions of Sugarplums Danced in Their Heads
by fawkesfeathers
Summary: Over Christmas break, Harry and Snape are attacked by a Ghangzou, a rare, magical genie that shows its victims what life would be like if one thing changed. What they see will alter their relationship forever, if they'll let it.
1. Run Fast

_Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father_  
_Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers_  
_Leave all your love and your longing behind_  
_You can't carry it with you if you want to survive_

- Florence and the Machine. "Dog Days are Over"

Christmas at Hogwarts was the prettiest thing Harry had ever seen. Thick, white snow covered the grounds and frosted the firs of the Forbidden Forest. The lake had turned into a fine sheet of glass, which, according to some Slytherin students, meant that the Merpeople and Giant Squid had moved to a magically-infused warm lake underneath the school. Glass baubles, carolling faeries and an obscene amount of tinsel and holly decorated stone walls and even some paintings brought in Christmas decorations. There was one particularly festive portrait of a 15th century wizard at the guillotine, wearing a Santa hat, sharing a pint with his executioner.

The feeling of festivity, however, was all but lost on Harry. Mrs. Weasley insisted Ron had to go with the rest of the family to visit Charlie in Romania. Hermione was in France with her parents. All Harry had for company was a few Hufflepuff third-years, two Ravenclaw sixth years who were attached at the lips, and five Slytherins, including Draco Malfoy.

Harry had gotten used to being surrounded by friends and people who cared about him. Now, alone in the typically busy, loud castle, surrounded by the trappings of Christmas, Harry's loneliness seemed to be amplified. It was these self-pitying thoughts that Harry dwelt on as he poked at his breakfast, alone in the Great Hall.

"Potter, may I join you?" asked a dignified Scottish accent. Harry looked up to find Professor McGonogal staring down at him imperiously.

"Oh, yes m'am," Harry said, flustered. Professor McGonagall hiked up her robes and awkwardly stepped over the long bench to sit across from Harry. Harry was only eleven and in those eleven years he had had precious little one-on-one time with adults. The thought of thinking of something to say to McGonagall petrified him.

"All the decorations look really nice," Harry offered hurriedly. McGonagall gave him a rare smile.

"They rather do, don't they?" Harry smiled back and was wracking his brain for a new subject of conversation when Professor McGonagall beat him to it.

"I was sorry to hear Mr. Weasley wouldn't be here with you this Christmas," said Professor McGonogal, peering intently at Harry over her square framed spectacles. A flush of embarrassment started to crawl up Harry's face. Poor, pathetic Harry with no one to spend Christmas with. The pity was almost worse than the actual state of affairs.

"It's alright," said Harry.

"Well, I was hoping you might consider spending Christmas morning with me," she said.

"You don't have to do that," said Harry, looking down at his plate and shifting awkwardly.

"Well I'd like you to, if you have no objections," said McGonagall, patting him on the shoulder and getting to her feet. A small smile crept across his face, and he nodded.

"Yes, m'am," whispered Harry.

He hung around for the rest of the day in the Great Hall, reading and watching the preparations for Christmas. Soon, Professor Flitwick had recruited him and some of the other students to help decorate the large Christmas tree. Harry's levitation spell was getting pretty good, and Professor Flitwick was even teaching him how to charm the ornaments to spin slowly from where they hung on the tree. After a while, Harry reluctantly had to admit that he was having a nice time, perhaps even the nicest time he'd ever had at Christmas. It certainly was better than any Christmas he spent getting smacked around by the Dursley's.

"Mr. Potter, would you mind getting the EverShine serum from Professor Snape for the star?" squeaked Professor Flitwick. The joy Harry was feeling was immediately wiped away as though by a spell as he thought of going down to the dungeons.

"Not at all, sir," muttered Harry.

He walked down the stairs to the dungeon, slowing with trepidation the closer he got. It felt like he was walking down to the depths of the ocean, every step he took towards Snape's office was colder and more eerie.

By the time he reached Snape's door, his teeth were chattering slightly. He took a deep breath, then knocked on the door.

"Come in," snapped Snape from inside his office. Hesitantly, Harry pushed open the door. Snape was hunched over his desk, scowling a large stack of essays. He raised his hooked nose and when he saw it was Harry at the door, his expression soured further.

"What, Potter?" he growled.

"Professor Flitwick needs the EverShine Serum for the star, sir," said Harry, raising his chin to look Snape dead in the eye. He wasn't going to cower in front of the man. Severus sighed, and rolled his eyes slightly at the request.

"Wait here," he muttered, getting out of his chair to go to the store room. Harry nodded and looked around the dungeon in boredom and curiosity. A selection of various coloured eyeballs sat in an open jar on Snape's desk. Harry couldn't help but wonder if they were human. He walked over to the desk and picked up the jar, looking up at them with disgust. One of the eyes was cloudy and leaking gooey material into the alcohol. Harry scrunched his nose up.

"What are you doing, Potter?" said Severus, glowering from the door with a shiny, silver vial in his hand.

"Sorry, sir. I was just…"

"Sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong," snapped Snape, grabbing the jar back. The alcohol sloshed over their hands. "I know common curtesy doesn't extend to the Potters, but it is rude to go through other people's possessions."

"Sorry," muttered Harry, wiping his hand on his robe. The last thing he wanted was one of his eyeballs to end up suspended in the jar. Snape thrust the EverShine serum towards him. Harry accepted it, but before he could thank Snape, the man had already turned his back and headed back to his desk.

Glad to be able to leave the man's presence, Harry turned around and walked towards the door. But there was someone standing at the door. A thin, Asian girl who looked at most to be in first-year, but Harry didn't recognize her. She was wearing a Hogwarts uniform, but the style was somehow different, old-fashioned.

"Hey," muttered Harry, nodding at her. She smiled at him, an eerie sort of glow coming over her features. Though he couldn't put a finger on why, Harry instinctively took a step back.

"Inducto!" yelled Snape before Harry could do anything further. A white light jetted out from behind Snape, but the girl moved it away with the flick of her hand. Harry gasped and pulled out his own wand, though he was unsure of what spell to use.

Before he could think of one, Snape pulled him back with such force he dropped his wand. Snape restrained Harry behind his back with one arm while he held his wand towards the girl with the other.

"Go!" he said menacingly. The grip he had on Harry's arm was so forceful it was beginning to bruise.

"INDUCTO," Snape said again, but the girl was easily able to deflect the curse again with another flick of the wand. She pushed her hands together, and a ball of energy formed between her hands. Snape pulled Harry toward the ground just before she threw the ball at him. More sparks flew out of Severus' wand.

Desperately, Harry grabbed a chair and threw it at her. She let out a horrible, pained shriek, but she didn't duck, she apparated to be directly over Harry's face. She was inches away, her eyes cloudy and yellow, her skin was so translucent that he could see her teeth through the skin of her cheek. Harry was too scared even to scream. Her hands wrapped around his neck and everything felt cold.

"NO!" Snape yelled. Even though Harry was almost passing out from the cold, he vaguely realized that Snape sounded genuinely concerned for him, frightened even. Before Harry could contemplate that further, the creature was pulled off of him. Harry grabbed his wand and stumbled to his feet.

Snape threw the creature across the room. It disappeared and, Snape's eyes met Harry's for the briefest moment. For the first time, there was no hatred in them, just fear.

"Run, Potter, now," he snapped. Harry scrambled to his feet, but before he could make it out of the room, the girl had reappeared. This time she launched herself at Snape. More sparks and curses flew, and Harry hesitated at the door. She started to get the upper hand again, Snape was on the floor with his wand inches from him.

"GO," Snape yelled, seeing Harry hesitate. There was nothing Harry could to but get help, so he turned and ran down the stone hallway.

The cold that had gone over him made his limbs feel heavier, and he ran in a clumsy, disjointed fashion. There was a small enclave, leading to a cupboard just off the side of one hallway. Harry stumbled towards it thankfully.

"Dear boy, what's the matter?" a tiny elf in the portrait asked in concerned as Harry collapsed. The hallway swam around him, and with the last vestiges of strength, he pulled himself in behind the wall. It seemed hard to breathe, and black surrounded him.

**A/N: Please Review - Thanks for reading!**

**A/N: I'm not sure if you all are going to get emailed, but I am only posting edited versions of the chapters you have already read, no new ones. **


	2. Who Says You Can't Go Home

_"Who says you can't go home  
There's only one place that calls me one of their own  
Just a hometown boy born a rollin' stone  
Who says you can't go home"_

- Bon Jovi

Harry seemed to hover for a particularly long moment between unconsciousness and wakefulness. A vague soreness pulsated through his limbs along with a frigid dampness on his back. His head and right wrist hurt so much that he barely encoded the anxious, feminine voice speaking above him. With a groan and supreme effort, he opened his eyes.

The image he awoke to was not the one he expected. Three young faces hovered inches above his, blocking out the sunny sky beyond them.

"Harry! Are you alright?" one of the children asked. She was the oldest of them but still looked a few years younger than Harry. She had long, dark hair, a smattering of freckles on her pale nose and serious, hazel eyes that were crinkled in concern. There was something oddly familiar about her.

"I'm – I think I'm ok," answered Harry shakily trying to sit up. The pounding in his head made him groan and fall back onto the snow he was lying on. He looked at the children again, gasping when his eyes focused on the little boy. He couldn't have been older than seven, but he looked exactly like a better-dressed Harry did at that age. The only thing missing was the scar.

"Who are you?" Harry asked the little boy in awe. Alarm blossomed in the boy's eyes, and he quickly looked to the older girl for direction. The youngest, a pre-school aged girl with an amber bob peeking out from under her white hat and a dripping, red nose, started to cry.

"DADDY!" she shrieked causing Harry's head to feel like a million little explosions had just gone off in his brain.

"Grace, don't yell," admonished the older girl before she turned her attention back to Harry. She took his gloved hand in hers.

"Don't worry, Harry. You've just hit your head. It'll all be ok." Her face was understanding and kind, and even though she was younger than him, he was inclined to listen to her. Vaguely, Harry heard footsteps through the snow. The other children did too, because their heads snapped up at the sound. The youngest girl jumped to her feet and started to cry in earnest as she ran towards the approaching figure.

"What happened?" a male, adult voice asked worriedly. Like everything else, the voice was vaguely familiar. It was like these people surrounding him were actors he had seen in movie long ago, not recognizable persay, but not completely forgotten either.

"He fell off of his broom," said the older girl who was still holding Harry's hand. "Sirius dared him to try the Wronski Feint, and he couldn't pull up in time."

"Did not!" yelped the Boy-Who-Looked-So-Like-Harry guiltily.

"Did too!" the girl shrieked back indignantly. "Daddy, he did. Harry said he could do it 'cause Charlie taught him, and Sirius said he couldn't, and he crashed, and now he can't remember anything."

"Alright, Amelia, it's alright, I'll figure out who to yell at later. Take Sirius and Grace inside please." The voice was close to Harry now, and the children scattered to make room immediately.

He didn't have time to consider the voice further when a face Harry had only seen in pictures swam into view. It was lined with age and drawn with worry, but it was undoubtedly the face of James Potter. His slightly skewed glasses, warm hazel eyes and messy hair were unchanged. A swooping rush of anxiety, pleasure and something else Harry couldn't quite identify swirled in his stomach as he gaped at his father.

"Dad?" whispered Harry in disbelief, he blinked hard to clear the vision but when he opened his eyes his Dad was there.

"Where does it hurt, love?" asked James gently, running a hand through Harry's hair to check for lumps. His father was dead. This Harry knew for sure, and he couldn't help but stare in bewilderment.

"Harry?" prompted James again looking at Harry with concern. Swallowing thickly, Harry found his voice.

"M-my head and my arm mostly," whispered Harry, relieved his voice was still how he remembered it. James felt Harry's wrist, sending a shock of pain through Harry who yelped slightly.

"It's broken," said James with a sigh. He wordlessly lit his wand and held it up to Harry's eyes. The intrusion caused Harry to cringe and look away. "And a concussion. Ok, love, to St. Mungo's we go."

He wormed a hand under Harry's back and helped him sit up. The sensation made Harry feel dazed for a moment, and he blinked to clear the spots from his eyes. Before he could fully adjust, James seized him under the armpits and lifted him up onto his hip like a much younger child. James mistook Harry's gasp of shock for one of pain and rubbed his back in a small, calming circle.

"I know it hurts, love," James said in a soothing, voice. "It'll feel better soon." Hoisted across his father's chest only served to make Harry feel crazier. He could smell the subtle leathery scent of cologne and see the faint stubble on James' chin. Even though his father had run out into the snow in only his shirt, heat still radiated through to Harry and he could feel every breath James took. It was all so real.  
Harry remained in shocked silence as James collected Harry's 'siblings', none of whom Harry recognized, and took them all to the bright, St. Mungo's waiting room. They were admitted quickly, and now Harry was sitting in a surprisingly comfortable hospital, listening guiltily while James softly lectured Sirius.

"He could have done himself a serious injury," James said.

"He didn't have to do it!" replied Sirius moodily, crossing his arms. Outside the door, a little witch in a pink jumper was crying on her Mother's shoulder as the harried looking woman tried fruitlessly to calm her. Harry blinked at the image. He was so concerned with what this odd world was, that he had not even thought about the most important thing.

"Dad, where's Mom?" Harry asked hesitantly. James looked at him with some concern.

"She's in Court, honey. She'll be here soon. You don't remember?" James asked furrowing his brow. Harry just shook his head negatively, wincing when it burned.

"Harry doesn't remember anything," Grace said matter-of-factly. James' eyes blossomed in alarm, the same way Sirius' had earlier, but before he could say anything, the door opened to reveal an old, Indian man whose hair was going white in green doctors robes.

"I was wondering when I was going to get my monthly visit from the Potters," said the Healer with a warm smile, at the room. "What trouble have you lot gotten yourself into this time?" He asked looking at Harry.

"I'm not really sure," Harry admitted softly.

"He fell off his broom," said Amelia, quickly. "He hit his head and his wrist, it's all swollen."

"Alright, Harry, follow the light at the end of my wand," said an old, white-haired Healer. Harry did as he was told, still unable to shake the deep uncertainty in his gut.

"Good," muttered the Healer.

"Just a nasty bump on the head, nothing that shouldn't clear up in a few days time. Consider yourself lucky, Harry. We wizards may be less susceptible to brain injuries but we can snap a neck just as easily as a Muggle," Healer Harris said firmly.

"Yes, sir," Harry said nervously. The Healer arched an eyebrow at this, but before he could say anything, James cut in.

"He's been having some memory issues, apparently," James said, he was trying to keep his voice level and calm for the sake of Harry and the other children, but Harry could see the anxiousness on his face.

"I-I remember. It's just different," explained Harry, wanting to calm everyone down. Feeling a little stupid, he turned to James, who nodded seriously giving Harry the confidence to continue. "I lived with my Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon, and I didn't have any siblings, and –" Harry trailed off, turning to James.

"And you were dead. Mom too," added Harry in a whisper. "Voldemort killed you." James' eyebrows flew up to his hairline in surprise, then cleared his throat and shuffled closer to Harry.

"I'm not sure what books you've gotten your hands on, love; but I assure you, your Mom and I are very much alive. And Voldemort has been gone for quite some time now," James said in a placating tone.

"And I don't know what world we'd be in where we'd send you to live with your Aunt Petunia. I'd rather think a nice Goblin family would be more suitable. Don't tell your Mother I said that." James said with a playful wink as he smoothed down Harry's covers. There was at least some logic in that, and Harry gave a shaky smile in response.

"The last thing I remember was going to get a potion from Professor Snape," Harry muttered rubbing his head

"Professor Snape?" James said with a little snort. Before Harry could ask why that was funny, Grace toddled up beside the bed.

"You thought Mommy and Daddy were dead?" Grace asked, horrified. Both her and Sirius were now looking up at Harry with fearful, wide-eyes. Grace's lower lip was starting to tremble, and Harry felt an inexplicable urge to comfort her.

"And I was never born?" Sirius continued, instead of his lips trembling, they drew back in anger. "But I've known you forever. You have to remember. Is he going to get better?" Sirius said addressing the Healer now with surprising fierceness considering his age. James drew Sirius on to his lap, to calm him, but fixed the Healer with an equally intent look.

"Trouble recalling, visions, these are all common with head injuries, especially with Wizards" said Healer Harris, patting Harry on the shoulder. "Your magic is just confused and trying to reorient itself. I'll keep you overnight for observation, but I'm certain you just need plenty of rest. I'll leave some pain killers with your father."

Harry nodded mutely, feeling a sense of relief. If he was crazy or if something was really wrong, the healer would have been able to tell. James nodded and watched the Healer leave before turning a tired smile to Harry.

"Why don't you take one of these now and get some sleep," James said holding one of the vials out. Harry took it and looked at it hesitantly.

"Millie play with Sirius and Grace, ok?" James said gently pushing Sirius off of his lap towards the corner. Amelia took them obediently, and when they were out of earshot, James shuffled closer and brushed the bangs off of Harry's forehead.

"What's the matter, love?" asked James, concerned.

If this was all some wonderful dream, going to sleep might end it. He hadn't seen his mother yet. He didn't know his siblings and all he knew about his father was that the man cared about him and was worried that he was hurting. It was an entirely knew experience for Harry.

"Harry?" prompted James.

"What if – what if I go to sleep someone makes me go back and then I won't be here anymore, and I won't see you anymore," asked Harry. The statement barely made sense even to him but his father, sensing his anxiety, took it in with due gravitas.

"You're really worried about that, aren't you, sweetheart?" said James, leaning forward on his chair. Harry glanced over his father's face for a sign he was being mocked, but there was only compassionate concern. After a moment, he nodded. James sighed and scratched the back of his head thoughtfully.

"Alright." James leaned forward and took Harry's hand in his. "I promise I'll be right here the whole time you are asleep, and if anyone or anything tries to take you anywhere, I won't let them." Even though Harry knew that James wasn't seriously expecting anything to happen, there was a protective glint in his eyes that put his words beyond suspicion. Harry uncorked the vial, and drank it in a few sips.

"I'll be right here when you wake up. So will your Mom," James said reassuringly. "Snuggle in now." The pain reliever cleared up the slight throbbing in Harry's head and made a woozy, tiredness surround his brain. He shifted down under the warm covers and smiled when James tucked the blanket more firmly around his shoulders.

"I love you, kiddo," whispered James, planting a gently kiss on Harry's forehead. A suspicious tightness constricted Harry's throat. No one had ever told him that they loved him before.

"Love you too, Dad," Harry choked out. The last thing he saw before sleep pulled him under, was his father staring down at him in concern.

A graying monster launched forward towards Harry seizing him around the throat and throwing him against a wall. Professor Snape was hung up like a graying piece of laundry, tubing filled with thick, black liquid jutted out of his veins and arms. Pain shot through Harry and he couldn't take a full breath. He tried to scream, but nothing came out.

"Harry! Harry!" someone called urgently. Harry was still screaming when he dimly came aware of the dark hospital room and the concerned face of his father staring down at him. He breathed rapidly, the vision doing nothing for his fear. The dream was real. Snape was hurt, and if Harry stayed here and didn't get help he'd die. He tried to get out of bed, but James held him down.

"It's alright, Harry, it was just a dream," he said firmly but gently.

"No, it's not," said Harry, trying desperately to explain. "There was this monster and it got Snape and it made my arm freeze. He's going to die. This isn't my real life." Harry felt his lip quiver ominously at the assertion. There weren't words to describe how much he wished that this was all real; but Harry learned early on that he didn't get his wishes.

"Oh, love," James whispered, gathering Harry up into his arms. He tried to resist but the hug was firm. "It's alright, everything is alright. Bumps on the head make us think funny things sometimes." James continued in a murmur rocking Harry slightly. "I've been there. Once I took a bludger to the head and couldn't remember Hogwarts or my own name for a week." The certainty Harry felt began to wane and his forehead scrunched in confusion.

The dream had seemed so real, but so did this. James' heart beat under Harry's ear, a touch faster than normal, in reaction to Harry's stress. Harry breathed deeply, smelling the woody scent of James' cologne and feeling the warmth of his muscular arms around him. Even in his wildest fantasies, Harry wasn't sure he could create a life this vivid and realistic. A voice in his head reminded him that thoughts of his past life had been vivid too. Then again the past nightmare he had had been choppy and disorganized. Could it all just be in his head? When he was here, being held by his father, hearing his heart thump, it certainly seemed that way.

He was almost calm when the door creaked open and Lily stepped through holding two coffees, sneakily as though she was worried about waking him. When she saw he was awake, she smiled broadly.

Forget his heart racing, it basically stopped as he took in the vision of mother hungrily. All thoughts of Snape and his dream simply slid away.

"Hi sweetheart," she said, as though he hadn't been dead for ten years of his life. "How are you feeling? I heard you have had quite the day."

"I - I'm good. I feel fine," he whispered. He was so disoriented when he first saw his Dad that he couldn't really consider the impression he made. Now he felt a rush of concern that his mother wouldn't like him.

"You scared the hell out of me," Lily said, reaching forward and running her thumb over his cheekbone, with an ease of someone who had done that same thing time and time again.

"No more brooms. I'm not sure my heart could take it if I get a call like that again, " She said fiercely. "Nothing bad is ever supposed to happen to you."

"You can't take his broom," James said indigently, his arms still wrapped around Harry's shoulder. Lily rolled her eyes, and handed James the second coffee.

No one had ever cared this much about him, Harry abruptly realized. All the times he remembered being sick at the Dursley's, he had been thrown in the cupboard with no comfort or affection. The thought of Uncle Vernon anxiously keeping watch as his father had done was ludicrous. Aunt Petunia had never felt an overwhelming concern for his well-being or any duty to prevent him from being injured as his mother did. Harry decided that there was no way he could imagine being this loved because he had no experience with the feeling. It was all just a stupid bad dream. This was where he belonged.

"I'm ok," Harry said, smiling up at Lily. "A little hungry actually." Lily taped Harry's cheek and smiled in approval.

"Get some more sleep, and as soon as the Healer clears you to go, we'll go home and I'll make you some pancakes" James said, ruffling Harry's thick hair.

"Pancakes are my favourite," said Harry smiling between them.

"I know," James said with a laugh, squeezing his shoulder. "That's why I'm making them."

A few hours later, Healer Harris let Harry go after assuring his parents multiple times that his head was fine and that the memories would return with ample rest and relaxation. They had set him up under a bunch of blankets, on a couch by a roaring fireplace, and even though his head was sore and he felt confused, he never felt more at peace.

He had spent most of the day playing with his siblings, sleeping and wandering around the big, old manor. It was old-fashioned, passed down from Harry's grandparents from their grandparents from their grandparents and so on. Harry couldn't help but be savagely pleased that it was so much bigger than Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon's house.

The best part was that he had, for the first time in his recollection, his own room. It was painted a bright, cheerful blue and had a big bed with a thick striped duvet. One wall was completely covered with a huge bookcase filled with books and trinkets, across from the bed was a chest of drawers filed with clean, fashionable clothes in his size and covered in pictures. There was one double portrait frame that caught Harry's eye immediately. On the left side, he was a chubby baby, smiling back from Lily's arms as James wrapped an arm around her and dangled his fingers in front of Harry to amuse him. On the other side, a good-looking man with dark, thick hair and grey eyes held Harry on his lap, blew raspberries onto his stomach, then looked up at the camera and laughed heartily.

A knock on the door burst Harry out of his reverie. James was standing their smiling at him.

"Hey monkey, are you ready for dinner?" he asked. Harry nodded and placed the picture carefully back on the bureau.

Even better than having clothes that didn't embarrass him and a kitchen full of food he was welcome to, was having people who actually wanted to share a house with him.

A wealth of moving pictures hung on the kitchen wall, and Harry kept glancing at photos of himself holding his siblings as babies, sitting on his father's shoulders in front of the Eiffel Tower and being kissed by his mother, hoping that the memories would come back to him. They didn't. He was so engrossed in examining the pictures and eating the Shepard's Pie that he was barely listening as his Mom talked about work with his father.

"It's nice of the Weasley's to have the whole Department. Arthur has always been so generous," said Lily, cutting up the pie on Grace's plate. Harry's head jerked up at the name.

"The Weasley's? Ron Weasley?" asked Harry urgently. His Mom looked at him, her mouth rounded in shock.

"You remember your friend, but not me!" Sirius asked indignantly. Amelia hit him on the shoulder and he shrugged.

"The Weasley's are practically family. Harry's known Ron his whole life. He can't control what he remembers and what he can't." Relief spread through Harry in hearing that Ron was still his best friend. It was a comforting constant to have.

"They're having a party tomorrow," Harry said quickly, looking between his parents. "Can we go?" James and Lily exchanged uncertain looks, even as Harry's siblings joined Harry in expressing excitement.

"Well love, we were going to, but we're supposed to see your Aunt and Uncle tomorrow for lunch. I think it might be a little too much excitement for you for one day" said James gently after a moment. Harry felt his face fall. For some reason, finding that constant point with his dream life seemed almost necessary.

"We can skip lunch" Sirius said, a wide smile, hopeful smile on his face. Amelia and Grace threw hopeful looks at their parents, but quailed at the stern look on Lily's face.

"Christmas is a time for family," replied Lily tightly, sending the casserole dish sailing across the room into the sink with a little more force than necessary. For once, Harry knew what his siblings were talking about and was able to share in the wordless grimace at the thought of spending Christmas with the Dursleys.

"Can we go to the Weasley's, just for a while." Harry begged, hating that he was already asking his parents for things. Lily reached forward and cupped Harry's cheek fleetingly.

"We'll see how you feel tomorrow, sweetheart," she said ushering them up. "Now come on, Harry needs his rest. It's time to get ready for bed."

"Feel better," Amelia whispered hugging him carefully around the neck as though she was worried about breaking him.

"We'll play tomorrow," Sirius said, hugging him as well. Grace kissed Harry wetly on the cheek.

"Love you," she said sweetly, with a wide smile on her face.

"You too," he whispered faintly, touching the wet spot on the cheek in a bit of daze. As she smiled and raced up the stairs with the rest of Harry's siblings, he was surprised to find that he meant it.

**Please Review! Thanks!**


	3. Where You Belong

"It's not where you come from  
It's where you belong  
Nothin' I would trade  
I wouldn't have it any other way  
You're surrounded  
By love and you're wanted  
So never feel alone  
You are home with me  
Right where you belong"

- Kari Kimmel

Hours later, light was starting to flit into Harry's room when he was abruptly jerked out of sleep by a sudden shot of anxiety. The ghostly figure of the girl stood over him, her face spread in an ugly smile. She reached out for him. On instinct, Harry gasped and scrambled back on the bed. He blinked and the figure was gone, leaving Harry and his racing heart alone. Breathing heavily, Harry looked around his room. It was just a dream.

His father was snoring on the easy chair beside Harry's bed, his glasses still on his face and a book open on his lap. The pit of anxiety in Harry's chest shifted to a warm calm. He was barely surprised his Dad had snuck in to watch over him during the night. The idea that he might be able to take stuff like that for granted soothed him even more than the presence in the room. Quietly, Harry slid out of bed to the floor and spread the spare woollen afghan over James' sleeping form.

He was about to go back into bed when he heard a crash from downstairs. James grunted and moved his head but continued to snore. Curious, Harry snuck to the door, his heart starting to pound in his chest again. The vague sound of movement downstairs caused Harry to grab his wand off of his dressing table. He looked back to his father, briefly considering waking him, but the sound was likely nothing and he didn't want to be troublesome.

Wand firmly in hand, Harry creeped down the stairs past the entrance, through the living room to the kitchen. It was in complete disarray. Every pot, plate and food product was pulled out of the shelves. The fridge stood open, its contents spread all over the stove and counter tops. His mother was on the floor, on her hands and knees, scrubbing. She didn't look up at Harry's entrance and seemed to be muttering to herself.

"Mom?" Harry asked, frowning in confusion. A large clock read 5am. Lily jerked her head up from the floor, surprise on her pretty face.

"Harry, sweetheart, what are you doing up?" She got to her feet slowly, as though she had been on her knees for a while.

"Just woke up and heard something," Harry muttered looking around the turned out kitchen. Lily followed Harry's eye line.

"Your Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon are coming here instead," Lily said by means of explanation, forcing a smile. "Won't that be fun?" Harry blinked at his clearly frazzled mother, trying to fight the urge to laugh. Harry was certain that, no matter what world he lived in, having Aunt Petunia as a house guest would not be fun. Harry hoped they left Dudley at home, maybe he didn't exist.

"Dudley too?" asked Harry. Lily flicked her wand at the stove and the oven handle split in to two hands. The stove grabbed the dishtowel with one of its hands and started to wash itself, humming slightly. She gave Harry a knowing, but slightly warning smile.

"Yes, love, Dudley too," she said, pouring a glass of water and handing it to him. He hadn't realized he was thirsty until she gave it to him and smiled thankfully at her. With a tired sigh, she leaned against the cabinet.

"Are you sure you feel ok?" asked Lily, looking him over critically. Harry nodded and drank his water. The stood in companionable silence for a while, Harry drinking and his mother attempting to decide what part of the kitchen to act on. After a moment, his mother started scrubbing the floor again. Feeling awkward that he wasn't doing anything while she was scrubbing, Harry instinctively started to wipe at the counter.

"Sweetheart, you don't have do that. It's early, you should go back to bed and get some rest," said Lily, intently scrubbing a perfectly clean patch on the floor. Harry watched her for a moment.

"I don't mind," Harry said quietly as he started to organize the wealth of spices laid out on the counter. Lily just continued to scrub. "Mom, why are you doing all of this?" Lily signed and sat back on her heels. She gave Harry a wry little smile.

"One day, love, Grace, or Amelia, or Sirius will come visit you, and you'll want…" She trailed off, looking a little lost in thought. She smiled at Harry and crossed her arms.

"Actually, hopefully you won't care at all what your house looks like when your siblings come to see you." There was a touch of wistfulness in her expression as she went back to scrubbing the floor.

He wondered if Aunt Petunia had hated Lily for having magic the entire time they were growing up as well, and felt a swell of camaraderie with his mother. He knew what it was like to crave Aunt Petunia's affection and get nothing in return.

As a young child he had done everything he could think of to get on the Dursley's good side. He did every chore without a word of complaint, gave them every class craft he had made, tried to be polite, loving and nonintrusive. It never worked, they just hit him, yelled at him, or worst of all, ignored him.

At around eight, after Vernon had broken his arm, Harry told himself that he no longer cared what the Dursley's thought of him, that they were vile and cruel and beneath him. He told himself that, but he was never able to fully believe it. He had never completely stopped craving their approval. It seemed like his mother had the same fate. Harry grabbed a cloth, knelt down beside Lily and scrubbed the floor.

After an hour or so, Harry and Lily had fully scrubbed the kitchen, rearranged the dining room and dusted all the photos and trinkets. James walked down the stairs still in his clothes from last night, his hair strewn everywhere like trampled wildflowers. He rubbed a crink in his neck and blinked tiredly at the sparkling kitchen and nearly immaculate living room, then looked at Lily.

"I thought we were going there," James said, a slight whine in his voice. Lily walked over to him a playful smile on her face.

"I love you," said Lily teasingly. She looped her arms around James' neck and blinked doishly up at him. The displeasure faded slightly from his face and he leaned down and kissed her. Lily responded enthusiastically. When they pulled apart James looked over to find Harry watching them.

"What no comment? You just gagged in your mouth? You can never have friends over? We're ruining your life?" said James, still holding Lily loosely by the waist. Harry offered a crooked smile and shook his head.

"No, it's - nice," said Harry. James and Lily exchanged raised eyebrows.

"Wow, you really did do a number on your head," James said walking over and ruffling Harry's hair.

"Is it wrong I hope he stays this way?" asked Lily kissing Harry on the cheek then winking at him. "He helped me clean this morning." James pulled eggs and bacon out of the fridge. As he twirled his wands the eggs obediently hopped out of the container and split open over a bowl.

"Well, there's a first time for everything," replied James as he caused a hunk of bacon to jump into the pan and start to fry. Lily came back behind him, and they kissed again.

"EW!" exclaimed Sirius, bursting down the stairs in his pyjamas. "You guys are so gross." Behind him, Grace, still in her nightgown was watching her parents with a faint look of disgust. James laughed pulling away from Lily who rolled her eyes. Lily opened her arms and Sirius decided he wasn't too disgusted to hug her. He wrapped his arms around her fleetingly than ran into the kitchen.

"Oh! Bacon!" he yipped gleefully.

"Pancakes too?" asked Grace, lifting up her arms. James lifted her on to his hip and walked her over to the table. "With happy faces?"

"Yes, love. Sirius, grab the plates, would you, and…Hey! don't eat the bacon out of the pan you'll burn yourself…and where is your - ah" James said, smiling fondly at Amelia who was already fully dressed in a neat green dress and a sleek ponytail, her nose buried behind her book. Automatically, she sat down at the table with a vague "morning".

"SIRIUS IS EATING ALL THE BACON!" Grace hollered indignantly, standing on her chair and pointing at Sirius who had two pieces of bacon hanging out of his mouth. The pancakes were starting to smoke and Lily raced over to flip them as James caused cutlery to fly through the air towards the table, nearly forking her in face. Automatically, Lily ducked, flipping the pancakes with one hand and pulling Sirius away from the bacon with the other.

"Plates. Table. Now." Harry sat beside Amelia and watched the loud cacophony of morning preparations. Pancake batter now lined the floor, and Sirius seemed to be making as much noise as he possibly could about getting the plates as some form of protest, Lily lectured James about the stupidity of summoning pointy objects, and Grace was loudly demanding that Sirius' bacon pilfering be taken into account when determining portion sizes. Once Harry got past the chaos and noise, he found the crazed morning lack-of-routine preferable to the fussy affairs Aunt Petunia preferred. When the food was dolled out and Amelia's book was pulled away, the whole thing was downright pleasant. Until Lily casually broke the news that the Dursley's were coming. The mood in Harry's nauseatingly perfect family turned considerably darker.

"They have very kindly offered to visit us this year so Harry could rest," explained Lily. Grace stopped mid-chew to blink incredulously at her mother, and Amelia started to worry her lip between her teeth. Sirius turned a murderous glare towards Harry who felt his cheeks blush with embarrassment.

"You know the rules," James cut in seamlessly. "No magic toys, no pretend magic and no speaking of magic." Amelia rolled her eyes.

"That's stupid," she said softly. "Just because they're afraid." Amelia's soft displeasure was apparently not enough for Sirius who rushed in to buttress her argument.

"And why do we have to see them at all?" he asked sourly, crossing his arms and skulking down in his chair. "We hate them." He did not have the sensitivity to see the stricken look on Lily's face, but James did and he immediately cut in.

"That's enough!" he said firmly. "Aunt Petunia, Uncle Vernon and Dudley are your family. There is nothing in this world more important than family. You will all understand that one day when you grow up and have children of your own. You will not mention magic. You will be kind and polite, and you will be thankful you have family to come see you. Do you understand?" Harry got the feeling that James typically didn't do most of chastising, because as he gave each of the children a stern look, they all looked looked down guiltily and nodded.

"Alright then, finish up and get changed," he said tersely, returning to his breakfast to stab moodily at his pancakes. The cheerful chatter was gone from the table as they all lapsed into sulky silence. Only Harry was pleased, because he now knew there was no way this was some perfect fantasy world. He grinned to himself and happily munched the last of his bacon.

Harry's happiness that his life was not a perfect fantasy was relatively short-lived. Grace, dismayed at having her talking teddy bear hidden away with all the other magical toys and objects, was now sniffing back tears as she shifted uncomfortably at the table in an over-frilled periwinkle blue dress and shiny patent leather shoes. For the past five minutes Sirius and Lily had been yelling at full volume about Sirius' refusal to wear a dress shirt.

"I DON'T WANT TO," yelled Sirius. Harry's head was starting to hurt. Amelia sat curled up on the couch with her book, seemingly oblivious to the chaos. Harry looked at her enviously as he rubbed his temples.

"How do you tune them out?" asked Harry finally. Amelia looked over the top of her book with a gentle smile.

"NOW, SIRIUS!" Lily yelled back, matching him decibel-for-decibel.

"Practice," she said before turning back to her book. The throbbing was getting worse, and Harry rubbed his head. Her eyes flicked back to him from her book and narrowed slightly.

"Are you feeling alright?" Harry nodded tiredly.

"Maybe I should get Mom or Dad," she whispered, putting her book down. Harry was about to brush her off when there was a sudden pop from upstairs, which was followed by Sirius' indignant scream. Both Amelia and Harry looked up at the noise. A second later, Sirius came racing down the stairs in a shirt and tie, looking apoplectic with rage.

"Sirius Potter, you get back here this instant," demanded Lily. Sirius didn't even slow but walked over to the writing desk at the far end of the living room, picked up the inkwell and dumped it all over his shirt without a second's hesitation. He glared defiantly at Lily who gaped back, speechless. Grace, Amelia and Harry looked between the parties in silent awe.

"Alright, everything magical is locked away," said James cheerily. He turned the corner in to the living room and stopped at the scene in front of him. It took him only the briefest of seconds to figure out what had happened, and he burst out in laughter. Sirius' eyes flashed triumphantly, and Lily glared daggers at him. Hurriedly, James collected himself.

"That is not funny, James. Look at the state of him!" Lily said, though Harry swore he saw the slightest hint of laughter in her eye.

"It's alright," said James, he whipped out his wand and flicked it at Sirius and the carpet. Both were spotless and Sirius looked distinctly grumpy again. "He's just messing around. No harm done."

"That's not the point, James," Lily said taking a step towards him. "He just yelled at me and dumped an inkwell all over his very expensive suit. That behaviour is unacceptable. You can't just magic everything away." Harry could tell James wanted to say that apparently he could, but he just put his hands up placatingly.

"Alright, you're right. But I will talk to him," said James as Lily moved to talk to Sirius again. "Your sister should be at the edge of the wards anytime now." The colour drained from Lily's face and she nodded and grabbed her coat from the back of the chair. As soon as she walked out the door James sighed and walked over to Sirius who was staring at the ground with his arms crossed defiantly. James knelt down in from of him, uncrossed Sirius' arms, and took both the boy's hands in his.

"Lovey, you know how your Mom gets with your Aunt," said James gently. Sirius raised his eyes to look into James', a slight bit of guilt lurked behind the defiance and James capitalized on it.

"She needs you to help her out right now, and after all she does for you, I think you can do this for her, right?" After a long second, Sirius deflated slightly and nodded. James reached up and gently tapped the boy's cheek.

"Thank you."

Although Harry wished it could have been hours, it was mere moments before the door opened, this time with Aunt Petunia's shrill voice preceding the party into the house.

"He's such a popular boy. Aren't you, Diddiekins?" Harry looked over to Sirius, who caught his eye and pretended to retch. There was never anyone there to hate the Dursley's with Harry, and he found this new state of affairs highly pleasing.

"I'm very glad to hear that, Dudley," Lily said. "Come on through to the living room." At this, Grace popped out of her chair to hide behind James' legs, Sirius fixed a deep scowl on his face, and Amelia closed her book with a sigh.

Without further warning, Aunt Petunia wearing a salmon dress and strained smile entered the living room with Uncle Vernon and Dudley, who were both as fat and neckless as Harry remembered. Uncle Vernon strolled into the living room and examined the house with the clear air of someone who was passing judgement, while Dudley immediately headed for the food.

"Hello Dudley," James said with a bemused smile at the boy past him without so much as a greeting. "Vernon." The two men shook hands quickly then James pecked Aunt Petunia formally on the cheek.

"Kids, say hello to your Aunt and Uncle," instructed Lily. The Potter children observed the severe face of Aunt Petunia and the red, disgruntled face of Uncle Vernon, and returned the unwelcoming glances with half-hearted "hellos".

After that, the children were largely ignored, for which Harry was immensely grateful. He sat in silence, squished on the couch between his father and Grace, with Lily and Sirius beside her. Amelia sat on the armchair beside Sirius and the Dursley's all sat on the couch across the coffee table.

The Dursley's were about as pleasant as Harry remembered them to be which, while being unfortunate for the rest of the family, did add some welcome consistency to Harry's life. Uncle Vernon made a variety of disparaging comments about the fact that Harry's father stayed at home while Lily worked, all of which James took good-naturedly. Aunt Petunia was currently providing an increasingly annoyed-looking Lily with cleaning tips.

"I saw it on a TV special. You see those water spots on your wall there, Lily? If you use a bit of a vinegar and lemon, they should come right off," Petunia explained, not with the warm air of a sister giving advice, but in a rather condescending tone clearly made to pick at Lily's failures. Before she could respond, Grace leaned up from where she had been slouching miserably on the couch and whispered into Lily's ear with excitement. Whatever the little girl said made Lily smile.

"Well, why don't you ask her yourself?" replied Lily. Grace, usually extremely talkative, cowed a little at this, but spoke when Aunt Petunia fixed her eyes on her.

"Do you have a TV?" whispered Grace with soft wonder. Vernon gawked at the girl, and even Dudley took a break from eating to stare at her with wonder.

"Of course we have a TV!" growled Uncle Vernon. "What, you think we are pauper's who can't afford a television set?" Grace's question was innocent, and she retreated back into the couch, confused at the negative reaction. Lily put her arm around her.

"Vernon, most wizarding children don't have television. She was just curious," Lily explained, smiling reassuringly down at Grace and tucked a strand of red hair behind her ears.

"Gracie loves films," James explained, suddenly looking at though he felt like he was on solid footing with the Muggles. "We took the children to see A Christmas Carol in London. She hasn't stopped talking about it since."

"So, you can watch all the movies you like?" asked Grace in awe, sitting forward on her chair now. Harry noticed that this even managed to catch Amelia and Sirius' interest. Vernon looked at the questioning little faces in front of him and puffed himself up importantly.

"We have all the latest movies and three television sets," he said proudly.

"Wow!" gasped Grace. She turned to grin at Lily, who smiled warmly back.

"Get the girl a television set, Potter," Uncle Vernon said, winking at Grace who smiled back with a giggle.

"It's under advisement," James said, side-stepping the thorny issue that Grace's magic would likely cause the set to explode.

"A Christmas Carol was always your Grandmother's favourite," Aunt Petunia said to Grace with an odd stiffness. She had been quiet ever since James had mentioned the movie and now she was looking at Grace with reluctant fondness. Lily looked over Grace's head at Petunia, and the two sisters exchanged a look, that, for the briefest of moments, seemed to hint at a connection.

"I think it is just wonderful," replied Grace with such open sincerity it was impossible not to feel a touch of her wonder. The faintest beginning of a smile appeared on Aunt Petunia's face, which was more than Harry could remember ever accomplishing in his past life.

At that exact moment, the fire flared green and Petunia shrieked, dropping her teacup on the floor. Dudley had jumped from his chair near the fire. Harry, who had never seen this happen in the Wizarding World, jumped in shock as well.

"James, Lily?" called a warm, male voice. The shadow of a man's face appeared in the fire, which caused Uncle Vernon to jump to his feet and grab Aunt Petunia back from the fireplace.

"It's like a telephone -" explained Lily weakly to her sister, and sure enough, it seemed to be a common enough occurrence because Amelia, Grace and Sirius all sprang out of their seats and ran towards the fire.

"Uncle Remus!" cried Sirius in unrestrained delight. "How are you?" Before he could answer, Amelia cut him off.

"You're coming for Christmas, aren't you?" she asked hopefully.

"Hello Darlings," replied Remus' voice with a laugh. "Not until the New Year, I'm afraid. But don't you worry, all your presents are on their way. Is your father around?" James was stumbling quickly to the fireplace, throwing apologetic looks at the other adults in the room.

"Uncle Remus! Uncle Remus, guess what! Harry fell off his broom and can't remember anything. It's so silly," said Grace with a laugh. At least one of them found the situation amusing.

"I heard, pet. How's he do -"

"Remus, it's not a good time," hissed James, looking over his shoulder at the horrified faces of Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon. "Lily's sister is here."

"Oh is she?" replied Remus cooly. "I can't believe she hasn't cursed that little bit -"

"REMUS" There was a long pause. Sirius' mouth was rounded in shocked laughter and Amelia clapped her hands to her white face. It only took one look at Lily's horrified face to wipe the smile off of Harry's face.

"Oh Merlin, they're in the room, aren't they? Lily, I am so sorry. I'll uhm, call back later. Give Harry a kiss from me," said Remus before quickly disappearing from view. James got to his feet to address the gobsmacked crowd in front of him. Harry made a mental note to figure out who the hell this Remus character was.

"Sorry, he's living in America, right now. He's sore he doesn't get to see the children for Christmas. It's made him downright testy, in fact." James offered awkwardly. Lily put her face in her hands with a little groan.

"People just barge their heads into your home! That's barbaric!" yelped Uncle Vernon.

"Agreed," said James, raising his hands plaintively, and looking at Lily for guidance.

"We should probably go," Aunt Petunia said stiffly, her horrified face giving way to impassive anger.

"No, Tuney. Please don't go," Lily said quickly, getting to her feet. "I'm sorry for Remus, really. He just knows we fight sometimes, is all. Please don't go." Harry had the distinct feeling that this request was often denied by Petunia. His Aunt's fact was still hard but after a moment she sat back down on the couch.

"Hey!" said Amelia indignantly. "Sirius took my book!"

"I'm bored!" whined Sirius when Lily turned an angry look on him. Still, he grudgingly handed his sister her book back.

"Ok, ok, Harry, love, please take your cousin and siblings downstairs," James said, cutting in before Lily and Sirius could fight. "Play a game or something ok?" Harry looked at his father skeptically. He had no memory of acting like a big brother and was sure he'd screw it up. Still, he could tell by his father's tense voice that he clearly needed a respite.

"Alright, sure," said Harry standing up and walking towards the entrance, vaguely unsure of where to go. After a few steps Grace trotted beside him, put her small hand in his and let him to a door near the back of the house. It opened up to a staircase and they all climbed down into the basement.

"I can't believe that you don't have a computer," said Dudley, looking despondently around the room as he descended down the stairs. "What do you do all day?" Books, various games and a wealth of art supplies lined the wall, and this was only the stuff that wasn't magical.

"I don't know," said Harry, hoping to engage with Dudley the minimal amount possible. Amelia had already perched on the couch to read, functionally tuning Dudley out. At the moment, Harry envied her focus and intellect.

"This is boring," Sirius wined after a long moment of silence. "I wanna go flying." Harry agreed. He'd rather be flying, or sleeping.

"You can't fly," said Dudley derisively. Sirius opened his mouth to respond, but Harry, sensing danger in the flash of his eyes and flush of his cheeks, stepped in.

"Let's just play a game, ok?" said Harry, giving Sirius a warning look and feeling truly like a big brother for the first time since his head injury. Sirius shrugged with a grumpy expression, but walked over to the cupboard with Harry to choose a game. The relative merits of Monopoly and Scrabble, the only games that had no pieces that moved on their own, barked instructions or danced, were being debated when an indignant "HEY" got their attention.

Dudley was standing over Amelia, holding her book in the air. The least confrontational of all the Potters. she just glowered back at Dudley, her jaw clenched in anger.

"Give it back," ground out Sirius beside Harry. His fist were clenched in two little balls and he looked moments away from baring his teeth. The effect was almost dog-like. Clearly, any teasing of family members was to be done by Sirius and Sirius alone.

"That's not nice," whispered Grace.

"I said give it back. Leave her alone!" said Sirius fiercely.

Dudley lumbered a few steps towards Sirius, making the hair on the back of Harry's neck stand up.

"No." He tossed the book carelessly on the floor, causing the pages to crinkle.

"Sirius, it's alright," Amelia said softly, grabbing the book off of the floor and smoothing the pages back. She watched the growing fight with wide-eyes.

At 11, Dudley loomed large over both Harry and Amelia but was positively beast-like compared with the 7-year-old Sirius. In Harry's recollection, he never had any problem hitting those who were smaller than him.

"Dudley, stop it." Harry said finally stepping beside his brother. The air was starting to crackle dangerously, and Harry could feel magic pulsing off of Sirius.

"Make me," said Dudley, taking a threatening step towards Sirius. This was the wrong tact for Dudley to take. The words were barely out of his mouth before Sirius threw himself at the larger boy, ineffectually hitting him around the stomach. Dudley threw him to the ground and pummelled him in the face. Grace screamed and ran to kick Dudley in the ribs.

"Sirius!" yelped Amelia. Harry rushed forward to yank Dudley off of the smaller boy, but before he could. A huge, invisible force caused Dudley to fly backwards and be jerked up into the air. As though he was some stage actor on cables, Dudley remained suspended near the basement ceiling, revolving in a slow circle, screaming.

The door at the top of the stairs swung open and the adults peered down at them in various states of distress. Aunt Petunia saw Dudley and screamed.

"DUDLEY! Get down from there!" she yelped. She raced down the stairs and reached up to the ceiling even though she clearly could not reach him him. Sirius was still on the floor with a nasty split lip and a burgeoning bruise on his cheek looking more than a little dazed. Knowing well how being punched by Dudley felt, Harry reached down and pulled the younger boy to his feet.

"You ok?" Harry asked gently. Sirius nodded, testing his split lip with his tongue.

"It's alright, Petunia," said Lily desperately, reaching her hands out to her wailing sister. "Underage witches and wizards can't control their magic well, especially at Sirius' age. It's probably just a suspension spell, really, easy to fix." But this only incensed Vernon who had just finished lumbering down the stairs.

"GET HIM DOWN!" he yelled. James was the only one of the adults whose narrowed eyes had focused in on the four wizarding children.

"What happened here?" James demanded, sounding truly angry for the first time in Harry's recollection. His eyes flickered from Grace, to Sirius, to Harry, to Amelia in quick session. The bruises on Sirius' face were a clear tip-off, and James stared at the boy, unwavering.

"We fought," Sirius said, thrusting his chin up defiantly even as his voice betrayed nervousness. "He hit me and I pushed him back, that's all!"

"Clearly, that's not all!" James said, the raised voice causing Sirius to flinch slightly and move closer to Harry who was half-watching Lily lower a wailing Dudley to the ground and trying not to think that, despite the situation, Dudley as a great blimp made a truly hilarious image.

"It was Dudley's fault. He stole my book and hit Sirius, and he's bigger," said Amelia quietly but firmly. The statement barely caught James' attention as he continued to glower at Sirius.

"How many times, Sirius? You have to be careful. Your magic is strong you cannot just let it out whenever you bloody well feel like it." Guilt started to blend into the defiance on Sirius' face but the boy didn't quail. The boxes on the shelves started to quake as Sirius crossed his arms angrily. The diffuse energy of uncontrolled magic permeated the air like electricity on a hot night. Boxes fell off of the shelf causing Petunia and Dudley to shriek. Horrified and angry, Petunia advanced on Sirius.

"You did this! You should be locked up, all of you!" she continued, rabidly looking from face-to-face. Lily had gone white, and James was frozen. Grace started to cry. Amelia bit her lip, ducking her head to hide behind the curtain of hair. Only Sirius, who seemed to attract so much trouble that getting yelled at barely fazed him, and Harry, who had too many memories of the Dursley's yelling at him to care, stared back at Aunt Petunia.

"He hit me first," said Sirius with an emphatic gesture towards Dudley. A cruel sneer, usually reserved for Harry on his worst days, crossed Aunt Petunia's face and she pulled back her hand and smacked Sirius hard across the face. Sirius had not been expecting the blow and let out a gasp of surprise and touched his already bruised cheek. Tears filled his eyes, but before anyone but Harry could notice, he sprinted towards the staircase. Amelia and Grace followed at his heels. Harry was so stunned by the event that he missed the white-hot look of rage on Lily's face.

"You hit my son!" roared Lily pulling out her wand and advancing on Petunia with a truly frightening expression. Although she regarded the wand fearfully, Petunia didn't have the capacity to remain silent.

"That little freak cursed my son!" Petunia yelled back.

"He did not curse him! He just restrained him and only because your kid was bullying his sister and beating him up," responded Lily, her anger increasing with every word. Harry watched in silent awe, hoping very much he was going to see his mother curse Aunt Petunia.

"Lil, he's fine, put it down," James said in a voice Harry imagined doctors used to speak to the mentally ill. Lily didn't listen, just continued to train her wand on her sister whose defiant glare hadn't once softened.

"Harry, go check on your brother please," James said, his attention still focused on the scene. Wanting to see the end, Harry opened his mouth to protest, but changed his mind at the firm set of his father's jaw. He urned to run up the stairs, leaving Lily and Petunia to hurl insults and loud recriminations at one another.

It donned on him that he didn't know where Sirius or Sirius' bedroom was. He followed the stairs all the way up to the third floor and knew he guessed right when he heard soft voices coming from a room at the end of the hall. Hesitantly, Harry pushed the door open.

The room was as big as Harry's, but painted a light green and much messsier, littered with toys and clothes. Sirius lay on the bed tucked away in the far corner facing the wall. Amelia sat beside him quietly while Grace was prodding at him in an attempt to garner a reaction.

"Don't be sad, Sirius," she said, sounding near tears herself. "Look, here." She grabbed a teddy bear from the of the bed and held it out to him. The boy made no move to take it. Harry walked around the heaps of toys and clothing on the floor and sat on the bed next to Sirius feeling distinctly awkward. Although they were apparently not real, Harry had memory after memory of collapsing in to his cupboard in tears when he was Sirius' age and knew all to well how much it hurt. The boy wasn't crying though, just staring at the wall in stoney silence, the bruise on his face purpling rapidly.

"Does it still hurt?" Harry asked quietly, wondering if he should be getting some sort of first aid kit.

"No," muttered Sirius, drawing further into himself. There were few memories Harry had to draw on of being comforted, and he wasn't altogether sure what to do. Hesitantly, he put a hand on the small shoulder. After a second, the tense set of Sirius' shoulders softened. Before he could think of anything to say, the door burst open and James was standing there. His cheeks still had two, angry spots of colour, but his expression softened when he saw Sirius who had turned from the wall to peer at his father uncertainly. James gave the boy a small smile and opened his arms.

In a flash, Sirius launched himself across the room into his father's arms, tears streaming down his face. James held him tightly and rested his lips on the black mop of hair. It was the first time in Harry's recollection that the boy truly looked as young as he was.

"Alright, monkey, its alright. I'm sorry I yelled," James said reassuringly, his hand almost taking up Sirius' entire back. After a few moments the tears turned into violent sniffles, and as soon as Sirius had calmed down enough, James walked them over to the bed and pulled the boy on to his lap. Harry got the distinct sense that Sirius wouldn't commonly stand for such treatment, but he curled into James' chest without protest now. A few moments later Lily appeared at the door, regarding the scene with mingled fondness and sadness.

"They're gone," she said, catching everyone's attention. Perhaps expecting to be yelled at, Sirius retreated further into James' arms. Lily walked across the room and knelt down in front of him then reached up and brushed the bangs from his eyes. From the amount of time Harry could remember, he knew this was a rare, gentle moment between two people who spent a large percentage of their time fighting.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," said Lily. She took a small container of bruise salve out of her pocket and dabbed a healthy amount of it on his cheek. "We won't be seeming them for a while," she continued, as she ran a gentle thumb over Dudley's handiwork. Sensing the sadness in his mother's face, Sirius leaned forward out of James' lap and hugged her. Lily smiled and hugged him back fiercely.

"I love you so much," Lily said kissing him on the head.

"Even though I drive you crazy?" asked Sirius, the beginning of a smile tugging at his lips. James and Lily exchanged a look that Harry found oddly wistful, then Lily cleared her throat and turned back to Sirius.

"Especially because you drive me crazy. You and your namesake had that in common, you know," said Lily gently, pushing back Sirius' hair. "And we love you both so much." Sirius allowed another tight hug, and James gave Lily another sad smile.

"Can we go see people we actually like now?" Grace asked, swinging her feet off of the bed in boredom. As they all laughed, Harry swore he saw the ghost girl standing in the doorway.

Grace had abandoned her stiff, blue party dress for a soft, tartan one and a white headband. Sirius' bad attitude evaporated when Lily allowed him to change out of his collared shirt into a thick-knit sweater, and Amelia's book had been restored to its rightful place in front of her nose. Harry was even able to ignore the building pain behind his eyeballs as he stepped into the fire and floo'd into the Weasley's fireplace.

His knees buckled slightly as he landed hard in the Weasley's fireplace. He looked around, confused. The pictures Ron had of the Burrow showed a well-worn, small living room. Harry was looking at a large living room that had been emptied of furniture and replaced with a few luxurious looking armchairs and a large banquet table covered with food. Many important-looking witches and wizards milled around, and Harry blinked in confusion.

"Harry!" cried Molly Weasley racing towards him with her hands outstretched. She had the same kind face she had when she told Harry how to get onto Platform 9 and 3/4, but her face was less lined, her hair was pulled back in a neat bun and she was less plump than Harry remembered. Before Harry had a chance to contemplate that, she swept him up into a big, warm hug.

"Arthur, the Potters are here!" she said, pulling award from him and brushing the bangs out of his eyes. "How's your head, dear?"

"Better, thanks," said Harry uncertainly. Behind Mrs. Weasley's head, a chocolate fountain, nearly the size of a wardrobe, bubbled happily and flutes of champagne sailed through the air.

"Oh and how are my little ones? Come here!" Mrs. Weasley said enthusiastically, scooping up the remaining Potter children a large embrace. They all hugged her back, and Sirius didn't even protest being called a little one.

"Hello Potters!" boomed Arthur, walking across the room. Harry had only seen pictures of Ron's father, but barely recognized the man in front of him. He was wearing serious but well-cut navy robes and his hair wasn't nearly as thin.

"Arthur," Lily said stepping forward and hugging him like a grandfather, as Molly pinched James' cheek.

"Lily-pet, I'm sorry to do this to you right now, but we've just gotten word from the Canadian delegation and -" Molly put her hands on her hips and glowered at Arthur, causing the man to stop mid-sentance.

"Arthur, this is a party. You can leave the Canadians until Monday," said Molly in a tone that clearly indicated this was an ongoing problem. Arthur smiled a little hesitantly.

"Well you see dear, it was just frightfully hard to get them on board -" Molly rolled her eyes.

"Oh go on," she said finally Arthur nodded and put a hand on Lily's back to guide her through the crown to a private room. Molly rolled her eyes and then gave Harry another peck on the cheek. "Everyone's in the living room. Lovely to see you dears."

"Dad, what does Mr. Weasley do?" asked Harry after the woman had moved out of earshot.

"He works with your Mom," said James, hanging up his cloak on an overloaded coat rack. "He heads up the Department of Muggle Relations at the International Wizarding Federation. He basically creates international standards for Magical-Muggle cooperation, integration and protection. Or at least that's what your Mother tells me. Come on, love, Ron and Hermione should be upstairs."

Harry dodged the crowd and charged up the stairs.

"Honestly, Ronald, haven't you read any of the material for next semester?" said Hermione, her voice floating from around the corner.

"No! It's Christmas," protested Ron indignantly. Harry felt his face split into a huge smile at the familiar sounds of their voices. They were standing nose-to-nose fully engaged in their bantering, just like they would have been in Harry's memories.

"Hey guys," said Harry. They turned to him and smiled broadly. Hermione was the same, slightly buck-toothed and frizzy-haired with warm brown eyes that glittered with joy at seeing him. Ron as well had his freckles and red hair, but there was something slightly different about him just as there was with the rest of the Weasleys, his clothes were newer, and he stood a little taller. Still, he gave Harry the same beaming grin he always did and ran over to hug him.

"Happy Christmas, Harry," he said. Harry hugged him a little tighter than he normally would have and did the same for Hermione.

"We have presents for you. Here," Hermione said thrusting a few packages his way. Hesitantly, Harry accepted them.

"I'm sorry. I haven't got you anything, yet," admitted Harry sheepishly.

"That's alright, Harry. We know you've had a rough few days." Ron said kindly. Hermione nodded along beside him.

"Besides," said Hermione smiling as he handed a box to Ron. "This is kind of like the start of a tradition. We have many more Christmases ahead of us." With that, Harry, Ron and Hermione tore into their Christmas presents. Ron had gotten Hermione a pretty necklace that had a tiny star hanging off the end of it. This delighted Hermione, who put it on immediately and could not stop fiddling with it. Hermione had gotten Ron a large box of chocolates and Chuddley Cannons poster that Ron could not stop beaming at.

"Wow, Ron, these are great!" Harry said pulling out a pair of thin black gloves whose palms were covered in grips.

"This way you won't drop the snitch," explained Ron as he stuffed his face with one of his chocolates. "All the pro teams use them." Gently, Harry placed the gloves back in the box and opened Hermione's gift, _Unique and Unusual Potions for the Unique and Unusual_. He blinked at her for a moment, surprised, but not wanting to seem remotely ungrateful, he turned to Hermione with a broad smile.

"Thanks, Hermione," he said. The slightly nervous looking dissipated from her face and she beamed back.

They stayed in Ron's room talking about Hogwarts and Quidditch, both subjects Harry was thankfully able to contribute to, and Harry was almost able to forget the pain in his head until Hermione looked at him suddenly.

"Are you alright, Harry?" she asked suddenly, a little alarmed. Harry nodded but this didn't mollify Hermione who scooted closer to him and touched his forehead with her icy hand.

"Harry, you're burning up," she said suddenly, cupping his cheek. It was rather hot in the room. He was just about to open his mouth to tell Hermione he felt fine when Hermione's face warped and transformed into the skeletal, Asian girl in front of him. She smiled viciously and carded a hand through his hair. Harry yelped and try to scoot out of her grasp, but it was too tight, and he fell backwards into blackness.

Harry woke up to the feel of fingers running through his hair. The first thing he noticed was his father, sitting on the chair beside his bed watching him worriedly, his head resting on steepled fingers. The second thing he noticed was that the hand belonged to his mother, who was sitting on Ron's bed beside him. He blinked repeatedly, trying to ease the building pain behind his eyes.

"Harry!" said his father, sitting forward in his chair. "How are you feeling, kiddo?"

"Alright," whispered Harry, not knowing if it was true or not. His eyes felt heavy and drifted shut again.

"I'm going to take him home," James said softly, apparently thinking Harry had fallen asleep again.

"I'll come," Lily replied, her hand stilling on Harry's forehead. There was a knock at the door and Harry forced open his eyes to see Professor Dumbledore, his robes a resplendent red and green, standing at the door, peering in serenely. Another wave of familiar comfort overtook Harry, and he smiled at his Headmaster.

"Professor Dumbledore, sir," James said, getting to his feet quickly.

"James, you have four children, a beautiful and successful wife, and we have fought a war together. I think it is time you start calling me Albus," said Dumbledore, his eyes twinkling as he took in his former student. James' cheeks reddened slightly. Harry could feel Lily chuckle beside him.

"Yes, sir." Dumbledore took a few steps into the room, fixing his eyes on Harry."Forgive the intrusion, I heard that Harry had taken ill. I wanted to see if I could be of any service."

"We were actually going to go home. He has a fever," Lily explained hesitantly. "But if you wouldn't mind…"

"Absolutely not, absolutely no trouble at all," Dumbledore said magnanimously. With the ease of a much younger man, he settled himself on the side of Harry's bed and smiled down at him.

"Hello Harry," he said gently. The lack of concern on Dumbledore's face eased the fear brewing in Harry's stomach.

"Hello, sir," Harry whispered in response, a genuine smile forming on his face.

"Do you remember what a diagnostic spell is, Harry?" Feeling more than a little embarrassed that he didn't, Harry turned his head slightly to look away from Dumbledore's eyes to the wall and shook his head. His mother started to card her fingers through his hair again.

"It won't hurt, you'll just feel a little warm," Dumbledore said kindly, reaching out and tapping Harry's cheek gently with his wand before there was even a moment for resistance. Harry felt warm, and then oddly cold. Dumbledore smiled warmly at Lily.

"It seems Harry has a case of the flu, Unfortunate timing with his injuries, but 'tis the season," said Dumbledore, getting a relieved laugh from Lily. "Tuck him into bed and he'll be fine in a few days. If you want to say goodbye to Molly and get your other little ones, I can sit here with him." Lily and James left with assurances they would be back quickly.

The flu? Harry knew this was not the flu. He kept seeing that face from his dreams everywhere. Maybe he was wrong in believing this was the right world. Harry looked up to find Dumbledore watching him with concern.

"I find the beginning is usually the best place to start," said Dumbledore helpfully after a few moments. Dumbledore listened silently as Harry explained the whole story, and his confusion, the sage, pensive look never leaving his face.

"So you see, sir, I need a way to find out which reality is well, real," finished Harry feeling suddenly young and awkward under the stare. He was ready to be laughed off, but when Dumbledore spoke, there was not a hint of amusement in his voice.

"That must be very troubling for you indeed, Harry," said Dumbledore. "But I am afraid I can't help you." Harry felt his face fall and Dumbledore continued.

"It's not that I do not want to ease your burden, I truly do, but this is something that you must know in yourself. If it is any consolation to you, Harry. Knowing your good heart and strong mind, I have no doubt you will end up where you belong." He gave Harry a conciliatory pat on the hand. Harry closed is eyes against the splitting of his forehead, and drifted off to sleep.

**AN: PLEASE REVIEW...it means so much. Thanks **


	4. If Only In My Dreams

"Christmas Eve will find me  
Where the love light gleams  
I'll be home for Christmas  
If only in my dreams"

- Bing Crosby

Hours later, Harry awoke to the feel of his bed dipping. He could smell the subtle, warm vanilla scent of his mother's perfume.

"Mom?" muttered Harry. He forced his eyes open to blink blearily up at her. Her red hair was bound up in a braid and the room was black, though Harry could tell it was his room at his home. He must have been asleep for a while.

"Shh, drink this, lovey," whispered Lily. Harry obeyed and swallowed the thick potion she held to his lips without question. It tasted like the dirty dishwater Aunt Petunia held his head under once. Harry grimaced and stuck out his tongue. He was rewarded with a soft chuckle.

"I know, it's gross," soothed Lily, pushing the hair out of his eyes and holding out a water glass for him to drink from. Harry did so gratefully then fell back on the pillow.

"Close your eyes," she whispered gently, continuing to gently stroke his hair. It was soothing and made Harry feel deeply tired.

"Time z'it?" asked Harry sleepily, allowing his eyes to close.

"Late," whispered Lily. "It's Christmas." This, Harry realized, was his first good Christmas memory.

"I like spending Christmas with you," muttered Harry, turning over a little in his covers. Just as Harry teetered on the edge of sleep, Lily stopped stroking his hair and stretched out on the bed beside him, laying her arm over his shoulder. A moment later, Harry heard his bedroom door creak open.

"Isn't he getting a little big for this?" James whispered from the doorway, a thread of laughter in his voice.

"No," Lily muttered into Harry's hair. There was a sigh from the doorway, then footsteps, and moments later, Harry felt the bed dip as James lay out beside him. His father's chest was right by his nose, and when James wrapped his arm around both him and Lily, Harry took advantage of being presumed asleep and snuggled under his father's chin. The heartbeat thumped reassuringly under his ear.

"Mm…you're right," said James sleepily, laying a quick kiss on the crown of Harry's head, "This is perfect." Harry smiled to himself and allowed the steady thump, thump, thump of his father's heartbeat to pull him into sleep.

Before Harry woke later Christmas morning, he felt the distinct uncomfortable sensation of being very carefully watched.

"Harry, wake up," hissed Sirius. Instantly, Harry jerked awake to see Sirius and Grace, inches away from his face looking at him impatiently.

"It's Christmas, Harry!" Grace said conspiratorially, her hazel eyes wide. "You haven't forgotten Christmas, have you? It's wonderful."

"Don't be stupid, Gracie. Of course he hasn't forgotten Christmas," said Sirius, rolling his eyes a little. "We can't open our gifts until you get up. So get up,"

"I have presents?" asked Harry an awe. No one had ever bought him presents worth anything before. Sirius looked at Harry as though he was purposefully trying to be stupid.

"Of course you have presents. It's Christmas," Sirius explained impatiently. Unable to contain himself, Harry jumped out of bed. Before he followed Sirius out the door, Grace reached up and took his hand in hers with a smile. Feeling oddly touched, he smiled back at her and allowed her to pull him out of his room and down the stairs.

"Loveys, didn't I tell you to let your brother sleep!" asked Lily from where she was drinking her coffee at the kitchen table. A look at the clock told Harry it was only 7 am. James, looking bleary-eyed eyed was cooking breakfast in the kitchen with Amelia.

"We waited a whole hour!" explained Sirius walking over to his mother with a playful grin on his face. She smirked at him indulgently and pulled out her chair, allowing the small boy to climb up onto her lap.

"Breakfast first," Lily said gently, resting her chin on his head and looking up to Harry. "Happy Christmas, sweetheart. How are you feeling?" Harry beamed back at her.

"Good," answered Harry honestly. The pounding in his head was almost non-existent and the pain of the broken arm was only a slight twinge.

"Breakfast is ready!" said James from the kitchen. "Come get it. Harry, sit down I'll bring you yours." Harry slid into the seat beside Lily's abandoned one and watched as James scooped out servings of breakfast strata and sausages on to the various plates being held out to him. After he scooped the last of the breakfast on to Lily's plate, he leaned over and kissed him deeply. Grace's plate tipped dangerously towards the floor, and James quickly broke off the kiss.

"Sirius, mind your sister," James said absently, before kissing Lily again. Sirius gave them a look of disgust, but obediently took Grace's plate out of her hand and ushered her to the table. When all the children had been seated and their parents still continued to kiss, Amelia coughed loudly.

"Mom, Harry's going to starve," she said diplomatically. Reluctantly James pulled apart from Lily and whispered something in her ear that made her giggle and blush.

"Dadddddy!" whined Grace getting laughs from James and Lily.

"Alright, alright," James said, walking over and placing Harry's well-filled plate in front of him.

"Happy Christmas, love," he said, dropping a kiss on Harry's head. They ate quickly, at the instance of Sirius, who had to be continually coerced into taking one more bite. Finally, Lily was satisfied that he had eaten enough to run into the living room and start tearing apart his stocking.

Harry's eyes nearly bulged out of his head at the sight of the living room. There were so may presents underneath the tree that the bottom branches were getting tangled up in them. James flicked his wand at the tree and little faeries making the tree light up started to change colour and circle the tree. Six large stockings sat under the tree, each with a present under them, Gracie and Sirius were already attacking their stockings. Amelia politely looked to her parents for permission.

"Go on, monkey," said James, smiling fondly as he watched her run head-long for the stockings in a rare display of giddiness.

"She's so sweet," whispered James thoughtfully. "I'm not so sure she's mine." Lily winked rather saucily at James then wrapped her arm around Harry.

"Harry, come on, stockings!" Sirius called. Harry obediently took his place between his siblings, reached out and pulled out a red stocking with a hand-stiched HARRY on it. He ran a hand over the stitching, feeling an embarrassing prickle of emotion.

"You're supposed to open it," Amelia explained kindly.

"Thanks," said Harry a touch sharper than he meant to. He judiciously pulled out a mandarin orange, a variety of candies and chocolates, some new socks, underwear and a few other nicknacks. Underneath the stocking was a brightly wrapped package from Santa. Following Sirius' lead, Harry tore it open to a find a brand new Firebolt under the wrappings.

"Wow!" yelped Sirius, abandoning his present half-way through opening it to look at Harry's broomstick. "Can I ride it?!"

"Absolutely not. Given recent events I have half a mind to return that and let Harry stick with his Cleansweep," said James from the couch, running a hand up and down Lily's arm as she curled up against his side. "Professor McGonagall, however, insists that would be overly harsh for the youngest Quidditch player in a century." There was a glow of pride on James' face that made Harry grin.

"Thank you," Harry said, running a hand over the broomstick in awe.

"It's from Santa, remember?" Grace said hugging the large pink unicorn she just unwrapped.

"Cool! Thanks Santa!" said Sirius, holding up an extremely potent-looking Potion set.

"You are only allowed to use that with me, your mother or your Uncle. Got it?" said James. Sirius nodded distractedly and started to riffle through the kit.

"Mommy! Santa forgot magic" yelled Grace holding out the large pink unicorn she had gotten.

"Bring it here then." Lily touched the unicorn with her wand and it sprung to life, running excited circles around a delighted Grace. Silently, Amelia poured over instructions for her brand new camera, carefully reading every word.

"Can we do one more?" begged Sirius, with the air of someone who already knew their request was no good.

"Not until everyone arrives," said James firmly standing up and stretching. "They should be here soon. Go get changed, I'll start the cooking." With that, he picked Sirius and Gracie up with either arm and walked them over to the stairs.

"Are you going to help me, pet?" James asked Amelia, she nodded eagerly and bolted back towards the kitchen. "And you just stay there," James said with a smile to Lily who raised her cup of coffee in acknowledgement and settled back on the couch with a contended sigh.

Almost two hours later, while Harry was surprising enjoying himself with Grace and her unicorn, there was a sharp knock at the door.

"They're here!" Grace squealed in pleasure, leaving Harry alone with the large, pink unicorn. Sirius and Amelia were mere steps behind her. Vaguely, Harry wondered who the new arrival was as the group disappeared into the entrance.

"Uncle Severus!" shrieked Grace. Harry's jaw dropped to the floor comically even though there was no one around to see it. Uncle Severus. Maybe Severus was a common name in the Wizarding World. That had to be it.

"What are you doing opening the door without knowing who it is?" asked Snape in his unmistakable silky voice. This should have sent Grace running for cover but instead she giggled. James strode out of the kitchen across the living room to the entrance, wearing a large smile.

"I knew it was you!" she replied.

"We did!" insisted Sirius.

"Did you now? Well you'd better come give me a hug then," replied Snape with a little laugh. This surprised Harry to the point that he actually got up off the living room floor and snuck up against the wall to peer at the entrance the moment his father passed.

"Happy Christmas, Snapes!" boomed James.

In the doorway, a beautiful, small-featured Asian woman, slim but for her heavily pregnant belly was holding a large bag of gifts and hugging Amelia.

"Happy Christmas, Potter," said Snape with an easy smile as he embraced James. More surprising than the fact that Snape was hugging Harry's father like an old friend, was that he was doing so while holding a small boy who must have been only a few months younger than Grace.

"And how are you, Mikey?" James asked taking the small boy out of Snape's arms. "Have you gotten tonnes of presents from Santa?" Michael smiled shyly at James and nodded, as Severus watched him fondly.

"Brilliant!" exclaimed James turning to hug the unknown woman hello. "How are you, Polly?"

Now that Snape was no longer being hidden by his son or James, Harry could truly observe him. He looked different. His hair was shorter but not dramatically so, though it was noticeably less greasy. He wore a green sweater and dark jeans under a thick black cloak he was currently taking off. Most striking was the fact that he was smiling and talking casually, giving him a sociable air that the Snape Harry remembered so obviously lacked.

There was a cacophony of different conversations, bursts of laughs and loud noises as hugs and greetings were exchanged so enthusiastically that Harry could barely make out the separate conversations. It wasn't until Grace had pulled a giggling Michael past Harry into the living room with Amelia to shake all their new presents, that Harry was able to make out the remaining conversations.

Sirius was jumping around Snape like a jackhammer, explaining with great excitement and detail, the chemistry set Santa had brought him. The Snape Harry knew would have torn the child's head off instantly, but this Snape was watching Sirius with an amused, almost fond smile on his face.

"And then, you have to teach me what ingredients to put together so I can make the biggest explosion, ever!" said Sirius, his eyes glistening with unbridled joy.

"That sounds like a fantastic idea, love," Severus said, his lips twitching from holding back laugher. "Why don't you go show me what you've got in there and we'll figure it out." Without further prompting, Sirius turned and ran into the living room, narrowly missing a vase and making explosive noises.

"You bought him explosives?" asked Snape, turning a half-incredulous, half-amused look to ran a tired hand through his hair and gave Snape a wan smile.

"He's been asking for it all year. Lily caved after Petunia slapped him," explained James. Snape adopted an expression much more suited to the Snape Harry was familiar with, and Polly gasped in outrage.

"She slapped him?" she hissed. James opened his mouth to respond, but Sirius tore back into the entrance towards Snape, holding up his new chemistry set.

With the air of someone much practiced, Severus scooped the boy up onto his hip with one arm. Harry didn't miss the way the man's eyes went to examine Sirius' flushed pink cheek, nor the quick but uncharacteristically gentle kiss he planted on it. Not having heard the comments about Aunt Petunia, Sirius simply beamed at the attention and held the kit up for Snape to see. After a moment of reading Snape snorted and looked at James.

"You deserve the trouble you get yourself into, Potter," Severus said before smiling at Sirius. "I think we can make something suitably destructive with all this." There were no other words Sirius would have rather heard, and he pumped his fist in the air triumphantly.

"Ahem, you can all come into the kitchen and say hello to me!" called Lily unexpectedly from the kitchen.

"Alright you heard your mother," Severus said, setting the boy down and swatting him playfully on the butt. Sirius galloped past Harry to his mother.

"You will make sure he doesn't blow up my house, won't you, Sev?" asked James sounding genuinely concerned for a moment. The woman beside Snape burst out laughing.

"No promises," said Snape over his shoulder as he walked towards the living room. Harry turned himself further against the wall as Snape approached, realizing too late that there was nowhere to hide.

Sure enough, the second they started to walk, Snape's eyes peered around the corner to meet Harry's.

"Hello Professor Snape," whispered Harry uncertainly. Despite the fact that Snape had been oddly friendly to everyone else in the room, Harry was sure that attitude wouldn't extend to him. The briefest flicker of surprise appeared on Snape's face before he crossed his arms and smirked down at Harry.

"Mr. Potter." It was the sort of derisive Christmas greeting Harry would expect from Snape, except it was all wrong. The man's eyes were dancing with amusement, and he was obviously trying not to smile.

"Clearly, we are having a rather formal Christmas," James said looking at Harry with a furrowed brow. Snape picked up on the thread of concern in James' voice and peered back down at Harry intently. Surprisingly, the man knelt down so he was at Harry's eye-level and smiled.

"I heard about your little adventure," said Snape. He reached up and cupped Harry's cheek and it took all of his effort not to flinch away from the hand. "You Potters and your broomsticks, I'll never get it. Your memories are still a little muddled, then?"

Harry blinked in confusion. Snape sounded, concerned, paternal even. The black eyes staring back at him held warm regard and not a speck of malice.

"A little, sir," whispered Harry, needing to say something. Severus jerked a little in surprise at this and withdrew his hand, looking Harry up-and-down in overt appraisal.

"Well I'm sure you'll be just fine soon," Polly cut in wrapping an almost protective arm around Harry and giving Snape a firm look that clearly told him to back-off. She turned back to Harry with a smile that was so wide and reassuring, it was hard not to feel calmed.

"Now, I assume you remember what Christmas presents are." Harry nodded numbly up at her, still perturbed by the calculating expression on Severus' face. Polly smiled her approval. "Well that's all you need to know. You have lots, and they are fabulous." With that, she steered Harry away from the entrance and into the living room.

The Christmases Harry remembered usually involved him him being shut away in a cupboard while he listened to Dudley screech for more sweets and presents. Once, Dudley had pushed Aunt Petunia's carefully decorated Christmas tree through the living room window because they had run out of shortbread cookies. In order to calm him, Petunia had made Harry walk to the nearest open Waitrose to get more. The lady working the cash register had though he was such a dear for running errands for his family on Christmas that she had given him a free pack of Christmas sweets. Harry had eaten them all in his cupboard while reading Dudley's discarded copy of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. It was the best Christmas he had until now.

The two families fit seamlessly together with an ease that only could have come from frequent exposure. Michael and Grace were instantly attached at the hip, whispering, giggling and playing. The shy little boy happily took part in whatever game or girly activity she wanted to partake in. Sirius, rather surprisingly, seemed to have staked himself out as the boy's protector and was always quick to snap at Grace for being too pushy or bossy. Even Amelia had abandoned her book to play.

Harry had no idea how Snape managed to get a woman like Polly to marry him. She was nearly as funny as she was kind and was currently loudly debating baby names with James in the living room amidst torrents of laugher from both sides. Snape and Lily were in deep conversation as they prepared appetizers in the kitchen. Curious as to what Snape possibly could be talking to Lily about, Harry tiptoed from the living room to the door of the kitchen to listen.

"I'm just saying, we would have come back early if you had told me how bad it was," Severus said to Lily, sounding annoyed.

"And that's precisely why I didn't tell you," Lily said lightly. Severus scowled at her, and her face softened. "Sev, there was nothing you could have done, and you needed a vacation. He'll be fine in a few days." They were talking about him Harry realized abruptly.

"Still I -" Severus stopped suddenly, and turned around looking directly to where Harry was hiding at the doorway. Before he could get mad, Harry ran into the safety of the living room and sat beside his father.

"Uncle James?" Michael asked running up to Harry's father.

"What is it, monkey?"

"Can we go flying in the snow again?" the boy asked, crawling onto James' lap. He lay his head on James' shoulder and brought a thumb to his mouth that was gently pushed away by James.

"Me too!" said Grace sitting on the couch beside James.

"I don't see why not, unless you are too sleepy," James teased.

"'m not tired," the little boy protested as his eyes drooped heavily. James smirked at Polly and settled the boy more comfortably against him.

"I think flying is the best thing in the world," Michael muttered contentedly. At that James perked up and grinned broadly at Snape who was shaking his head back and forth as he levitated a large tray of eggnog into the living room.

"Do my ears deceive me, or is it true that a Snape enjoys - nay - loves flying," asked James triumphantly. Snape looked like he just swallowed something rather sour.

"Michael, you've been spending too much time with your Uncle James," replied Severus. James grinned triumphantly at the little boy who grinned back and gave him a high-five.

"Come on, you need a nap or you won't be worth anything in a few hours," said Severus reaching his arms out for Michael who yawned widely and allowed himself to be lifted up.

"You too, Gracie-Bell," said Lily starting to stand up.

"But Mom…" she whined stomping her foot.

"I've got her," said Snape. He waved Lily down and reached his hand out to Grace who took it with a particularly grumpy expression on her face.

"Can we have a story?" asked Grace, knowing she was going to loose the larger nap argument.

"As many as you'd like," Snape promised.

As the night wore on, Harry continued to observe Snape from the corner of his eye. The man joked with his father, helped his mother in the kitchen and constantly brought his wife h'orderves and non-alcoholic drinks.

Clearly Snape took the whole fatherhood thing seriously too. He doted on his son and read him and Gracie childish stories about Santa and elves and the meaning of Christmas. Harry wasn't overly surprised that Snape liked the company of Amelia who appreciated silence almost as much as Snape himself did, but he was surprised that he allowed her to cuddle up onto his shoulder.

Even more surprising was that Snape seemed to adore Sirius, whose loud, defiant personality Harry assumed Snape would have found off-putting. Instead, Snape laughed loudly at every joke and was currently explaining to Sirius why moonstone increased the intensity of explosions.

Still, despite the fact this new Snape apparently loved Harry's family and was kind and surprisingly funny, his senses were still as sharp as always. Throughout the appetizers and large turkey dinner, whenever Harry snuck a look at Snape, moments later, Harry would feel Snape's eyes on him from the other end of the table.

"Can we open presents now?!" Grace asked after everyone scraped the last of Pauline's pecan pie off of their plates. Sirius, Amelia and Michael turned identical beseeching looks to their parents.

"Alright, you've all been patient enough," Lily said picking up a few of the dishes. The children did not need to be told twice, and they all bolted out of the kitchen into the living room. Harry took up some of the plates and brought them to the counter.

"You're not running for presents?" asked Snape. Harry froze, all the hair on the back of his neck standing up. Aside from observing Snape from the corner of his eye all night, he had purposefully avoided his least favourite professor throughout the evening. Reluctantly, he turned to face the man.

"No, sir," Harry replied at nearly a whisper. Both of his parents were helping Michael and Grace dig presents out from the back of the tree, and neither Sirius or Amelia were focused on him. Snape took a step towards him.

"You know, you usually don't call me sir," Snape said, his voice kind but a little concerned as he studied Harry's face. The pensive, almost stern look was something Harry was a little more used to, and he took a step back.

"Sorry," Harry said, looking away from Snape's intense eyes to the carpet. This reaction seem to legitimately worry Snape, and he stepped back to leave more distance between them.

"That's alright Hare-bear, you can call me whatever you like," Snape replied. Harry eyes snapped back to Snape's face as he observed the man incredulously. A small smirk crossed Snape's face.

"You've always hated that nickname," Snape admitted, flicking his wand at the sink. The dishes started to wash themselves slowly. "I'm afraid you're stuck with it though."

"What do I usually call you?" Harry asked, his curiosity overcoming his reticence.

"Uncle Sev, mostly. Professor Snape while we're in class," Snape said, suppressing a smile. "Well, you're supposed to at least." Sensing that he had successfully built a bit of rapport, Snape took a step closer to Harry and knelt down so that they were almost eye-level.

"It must be scary to not remember people in your life and your connection to them," said Snape conversationally. "It'll all come back to you soon though. The important thing is that you know everyone here loves you very much." It was odd to be taking comfort in Snape's words, but as Harry reluctantly looked up into his Professor's warm eyes, he couldn't help but feel soothed. A small smile made its way across Harry's face and Snape beamed at him.

"A smile, now that's a sight for sore eyes," he said approvingly. "You should be sitting down. Let's go into the living room and open some presents, shall we?" Snape raised his arm like he was about to loop it around Harry's shoulders, but he let it drop back to his side at the last moment, not wanting to push it. The two of them entered the living room, side-by-side.

"Daddy! Look! Uncle James and Auntie Lily got me glob!" Michael said, crawling into Snape's lap with two large handfuls of smelly green material.

"What is it?" asked Severus. Michael made the green mess into a globe and threw it up in the air, the ball started to spin madly and Michael giggled at it. A moment later, it zoomed towards Severus' face and exploded all over him. Everyone in the room burst out laughing, except for Snape who looked stunned and slightly pissed. Harry was sure he was going to start yelling until the man looked down at his son who was giggling madly, and smiled.

"That's for the drum set Sirius got for his last birthday," James said with a smirk to Snape who now laughed outright, and tapped his wand to his face, siphoned the green goo back in to a ball and handed it back to Michael. The little boy smiled gleefully and continued to toss it up and down.

For the next thirty minutes, Harry was almost able to forget about his headache and Snape. It was like he had been dropped into a scene from a Christmas movie. His father gave his mother a delicate diamond necklace, which had pleased her so much that they were having a hard time keeping their hands off of each other. Harry had gotten his first array of Christmas presents ever. He had gotten new clothes, a wide array of joke products from Zonkos and more sweets than he could ever dream of eating. The joy of the day, the large meal and the lightly throbbing headache was making Harry tired, and he was starting to doze off with his head on his mother's lap.

"Harry, this one is for you," said Grace holding a package out to him. Harry opened his eyes fully, sat up and took it.

"Another one?" asked Harry looking down at the package.

_To Hare-Bear_

_Make sure you don't go showing this to Hagrid._

_I wouldn't want him to get any ideas._

_All the love in the word: Uncle Sev, Aunt Polly and Michael _

Harry looked up at Snape. who smiled at him from behind Michael's head, then hesitantly tore open the paper wrappings to reveal a thick book: Creatures too Dark to Dwell in the Light.

"Cool!" said Harry genuinely opening the book and flipping through it.

"You're going to give him nightmares, Sev," Lily said, looking over Harry's shoulder to the pictures of a vampire with large, hideous teeth.

"Oh nonsense," Snape said. "Harry's a natural at Defence." Harry couldn't help but look up and smirk at Snape. It was odd to be complimented by the man.

"Thanks Aunt Polly - Uncle Sev," said Harry after a moment of hesitation. His Aunt Polly smiled broadly at him, and the look of concern that had clouded Snape's face dissipated slightly. Harry continued to thumb through the book, barely listening to the conversation the adults were having. An image popped out at Harry like an unwelcome, intrusive memory. A ghost-like girl with a terrifying scream on her face stared back at Harry with mad eyes. He felt his heart speed up in his chest and he raised a shaky finger over the description.

Ghanzou, is a rare, but powerful, Chinese genie. The Ghanzou provides  
its victim with a highly realistic dreamscape wherein one  
sees exactly what their life would have been like 'but-for' a  
certain event. While the victim engages in their dream, the  
Ghanzou drains the victim of it's blood and replaces the  
blood supply with a potentially lethal toxin. Almost all who  
face a Ghanzou die, as the only way to escape its grasp is for  
the victim to recognize the dream as a dream and kill themself.  
Most individuals are too seduced by the realistic visions to commit the act.

The Ghanzo have been known to be so accurate that their  
venom has been used in Criminal trials to prove an  
individual's guilt.

A cold sweat broke out over Harry's skin and he felt his heart race. Trying to get a hold on himself he squeezed his eyes shut and forced himself to remember falling off the broom. He remembered the sweetly concerned looks of his siblings as they stared down at him and the way his heart had dropped to his stomach when his Dad picked him up and held him close. Everything before that was dark. The vision of a stone wall swam in front of Harry's eyes. A horrid painful jarring swept through his brain. He saw Snape hanging from the ceiling and felt the cold of the dungeon.

"Mommy, I wanna hot chocolate, please," Gracie said, crawling up on Lily's lap.

"I'll get it," said James moving to get up. Sirius was on his lap, half-asleep, wrapped in afghan and nestled further into James' chest as protest.

"Oh don't be silly," said Pauline, flourishing her wand and causing a set of mugs, hot chocolate mix, marshmallows and a kettle to sail over and land on the coffee table. With a groan of relief, James relaxed back into the chair, pulling Sirius closer to him and closing his eyes contentedly.

"This is my favourite book," Amelia said softly coming to sit closer to Snape.

"It was mine as well at your age," Severus said wrapping an arm around the little girl. "You're the only child I know who reads as much as I did." Amelia smiled and blushed a little before burying her nose back behind her book.

It felt harder to breathe. It was all fake. Grace kicked her feet on Harry's shoulder and smiled toothily at him, her thumb in her mouth. Harry stared back at her. The little girl sitting in front of him, who Harry had come to love and care for as though he had known her his whole life, wasn't real. Harry's parents had died before they had ever had a chance to even think of having more children.

As far as Harry knew, Snape didn't even know a woman named Pauline, and whatever had happened to make Snape a kind, loveable family man certainly had not happened in real life. Pain seared through Harry's brain.

"Harry, sweetheart, are you alright?" Lily asked above him from concern. A swell of nausea cursed through Harry.

"Fine. I'm fine," Harry lied, standing up quickly. There was no time to perceive the looks on his parents faces, and he couldn't stand to look his siblings, knowing he was responsible for the fact that they never existed. He grabbed the book, turned and bolted up the staircase.

Harry ran the final steps up to his room and flopped down on his bed. He should have known better than to believe this life was real, nothing good or normal ever happened to him. He hadn't just been unfamiliar with the details of his family life, he had completely not understood what it was like to be loved, to be a part of a family. That was not the sort of thing one forgets with a head injury. A quiet knock at the door broke Harry's reverie.

"Harry?" called Snape for the other side of the door. "Can I come in?" Harry shut his eyes fiercely. Snape was the last person on the planet Harry wanted to see right now. His mother and father would have cared for him and loved him in real life, but Snape? The real Snape hated him. Still, even in dream world Harry didn't have the guts to tell Snape to piss off, and the man took silence as assent. The door opened and the floorboards creaked as Snape crossed the room. Harry buried his head petulantly in his pillow when he felt the bed dip beside him.

"What's wrong, love? Is it your head?" A hand settled gently between Harry's shoulder blades. "I have a pain-reliever." The offer of a pain-reliever was tempting enough to get Harry to reluctantly turn his head sideways on the pillow to look at Snape. There was a gentle smile on Snape's face that looked completely out of place.

"Come on, sit up and drink this," said Snape. He held a small vial out to Harry. Reluctantly, Harry sat himself up and took the vial out of Snape's hand. It tasted like dirty socks but Harry choked it all down efficiently. Without a moment's hesitation, Snape laid a hand on Harry's forehead and frowned.

"You still feel a little warm. Maybe I should get your mother to floo a healer," Snape muttered, more to himself than to Harry.

"No, no really I'm fine," Harry said quickly. Snape looked down at him skeptically and Harry gave him his most beseeching look.

"I became immune to those eyes long ago, Harry," said Snape, but he still remained seated on the bed. "I suppose there is not much that a healer could tell you. You've had a big day and need some rest. Go on, snuggle in." Harry scrambled under the covers and reluctantly allowed Snape to smooth them out around his shoulders.

Harry observed this dream Snape for a moment wondering, not for the first time, how Snape could have turned out so differently. Clearly it had something to do with Harry's parents being alive, but Snape hadn't mentioned Harry's parents once during their entire time at Hogwarts.

"Do you every think about how life would be different if one thing changed?" asked Harry slowly, feeling nervous butterflies in his stomach at the thought of asking his scariest Professor such an intimate question. Somehow, he knew this Snape wouldn't yell at him. Sure enough, he simply looked shrewdly at Harry for a moment.

"Of course. I think everyone does sometimes. I try not to too much," Snape admitted, a dark flash of emotion crossing his face.

"What if you knew everything was fake, your life, your family, everything like a fantasy, and you know you could bring back reality, but reality was so much worse. What would you do?" Snape's eyes narrowed a little in concern.

"Why do you ask that?"

"I just have to know Pr - Uncle Sev, please," Harry responded suddenly feeling desperate for advice. For a moment, Snape hesitated, then leaned over and brushed Harry's fringe out of his eyes.

"No matter how lovely a dream is. It's just a dream. What's happening in reality, the good and the bad, that is what makes up your life," Snape said softly. A weight settled on Harry's chest. In reality, Snape was dying slowly in the the Hogwarts dungeons, Harry was hiding in a secret corridor. Ron and Hermione would have to go through the pain of losing him, and now that Harry knew that the world he was existing in wasn't real, it would never be able to satisfy him the way it had before.

A warm pressure started to build-up behind Harry's eyeballs. He furiously tried to blink back the tears, but Snape was too fast for him.

"Oh love, come here. You're going to be ok," said Severus pulling Harry forward into his arms. A sob burst out of Harry, and he knew he should have been embarrassed to be bawling in front of Snape, but he was too heartbroken to care. It seemed particularly cruel that Harry had to lose his family twice. He still wasn't remotely over losing them the first time.

Snape rubbed his back and hushed him with the ease of someone who had considerable practice soothing not just children in general, but Harry in particular. The real life Snape wouldn't have this skill. There was no one in his life, and for the first time Harry realized just how lonely Snape must feel. At least Harry was going back to his friends. He was sending Snape back from having a loving family to bitterly roaming the dungeons of Hogwarts alone. Sick with sympathy, Harry reached up and wrapped his arms around Snape's neck.

"I'm sorry," Harry choked out.

"Whatever for?" muttered Snape as he rocked Harry gently, almost unconsciously, in an attempt to soothe him, but Harry was fast approaching inconsolable.

"You'll hate me," whispered Harry. At that, Snape pulled back and frowned down at Harry.

"I could never hate you, Harry," said Snape sounding genuinely aghast. "I love you." Harry let out a choked sob at that. He realized that when he got back to Hogwarts, no one was going to tell him that they loved him anymore.

"What's happened that upset you so much?" asked Snape softly. Harry looked hesitantly up at Snape who smiled at him. "You can tell me anything, that's the point of having a godparent."

"Nothing, I'm fine," Harry said, brushing the tears from his face.

"Love, clearly you're not fine," Snape said.

"I just -I'm just confused." lied Harry, wishing it was the truth. Snape's eyes softened, and he gently reached up and patted Harry's cheek.

"I know. I know it's hard," Snape said. "Everything will make sense soon, alright?" He pulled the covers up over Harry's shoulders and looked down at him in concern.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" asked Snape in a voice far too tender to have ever been real. Harry shook his head no.

"Ok, get some sleep, monkey. Things will look better in the morning. I love you," Snape said before kissing him on the forehead as though he had tucked Harry in many times before.

Harry took a deep breath, he knew what he had to do. As soon as it was late enough that the footsteps had all gone away. Harry pulled himself out of his bed, out of his perfect room, and padded down the steps to the kitchen. Quietly, as possible he riffled through the drawers until he found a thin, silver knife.

"Hare-bear? What are you doing up? Is everything ok?" James asked. Harry nearly jumped out of his skin as he whirled around to face his Dad, Lily, Pauline and Snape, all of whom clearly had been drinking in the living room.

"Yeah, I - uh -"

"What is this?" asked James curiously looking at the book Harry had brought down with him. "A Ghanzou?" Harry looked between them for a moment, but there wasn't much point in trying to hide it, he'd be gone soon anyways.

"This is why I have no memories! It wasn't the head injury. I was touched by a Ghanzou" Harry explained looking desperately from one adult to another. Pauline raised her eyebrow skeptically.

"Harry…those are very rare," said Severus slowly, now looking at Harry with concern.

"Sev, I warned you about that book," Lily said, coming to put her arm around Harry.

"Alright, you're right," replied Severus, putting his hands up in a gesture of surrender.

"Harry, sweetheart…" started Lily, her voice trying to be soothing and reasonable, even though he could hear a clear thread of worry. It was too much for Harry who cut her off.

"No, I know. I saw her," said Harry emphatically. There was a moment of stunned silence as the adults tried to process what Harry said.

"Mom, can I have some water, please?" said Sirius, poking his head in, clearly having just woken up. All the adults turned to blink at the intruder, and he retreated slightly from the doorway, confused.

"What's wrong?" he asked, looking over the scene critically.

"Nothing's wrong. Come on, sweetie, I'll get you some water," Polly said, heaving her pregnant belly up out of the chair. She hurried Sirius away from the doorway, and Harry watched them go with a deep pang of longing.

"Harry, love, I know why you could think that," James said, looking and sounding more calm than both Lily and Severus. Lily threw him a dirty, disbelieving look, but James returned it with a calm, pleading one then turned back to Harry.

"I do, Harry, really," James continued reasonably. "In the magical word, sometimes we see the magical where we should see the natural and mundane."

"Head injuries are especially confusing. When you don't remember things…" Lily trailed off as Harry shook his head, tears filling his eyes.

"This isn't like that," said Harry. "You died when I was 15 months old. Voldemort killed you. I grew up with Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon in Little Whinging." James was shaking his head negatively, but the calm demeanour was gone from his face. Snape's face with milk-white.

"Harry, listen to me we didn't die that night. Uncle Severus and Uncle Sirius, they got us out in time," explained James.

"No," Harry whispered. "They didn't." He turned his eyes to Snape.

"Professor Snape," said Harry softly. "I met you for the first time four months ago at Hogwarts, and you hate me. You don't have a wife. You don't have a son. Professor, you have to know that these memories you have aren't real." Snape's stern face softened to something a little more sympathetic, and he shook his head negatively.

"I'm calling a Healer," said Lily abruptly, moving towards the fireplace. No one went to stop her, but Harry wished she stayed. He wanted to feel her arms around him one last time.

"I've known you almost your entire life, Harry," Snape said softly. "I remember every birthday, every skinned knee, the first time you fell asleep in my arms. There is not a world where I could hate you."

"Yes there is, Professor," whispered Harry, blinking back unexpected tears as he looked seriously into Snape's eyes. "In a world where Voldemort killed my Mom and Dad. In a world where they died that night, you do," Snape opened his mouth then shut it again, looking at Harry oddly. But the expression was not the same sure, frustrated look James wore. There was something hesitant in it.

"He'll be right over," said Lily striding back to the kitchen. There were only a few moments left to spare. The real Snape had been sick for days potentially. The real world needed him. A family picture sat open on the table where Lily and Pauline had been looking through photos of past Christmases. In the picture, Lily and Severus were both holding babies, a two-year old Sirius ran around James legs as James tried to hold him still for the camera, while a four-year old Amelia sat still, smiling brightly. Harry was only six in the photo, holding Lily's free hand and offering the camera a sheepish smile. It was the only Christmas picture Harry had. With reckless abandon, Harry ripped the photo out of the photo album.

"HARRY!" cried Lily. Harry cringed, he didn't want their last memories of him to be terrible, as fake as they were. James, Snape and Lily were all staring at him as though he was some bomb that was going to go off any moment. Spotting the knife beside the cheese plate, Harry took a deep breath and smiled at his parents.

"I love you, guys," he whispered. This didn't reassure them, and James took a step towards him. "Sorry." He grabbed the knife from the table and shoved it as far in his gut as he could.

"HARRY!" cried Lily as he fell hard on the kitchen floor. In a moment, his parents and Snape were both by his side, their faces all sheet-white with panic.

"Don't pull it out!" yelled Snape as James' hand instinctively went to the knife.

"Stay awake, sweetheart," Lily said desperately, pulling Harry's head on her lap. Even as she spoke she was starting to fade-out, like a drawing in the sand. James was stroking Harry's hair and tears were welled up in his eyes, but Harry couldn't feel the hand. Snape's face, so wrought with concern it looked positively enraged faded faster too, and Harry suddenly wanted to take back his stupid decision.

Real-life was not better than this. Neither he nor Snape would find happiness in the cruel, lonely world Harry was sending them back to.

"No, don't go," whispered Harry. Lily cradled him closer and let out a little sob.

"We won't go," she promised, but as she said it, she was only an outline. The world was being replaced by a blinding white light. Harry squeezed his eyes shut, unwilling to see his parents disappear.

**Please Review **


	5. Take me Back to the Start

Nobody said it was easy  
It's such a shame for us to part  
Nobody said it was easy  
No one ever said it would be this hard  
Oh, take me back to the start.

- Coldplay "The Scientist"

Harry opened his eyes to find himself back in the stone corridor where he had hidden from the Ghanzou. No knife stuck out of his stomach. He was safe at Hogwarts, with no family. Tears threatened to spill out his eyes, but he remembered that Snape, the real Snape who called him names and hated him, was still strung up in the dungeon.

Harry pushed his roiling emotions into the tiniest mental box he possibly could, and pulled himself up to his feet.

"Don't worry little one, help is coming," said an old, concerned-looking elf. It was the only portrait in the whole dungeon, but Harry nodded at it gratefully.

"You should sit down and wait in case it comes back," said the elf.

"No. Snape," whispered Harry in response. He started to stumble down the hallway towards Snape's dungeon, gripping the wall to remain upright through the pain and fatigue.

Snape was hung up on the wall like a messed-up Halloween decoration. His wrists were attached to the ceiling, and his chin lolled on his chest. Thick, black sludge worked its way through a hose that was connected to Snape's wrist. His face was the colour of old scrambled eggs, and thick, red blood drained directly into the mouth of the ghostlike Ghanzou who was looking more and more lifelike as she drank Snape's blood.

"Snape," Harry rasped again. He pointed his wand at tube feeding into Snape and yelled "Diffindo!" Snape fell to the ground with a loud dramatic crumble. The Ghanzou screeched and turned to Harry with a wild, angry look. This part of the plan, Harry hadn't thought through. He raised his wand without a single idea of what spell to use.

"Inducto," said Professor McGonagall firmly from behind Harry. The Ghanzou exploded into a puff of harmless smoke. Without the goal of having to save Snape's life, he was overwhelmed by a desperate sadness that zapped his muscles of any strength. He crashed heavily to his knees onto the rubble.

"Potter! Severus," yelped McGonagall with uncharacteristic anxiety. "Oh, Poppy, good! Severus is unconscious." There were footsteps crunching over the debris of the classroom and Harry could see Madame Pomfrey kneel by Snape's hair through the slits in his eyes.

Harry felt in his pocket for the picture he had tried to bring back, but like everything else, it had vanished. In fact, it never had existed at all. He closed his eyes tightly.

"Potter, are you alright?" asked McGonagall, sitting behind him. A hand settled softly on his back.

"Yes," whispered Harry, using every muscle in his throat to keep his voice from cracking. his hand gripped some of the fallen debris in an attempt to steady his emotions. With a gentleness Harry wouldn't have credited her with, she pulled his shoulders backwards until he was slumped against her chest. Despite his embarrassment, Harry couldn't stem the tears streaming down his face. Her arms encircled him firmly.

"Alright, Potter. It's ok," she said softly. It wasn't like being held by his mother or father, but it was real and the speck of compassion felt like a haven in a storm. One of her arms ghosted over him, checking him over for injuries, and he gasped when she touched his broken wrist.

"Oh Potter,"she whispered, rubbing his arm up and down and pulling him tighter to her. He hadn't realized he was freezing until that moment.

"Poppy," she called out. His teeth chattered as he continued to sob and he abruptly realized how ridiculous he must look.

"Is Professor Snape ok?" asked Harry, trying not sound like a child.

"He'll be just fine, dear," replied Poppy as she fussed over his neck. For a moment, Harry remembered the Snape that had told him he loved him and held him close while he cried and felt a pang of relief.

"Good," he whispered, wiping a hand over his face to dry his tears.

"Drink this, dear. You'll feel better soon," she soothed.

"No!" Potter said emphatically, pushing the vial away. "I don't wanna dream - I can't -" The image of his parents' faces flashed in his head again, and he squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head further into McGonagall's robes, beyond caring about how childish he looked. She brushed a hand through his hair.

"Do you have any Dreamless Sleep," McGonagall said at almost a whisper. There was the sound of a vial being opened and then McGonagall rubbed his arm again.

"Here, Potter," said McGonagall gently, "Drink this, it's Dreamless Sleep. You don't have to dream." Reluctantly, Potter took the vial and tossed it down his throat. The last thing he remembered was being pulled close as the world folded into black.

"Absolutely not!" yelled Snape, sounding more irate than Harry had ever heard him. Vaguely, Harry realized he was lying down in a bed covered in a thick blanket. Fingers grazed his shoulder, and for the briefest moment, he thought he might be back at home with his Mom and Dad.

"Severus, you're going to wake Harry," McGonagall hissed harshly near Harry's ear. Not home then. He opened his eyes and saw the bright, white walls of the Hospital Wing.

"Oh, I'm so very concerned. None of this would have happened if it wasn't for that boy,' replied Snape, the usual rancour in his voice ratcheted up to levels Harry did not believe were possible. There was a vague pain in Harry's body, as though had just recovered from a bad case of the chills.

"Severus, please, let's be reasonable. You've just had an enormous shock," said Dumbledore, waking Harry up further. Not fulling thinking the action through, Harry propped himself up on his shoulders and craned his neck to look up at the scene. Snape was wearing a grey nightshirt and his long, hairy, thin legs ended in thick, white socks. It would have been funny, but not even spidery legs and a nightshirt could make Snape look anything less than terrifying. Especially not when he was wearing the expression of pure loathing that he was currently was. He pushed past Dumbledore, in a furious rampage.

"Severus -" called Dumbledore, sounding genuinely concerned. Snape slowed only to look at Harry. There had been many times Snape had looked after Harry with rage or hatred, but nothing compared to the white fury currently painted on Snape's face. A blue vein throbbed madly at his temple, and for a moment Harry was legitimately afraid the man was going to lunge at him. Then, the look was gone, and Snape's face was completely impassive. He turned away from Harry and stalked out of the hospital wing without a backwards glance.

"He's angry," Harry whispered to McGonagall as they watched him stalk out. McGonagall's lips thinned, and she turned back to Harry with a reassuring half-smile.

"Don't worry about Professor Snape, Potter. He just needs some time to calm down," she said.

"Minerva, I wonder if I may have a word with Harry," asked Dumbledore, looking at Harry over the foot of his bed with a gentle twinkle.

"Of course," McGonagall said getting to her feet and brushing off her robes. She turned back to look at Harry and he saw a glimmer of something kind and warm in her stern eyes. She brushed his shoulder gently with the tips of her fingers again, then walked away from his bed. It was oddly lonely now that she was gone. Dumbledore slipped into her spare seat.

"Harry, you have had quite the Christmas break," Dumbledore said softly. His twinkling eyes were kind, but penetrating as he observed Harry over his glasses. "Why don't you tell me what happened?"

Trying to keep his voice steady, and tears out of his eyes, he muttered through the explanation of the flickering ghost in the doorway, the perfect world he had fallen into, Snape's family. His voice cracked as he recalled the look of horror and concern on his parent's faces after he had stabbed himself.

"Did it - was any of it real?" Harry asked, a little hopefully. Maybe he really did get to see his parents in some wonderful alternate dimension. He was not sure if that would make it better or worse, but at least the words, the love he had felt, the acceptance, would all have been real.

Dumbledore sighed and looked at Harry carefully over his glasses.

"Yes…and no," he said enigmatically. "The Ghangzou's gift is its ability to show true alternate realities, incredible creatures. Should your parents have survived that night so many years ago, that is the life you would have experienced. So in a way it's real. But the entire time you were still sitting in the corner of the dungeon, and your parents, of course, remained at rest. So too, it is not real. Do you understand?"

Harry nodded, forcing down any emotion.

"But Professor Snape, he wasn't confused at all. He was so certain," Harry asked, more to distract himself from his emotions than because he was interested. Dumbledore started nodding half-way through the statement, anticipating Harry's question. "But I suppose that is because we had different visions? I mean, Professor Snape would have only been in my vision because I - I was thinking that he was in danger, right?" Dumbledore looked at Harry for a long moment, as though he was debating with himself.

"You were only touched by the Ghangzou, when she wrapped her fingers around her throat, she was able to transfer only a small amount of her venom. Your visions were incomplete because she was unable to fully poison you. Professor Snape, on the other hand, had high doses of venom and blood loss," Dumbledore said. Harry blinked hard, trying to take it all in.

"He'll be alright though? Won't he, sir?" Harry asked, not knowing why he suddenly felt such a strong feeling of concern. Dumbledore looked at him seriously for a moment, then nodded.

"Professor Snape has endured worse pain, both physical and psychological," Dumbledore said thoughtfully. "I am quite sure he'll make a full recovery."

It was weird to think of Snape having hurt feelings, having feelings at all actually. Harry kind of imagined Snape to be this asexual blob that did not eat, drink or love. Imagining him depressed in the dungeon made Harry feeling oddly curious.

"As for your second question, I firmly believe, you and Professor Snape shared that same vision," said Dumbledore said quietly after a moment. Harry frowned at that.

"But sir, if the Ghangzou shows us our biggest wish or regret or whatever, why would Snape be having the same fantasy as me?" Harry asked, starting to feel a little foolish.

"Pure coincidence. You both have the same wish," Dumbledore said, Harry's head began to swim again.

"But, sir, why would my parent's surviving be Professor Snape's biggest wish?" Harry asked in confusion. There was an almost impish twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes as he looked down at Harry.

"Our deepest desires and most painful regrets are highly personal matters, Harry. That information has to come from Professor Snape himself, not from me," Dumbledore said sagely, getting to his feet. This answer was not good enough for Harry.

"But sir, how could he hate me so much here, if he…" Harry trailed off. The only adjective that was appropriate to describe how the Ghangzou Snape felt about him was love, but Harry didn't dare use it. "Only one thing changed."

"One thing can change a man profoundly, Harry," Dumbledore said, the twinkle in his eye a little lower. "Get some rest, you've had a long day."

It was long past time for Severus to be asleep. The students were in bed, and night had fallen outside the window of his dungeon, making the entire room gloomy and black. Still, he could not face returning to his bare apartment, not when he could imagine it so clearly in his head, warm and well-decorated with Pauline and Michael.

He frown and pushed the thought away, scratching at his forehead as he did so. He added a little more holly to the cauldron and watching the bubbles pop and boil, mentally chastising himself. He had promised never to think of that bizarre world again.

"Severus," Dumbledore said softly from the entrance of the dungeon. Severus' back stiffened, he had been so deep in thought that he missed the sounds of Dumbledore's footsteps.

"You should be off your feet," said Dumbledore when Severus refused to acknowledge him. Severus knew that gentle, understanding tone well. He had heard it in his worst, mostly embarrassingly emotional moments and had no desire to hear it now.

"Severus, it's 11:30. You've had a long, trying day. I'm afraid if you don't sit down you will make me exceedingly anxious," continued Dumbledore. Severus' mouth tightened. There were times where Dumbledore's seemingly oblivious attempts at developing a 'bond' or 'friendship' with Severus were accepted, welcomed even. Severus had even gotten used to sharing the odd cup of tea and long conversation and reluctantly considered Dumbledore to be a sort of mentor. Right now though, all Severus wanted was to be left alone.

"I'm fine," he said curtly. Dumbledore didn't insist, but he also didn't leave, and after a few moments of silence, a kettle started to whistle.

"Come have some tea, Severus," said Dumbledore in that same tone. Severus tried not think about how the kettle sounded exactly the same as when his fake wife made him fake cups of tea before bed in their fake little home.

"Not hungry," Severus responded acerbically, adding a sprig of holly to the cauldron.

"You have to eat, Severus," said Dumbledore. "Humour me." Severus ran a hand through his hair and sighed. When Dumbledore got like this, resistance was futile.

"Do you at least have anything stronger?" Severus grumbled as he collapsed grumpily into the chair across from Dumbledore. It was a student's chair and though Dumbledore looked as wise and at ease at ever, Severus felt childish and awkward squeezing into it. Surprisingly, Dumbledore swirled his wand and bottle of Ogden's Firewhiskey materialized on the desk. He poured Severus a healthy glass, and they drank in silence for a moment. They drank another drink, then another. Severus' favourite roast beef sandwiches arrived on the table and, without realizing it, he started to munch on one.

"Harry is doing alright," said Dumbledore casually. "Terribly shook up of course." Severus stiffened and put down his sandwich. That boy was truly the bane of his existence. Pure loathing was easy enough to carry on with, but when he had looked at Harry in the hospital wing he had felt something else.

Thankfully, the memories he had of a young Harry had faded quickly with detoxing the poison. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to remove the thoughts and feelings he had when he had actually lived through his time in Dreamland. He had cared for that boy, all of James and Lily's children in fact, with all of his heart. With a sigh he closed his eyes and willed those thoughts away.

"He told me all about where you were," Dumbledore said softly.

"I don't want to speak about it," said Severus firmly. He couldn't think about it. He couldn't go down that path again. "The Ghanzou was clearly defective, or I got sucked into Potter's fantasy somehow. Did Potter tell you he called me Uncle Sev?" asked Severus with a snort. If Severus wasn't so inebriated, he would have noticed a dangerous twinkle in Dumbledore's eye.

"Really, you don't think the Ghanzou showed you how your life really would have turned out had you been able to save Lily and James that night?" Severus gulped the rest of his whiskey and couldn't quite hold back a harsh laugh.

"Ghanzou venom provides notoriously accurate visions, Severus" said Dumbledore softly. Severus shrugged putting the glass down. There was a long moment of semi-comfortable silence.

"I just don't understand how I would have become that man," admitted Severus quietly. He had fallen asleep reading picture books to his tiny, intelligent son. There was a woman he loved in his bed every night. That woman wasn't Lily, but still he loved her, loved her more if that was possible. When he had hugged and kissed Lily over Christmas, it felt like how he imagined people felt when they saw a much beloved sibling. It was the same love he felt for James Potter which was so outrageous that Severus couldn't even think of it. It was all too bizarre.

"Usually, I find Ghanzou to be unhelpful," admitted Dumbledore after a few moments, pouring some more whiskey into his cup. "What-ifs, but-fors, regrets, they are painful and ultimately, we can't do anything about them." Severus nodded absently drinking more firewhiskey.

"As anything in life, there are exceptions to this rule," Dumbledore said. Severus continued to nod along. Vaguely, he realized that Dumbledore's words were having trouble sinking through his head. Owlishly, he blinked up at the man.

"Did you drug me?" he asked in harsh accusation, scrambling to his feet. Dumbledore's expression did not change, he simply held out a small vial of liquid gold potion. Distilled Ghangzou venom, exactly what the Ministry used with criminals. His knees buckled, and with surprising vitality and strength, Dumbledore jumped to his feet and caught him under the armpits, lowering him into the chair.

"Ten years I have watched you condemn yourself to a life of pain, loneliness and misery, I think it's time you see another way," Dumbledore said. Severus was already too far gone to protest. He could barely scowl as the drug pulled him under.

**A/N: Please Review! Thanks**


	6. Ancient Mars

**A/N: A special thank you for those heroic reviewers who informed me that my formatting screwed up last chapter. That was much appreciated.**

**I've also had some people ask me about my other story Forgiveness - it is definitely still being written and will be updated shortly! This story just sort of took over and made me its zombie. Enjoy!**

I want to believe in time travel  
That one day I'll come back for you  
Find you in the campus library aisles and I'd say  
Oh my ancient Mars

- Zolas "Ancient Mars

Severus hurried from one shadowed entrance to another, looking over his shoulder as he went. It was unnecessary. The late October sun had set early on Hogsmeade, and even though it was Halloween, no one was out except a witch in a pink cloak. The moment she noticed him, she picked up her pace and crossed the street.

He turned right off of the main road to a tree-lined lane, which was lit only by the flickering candlelight in some of the flat windows. A shabby, Victorian-looking building with a slanted, chain-link fence stood a block away. Severus broke out into a jog towards it.

The townhouses were old, white-washed brick with identical metal doors. He ran to the door with the iron number 9 and knocked insistently, looking over his shoulder as he did. No one answered.

"Black!" hissed Severus. "Open the door." No response. Severus wasn't really expecting one. Still, he pounded on the door harder. There was no time for this.

"Black," he called as loud as he dared. He couldn't hear the creak of footsteps, but he could feel someone's presence on the other side of the door. With another look over his shoulder, he pressed himself up against the door.

"Pettigrew told," Severus said, as loudly as he dared. Severus was about to break down the door, but after a second, it creaked open. One of Sirius' grey eyes glared out at him, and his wand was raised through the slit in the door.

"Snape?" whispered Sirius, the disgust in his voice was dampened only by anxiety. "What do you mean?"

"He's the spy," Severus hissed. Sirius look truly stunned for a moment, then the wide eyes narrowed into suspicion.

"Why are you here? Why are you telling me this?" asked Sirius, not moving to open the door further. Severus stared back at him for a moment.

"The Potters are in danger, why does it matter why I'm here?" Severus snapped back furiously. Sirius considered him for a moment, debating whether or not he was walking into a trap.

"There isn't much time, Black," Severus said, fully impatient now. He could see concern for the Potters start to outweigh Black's concern about being led into a trap. Just as Severus was about to drag the man out of the door, he stepped outside and closed the door behind him.

"You stay here. I'll go alone," said Sirius, still pointing his wand at Severus' throat.

"You don't trust me?" Severus asked with a mocking smile that he immediately regretted. He probably shouldn't be aggravating the man.

"Not with the Potters," Sirius said, as he walked down the path to the gate.

"Do you think I'd be here if this was a one-man job? You won't be able to save them alone," hissed Severus. The two men stared at each other unable to solve the dilemma of needing each others alliance while deeply distrusting one another.

"Do I need to beg, Black?" Severus said, allowing an uncharacteristic thread of emotion to enter his voice. The slight moment of vulnerability did what no amount of rationalizing could, and Sirius lowered his wand. It would have taken more to convince Severus, but for once he was satisfied with the Gryffindor penchant to play the hero.

"If anything happens to James, Lily, or Harry, I'll kill you,' promised Sirius, and Severus had no doubt it was true.

"If anything happens to them, it's because I'm already dead," Severus spat back. There was such hatred on both men's faces as they stood, inches away from one another, glaring, that the air literally seemed to crackle. Without warning, Black grabbed Severus' arms and they soared through the air.

They ended up in front of a large timber-frame cottage, too large to be quaint but still exuding a nauseating amount of charm. The curtains were still open, and Severus could see Lily sitting at the kitchen table pushing her long, red hair behind her ear as she scribbled on a piece of parchment. It felt as though a moment hadn't passed since the first time he saw her across the park.

"Come on," said Sirius darkly, looking over his shoulder. He ran up the stairs, with Severus tagging alone at his heels then banged insistently on the doors.

"Prongs! Lily!" a few seconds later, James opened the door with an easy grin.

"Hey Pad - Snape?" said James, the smile falling off of his face. For a moment, James stared at Snape then Sirius, then drew his wand.

"You're the spy?" he whispered to Sirius, his voice breaking slightly.

"Of course not, you idiot," snapped Sirius. "But Peter is." James' jaw dropped.

"You need to leave, now," snapped Severus, not having time for this stupidity.

"Peter?" whispered James to Sirius, wounded betrayal and disbelief clear in his voice.

"Honey, who is it?" Lily walked into the entrance, holding her small, blob of a son. Before Severus could do more than blink at her, James' entire face paled to the horrible colour of rotten milk, and he gripped his wand. Severus whipped around to see a hooded figure, almost gliding up the road. Severus didn't need to ask who that was.

"Lily, run. Now! Out the back door," yelled James.

A bright red light shot out from James' wand creating a protective barrier. It wasn't much, but it bought the precious seconds Lily needed to sprint for the back door. The sound of her scream bounced around Severus' head horribly as he ran backwards, casting every protective curse he could think of along with James and Sirius. Severus could see Voldemort behind their protective curses and was feeling momentarily relieved until the monster suddenly materialized between Lily and the back door, wand raised. She screamed and turned around hiding Harry with her body.

A cold dread filled Severus.

"Flippendo!" he yelled without thinking and Voldemort, who was so obsessed with killing the child in Lily's arms that he wasn't paying attention to the three formidable wizards behind him, fell backwards.

"Petificus Totalis" James yelled before Voldemort could get up making him go rigid. Ropes sprang around Voldemort's limbs from the end of Sirius' wand. Briefly, Severus considered casting the killing curse, but Dumbledore had told them all long ago it would not have the same effect on the monster.

Regardless, they were out of time. Three black figures appeared onto the lawn that stretched out behind the Potters' cabin. A jet of light went to Sirius' back and he crumpled to the ground.

"SIRIUS!" yelped James raising his wand and firing back while sliding to his knees beside Sirius. The Deatheater crumpled. Lily was at the edge of the wards, nearly safe, and Severus stunned another Deatheater who looked suspiciously like Avery. Only Bellatrix was left and she turned to run at Lily.

"LILY!" yelled James, leaving Sirius' side to run towards her with his wand drawn. Bellatrix immediately threw a curse over her shoulder, blasting Potter backwards. She laughed and turned to Lily again, who had stopped instinctively at the sound of James being cursed.

"Expelliamus!" Bellatrix shouted causing Lily to drop the baby in her arms. The baby howled indignantly as Lily screamed and crawled towards him. Her fingers were inches away from the child when Bellatrix lifted her wand again.

"Avada Kedavra!" yelled Severus without a thought. Bellatrix crumpled to the ground and Lily grabbed Harry to her chest, sobbing convulsively. It was the last thing Severus saw before everything went dark.

A white-hot pain unlike anything Severus had felt before overtook his mind and body. It felt like the muscle was being pulled off of his bones, and he couldn't think of anything beyond the pain. He tried to scream but nothing came out. He tried to move but couldn't. Everything was black. Panic started to bleed in to the pain.

"Severus," said James Potter from somewhere off in the distance. "Can you hear me?" He could, and he tried to say so, but he couldn't speak. He felt his face contract with the effort but no sound came out.

"Alright, shh it's ok," Potter continued. "Can you open your eyes?" Severus blinked open his eyes to see the orange haze of lowered gas lamps, and James Potter's white face and red-rimmed eyes.

"Potter?" Severus rasped in confusion blinking his sand-filed eyes. "Wha -? Lily?"

"Lily's fine," whispered James soothingly "She sat up with you all night and needed to get some sleep, which is why you got stuck with me." He let out a breath of relief, and tried to sit up, but he couldn't move. He was in a giant, invisible cast. He strained against the invisible restraints holding him, starting to panic.

"Can't move," slurred Severus, trying to explain his predicament.

"I know, you will be able to soon," James said "It was Dolohov. He got you from behind. By the time Lily and I could get to you…" James trailed off then forced the semblance of a comforting smile on his face.

"The point is you're going to be fine. You've broken a lot of bones, the Healer's had to regrow some of your nerves and there has been some spinal damage, which is why you're in a full body bind. But, again, you're going to be fine." The only thing more terrifying than waking up paralyzed was waking up paralyzed with James Potter and in a whole lot of pain. He strained again against his lack of movement and felt himself start to hyperventilate.

"Severus," said James insistently, sitting down on the side of the bed Severus was lying on. "It's ok. You're safe. Just breathe, alright?" With only a moment's hesitation, James reached out and settled his hand on Severus' sternum. Shocked at the contact, Severus' panicked eyes instinctively met James steady hazel ones. He took a deep breath, then another.

"Good," said James gently. Apparently deciding Severus was relaxed enough, James pressed a vial to Severus' lips. Severus grunted in displeasure and closed his mouth stubbornly.

"Whe -am I?" muttered Severus, turning his head away from the foreign potion bottle.

"My parent's old house," James explained. "It's well-warded. You're safe here." He raised the vial to Snape's lips again.

"Come on, it'll help with the pain," soothed James, as though he was speaking to small child. That was too good an offer to refuse. Reluctantly, Severus drank it down.

"Thank you, Severus," the man whispered, as the potion started to pull Severus under. "Thank you for my family."

Severus forced his eyes back open and took in the bedraggled man in front of him with his errant hair, crooked glasses and pale face. The stupid idiot that Lily married who Severus had now saved along with their stupid son.

"Just go," croaked Severus, with the last of his energy. James removed his hand, looking a little uncertain about leaving. Still, After a moment, he nodded his acquiescence and stood up.

"Lily will be here soon," James promised softly, just as Severus closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

XXxxxXXXXXxxxx

Something was very wrong. Pain was shooting from Severus' insides all the way out to his skin. Loudly, he screamed as the cramping in his stomach made his body want to contort in agony, but he couldn't. He was still held in the body-bind and couldn't move. The effect was like being burned alive.

"Remus. REMUS!" yelled James. "Get Dumbledore, now." Severus clenched his eyes shut and ground his teeth together.

"Severus, look at me," instructed James urgently. "Look at me." A cold hand lightly settled on Severus' forehead, bringing him back to Earth. He groaned and opened his eyes to see James' face swim in front of him. His eyes were wide and worried.

"Hold on," said James firmly. "You're going to be fine." Footsteps ran in to the room and vaguely Severus encoded someone tearing open his robes and heard Dumbledore's firm in-control voice.

"We should have seen this before. He's been cursed. We need to cauterize those boils now."

"Wait, you're going to knock him out first aren't you?" hissed James near his ear. There was a hysterical tint to James' voice that mirrored Severus' emotions.

"We can't." Dumbledore said firmly. "He has to many potions and spells in his system as is. We're risking permanent damage already." James had nothing to say to that. Severus started to shake his head. He would not be tied down and cut open.

"No," he moaned, turning away as much as he could. All he could do was thrash his head helplessly around.

"It's alright, Severus," said James, a little helplessly, reaching up and placing a hand on the top of Severus head in an attempt to both calm and restrain him.

"We'll cut on three?" asked Remus from further down on the bed. Severus tensed in anticipation and futilely tried to roll away from the wolf's hands.

"Quitenso!" James said sharply, drawing a curtain in the air that shut out the sound of Remus and Dumbledore's urgent conversation.

It was better not hearing the sounds of spells and anxiety, and Severus was almost able to pretend the pain was just left over from the torture he endured.

"Thought I told you to go," Severus gritted out through the pain feeling suddenly embarrassed now that there was nothing but him, James and silence. He bet the man couldn't wait to tell Lily how Severus had begged. James gave him a tired smile and shook his head.

"I was just outside your room." Severus blinked at James in confusion.

"Why?" he asked. Before James could answer, something burning hot touched his insides and he let out a blood-curdling scream of pain and terror. He tried to move away but then realized he couldn't. He was completely paralyzed, helpless.

"Nonononono…stop…please …stopstopstop," Severus begged. James was practically standing over him speaking urgently, but Severus couldn't hear him over the blood in his ears. The pain receded slightly, and he began to slowly come back to himself. James was looking down at him in horror. Severus was in so much pain he didn't care.

"Finite," whispered James softly, drawing a line from Severus' hand to his wrist. A tingle pulsed though Severus' fingers, and he looked at James in confusion.

Before he had a chance to comment, the same white-hot pain came but this time, a calloused hand came into his and unconsciously, Severus gripped it tightly trying to transfer all the tension from his body to the hand.

"You're almost done. It's going to be ok," a soothing voice whispered. It was the same voice that had pulled him out of the painful darkness the first time, and he remembered with horror that the voice was James'. The burst of pain receded and when he opened his eyes, James was starting back down at him: whole and uninjured, a perfect look of concern on his face. Why did he always get to play the hero? Severus dropped the man's hand, disgusted with himself. It didn't matter if he was getting tortured, he was not going to hold James' hand.

"Get out," Severus said angrily, enough in his head to feel embarrassed. James pursed his lips, looking momentarily like Lily, then making decision, reached forward and took Severus' hand.

"You saved my life, my family's lives. You're part of this family now, whether you like it or not, and I'm not leaving you." Severus would have responded but another wound was cauterized. The pain from the other wounds were still dully throbbing and the feeling of burning barely receded this time when the spell was taken off. Everything was getting steadily worse and more painful. He didn't even realize was begging for it to stop until James' voice, assuring him it was all going to be ok, filtered through his consciousness.

It kept going until so many of the wounds had been cauterized that Severus stomach felt as though someone had laid burning hot coals on his exposed organs. There was no moments of relief anymore just a hand that Severus couldn't stop gripping. Bellatrix's face swam in front of his.

"Filthy half-blood," Severus was bound up against the wall. He blinked in confusion. Wasn't he at the Potters'? Bellatrix raised her wand and fire ran through him dragging out the cries.

"You're almost done. I promise you're almost done," said the voice, almost begging. One hand was holding, the other was wiping his face with a wonderfully cool towel. The image was fuzzy, but it looked like a very worried James Potter. He smiled down weakly at Severus.

But then it wasn't James, as soon as the image came into focus Severus could see clearly that it was Voldemort inches from his face.

"Tell me where the Potters are!" A hot-white heat came from Voldemort's wand to Severus' stomach! He felt the urge to vomit rise through him, but Voldemort didn't let up and neither would Severus.

"Tell me!" the pain increased and Severus was unable to keep himself from vomiting blood and bile everywhere. Feeling minutely better he took in a deep breath.

"Won't tell - I won't tell." repeated Severus. Something cool was wiping his face, making the foul-smell of bile go away. That was odd for Voldemort to do. "Won't tell - Potters safe - I won't tell-" One hand was being held fiercely.

"I know you won't" soothed the voice, sounding upset. "You don't have to do anything. It's done. It's over. You're safe." Severus looked around for the owner of the voice and found James again. The man had puke trailing down his robes and Severus belatedly realized he must have hurled all over him. Good. Pain was beginning to make Severus' eyes swim. He didn't know why he kept being sent back to Voldemort, but he couldn't do it again.

"I don't want to go," muttered Severus. James looked confused and Severus remembered that they were at the Potter house. Somehow getting transferred back to Voldemort. It didn't make sense really, but it sort of did. Severus wasn't sure. He was confused, but it couldn't happen again. When James was there, Voldemort wasn't.

"I don't want to go," he explained again, more urgently this time, he had to make him understand.

"Ok," James said absently, pressing the back of his spare hand to Severus' forehead. "You don't have to go anywhere."

He clutched the man's hand harder for emphasis, trying to get across how important it was. The strength of the grip surprised James who quickly looked back into Severus' dark, fear-filled eyes. A flicker of understanding passed over the man's face.

"I'm here," he said lowly, clutching Severus' hand back with equal strength. "I won't go." James had responded to the request that Severus would never dared to have made and that made him feel vulnerable and exposed. He turned away from the man to stare at the wall, but still James made no move to let go, and Severus couldn't bear losing his tether to the non-Voldemort world. The weight on his eyelids was getting heavier and heavier and blinking took more and more effort each time. Finally, his eyes blinked shut and stayed that way and his breaths deepened into sleep.

XXXXXXXX

Severus started waking up the next morning with the taste of cotton in his mouth and a dull pain radiating through him. It was the sort of pain he experienced after Voldemort was displeased with his reports, with a sigh, he scrunched his forehead and tried to shuffle to get more comfortable.

"Sev?" asked a soft feminine voice. It sounded so like Lily. Figuring he must have been dreaming about her again, he tried to roll over. Sharp pain blasted through him like the physical equivalent of a fire alarm. He snapped his eyes open, gasped and instinctively grabbed the sheets under him with his hand.

"Shh, it's ok. Try to relax," said Lily's voice gently. It wasn't just her voice. He could smell the warm, vanilla perfume she had worn since fifth year. When he opened his eyes, she was there, sitting beside him, looking exactly the same as the day he last saw her at Hogwarts graduation. She was wearing sweatpants and a large, Griffyndor sweater. Her red hair was bound up in a ponytail, and her pretty, green eyes were crinkled in concern.

"Lily?" rasped Severus in disbelief, hating the tight emotion and pain in his voice. He cleared his dry throat. Briefly, he wondered if she was there to tear him a new one for delivering the prophecy and placing her family in danger. She smiled.

"There you are," she said in an oddly gentle voice. "You need to drink this." She uncorked a small vial of pain-reliever.

"What? - where? -" he started in confusion looking around him. He wasn't in his room. The walls around him were a bright, happy blue. Sun streamed in through the open window and he was tucked in to white bed that was considerably larger and more comfortable than his own.

"Drink this first, alright?" Lily said softly, bringing the vial to his lips. He was so confused that he drank down the pain-reliever without comment. Almost as soon as he drank it down, the tight pain in his legs and chest dissipated. He blinked and sighed. When he opened his eyes again, Lily was still there.

"Better?" she asked kindly. He swallowed thickly, and nodded, still confused about why she was here. Perhaps he was dying and this was some vision his mind made up to comfort him. She reached forward and pushed his errant bangs off of his forehead. His heart leaped at her touch, definitely a vision.

"Am I dying?" he asked stupidly. Her brow furrowed in concern, and she moved from the chair to sit on the side of the bed.

"No, sweetheart," Lily said softly. Sweetheart?

"You've been hurt pretty bad, but you're going to be fine. Do you remember what happened?" Lily continued. Severus started to remember. Bellatrix's raised wand, Lily's screams, Sirius crumbling to the ground in a jet of green light, the painful cutting and Potter holding his hand. Not a vision then. As Lily told him the details, he studied every inch of her pale face, hardly daring to believe she was sitting there in front of him, smiling at him.

"You'll be out of commission for a while, but Dumbledore has recommended a really great Magical Physical Therapist, and you're healing nicely so far. You just need a lot of rest," Lily finished, squeezing his shoulder. Severus nodded, then blushed, realizing he was 'resting' at the Potters' house, and had been for the past two days.

"I - uhm - alright," said Severus uncomfortably. "I should go -" He moved to sit up, and a fresh explosion of cramping pain went through him, causing him to crash back on the pillows.

"Try to stay still, sweetheart," Lily said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You're not going to be able to move around for a while."

Severus blinked up at the ceiling, feeling a slow panic build. He was completely helpless. There was no way he could get out of bed, let alone feed himself or protect himself. The vulnerability petrified him.

"But you're going to be fine," Lily continued. "You're going to stay here, with us." Severus was about to open his mouth to protest, there was no way he was staying with the Potters and certainly no way James would allow that, but was interrupted by the door swinging open.

"MOMMA!" A small, black-haired baby walked unsteadily into the room, dragging a stuffed lion.

"Hare-bear," Lily said with a big smile. "Where's Daddy?" She got out of her chair and picked the baby up.

"I'm sorry, James will be here to get him in a second," explained Lily with a blush, clearly believing Harry's presence would not be welcome. "This is Mommy's friend, Severus. Can you say hi, Harry?"

"Hi," whispered the tot. He had not recognized that someone had been lying in the bed, and now he was burrowing into Lily's embrace shyly.

"Hello, Harry," replied Severus. It was the right decision. Lily smiled again and seemed to relax slightly. Still an awkward silence stretched out between the two of them, and Lily looked down to focus on studiously rearranging Harry's messy hair.

"Mamma, mamma…owie?" asked the tiny child on her lap, pointing at Severus. Right down to the last strand of messy, black hair, the baby looked exactly like James but for the big, green eyes that perfectly mirrored his mother's.

"Yes, sweetie he has an owie," Lily said, throwing an almost apologetic look at Severus. The boy nodded, then proudly showed a plaster-covered elbow to Severus.

"Do you have an owie too?" asked Severus, not believing he just used the word owie. Harry nodded gravely, then turned shyly into his mother's shoulder again. She stroked a gentle hand over the boy's head.

A moment later, James entered holding a large tray covered in food.

"Hey." He looked awful. His hair was practically vertical, like he had been running his hand through it all day and he was wearing rumpled clothes that looked slept in. His face was gaunt and pale when he looked at Severus and forced a smile. The memory of James holding his hand came back full-force, and he looked away embarrassed.

"Dad-Dad-dadadada" babbled Harry reaching his arms up for James. The first genuine smile Severus had seen from the man crossed his face. He put down the soup and happily plucked up the baby up from Lily's lap.

"Hey monkey, you ready for your bath?" This made Harry's pleasure at seeing James dissipate immediately, and he started to cry.

"No bath," protested Harry, dramatically throwing his head onto James' shoulder. With practiced ease, James rubbed Harry's tiny back and kissed him on the top of the head.

"Shhh…it's ok," Harry's exhausted sobs were somewhat muffled by James' shoulder. After the boy calmed down a little, James looked over to where Severus lay on the bed and smiled at him somewhat uncertainly.

"Severus, how are you feeling?" As rumpled as James was, he was still James. Annoyingly attractive and good with that bloody shrieking baby. At that moment, he didn't want James or Lily there, he just wanted to be left alone to stew in his own misery.

"Fine," he grunted, trying not to show his embarrassment over the fact that James just comforted a baby the same way he had comforted Severus earlier. James seemed to expect no greater greeting and nodded.

"Glad to hear it," said James genuinely. Severus who didn't really know how to handle that, nodded stiffly and looked away. "Let me know if you need anything. Come on Hare-Bear, say buh-bye."

"Bye-Bye," whispered Harry, his chubby face wet with tears and his eyes drooping with tiredness. Severus had to admit that as far as little blobs went, this one was pretty cute. Lily pointed her wand at the bed and it slowly raised up.

"Come, you should try and eat something," Lily said softly. She raised a spoon filled with soup to his lips.

"I can feed myself," he said testily. She gave him a look, but placed the tray and soup over his lap, and pointed the spoon towards him. Clumsily, Severus reached for the spoon. He managed to get it half-way to his mouth before he dropped it, sending the soup everywhere.

"Well, that was close," said Lily. When he looked over to scowl at her, her eyes were dancing with amusement, and she was clearly trying hard not to giggle. She had always been the only person to be able to tease him and get away with it. The laughter in her eyes made her even more beautiful.

"Are you laughing at me?" asked Severus. "You can't laugh at a invalid." She swirled her wand at his chest and the soup stain disappeared. With a smirk she raised a spoonful of chicken soup.

"Come on," she said holding it out to him. "Do I need to make airplane noises?" She asked when he kept his mouth firmly shut. His lips quirked a little at that, and he allowed her to feed him the soup. She stopped after a few more spoonfuls, and looked at him with a deep, warm look that he couldn't quite identify.

"I've missed you, you know," she said. He looked into her eyes for any hint that he was being mocked, but she blinked back at him with complete sincerity.

"Me too," he whispered, clearing his throat. The soup made him feel warm and fuzzy, and he had a sneaking suspicion someone had snuck a pain-killer or calming draught into it.

Lily's eyes flooded with tears, and she looked down, pressing her shaking hand to her mouth.

"Lily?" whispered Severus. He hated to see her cry.

She pitched forward onto his shoulder, and he tensed in shock, holding his arms out like useless branches of a tree. Her hair was under his nose and she smelled like warm vanilla. He swallowed thickly and even though it was painful, he hesitantly wrapped an arm around her shuddering shoulders.

"Oh Sev, it's all so screwed up," Lily burst out unexpectedly. "V-Voldemort's after Harry. He's just a little boy, and James and I haven't been able to do anything for the Order. You're hurt. Sirius is - is -" She burst into a fresh batch of tears and buried herself further into his chest. Sirius was dead. That explained James' pale face and red eyes. Guided by some instinct Severus didn't even know he had he reached up and ran a hand over her long, red hair.

"It's going to be ok," he whispered. She sniffed loudly into his shirt and pulled away. Frantically, she wiped at her face.

"Ugh, I should be telling you that," she said with a watery smile, pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes.

"No…No it's ok." He blushed and looked away realizing he had said that two times in a row. She sniffed and collected herself.

"You should get some more rest," whispered Lily. She stood up and tucked the blankets more firmly around his shoulders. It felt embarrassingly nice to be taken care of. No one had treated him with any gentleness since long before he could remember. Pain still radiated through him, as did fear, and he was so exhausted. He noticed Lily looking at him in concern, and looked down at his blanket, feeling a sudden embarrassing heat behind his eyes.

Then, gently, as though he was made of fragile glass, she sat back down on the bed, reached forward and took him into her arms. He gasped a little and stiffened, but she didn't pull away, and after a few seconds, he relaxed into the embrace. There were very few times when he had been held like this, and he had decided long ago that he didn't deserve it. The hug felt like redemption. He let his head rest on the crook of her neck and closed his eyes.

XXXxxxxXXXxxx

Severus had spent been three longs weeks at the Potter Estate, feeling very much like a homeless man in a busy train station. Everything around him moved quickly. The Order still had no idea how to kill Voldemort or track down his followers, and both James and Lily were pressed into service night after night. When Lily wasn't fighting she was running in and out of the Ministry trying to pass Muggle protection legislation while James holed up with Dumbledore working on war strategy. They had to do all this while taking care of a baby and moving into the Potter Estate, which hadn't been lived in in five years.

Severus, on the other hand, wasn't any help to anyone because he couldn't move. He just lay in bed, waiting as the Skle-Grow attempted to reform his legs from useless piles of bone to working limbs. He couldn't go much longer than two-or-so hours without sleeping. When he wasn't sleeping, he was struggling to get through the painful physical therapy sessions where he struggled and panted for an hour just to take three steps.

To make matters worse, James had taken an uncomfortably large interest in Severus' well-being. He stayed home with Harry while Lily worked, so he was the one cooking Severus meals, helping him stumble to the bathroom, and making sure he took his medicine and did his physical therapy like a good boy.

All of this resulted in an excess of anger which was currently directed at the extremely over-qualified, slightly angry wizard Lily had hired to help Severus walk. It was not going fast enough. He was still struggling to walk across the room.

With this frustrating thought in mind, he forced himself to take another step even though his legs were shaking with effort.

"That's enough, Mr. Snape," instructed Healer Harris, as he took another step.

"No, I"m fine."

"Severus…" James stood up beside him, hovering like some Mother Goose.

"I'm fine, Potter," snapped Severus, taking another step even though he felt as though his legs were made of splinters. His knees gave out. Before he hit the ground, James caught him.

"Alright, it's ok," James whispered near Severus' ear, as though he was trying to protect Severus' pride.

"I'm fine!" he snapped through his ragged breaths, even though he couldn't get up. Without giving Snape a chance to protest, James heaved him up onto the bed.

"Mr. Snape, the bones in both your legs have been pulverized as have many of the nerves. That curse on your stomach which gave you boils still leaves you at risk for severe abdominal pain and nausea, you have sustained severe bruising to your spinal chord, and I had to regrow both your left and right ulna. You face a very long, very painful recovery. With the leg injuries alone you won't be able to walk confidently for weeks. You need to be patient," said the Healer unhelpfully. Usually Severus appreciated the tall, Indian wizard's matter-of-fact attitude, but right now he just felt incredibly tired. They were in the middle of a war, he couldn't afford to be this vulnerable and useless.

"I'm sure I'll be fine," replied Severus stiffly. Healer Harris opened his mouth to protest, but James cut him off.

"He'll be fine," said James firmly. It was the longest James had stayed quiet in a room with the audience and Severus was surprised by the man's firmness. With a nod of assent, Healer Harris packed up his coat.

"Alright then, I'll see you at the same time tomorrow," he said leaving the room leaving. As soon as the footsteps faded, James turned to Severus.

"Severus," James said in a slightly chastising tone. "You should listen to him. He knows what he's doing." James pulled the blanket at the foot of the bed up and over Severus' legs. Severus scowled at the fussing.

"Leave me alone," snapped Severus, pushing the blanket off of him. He gave James the most murderous look he could. Considering Snape was well-practiced in murderous looks, the one James received made the man step back from the bed looking stung and a little frightened. Good.

"I'm just -"

"I don't care," said Severus, his voice reaching the low-pitch that usually only surfaced when he was about to do someone serious injury. "You hate me, and I hate you, at least you previously had the courage to be straight with me. I don't want your pity or your fake concern, just leave me alone."

"Severus -" James started again, but Severus cut him off.

"Did you know it was me who delivered the prophecy to the Dark Lord? I am the reason he hunted your family down in the first place," growled Severus, with a feeling of wild exhilaration. "Did you know that when I found it he was hunting the beloved Potters, I told him only to spare Lily? I didn't think on your life for a single moment, and if he ended it, I would have looked at your corpse without a hint of regret."

Severus was breathing heavily at the end of his rant, and James' face was taut and white. They both stared at each other for a long moment, surprised by the viciousness of the rant. After a moment, James nodded, more to himself than to Severus, and turned to leave.

"I don't hate you, Severus," he said from the doorway. Before Severus could respond, the door shut softly behind him.

Severus frowned at the ceiling, feeling something uncomfortably close to guilt. James only cared about him because he had saved Harry and Lily, a debt the man took seriously. Still, Severus didn't understand why that had to extend to James trying to engage him in conversation and fussing over him. The physical therapy and the anger had exhausted the last of his energy reserves, not even the lingering unsettled feeling could keep him awake any longer, and he was pulled into a deep sleep.

The clatter of dishes and the sound of Harry squealing woke Severus up a few hours later. A large clock on the wall and the growl in his stomach told him it was dinner time, and sure enough he could hear Lily, home from work. The kitchen was too far away for him to make out the exact words, but he could hear the pitch in her voice raise as she talked to Harry, and her melodious laughter following James' deep barritone over the banging of dishes and cutlery.

For some reason, the sound made Severus feel even more lonely and irritable. Usually, he was dragged out for dinner with the whole family, but after his little episode today, James had no doubt told Lily to stop that practice. It was all very well, in all honesty, Severus was too grumpy and sore to want to leave his bed anyways, even if dinner did smell fantastic. He was debating between reading or going back to sleep when there was a soft knock at the door.

"Come in," he said. Lily pushed the door open, a tray filled with steaming, delicious-smelling chilli and bread levitated out in front of her.

"Hey you," she said with a smile as she lowered the tray across his lap. Severus blinked at her in surprise.

"James mentioned you might not be feeling up to coming out for dinner," she said handing him a spoon. He could tell by the expression on her face that James hadn't told her the reason why.

"He must be worried about you. He doesn't make that chilli for just anyone," Lily said with a worried look on her face.

"I'm fine," said Severus, taking a bite of the chilli. It was fantastic, warm and just a little spicy, dense with meat and beans. Comfort in a bowl, that was an odd thing for James to give him after the words they had exchanged. Briefly, he wondered if it was poisonous. Lily gave him a searching look, but finally nodded her head in acceptance of his words.

"You know everything is going to be fine, right?" she said softly. "You're getting better every day, and there's no need to rush anything. You've always got a home here."

Bitterly, Severus realized that it was only a matter of days or hours until James told her what he had said. She certainly wasn't going to be bringing him chilli and keeping him in her guest bedroom when he found out what he had done.

It was a realization not even chilli could fix and he poked and he prodded the bowl as Lily talked to her about her day and the war. Dumbledore had ascertained that Voldemort was using Horcruxes, and if they could destroy all of them before his followers had a chance to resurrect him, he'd be dead.

"Are you sure you're feeling alright, sweetheart? I'm sorry this war talk probably isn't helping," Lily said, noticing his picked over bowl of chilli.

"Just tired," he whispered. It was half-the-truth. She frowned and pressed the back of her hand to his head. He couldn't stop himself from closing her eyes at the brief touch. For that moment, he briefly considered telling her what he had done. If she heard it from him, perhaps she'd understand. That you were willing to let her child die a traitorous voice whispered in his head. One thing had been clear during his time with the Potters, Lily loved that little boy with her whole soul. Even if she wanted to forgive him, he didn't think she'd be able to.

"Alright, I'll let you rest then," she said, taking the tray back from him. "Let me know if you need anything." She smiled her glorious smile, and Severus' throat felt sore. He drifted off to sleep with a ball of anxiety in chest.

He awoke hours later with a chalk dry mouth and pain shooting up and down his legs. With a groan, he rolled over under the mound of covers to feel around the side-table, but all he found was an empty vial where the pain reliever used to be and a glass with only a few drops of water. He sighed and leaned back on the pillows. The potions cupboard had anti-summoning charms on it so that the baby wouldn't accidentally get into them, and he certainly wasn't going to call for Lily or James. He'd have to walk.

He lay there for a few minutes debating the merits of getting up. The potions were stored in the kitchen, which was about twenty feet down the hall. He grabbed his wand off of the side-table and transfigured the book on his side-table into a thin cane. The walk to the kitchen was slow and agonizing, and by the time he started to walk across the tile, he was sweating bullets and clenching his teeth together in pain.

The potions cupboard was on top of an old 60's style refrigerator that Lily had outfitted with preservative charms. Mentally, Severus cursed the stupid little baby who made the Potters store their potions so carefully and strained to reach the cupboard door with his wand.

It opened with a touch of his wand, the Wizard version of child-proofing, but his fingers could just barely graze the vial of brown liquid. He just had it in his hands when his knees buckled, and he crashed loudly on to the ground.

Hurriedly, Severus tried to get his feet underneath him, but his muscles were painful and uncooperative, and he ended up crashing on to the ground again. There was the sound of a door closing and footsteps racing down the stairs into the kitchen.

"Sev!" James said with a breath of relief. "You scared the crap out of me! Are you alright?" James came to Severus' side and moved to help him sit up. Trying to preserve what little dignity he had left, Severus did the majority of the work of sitting himself up against the cupboard.

"Are you ok? What happened?" James asked again, looking Severus over intently, clearly trying to ascertain whether he had fainted or just fallen over.

"I'm fine," he snapped, closing his eyes against the swell of pain that made him feel nauseous. He couldn't hear anything, and for a moment he thought that James had returned to his bedroom.

"Here," James said, handing out the pain-reliever Severus had been after. "I'm sorry, I should have made sure you had an extra."

With the air of a man burdened with one too many problems, James slunk down the wall across from him and ran a hand through his hair, making it stand on end. Severus was being unreasonable, he knew that, and felt a quick rush of shame at his immaturity. Severus took the potion, but stared at it.

"Severus, I swear if you drink that potion, I won't think your hatred of me has diminished in the least," James said with a quirk of his lips. With a scowl, Severus drank the potion down, the pain receded so much that he audibly sighed in relief, a fact James thankfully didn't make mention of.

"So how long do I have until I have until you explain everything to Lily," asked Severus sourly after a few moments, feeling suddenly defensive. James looked up from his lap, gave Severus the barest hint of a smile and cocked his head.

"She already knows, Sev," James said gently. "Though she didn't have the advantage of your theatrical delivery. Dumbledore told us when you were unconscious."

It felt like his world had shifted painfully on his axis. He was so shocked at the revelation that he felt a little dizzy as he blinked back at entire time, James and Lily knew that he had nearly killed them and their son. Yet they hadn't done anything about it. There was no tears, anger, or vengeance. For a brief moment, Severus wondered if they were long-gaming him.

"I was a Deatheater," said Severus silkily. "I nearly got you killed to say nothing of your wife and child."

"You turned to the light at great risk to yourself, and you saved my family," James said slowly after a moment of consideration.

"I'm the reason Black is dead," said Severus tartly. He had no idea why he was pressing a spot he knew to be sore, or why he needed James' validation at all. James eyes widened, and he looked away to concentrate on the floor. He pursed his lips and Severus had the sudden impression he might be holding back tears.

"No, Black died because I was too slow to whip out an Unforgivable," said James softly before turning back to Severus. There was no possible reply he could think of, so Severus stayed quiet.

"Look, Severus, I know you don't like me, and for good reason, and maybe too much has happened for us to ever be good friends, but you and I, we're on the same team. We're going to be living together for a while at least. The way I see it, we can hate each other and be miserable, or we can accept that mistakes were made and move on."

From the look on James' face, Severus knew the man wasn't just talking about the war and Deatheaters, he was talking about Hogwarts.

"For what it's worth, I am sorry for being a prat at school. I have no excuse other than being fifteen," James said after a moment.

"That's completely unnecessary, Potter," Severus grumbled. James looked like he was going to protest, but after a moment he simply nodded his head.

"Either way, I'm not leaving you here on the ground," James said, looping an arm under Severus' armpit. "Come on." Because there wasn't much he could do, Severus allowed James to pull him up to his feet.

"Easy," muttered James, as he half-dragged him across the hallway to the bedroom. By the time James dumped him on the bed, his legs were burning, and his limbs were almost jelly. He was too tired and sore to complain when James pulled the covers up over him. Severus blinked his eyes open.

"Do you need anything?" James asked softy, filling the glass on Severus' bedside with a swish of his wand. Severus shook his head and shifted uncomfortably under the covers. There was an annoying look of sympathy on James' face as he watched him settle in.

"You'll be able to move around soon," James said in almost a soothing tone. "Things won't seem so bad then, alright?"

Severus blinked up at James, surprised at the attempt at comfort, and nodded.

"Alright then, goodnight," James said softly, turning back towards the door. As he did so, Severus felt a deep, guilty feeling rise through him. It had been years since graduating from Hogwarts. James was right, they would never be friends, Severus didn't need or want any friends other than Lily. Perhaps though, there could be civility, if only for Lily's sake.

"Potter," Severus said, just as the man reached the door. James turned around, startled. "Thank you." James' eyes widened in response, for once in his life, he refrained from making a quip. He simply nodded, a small smile coming across his face.

"Anytime, Severus," he said. Severus just nodded tightly back and James shut the door behind him.

**Please Review **


	7. You Only Can Heal By Living

Lifes not a song.  
Life isnt bliss.  
Life is just this.  
Its living.  
You'll get along.  
The pain that you feel  
Only can heal  
By living.  
You have to go on living

Buffy - Life's A Show

Voldemort had not died that night at the Potters. He was currently in Azkaban, his soul sucked out by the Dementors. The only problem was that the moment the Dementors performed the kiss, it was clear that something was wrong. Voldemort only had part of his soul. The fact that Voldemort had used Horcruxes caused a flurry of panic among the light, and a slight resurgence in the Dark who were now determined to bring back their Dark Lord.

Still, Christmas had come and went with little fanfare. Dumbledore reluctantly told the Potters that they were as safe to leave the house as they'd ever be. Lily was back at work full-time at the Ministry, Severus could mostly walk again, and Harry now walked with surprising confidence and was even starting to talk semi-coherently.

Severus had even been in such a good mood about being able to walk again, that he had held Harry up to put the star on top of the Christmas tree in a spurt of good-will. He and James even tolerated each other, meaning that Severus tolerated James, and James continued with his amiable friendliness, as though he genuinely liked Severus. Life just went on, and it was surprisingly enjoyable.

Despite the calm, the Order still met regularly to attempt to help in the rounding up of the rest of Horcruxes, and to prevent the few Deatheaters that remained from gathering around a new leader. The Aurors were working full-time tracking down Horcruxes, and mostly, the whole thing was just an excuse for old friends to get together and for James to make pot roast, which he was doing in the kitchen right now with Severus and Remus.

"I have some news," Remus said hesitantly, over his bottle of butter beer, drawing Severus out of his reverie. James looked casually over from the kitchen.

"Oh yeah?" James said, pointing his wand at a pot of water and causing it to jump to a boil.

"I've been hired on as an executive at an independent publishing house," said Remus. James smiled broadly and clapped him on the back, but Severus couldn't help but notice the smile on Remus' face didn't quite reach his eyes.

"That's great, Moony!" James said, not quite noticing Remus' face.

"It's in New York, James," said Remus seriously after a moment. The smile came off of James' face as quickly as it came and was replaced with a wounded look.

"But-" James stopped his protest before it could become any more unseemly.

"Werewolves aren't restricted from working in the Muggle world there," Remus explained gently. "I'll be able to have a job, money. I'll be able to pay you back for -"

"Don't you dare," James said shortly. "And if that is all this is, you know I am more than happy to keep -"

"I know James. I know," Remus cut in quickly, giving James a gentle smile. "It's not about the money. It's - I need to be somewhere where I can make a life and follow my passions. Right now, that's not England."

James face was frozen in a sort of a painful grimace, caught somewhere between wanting to be compassionate while also wanting to express his extreme displeasure with the idea. Finally, he settled on happiness, and forced a smile at Remus.

"Alright," James said reaching up and hugging Remus around the shoulders. "Come here. Congratulations, buddy!"

"Congratulations," Severus added, feeling slightly like an outsider in the interaction, but Remus turned to him with a beaming smile as well.

"Thank You," said Remus, accepting Severus' outstretched hand and shaking it heartily.

The rest of the Order started to file into the kitchen, accepting the pieces of pot roast and laughing loudly. Lily was talking to Remus, and Severus could tell by her wide smile and furrowed brow that Remus has told her about his plans to move to New York.

Dumbledore entered, and at the serious expression on his face, the conversation quelled, and everyone turned their attention to him.

"We have a problem," he started. James' brow furrowed in concern, and Lily stiffened beside Severus.

"According to one of our sources, the Deatheaters are redoubling their efforts at recruitment. Hogwarts, as always as being used as prime recruiting ground. But our most pressing concern is that we have reason to believe that this group of Deatheaters knows where this house is located."

A cold shiver went through Severus' spine. The thought of the Potter Estate being destroyed suddenly filled him with a strong sense of fear and discomfort. Stronger than he expected.

"How?" said Potter suddenly, a dangerous colour coming to his cheeks.

"Peter Pettigrew," Dumbledore said with cold eyes. "He's was a frequent guest here when you were children, was he not?" James' face was absolutely murderous.

"Are you telling me that this house, my parents house that has been in my family for generations, that Sev, my wife, my son are all in danger right now?" James asked, the pitch of his voice rising. "Because of _him_, again?" James hadn't spoken Peter's name since the first attack months ago. Dumbledore didn't have to answer, his face said it all.

"Not immediately. The house is still impeccably well-warded, and my source assures me they're months away from staging an attack," Dumbledore said gravely.

James ran a hand over his mouth, and Severus knew they were both thinking the same thing. The careful normalcy they had created, the comfort and happiness was suddenly shattered.

"Ok. Lily let's get Harry's things," he said. "Sev, we've gotta go." Lily was already standing up.

"I think, that we should look at the positives here," said Dumbledore, getting incredulous looks from everyone else around the table. "This time we are ahead of them."

They knew that Malfoy Manor was being used as a base for the Deatheater attacks, and a small contingent of the Order had been organized to attack it in a week from now. But though James had nodded and listened through the meeting, Severus could tell that the man's mind wasn't on a week from now.

When the Order dispersed and Lily went to put Harry to bed, Severus sat in a chair in the living room with a firewhiskey and his wand. An hour passed, then another, then footsteps, too confident to be Harry's and too heavy to be Lily's crept down the stairs. Severus flicked on all the lights with a sweep of his wand. James jumped with a yelp and turned to face him, wand raised. The moment he saw it was Severus, he exhaled and dropped his wand to his side.

"Not even you, Potter, can be this stupid," Severus said, not rising from his chair. With a flick of his wrist, James summoned his cloak and fastened it around his neck.

"I am going to kill him," James said matter-of-factly.

"You're planning to walk into a room full of Deatheaters and kill them all?" Severus sneered. "You don't have the stomach, and even if you did, you don't have the ability."

"I'll keep your encouraging words in mind," James said, walking towards the door. Now getting truly angry, Severus jumped to his feet.

"It is suicide," he snarled, grabbing James' arm and pulling him back from the door. "I hope you at least wrote your boy a note so he has something to remember you by."

It was a low-blow, but Severus could tell by the way James' lips thinned that he had hit his mark. He was about to declare a victory when James' eyes hardened again.

"At least he'll be alive." _Fucking Gryffindor_ thought Severus shaking his head.

"It's only been two months since Bellatrix almost killed him, and I dream every night about what would have happened if you hadn't raised your wand as fast as you did," James said firmly. "I'm making sure no one can get to him ever again."

"As admirable as the sentiment is Potter, you're still going to wind up a broken toy for the Deatheaters to play with. Believe me, they won't kill you quickly," replied Severus, crossing his arms.

"A cost I'd happily pay," James said reaching for the door. There was no point in arguing. Severus ground his teeth and summoned his own cloak from the rack.

"What are you doing?" blurted James.

"1-5 odds are better than 1-10," snapped Severus. A momentary look of surprise flitted across James' face then disappeared.

"Alright then."

They quickly apparated the short distance to Malfoy Manor. It was a large, block-like castle with vast grounds enclosed in an iron fence that pulsed with dark magic.

"Grab my arm," muttered Severus. James gave him an odd look, but obeyed. Severus lifted his other arm, and the iron gate turned into smoke. Severus hustled himself and James across the threshold. James looked over his shoulder to observe the gate, which was now metal.

"It removes all traces of magical concealment," explained Severus as they hustled across the property. "Do you have a plan, or did you intend to simply burst in there in a fit of anger."

"I'm going to immobilize them and call the Aurors and other Order members to take them into Azkaban. Except for Peter, him I'm going to kill," said James tightly. Severus shook his head: proud, arrogant fool.

The door was unlocked, as was the custom in traditional Wizarding homes. The outdoor wards were meant to keep away anyone who wasn't supposed to be there. And a simply body-detector spell revealed only five people in the residence aside from James and himself. Severus let out a breath of relief. With another, quiet flick of his wand, he send a Patronus to Dumbledore requesting back-up the moment James' back was turned.

They were sitting at the table, with Lucius at the head. Avery, Crabbe, Nott and Pettigrew all sat around him.

"Our primary concern must be the elimination of Harry Potter. Without him gone, I fear we may never be able to restore the Dark Lord," said Lucius. James tensed beside Severus, but didn't move.

"If I freeze Malfoy, and you freeze Nott, we'll knock out the two strongest wizards," James hissed in Severus' ear. Then they'd be able to duel Pettigrew, Avery and Crabbe into submission, something Severus was sure he and James could accomplish. He gave a small nodd of understanding.

"But - but Malfoy be reasonable," said Pettigew. "We should focus on the Horcruxes. Harry is - is just a boy." There was an odd beseeching tone in Peter's voice that betrayed the tiniest bit of regret, still James' features hadn't softened.

"You give too much thought to your old school friend," muttered Avery. James looked at Severus and mouthed on three.

"One - two - three." The moment they stood up they fired identical freezing spells. James' hit Malfoy right in the chest and Severus' hit Nott with just force, the poor man was knocked clear off of his feet. A mess of curses and swearing followed.

Crabbe swirled his wand, and a purple light flared, hitting Potter right in the stomach. James collapsed with a disturbing squeak, and Pettigrew took advantage of the moment to unfreeze Malfoy and Nott. Severus fired a shot that disarmed Pettigrew, and he whimpered and scrambled for his wand. James had pulled himself to his feet and fired a curse that nearly missed Avery. Mutliple flares of lights burst forth, and a smokey heat was starting to fill the room. One of Crabbe's curses rebounded off of the wall and hit Pettigrew, causing the man to collapse on to his stomach.

Malfoy was calling for the Deatheaters to aparate, and Severus looked over his shoulder to see the heat coming from a roaring fire. He grabbed James arm and apparated them both to the safety of the lawn outside Malfoy Manor.

"PETER!" yelled James looking at the roaring fire that was licking the edges of Malfoy manner. Severus looked at the man incredulously but before he had the chance to say anything, he started to ran back into the burning building, wand in hand.

"Potter!" Severus was able to catch up to him in a few strides. "What the hell are you doing?" Potter's eyes were wide and wild, beyond rationality. He pushed Severus out of the way with surprising strength and bolted into the building. After a moment's hesitation, Severus followed with a snarl of rage.

Peter was lying on the charred floor of Malfoy manor, surrounded by the inflamed plush furnishing. James dodged a burning crossbeam out of his way with a little screech and skidded down to his knees beside Peter's body.

"Petey!" said James, shaking the fat unconscious lump. Another burning rafter crashed to the ground and James yelped and covered Peter's body with his own. Gryffindors!

"James, we have to get out of here," yelled Severus, using water from his wand to put out as much of the fire as it could. It was too dangerous to apparate, they could send themselves right into the flames. James blinked at him for a moment, as though just realizing he was there, then sprung into action.

"Help me with him," said James, already leveraging Peter up.

"Seriously!" Snape demanded, even as he dodged a patch of flames and grabbed Peter's other arm. The fat lump was complete dead weight and they both struggled to walk a few steps while dragging him between them. It was too loud for Severus too hear how loud James was panting, suddenly the man dropped to his knees with a scream that was equal parts frustration and pain. Severus stumbled under the full weight of Pettigrew, instinctively trying not to let him fall. In obvious pain, James pitched forward onto all fours.

"You're hurt," snapped Severus in accusation. A panic, deeper than he expected, cursed through him as he watched James struggle to get his feet under him. Wordlessly, Severus moved to slump Pettigrew against the wall.

"I'm fine," rasped James sounding like he was out of air. "Get him out. I'm right behind you." The man barely looked as though he could walk and Snape raised his eyebrows skeptically. The hazel eyes that met his offered no room for argument. There was no time to press the point, Severus shifted his grip on the increasingly heavy Pettigrew and started to drag him down the stairs, listening all the while for the reassuring sound of James' footsteps behind him.

At the bottom of the Manor, the fire roared so completely and the smoke was so dense that Severus could barely see the ends of Pettigrew's feet as they carried on towards the door. Breathing the air felt like trying to suck down cotton balls, and tears filled his eyes as they futilely tried to keep away the stinging smoke. Thankfully after a few tortured steps, the inflamed doorframe came into view and he pulled Peter's lifeless body out of the crackling fire into the cold, clear air.

The moment he dropped Peter on the grass, he turned anxiously towards the door, expecting to see James running to safety at any moment. The man didn't appear. Three seconds turned into five and though the blazing fire made Severus' face hot, his stomach was cold with dread. Before he consciously realized what he was doing, he stumbled back towards the Manor and broke out into a run.

"POTTER!" bellowed Severus, stumbling back through the houses entrance and half-way up the stairs. James was lying like a forgotten rag-doll over the three steps, his arm jutted out at an unfortunate angle.

"Potter. JAMES," Severus yelled insistently as he crashed on the stairs beside the inert man's head. His glasses were shattered into pieces, leaving flecks of glass all over his closed eyes. Quickly, Severus discarded them and wiped the fragments off impatiently with his forearm. The movement cause James to stir feebly and blink his eyes.

"Peter?" he rasped, confused. A loud crack rang out the fire ate through one of the Houses support beams.

"Come on," Severus said harshly pulling a barely-conscious James to his feet and putting the man's unbroken arm around his neck. Through some deep reservoir of willpower, James was somehow able to put one foot in front of the other, even though his chin met his chest and he coughed and rasped continually. They stumbled out together on the grass and fell into a heap beside Peter.

Severus blinked and breathed heavily, looking up at the stars that were barely visible through the smoke. Smoke had coated the cells of his brain and information seemed to take a particularly long time to be processed, still as he breathed in the relatively fresh oxygen he dimly remembered Potter's injury.

"Potter?" he rasped. His limbs were made of lead and sitting up felt like pushing that lead through dense water. As bad as he felt, it was clear James felt worse. All his limbs were shaking with shock and his eyes were wide and wild.

"Where are you hurt?" Severus asked, sounding more callous than he meant to in an attempt to keep the panic from his voice.

"Stomach - 's not so bad," James slurred, yelping a little as Severus ripped his shirt open without preamble. Blood flowed freely from the gaping wound and Severus swore he could see something smooth and organ-like under the severed muscle.

"Not so bad?" he hissed at James in bitter, sarcastic anger. Severus conjured a pile of bandages and pressed it to the wound with a little more force than necessary. The pressure made James buck a little and swear.

"Peter? Is Peter ok?" whispered James as Snape taped the bandages into place.

"I don't know," said Severus coldly. "He's out of the fire."

"Check on him," James said, scrunching his face as another wave of pain washed over him. Severus sat back on his heels and blinked incredulously at the man. It was sheer luck that Peter's disloyalty hadn't killed James and his entire family, including Lily. Why the man cared was beyond Severus.

"Please, Severus," James said, reading Severus' hesitancy. With a half-hearted sneer, he crawled the few paces to Peter, who was breathing slowly, blissfuly unaware that two people he had callously stabbed in the back had saved his life.

"He's fine," Severus said after a cursory examination. James sighed in real relief and closed his eyes, still shaking. Severus pursed his lips together thoughtfully for a moment then grudgingly shucked off his outer robe.

"You have to stay awake," said Severus, tucking the robe up around James' shoulders like a blanket. "Dumbledore is on his way." James blinked hazily at Severus and gave a sly smile.

"Careful, Sev. I might think you care about me," rasped James before lapsing into a fit of angry, wet coughs. Instinctively, Severus reached out to place a hand on the man's chest.

"No need to get yourself all worked up about it, Potter," muttered Severus absently, noticing the white bandages were starting to turn red and Potter's face was starting to go grey. The man's eyes fluttered shut again.

"Potter!" Severus said insistently, shaking him slightly. His eyes slid open reluctantly.

Thankfully, before Severus had to do anything more drastic, there was a flash of light and Dumbledore appeared on the yard holding a portkey.

"Headmaster!" yelled Severus, waving his arm like he was still a schoolboy. Dumbledore hustled over and looked down at James and Peter.

"Take this portkey, I'll follow with Peter," said Dumbledore, tapping an old sweet wrapper with his wand. James opened his mouth to protest, but Severus grabbed the man's arm firmly and allowed the port-key to carry them to Hogwarts before he could say a word.

For some reason, Severus stayed by James' bed when they fixed the gash in his stomach, forced him to drink blood replenisher after blood replenisher and was now sitting in the plastic chair beside his bed as he slept. Lily had been placing protective enchantments and her sister's house with Harry, and Dumbledore was busy dealing with Peter so there had been no one else, and leaving James seemed somehow mean and wrong after living with the man for over a month and a half.

James coughed and groaned plaintively in his sleep. Severus rested a hesitant hand on his shoulder.

"Potter, wake up," he ordered, gently shaking him. James smacked his dry lips together a few times than woke up.

"Snape?" he muttered blearily, forcing himself to sit up.

"Drink this," Snape said handing him a glass of water mixed with pain killers. Still a little out of it, James obeyed looking around the hospital wing with a bit of confusion.

"D'you save my life again?" he muttered tiredly, sinking back into the pillows. With a small smirk, Severus took the water glass from his hand and placed it on the side-table. "Why are we at Hogwarts?"

"Dumbledore wanted to make sure you were safe from any retribution from the Deatheaters and ensure Pettigrew couldn't escape," answered Severus, sitting back in his glare to covertly observe James' ghastly slate completion and heavy-lidded eyes. At the mention of Pettigrew, James sat up alertly, and his eyes focused on the lump in the bed across from his.

With a surprising amount of vigour, James swung his legs over the side of the bed and landed heavily on the floor.

"What are you doing?" snapped Severus getting to his feet and reaching his hands out instinctively to stop the man or hold him up.

"Do you always have to go to the angry place?" James said with the shadow of a smile that made him look somehow less happy than he did previously. Slowly, he crossed the hospital wing and sank into the chair next to Pettigrew's bed. Hesitantly, Severus followed.

"Has he woken up yet?" asked James, looking over Peter with a perplexing amount of concern. Severus crossed his arms and looked hard at the man in front of him for a long moment. Part of him wondered if he was planning on smothering Peter in his sleep, that seemed far more reasonable than forgiving him.

"For a bit," answered Severus cautiously. James nodded his head in approval, looking old and sad.

"Thank you," he said. "Again I'm in your debt."

"Far better than the alternative," muttered Severus, ignoring the flicker of a smile that appeared on James' face.

The door to the hospital wing opened and an official-looking wizard flanked by two Dementors and an extremely angry Madame Pomfrey entered.

"Dumbledore cannot have authorized this. There are ill people in here," said Madame Pomfrey as she trotted to keep up with the wizard. A deep chill went through Severus' bones and his hand instinctively went to his wand. James got to his feet as well, his face paling even further.

"I have an ordered for the removal of Peter Pettigrew, known Deatheater and perpetrator of crimes against Muggles and Muggle-borns, to Azkaban prison to await trial for crimes of treason against the Ministry." A deep feeling of depression and emptiness started to tear at Severus' gut as the Deatheaters glided towards Pettigrew's bedside.

"Surely Gideon, this could have waited until morning," said Dumbledore serenely from the doorway. The authoritative, bespeckled wizard looked at Dumbledore without a hint of concern.

"Not as such Dumbledore. Priority case this is. You understand." The man didn't sound especially cruel or callous, just certain in his actions. The look on Dumbledore's face was clearly one of disagreement, but he nodded his assent. The scene was blurry and scenes from Severus' childhood: being beaten by a belt, being laughed at, being so alone intruded into his consciousness.

"Wait…" protested James as two of the scaly hands gripped the gurney. He was white to the lips and swayed dangerously. Without a second's hesitation, Severus lifted his wand, thought of lying by the lake with Lily and yelled:

"Expecto Patronum!" The Patronus had been curiously hard to conjure, but the doe leapt gracefully from his wand and landed in between Potter and the Dementor. Startled and swaying on his feet, James stumbled back. He would have fallen, but Severus walked the two steps quickly and caught him around the waist, avoiding the recently broken arm.

"I'm fine," muttered James even though he made no move to shrug off Severus' arm. His eyes were on Dumbledore's.

"There is nothing you could have done, my dear boy. His choices were his own," said Dumbledore, his calm, blue eyes heavy with sympathy. James swallowed hard nodded, even though Severus' doe was walking laps around them, protecting them from the Dementors Severus still felt cold.

"Exactly right," Gideon said snapping his fingers. The Dementors lifted up the hospital bed and a moment later they disappeared. Leaving an empty hole where the Pettigrew had once been.

"Bye Wormtail," James whispered, barely loud enough for Severus to hear.

"Please do your best for him, sir," James said sadly as he turned away from the empty space to face Dumbledore. "I don't imagine he'll be much of a match for the Dementors."

There were cells in Azkaban for less severe crimes where the Dementor activity was limited. Surely Potter didn't think Pettigrew deserved that luxury. The rat deserved nothing less then years of slow mental torture, and Severus only hoped that he didn't yield to the Dementors too quickly.

Dumbledore nodded, unexpectedly gravely. It was as though there had been a little death, and Severus felt a sudden protectiveness for the hunched over, barely standing man beside him.

"Come, Potter," he instructed, more gently than he usually would have. James allowed himself to be led across the hallway and back to bed. When James was settling in Severus looked up to find Dumbledore watching him with something akin to approval in his light eyes.

"I'll leave you to rest," Dumbledore said turning and exiting the hospital wing. The chill from the Dementors hadn't quite left Severus' bones and when the door to the hospital wing closed behind the Headmaster, Severus reached over and pulled the covers up over James' shoulder. There was no quip from the man, who was lying with his back turned away, about how Severus was coming to care about him, just silence, which caused Severus to furrow his brow slightly as he watched the hunched shoulders rise and fall.

Severus was just starting to doze off in his chair when, the door to the hospital wing was thrown open and Lily ran into the room looking dishevelled and slightly out-of-her mind. Harry dangled off of her hip, holding his stuffed lion in his hand.

"Oh James!" whispered Lily, running to James' bedside. She sat down on the bed beside him and tenderly brushed his errant hair off of his sticky forehead. Severus looked up at the scene from his chair, but she only had eyes had for husband.

"Sev'us," giggled Harry, pointing at him. The baby had learned how to mangle Severus' name a few days ago and hadn't quite gotten over the excitement of it.

"Hello Harry," Severus replied softly. As though she just noticed Severus was there, Lily looked up, blinked at him and smiled tearfully.

"Severus. Are you alright?" she asked. She took her hand off of James' bangs and held it out for Severus. The quick action shocked him, but after a moment he nodded and put his hand in hers.

"Course he's fine," rasped James. "He's a badass." His eyes were glazed with pain and potions, but the smile on his face was genuine.

"Hi Jamie," Lily said softly, reaching up and laying his hand on James forehead. He closed his eyes at her touch, and there was a look on Lily's face that was more tender, loving than any other Severus had ever seen. Severus looked down at his lap, embarrassed at witnessing the intimacy.

"Dadda," said Harry, crawling along the bed towards his father. James opened his eyes and struggled to sit up.

"Hi monkey," James said, drawing Harry towards him.

"Honey, be careful," said Lily, equally to James and Harry as the little boy snuggled tightly into his father's stomach. James winced, but kissed the top of Harry's head and held the baby to him like some sort of security blanket.

"I'm going to go," Severus said, standing up quickly and earning surprised looks from Lily, James and even Harry.

"Are you sure?" asked Lily recovering quickly. "James should be released just as soon as Madame Pomfrey makes sure his arm is healed. We can all go home together." She looked at James for support who nodded. Severus felt a claustrophobic desire to leave and walked backwards to the floo, abandoning his usual attempts to be calm and collected.

"Yes, I'm - tired." Severus said taking a pinch of floo and trying not to blush at the bemused looks on the Potter's faces. Lily opened her mouth to speak but before she could say anything, Severus threw the floo powder into the fire and flew into the Potter's living room.

Ever since Severus had seen Lily, he had suffered from the same delusion that all people in love have, that those they love could love them back. Even though he know she married James and had a child with him and that the marriage was happy, he hadn't realized how much she loved James until he saw her reaction to him being injured.

She had looked at James as though he was her entire existence, as though his pain bled into her body. Severus knew at that moment, with devastating certainty, that she would never be with him. She had given her whole heart to someone else and, regardless, Severus wasn't sure he was even capable of eliciting such love in others. His own parents has barely tolerated his existence. The best he could hope for from Lily was mild affection.

The realization was painful, but like a cauterized wound it provided abrupt closure. He was doomed to be unloved, family-less, but he could still be a favoured decoration on the mantelpiece of Lily's life. It was more than he had before. With a deep sigh, he walked from where he had been standing still in the middle of the living room to his bedroom, fell on top of his covers closed his eyes and fell asleep even though it was only 5pm.

Severus typically didn't sleep for long and woke up abruptly at 1am. The first thing he noticed was that someone had come in to his room to cover him with a duvet and take off his shoes. The second thing he noticed was that he was starving.

Disoriented, he changed out of his robes into pyjamas, grabbed his robe and shuffled into the dark hallway with a yawn. He stopped in his tracks noticing the bright-light coming from the kitchen. Lily always ensured that the lights were off before going to bed. His heart thumped loudly as he raised his wand and continued slowly to the kitchen's opening.

With a deep breath he spun around the corner and pointed his wand at - James Potter, who was peeling the label off a half-empty bottle of Firewhiskey lethargically.

"Potter?" asked Severus in surprise even though it was the man's house.

"Snape," replied James without looking up or betraying the slightest hint of surprise. He took another drink of his fire

"What are you doing?" asked Severus, immediately starting to sound angry, even though there was no reason to. "It's 1 am, you should be sleeping." James nodded, resting his head on his hand tiredly.

"You must be hungry," said James, whipping out his wand and swirling it carelessly over his shoulder to the kitchen cabinets. A plate full of chicken, potatoes and vegetables soared across the air and landed on the table in front of Severus with a loud clang. A glass tumbler followed and landed beside the plate.

Ever since he had woken up in the Potter's house the morning after Voldemort's capture, the man had been a virtual vaunt of energy and annoying positivism. This morose James was odd and slightly disquieting. Severus watched as James drained his newly filled glass with a frown.

"Drinking alone now, Potter. A little maudlin for you, isn't it?" asked Severus. With a smirk, James dumped more Firewhiskey in Severus' glass.

"Now I'm not," James said with a tired, forced smile. Severus nodded in assent and took a sip of the firewhiskey. After a moment, James started to laugh in a harsh way that made all the hair on the back of Severus' neck stand up.

"You know what's funny? That we're drinking together," said James almost bitterly. Severus raised his eyebrows. The two of them were far from being friends, but James tended to refrain from mentioning their previous enmity.

"I'll leave you to pursue alcoholism solo then," said Severus, tightly. getting to his feet.

"Nooo!" said James, his traditional levity coming back into his voice. "That's not what I meant. Sit down. Finish your dinner." He raised his eyebrows but sat back down at the table.

"It was weird being back in Hogwarts, wasn't it?" James said quietly. Severus shrugged noncommittally and started to drink his alcohol with more speed. If they were going to start talking about Hogwarts, he was going to have to catch up.

"Did you ever think about how much things could change in a few years?" continued James.

"Things have taken a turn, I suppose." James burst out laughing.

"You certainly have a talent for the understatement," he replied. He looked thoughtful for a moment then smiled. "Do you remember in second year, when you put something in Sirius' potions and he -" James devolved into laughter.

"Got explosive diarrhoea? finished Severus when James was laughing too hard to continue. James nodded, still in a fit of laugher. Severus felt his own lips start to twitch.

"Yes."

"Oh man. He was so pissed!" James said, recovering enough to get some words out, and wiping his eyes. "I do think he appreciated your artistry." Severus grunted in acknowledgement.

"It was my finest moment," he conceded.

"I don't know," James said pensively pouring them both more alcohol. "There was the great transfiguration incident of fifth year." They went on discussing old pranks for about two more bottles of Scotch, both avoiding the crueler of the pranks and anything to do with Pettigrew by unspoken agreement.

It was a surprisingly enjoyable conversation, made more so with each gulp of alcohol.

"I never did understand where you got all those spells from," James said. "You made them up! I feel like that's cheating."

"Cheating?" Severus said with fake indignity. "Just cause you didn't have the intellectual prowess…"

"Intellectual prowess?" said James with a snort. "Wanna see something?" Severus nodded enthusiastically, and James stumbled up to his feet. His drunken face scrunched in confusion, then he spun around and turned into a large stag. Severus nearly jumped off of his chair in shock.

"Holy -"

The stag pranced around the kitchen for a moment, clearly showing off, then butt his large head against Severus' shoulder insistently. With a laugh Severus petted the stag - who he was trying not to think of as James - on the head. The stag turned back to James and Severus almost started to pet the man's hair. He pushed him away with a laugh.

"We did that at fifteen. How is that for intellectual prowess," asked James smugly, sitting back in his chair. Severus was drunk so he was much more impressed with the accomplishment than he normally would have been, plus it answered a lot of questions.

"Why?" Severus asked. James' broad smile started to fade and he looked back at his beer bottle.

"To keep Remus company when he transformed," said James softly, running a hand through his long hair. "It was Sirius' idea…"

James said the last part so quietly that Severus almost didn't hear it. The copious amounts of alcohol had made his head so fuzzy and the change in emotion had been so fast that Severus could barely keep up. Tears welled in James' eyes.

"Are you crying?" Severus blurted out before he could think better of it. James quickly wiped at his face, but more tears came.

"Don't cry." Severus realized he sounded more angry than comforting. Feeling bad, he awkwardly, reached out and patted James on the shoulder stiffly.

"I've been so mad at Peter, but really it's all my fault," James said with a touch of a drunken slur. "Peter was so scared, and he tried to tell me, and I never listened. We basically forced him to join the Order. Then Sirius gets killed cause I couldn't protect my own damn family, and it's all my fault." James slammed the table hard for emphasis making Severus jump.

There was a moment of intense silence where James' pained eyes met Severus', and Severus had the feeling that James had been needing to say that for a long time.

"Pettigrew could have not joined," Severus said reasonably because it was the only thing he could think of to say. "Black could have not gone to help you that night. There are too many factors to lay blame."

"All I know is I'm all alone now," muttered Potter bitterly. Severus felt a swoop of indignation at that.

"All alone? You have a family: Remus, Harry, Lily. You have people who love you. You have no idea what it means to be alone." The bitterness in Snape's voice was even more revealing than his words, which were already plenty revealing. Only the alcohol could have made him speak so freely, and he turned away from James' eyes, which now held concern instead of self-pity.

"You're right," said James softly. "I'm not alone. You aren't either." Severus snorted and looked away, but made no move to leave.

"I'll never have what you have," Severus said finally, after a long silence, realizing vaguely that he was going to hate himself in the morning for speaking. Still, he had been silent for so long he enjoyed the way the bitter words tasted on his lips.

"Severus, that's not true, not if you want it," James said softly, so gently concerned it enraged Severus even further by serving to mentally highlight all of his deficiencies.

"Really? What insane person would want to be part of my life?" asked Severus bitterly, on a roll now. "I was a Deatheater. I watched people die. I killed people. I'm not exactly loveable." He looked away from James' pale face, suddenly feeling horribly exposed.

"Hey," James said, causing Severus took look back at him. "You are not some piece-of-shit Deatheater. I want to be a part of your life."

"You don't know anything about me," Severus snapped, feeling suddenly defensive in the face of James' comfort. The thought that the man might think that he actually needed to hear words of comfort was enough to make Severus' cheeks pink with humiliation.

"I know enough, Severus. You're a good man. A little prickly maybe, but a good man. Regardless of whatever darkness you have or think you have, we are family, that's unconditional love."

"You take this life-debt thing way too seriously," Severus said dryly, distinctly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was taking.

"You've saved my life twice, you saved my wife, my kid and I've saved your life as well. We've fought battles together, if all that doesn't create love, doesn't make us family, then I don't know what family is for." Severus blinked at James, not knowing how to respond to that. James face was kind even if flushed with alcohol.

"You don't get to chose your family, Severus. I'm afraid you're stuck with us and your wife and kids will be stuck with us."

"I don't think you'll have to worry about that," said Severus with a snort. James looked at Severus shrewdly than leaned forward.

"Severus, Lily is not the only woman who is going to be able to see your worth." Severus looked up at James with a swoop of horror, but James met his gaze calmly.

"You know?" sputtered Severus indignantly.

"Of course. I've always known. Why do you think I used to give you such a hard time?" asked James, waving off the point. "There is a woman out there who is going to see everything I see in you, everything Lily sees in you, and more. And I am going to help you find her. I am going to be your wingman!" James said with a broad smile, clearly finding this prospect exciting. Severus shook his head with a roll of his eyes and finished his Firewhiskey.

xxXXXxxx

Severus lived with the Potter's for nearly four months. When he tried to move out the moment he could walk, Lily had called him absurd and looked so legitimately offended that he agreed to stay 'for a little while'. Deatheaters had torn his house apart looking for him, and finding a new place to live, buying new furniture, it all seemed like a lot of work, and so the weeks and months just kept rolling until it felt like routine.

Truthfully, though he'd never admit it, he liked living with the Potters. He had fallen into his old rapport with Lily, and he enjoyed sharing meals with her and hearing about her day at the Ministry every night. After the great Firewhiskey incident, he even liked spending time with James.

Severus had found the idea of living off of the Potter's laughable, but both James and Lily had flat-out refused rent. And although Severus' pride twinged slightly because of it, it did allow both him and James to be exceptionally useful to the Order, and while they weren't working for the Order, Severus was busy carefully crafting a book on basic defence.

Still, Severs recognized he was an interloper and did his best to help out. So when Molly Weasley couldn't watch Harry for Lily and James, Severus had reluctantly offered to watch the baby so that they could have a date night.

The whole thing was supposed to be easy. James had given Harry a bath and put on his pyjamas. Lily had tucked him in and read him a story, which he fell asleep half-way through. They had left for the night, and Severus was very contentedly reading by a roaring fireplace, almost forgetting that the little child in question existed. The relative solitude was nice, and Severus was considering offering to make this babysitting a regular thing when he heard the baby start to cry.

Severus looked up from his book not quite knowing what to do. Letting the child cry it out, the option that meant he didn't have to leave his chair or interact with the baby, was the infinitely preferable option. So he sat in the chair and waited, holding his breath while mentally willing the crying to stop. It didn't.

"Momma!" yelled the child through a barrage of tears. "Daddy!" Reluctantly, Severus put the book down and climbed the stairs to Harry's room.

"Harry?" whispered Severus pushing open the door. Harry was sitting on the end of his toddler-bed looking absolutely miserable. Severus frowned, it was rare for Harry to cry so profusely, and he almost always slept through the night.

"What's the matter?" asked Severus diplomatically before realizing that he might be over-estimating the child's language skills. Rapidly, he tried to summon every bit of knowledge he had relating to 19-month old baby care.

Harry looked up at him with wet, surprised eyes. Clearly, he had expected someone else to come running.

"Mommy?" he asked shyly, running his forearm across his dripping nose. Harry was happy to toddle around Severus when his parents were right beside him. Severus had picked the boy up a few times and even shot bouncing balls out of his wand for Harry to chase, but really their relationship had been one of tolerating each other's existence. Certainly, Severus had not taken care of the boy before.

"Your parents are out," Severus replied, trying to keep his tone light. Tears continued to roll down Harry's face, and his lip trembled. Severus crossed the threshold of Harry's happy, toy-filled room.

"Come on, now. Back to bed," Severus said stiffly, realizing he wasn't exactly being comforting. Still he hoped Harry would just drift back to sleep and this whole thing would be over with. Harry started to cry in earnest as Severus gently pushed him to lie down on the bed.

"Want Daddy," said the boy through his tears.

"Close your eyes. They'll be home soon," muttered Severus, draping Harry's covers over him. Harry looked up at him with watery, hurt eyes. They were a little duller than usual and there were two high spots of colour on his cheek. Severus' eyes narrowed as he looked at the baby.

"Please tell me you're not sick," muttered Severus as he reached out and touched Harry's hot forehead. He began to cough. Definitely sick then. Severus sighed, planning on killing James and Lily the moment he saw them. Harry coughed again, rubbing his eyes miserably, tears starting to well-up.

"Ok, come here, it's ok," said Severus gently, picking the baby up. His pyjamas were damp with sweat. Reluctantly, he felt a wave of pity for the sick baby, and then prickle of fear. Maybe this wasn't a cold. It could be something worse. It could be something that Severus could make worse. Maybe he should take Harry straight to the Children's Ward at St. Mungos. He stopped his spiralling panic in its track. It was just a cold.

Severus took the baby into the bathroom, stripped off the his diaper and sweat-soaked pyjamas and turned on the warm water. Harry coughed again, snot all over his face. With a twinge of disgust, Severus conjured a cloth and cleaned him up.

"This will help loosen you cough," explained Severus as he lowered Harry into the tub. It was like trying to lower a cat into a bath. The second Harry hit the water he screamed in indignation and thrashed so hard Severus almost dropped him.

"Shhh…calm down, what's wrong with you?" asked Severus, his surprise coming out as harshness. The baby was now full on sobbing, and Severus could help but think that he had just royally screwed up.

"It's ok. Harry, look," said Severus desperately picking up a rubber duck and swishing his wand at it. The duck started to swim in circles around Harry, quaking happily. After a moment, the baby's tears turned to giggles as he watched the duck.

"Duckie! Duckie," said Harry sounding congested. He coughed again, and Severus narrowed his eyes again as he reached forward to rub Harry's back.

"What sound does the Duck make?" asked Severus.

"Quack! Quack!" answered Harry happily, splashing through the water.

"That's right," Severus answered gently. Soon, Harry's coughs began to come less frequently and his breathing seemed to be less laboured. After twenty minutes, the steam had done all it could for Harry, and Severus plucked the baby out of the water dried him off and, after a few unsuccessful attempts, managed to wrestle a diaper on the child and put him in warm pyjamas.

"That's better isn't it?" muttered Severus as he did up the last of Harry's buttons. The boy smiled around the thumb he was sucking.

"Back to bed," ordered Severus pointing to the door. Harry reached his hand up for Severus' and after a moment, he took it and led the child back to his room and watched as he climbed back into his bed.

"Goodnight." Severus said stiffly when Harry looked up from his pillow expectantly. He certainly wasn't going to kiss the boy goodnight.

Severus walked back down the stairs feeling tired and a little damp from being splashed by Harry, but rather proud of himself. He had made himself a cup tea and was just about to go back to reading when the crying started up again. Severus groaned and got to his feet. He really should have known that it had been too easy.

Harry was again crying in his bed, while coughing and looking utterly awful. He reached his hands up when he saw Severus, and Severus picked the baby up and hushed him. It didn't work, nothing did. Severus tried everything to calm the baby down: held him, bounced him, rocked him, read to him, even sang to him (though that admittedly seemed to increase the stress of all involved). All Harry did was sob and intermittently ask for James or Lily. Severus thought he was making things worse and tried to leave the child alone, but the moment he loosened his grip Harry's sobs turned into bellows.

The crying was so insistent it seemed like a bell was ringing in his ears. His arm was sore from lugging Harry around, and Severus was so desperate for it to stop was now shamelessly flipping through James and Lily's potion stores for something that would knock that child out.

There was a small bottle of Meadowsweet and Severus' hand hesitated over it. It was perfectly safe, but it was strong. He wasn't crazy about using it on a baby.

"Mamamadadadadadmamamaadadadada" demanded Harry as Severus bounced him up and down absently, trying to calculate what an appropriate dosage would be even though he could barely think with Harry carrying on. A quarter teaspoon should be fine, maybe an eighth just to be cautious. Severus looked at the bottle, the doorway to Heaven as far as he was concerned, and pushed it back into the cupboard. He wasn't willing to risk it.

"Down, just for a second," cajoled Severus as he lowered Harry to the ground.

"NO!" yelled Harry screaming, and holding up his arms pathetically when he hit the ground. Severus ran a hand through his hair. Next time he babysat, which would be never, he would listen to where James and Lily said they were going so he could contact them.

With a sigh, he flicked his wand at a bottle of milk and warmed it up, rubbing at his shoulder.

"Up! Up!" demanded Harry, pulling at Severus' pant leg.

"Just a minute," muttered Severus, putting away the potions ingredient, his hand mercifully settling on camomile. It wasn't strong but it might be enough! Maybe if he -

"Sev'us!" Harry yelled again. The tenuous hold Severus had on his temper slipped.

"Harry you need to shut up!" roared Severus, feeling a disturbing strong urge to whack the child. When he whipped around, the little toddler looked absolutely shocked and took two frightened, shaky steps backwards from Severus before smoking his head on the cupboard handle. Severus felt a swoop of horror and self-loathing as the child fell to the ground and started crying in a fresh batch of misery, pain and surprise.

"Oh no, Harry. I'm sorry." Severus walked over to the child and picked him up. The little bundle in his arms was shaking with emotion and tears and Severus felt utterly horrid as he rubbed the baby's back. He had yelled at a sick, overwrought baby who clearly felt terrible enough. This was a new low.

"Shhh, you're ok. No one's mad," Severus said, rocking Harry to-and-fro as he did. "You can't help it." This was more a reminder to himself than to Harry who could barely understand Severus' sentences.

"I'm sorry, I yelled," whispered Severus, bouncing Harry up-and-down as he paced the kitchen lost in his own thoughts. He well remembered what it was like to be yelled at and smacked. One time he had been thrown down the stairs by his father who had been in the same frustrated, angry rage Severus just was. He never thought he'd be the kind of man to hurt a child and the knowledge of his short-temper scared him so much that tears were sprung to his eyes.

"I'm so sorry," he muttered again. All of the sudden he noticed that the constant sound of Harry sobbing had stopped leaving pure silence in its wake. He blinked and look down at the child who was resting a head on Severus' shoulder and looking up at the man seriously whilst sucking his thumb. He smiled a perfect sweet smile around his thumb that made Severus' heart lurch, and they just stared at each other for a moment. The milk started to whistle, and Severus summoned the bottle from across the room and carried Harry up to his bedroom.

"Alright," muttered Severus sitting the rocking chair with Harry on his lap. He leaned back, glad to be off of his feet. Harry took the bottle and began to drink it happily, mercifully unable to taste the medicine in it. With relief, Severus closed his eyes, rocked the chair gently, and absently patted Harry's chubby leg. The rocking made Severus tired, and they stayed like that for a few moments until he heard Harry stop drinking. He forced his eyes back open to look at the baby. Harry was observing him with a little smile.

"Sev'us," whispered Harry ,taking his thumb out of his mouth and clumsily batting at Severus' face with it. Gently, Severus took the wet hand, and moved it away from his face. For some reason, Harry found this funny and giggled, burying his face in Severus' shoulder.

"Story?" Harry's smile was big and bright even though his eyes were heavy with tiredness. Severus nodded and summoned a book of stories from the bookcase.

"Once upon a time, in a land far far away there was a girl named Goldilocks…" As he told he story Harry's eyes got heavier, and he curled further into Severus' lap. A few pages in, Severus summoned the child's duvet and pulled it around him, Harry sighed contentedly and wrapped the hand that wasn't currently in his mouth around Severus' sweater, stroking the soft fabric with his thumb. Severus trailed off mid-sentence and looked down at Harry whose eyes were beginning to flutter shut.

His nose, which Severus still found ridiculously tiny, was sluggishly weeping and Severus wiped it with the corner of his sleeve finding that germs no longer bothered him in the least. Harry's eyes fluttered shut again and this time they didn't reopen. There was an unexpected clenching in Severus' heart as he looked down at the sleeping child in his lap. Knowing he would be too tired to get up soon, he groggily pulled himself to his feet and walked to the small bed.

When he went to lower Harry down, the hand attached to his sweater gripped tighter. Really, he was going to have to come up in 10 minutes to make sure Harry wasn't awake and sick again. He shuffled his grip, sat on the bed and laid them both back on the bed. Harry snuggled up as close as he could possibly get and pushed his face into Severus' chest. Again, Severus felt as though his heart had turned over. Because it was dark and no one could see and ruin his reputation, Severus tenderly kissed the tousled head of hair under his chin and looped an arm over Harry. He'd get up soon. In moments, he drifted off.

Someone went to pull the warm weight off of his chest, but vaguely Severus realized that it was important and held on tightly to it, his forehead scrunching in displeasure.

"Sev, honey?" Lily whispered. Severus opened his heavy eyes to find himself in Harry's bed with his arms wrapped protectively around the sleeping toddler on his chest.

"He's sick," muttered Severus tiredly, turning his head so he wouldn't cough on the child. He closed his eyes again and listened to the general scuffling of Lily fussing over Harry. She went to pick him up again but the child whimpered, not happy to be on the edge of wakefulness or removed from his warm spot on the bed.

"S'ok, don't wake him," Severus said sleepily. Without thinking about it, he moved his arms to pull Harry closer and vaguely patted the little boy's back. After a moment, Lily's cold hand landed on Severus' forehead. He grunted in displeasure at the touch and moved his head peevishly.

"You're sick too," she said softly. Severus could feel a thicker blanket being pulled over him and Harry, and he sighed.

"This 's why I don't cuddle," he grumbled. Harry settled himself more securely under Severus' chin, and he could hear Lily chuckle as he drifted back to sleep.

XXXXxxx

The Potter estate was massive, purchased at a time where land was cheap and plentiful. Severus could only just see the end of the property from the fourth floor window.

In the winter, the vast property and old-fashioned manor seemed almost creepy in its largess. But now, spring had sprung, making the entire estate burst with life. Apple trees blossomed, flowers bloomed and the creek that ran through the middle of estate unfroze and bubbled happily. It was so beautiful that even Severus couldn't sit inside all day and he was currently sitting on the Potter's patio editing the chapters of his book.

There was a loud shriek from the sky and Severus looked up to see James nose-diving to the ground on his broomstick with Harry between his arms. Severus' heart lurched, and he whipped out his wand to stop them from crashing when James turned sharply, rounding an apple tree and charging towards where Severus was sitting on the patio. They landed hard just below the stairs to the porch, both laughing. As soon as Harry landed, he raced up at the stairs towards Severus.

"We flew! We flew!" Harry yelped excitedly, his cheeks as pink as the large rosebushes behind him.

"I saw," said Severus with a smile. Harry clumsily tried to pull the chair out from the patio table, but was so small to quite manage it. James pulled the chair out for the boy and was about to help the baby into it but before he could, Harry scrambled up into it himself. It was amazing to Severus how much the baby had grown, he wasn't even really a baby anymore. The other day he had walked down all the stairs by himself.

"Your Daddy almost hit that tree," Severus said with a smirk at James. Harry giggled.

"I did not!" replied James with a laugh. He swirled his wand and a moment later a large pitcher of lemonade and cookies burst out from the cupboard beside the door. Harry reached forward and grabbed two handfuls of them.

"Uhm, no, sir," James said taking all but one cookie out of the little boy's hand. Harry giggled and munched his cookie getting crumbs everywhere.

"How's the book going?" asked James, sitting down on the chair across from Severus. He shrugged in frustration and pushed the pages toward the centre of the table. James took them and ordered them into a nice pile.

"Take a break then, here." With a nod of thanks, Severus took the glass of lemonade and drank it.

"Dumbly!" Harry said with a big smile, pointing behind James' head. Both Severus and James whipped around to see Dumbledore serenely walking through the flower garden toward the patio. It was unusual for him to just show up like this, and Severus and James quickly exchanged looks of concern and got to their feet.

"Severus, James," Dumbledore said as he approached. There was a smile on his face, but his eyes weren't twinkling.

"Hello Harry." Harry jumped out of his chair and ran across the patio towards the older wizard who crouched down to hug him. Dumbledore had a penchant to spoil all children and every time he saw Harry he always produced toys and candy that delighted the baby to no end. This time when he flicked his wand, a rabbit holding a basket of chocolates jumped across the patio.

"There are treats in that basket if you can catch the bunny, Harry," Dumbledore said with a warm smile. Harry was about to run off, but James caught him by the waist.

"What do you say?" he asked.

"T'ank you!" Harry said with a grin for Dumbledore before sprinting off after the rabbit as fast as his toddler legs could carry him. The gift had the effect of taking the little boy out of earshot, and Harry's happy shrieks contrasted painfully with the tense silence between the adults.

"My, he's grown," said Dumbledore softly.

"Please, sit." James said, motioning to the table. Dumbledore did so and turned his serious blue eyes to Severus, the older wizard covered Severus' hand with his. Severus started at the contact and felt an swell of anxiety rise up through him.

"Severus, I'm afraid I have some bad news. Your father passed away this morning," Dumbledore said gently. Severus hadn't thought of his father in a long time, and he felt such surprise that there wasn't room for much else except for a vague feeling of emptiness. He blinked down at the table to collect his thoughts.

"Severus, I am so sorry," said James from across the table. The statement brought Severus back to Earth and he extricated his hands from underneath Dumbledore's.

"How did you find out? My father's a Muggle," asked Severus, desperate to turn the conversation away from condolences he didn't need.

"We have eyes everywhere," said Dumbledore. "Muggles with wizard next of kin get taken to Saint Mungo's when they pass. I personally have been keeping an eye on your family since the war." Severus nodded and cleared his throat.

"I suppose I have to collect the body, make arrangements," said Severus, more to himself than to anyone else.

"We can go now. I'll leave Harry with the Weasley's," said James vanishing the cookies and lemonade with a swish of his wand.

"No - no," Severus said standing up and collecting his papers. "I'll go myself."

"Sev…" James said uncertainly, standing up as well.

"Potter, I haven't seen my father since I was 18. There is really no need to make a fuss, so reign in the melodrama, alright?" snapped Severus, before sliding his eyes towards Dumbledore, feeling slightly guilty. Before either or them could say anything, Severus turned around and apparated on the spot.

"Yes, that's him," muttered Severus, looking down at the grey, wasted face of his father. He looked exactly the same as he did the last time Severus saw him: pointed beard, salt and pepper hair with almost delicate features. The only difference now was that he looked oddly waxy and deflated. Severus was surprised how terrified he used to be of him.

"Thank you," said the pretty, blonde mortician, with a kind smile. "Now, Mr. Snape I know you may need time, but when you're ready I'd like to talk to about the various ways we can lay your father's body at rest."

"Can't you just vanish him?" asked Severus with a little more bitterness than necessary. The mortician, Severus couldn't remember her name even though she said it multiple times, looked slightly surprised but nodded.

"If you don't want the remains, yes we can," she said gently. "But most people find -"

"Vanishing is fine," Severus said shortly, not looking back down at his father's corpse. He signed the paperwork she timidly handed to him and walked out the door without a second look down at his father.

Now he just had to deal with his father's apartment, and he'd be on his way. No muss, no fuss.

The apartment he aparated to was a depressingly squalid and small bachelor pad. There was one threadbare easy-chair pointed towards an old television set. A dingy kitchen that had not been thoroughly cleaned in a while and an unmade single bed. There weren't many personal effects, but somehow clutter seemed to exist everywhere, little piles of newspapers, old boxes of take-out. Not gross old, just the clutter of a man who knew he wasn't expecting any company and had no reason to keep his place clean.

The boxes vanished with a swish of his wand. Moodily, he sat down on the chair and summoned the bottle of whiskey he knew his father would have. As he drank, he started vanishing random objects with his wand. He shouldn't have come, surely he could've hired someone to do this. There was nothing in this place he wanted to keep. No memories he wanted. Unconsciously, he rubbed the wrist his father had snapped against a doorframe, it still twinged in the cold sometimes.

Sitting here was like looking at his depressing future. No family. A solo apartment that someone resentfully cleaned, a vanished body. At this rate, he wouldn't even leave behind a son to feel a reluctant twinge of pity and emptiness when he died. He was half-way through his second glass of whiskey when there was a knock at the door. Warily, he got to his feet and gripped his wand.

"Sev? It's Lily." Severus swallowed and dropped his wand to his side. _Fucking Potter_. The handle turned, and she entered the apartment, wearing the serious, black robes she usually donned for Court. Severus scowled and turned back to vanish a pile of dishes in the kitchen. Aside from vaguely embarrassed about he state of his father's apartment, he had no idea how he felt about her being there.

"What are you doing here?" asked Severus, a little sharply.

"No-one should have to do this alone," said Lily, folding a blanket that had been left on the floor. Alone. That word seemed to be haunting him recently.

"Lily, it's fine. It's not like I cared about the man," Severus said vanishing a pile of junk. Lily didn't reply to that, she just raised her wand and started to organize the debris in various neat piles.

Severus dumped out the contents of his father's rickety side-table. There wasn't much, a couple receipts, a sweet wrapper, Kleenex and a thick mystery novel. Severus snorted a little at Tobias' dismal taste in literature and leafed through it. A small square fluttered to the ground with the picture of a little boy on it. For the briefest of moments, Severus was certain that it was a picture of him, but it was simply a ripped part of a flyer that his father had used as a bookmark. The little boy in the ad looked more happy than Severus had ever been.

"Honey, are you alright?" Lily asked softly, coming to sit beside him on the floor. Severus realized that he had been staring at the picture in silence for a few moments. He cleared his throat and vanished the picture and the rest of the contents of the side table.

"Fine," he said. He went to wave his wand again, but Lily reached over and stilled his hand. He looked up at her, surprised at the contact. She didn't remove it.

"I know you and your Dad didn't get on," she said softly. "But there is no shame in feeling sad about his death."

"And is there shame in not feeling sad," snapped Snape defensively, rising to his feet.

"Of course not," Lily replied easily."Though if you were really unaffected, you might be acting less like a git." Severus humphed and crossed his arms, but wasn't quite able to keep his lips from twitching. As always, her cocked head and small smiled immediately doused the defensive flames he erected around himself.

"You can't call me a git, my father just died," he replied. Lily smiled at him and patted the floor beside her, with an air of reluctance he sat back down beside her.

He had tried to rack his memories for good moments with the man, but honestly, the best memories Severus had of his father were of him ignoring the fact that Severus existed, and even those were painful.

One time he had bought Severus a chocolate bar and let Severus crawl into his lap and eat the whole thing in one sitting. Severus still remembered the way his father's eyes had crinkled when he smiled down at him. He also remembered that Tobias had had gotten the chocolate bar because he felt bad for beating the crap out of Severus the night before in a drunken rage. When he handed over the chocolate bar, he promised it would never happen again, which was a lie.

"He was an awful father," Severus said after a moment.

"I'm sorry," Lily said softly, touching his hand again. This time he didn't start, and when she wrapped her thin fingers around his to squeeze his hand, he squeezed back. It felt nice that she was there with him, better than being alone, which was new for Severus, and he realized with a start that what he was feeling regarding his father was a deep sense of loneliness.

"I suppose it's just odd having being the only Snape. It's not as though we spoke in years, but I knew that I had family somewhere - now I don't" he trailed off and scratched the back of his neck, not even knowing what he was trying to say. He was a ship adrift, with no one obligated to care about him anymore.

"Well, I wouldn't say that," replied Lily with another gentle smile.

"Come on, I have something to show you," Lily said patting his arm gently.

"But the apartment," said Severus without any real conviction.

"I'll deal with it," she said touching his shoulder blade again. Severus nodded tiredly, standing up. They both aparated back to the Potter estate, leaving the sad, lonely apartment behind.

"There they are!" said Arthur Weasley as soon as Severus felt his feet make contact with the grassy lawn. Severus blinked towards the sound of the voice to orient himself. Remus was standing beside James, and Dumbledore was conjuring butterflies for Harry and the three youngest Weasley boys to chase.

"See Sev, your family's all here," she said in a low-voice as he took in the people and food with no small amount of confusion.

"Mamma!" Harry yelled nearly falling over in his excitement to get to his mother. She swooped him up with a laugh before hugging Ron and the twins who had ran up behind Harry.

"Oh Severus," said a very pregnant Molly Weasley walking up and hugging him. Taken aback, Severus patted her back awkwardly. She had always been kind to him, always spooning out extra food on his plate, and giving unsolicited advice, but that didn't explain why she was here or hugging him. "I'm so sorry to hear."

"Uh- Thank you," Severus said uncertainly, looking around the lawn. A large farm-table sat on the lawn in front of the patio, covered in food.

"Come eat. We've got lots of food," she said putting an arm around his shoulder and leading him to the table maternally. As they approached, Remus got off of his chair and put down the beer he was drinking.

"Remus? I thought you were in New York until Christmas," said Severus, hugging the man back quickly.

"I was - I came as soon as I heard," Remus replied, almost sounding bemused at Severus' surprise. "Is there anything I can do?"

"What?" said Severus still in shock at all the people. "Of course not. What would you do?" Remus pat him on the back with a friendly pat.

"How about I just get you a beer for starters?" he said warmly. drawing him towards the table. Hesitantly, Severus nodded and sat down at the farm table bench.

"Severus, my condolences," said Arthur, his glasses askew and one twin over each shoulder. Severus nodded and watched the man run off, bemused.

"You seem a little overwhelmed, my boy," Dumbledore said, sitting beside him on the bench.

"What is all this? Why is everyone here?" asked Severus finally, looking around again at all the people.

"This? Why this is your family, Severus. Though I can only definitively speak for myself, I assume everyone is here because they love you," explained Dumbledore, patting him on the shoulder. Severus snapped his head up at the word. His own father had never said it but Dumbledore apparently had no problem saying it out of nowhere. The frantic stare Severus gave Dumbledore was returning with a calm, twinkling one.

"Don't look so shocked, Severus. Surely it is not a surprise that people love you, no one has been exactly subtle about it."

"Sev," Remus said levitating a beer towards him. Severus grabbed it of the air with a nod of thanks and opened it. Dumbledore sat with him in companionable silence: the smell of James' barbecue wafted down from the porch, Remus was talking to Lily's stomach so apparently that cat was out of the bag, the children played happily under the watchful eye of the Arthur Weasley and every few moments Molly came out with a large bowl of salad or cutlery. It was a cool night, but still warm enough to enjoy the very beginnings of the sunset. It would have been the perfect night if his Dad hadn't died.

"Food's up," James said cheerily. There was the general cacophony of people sitting down at the table passing dishes. Harry ran climbed up on the seat beside Severus, his face streaked with mud.

"What have you done to yourself," Severus asked with a laughing picking the boy up and placing him on his lap.

"We run," explained Harry as Severus took out a handkerchief and started wiping off his muddy face and hands. "Fred felled down."

"Fred fell down?" asked Dumbledore holding out a lemon drop. Harry nodded not noticing the correction and happily took the candy.

"Yeah, Fred fell down - T'ank you"

"You're going to spoil his supper," admonished Severus as he started to rub a particularly stubborn streak of dirt.

"Ah Severus, when you get to be my age you too will be able to give children all the candy and love in the world without concerning yourself with spoiling them. It's a wonderful luxury." Severus rolled his eyes and held a squirming Harry tighter, still rubbing at the streak on his cheek.

"Stay still." Harry looked up at him, smile, then quite unexpectedly leaned up and kissed him on the cheek.

"Love you," he said sweetly. A lump jumped suddenly to Severus throat and he swallowed it down with supreme difficulty as he looked down at the toddler who had wormed his way steadily into his heart. Harry just beamed back at him.

"I love you too," Severus replied in an odd, soft voice, kissing Harry on the head. It was more than his father had ever said to him and the words seemed foreign to him. But he didn't want to be a lonely old man who died alone. He could be more than that, or at least he felt he could when Harry smiled up at him like that.

**Instead of plugging for reviews, I just want to take a moment to thank everyone who has commented on this story.**

**Your reviews are like crack, seriously. They keep me writing, and I especially love hearing about parts you like (or don't like) because I have thought so much about these scenarios it's fun for me to hear what you think.**  
**So again thank you so so much!**


	8. You are Not Alone in This

And you have your choices  
And these are what make man great  
His ladder to the stars

But you are not alone in this  
And you are not alone in this  
As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand  
Hold your hand

- Mumford and Songs Timshel

**A/N: To alleviate any potential confusion Polly is short for Pauline, Millie is short for Amelia**

Killing Voldemort may have slowed the war, but rounding up Voldemort's Horcruxes was almost as dangerous and involved the Order just as much. They had only discovered the locket and the ring, and Dumbledore figured there were at least 5 more to go. Currently, James was off chasing down a pack of werewolves with Remus in Albania who, rumour had it, supposedly knew where one of the Horcruxes were. It was only supposed to take a few hours; thus far, it had taken almost the whole night.

"Where is he?" asked Lily for the hundredth time as she paced back and forth in front of the fireplace. Her belly proceeding her by a good foot. Severus looked up over the top of the book he was pretending to read.

"I'm sure he's fine," said Severus. "Will you sit down? You're making me nervous." With James' absence, the living room had become a pressure cooker. Every minute he was gone wound Lily up more. Since she was so stressed, Severus was in the disobliging position of having to be the calm, rational one. Still, he found himself glancing down at his watch with more frequency at the night went one. It was 1:30 am, if James wasn't back by 2, Severus was going after him.

"I'm going to kill him," grumbled Lily.

"That would be counter-productive," replied Severus silkily, turning back to his book.

"How can you read right now?" she snapped, suddenly angry. "You don't even care. He could be dead, and you don't even care." Tears sprung to Lily's eyes as she glared at Severus. The slight tremble in her lip made his angry indignation fade away.

"That's not true," he said softly. "You know that's not true." At his words, Lily's face crumbled from anger to devastation.

"What if he's dead?" she sobbed. Severus got to his feet, crossed the living room and took her into his arms even though it was awkward with her large stomach.

"He's not," said Severus even though he had no basis for that belief. She reached up and clung tightly to his back.

"I'll be pregnant, my baby won't know her father. What will I tell Harry? Then if I die…" she burst into a fresh batch of tears that would have been comical if they were not so heart-wrenching. "They'd have to live with Petunia!"

"Come on, sit down," cajoled Severus. She allowed him to lead her to the couch as she sobbed. "He's fine."

"If he's not?" Lily asked, raising her blotchy, snotty face up to look up at Severus. He sighed and handed her a handkerchief.

"You don't think I'd ever abandon you, and Harry, and whoever this will be. Do you?" asked Severus when she collected herself. An old, selfish part of him was almost happy at the thought of having Lily, Harry and the new baby all to himself. Even as he thought it, it felt wrong and was quickly replaced with another swell of anxiety for James.

"And if we both die?" she whispered softly, but intensely. "Would you take them?" Severus blinked at her for a moment, completely taken off-guard.

"Would you want me to? Surely Remus or Molly…" said Severus, trailing off. Lily wiped at her face.

"Remus loves the children, but he transforms every month and is off in New York, and Molly has seven children, Severus. I couldn't ask her. Perhaps, I'm not giving Tuney enough credit," she said, sniffing. "Maybe she'd be good to them, treat them as her own, if she had to raise them, you know?" There was uncertainty on her face, and Severus hesitantly reached over and took her hand.

"Of course I'd take them," he said finally, trying not to let his inner panic show. Quickly, he reminded himself that this was an extremely unlikely scenario. She looked up at him sharply, her eyes filling again.

"And you'll be good to them, right? You'll make sure they're happy."

"Of course," said Severus. He was almost offended at the idea that he could be anything but loving and gentle towards the Potter children. Considering all the time he spent washing fingerpaint off of Harry's little fingers, reading books with stupid rhymes and walking bent sideways at a snail's pace to accommodate Harry's little strides, he felt he had earned the benefit of the doubt in this area.

"And you'll tell them that you love them because they'll need to here that a lot and you're not very good about saying it," Severus rolled his eyes but nodded.

"Every day, I promise."

"More than that!"

"Lily, you're not dead. James is not dead. Let's not worry about my parenting skills just yet, ok?" he said, successfully drawing a little laugh from her. She looked pensive and regarded him again with her beseeching green eyes.

"You'd love them?" she whispered. For some reason, Severus was starting to feel deeply sad. He swallowed thickly and forced a smile.

"I already do." Lily smiled at that and hugged him tightly. Just as she pulled away and wiped her eyes, the fire flared green, and James stepped out with a limp and a black eye.

"James! Where have you been? Are you ok?" yelled Lily, caught somewhere between furious and hysterical.

"Where else are you hurt? Sit down," snapped Severus almost at the same time. James blinked at them both, bemused.

"Mom…Dad…I'm fine. There were more than we expected," James said raising his hands up in a gesture of surrender even as he sunk gratefully into the closest chair. "No Horcrux, by the way." As if anyone cared about that at the moment.

Lily summoned a first aid kit and started dabbing at his face. James grudgingly allowed the ministrations as he slouched in his chair.

"Is Moony alright?" she asked as she sealed a cut with his wand.

"Yea, he's staying with one of his contacts in Albania, thinks they may have missed something," James muttered, rubbing his ankle.

"What's wrong with your leg?" asked Severus, still sounding angry. James looked at him tiredly.

"I kicked a werewolf in the face." Severus blinked at him, then at Lily, then they both started in on the stupid half-wit in front of them

"You could have been BIT!" yelled Severus.

"Do you want your children to grow up fatherless?" roared Lily at the same time. James got to his feet, smiled at them and clapped them both on the shoulders.

"I love you guys too," he said, a cheeky smile on his face. "Now, I just kicked a werewolf in the face, if someone doesn't ask me for the story, I'm afraid I'm going to have to leave you and find the nearest pub full of strangers to tell."

XXXX

"Is it supposed to be taking this long?" muttered Severus as he absently passed Harry another crayon. Remus who was sitting on the waiting room chair opposite him folded down the top of the paper he was reading and smiled.

"She's having a baby, Severus. It takes longer than an hour," he said lightly.

"Uncle Sev, where do babies come from?" Harry asked from where he was scribbling on the floor in between Severus and Remus' feet. Severus exchanged a look with a smirking Remus and tapped Harry on the head.

"What are you drawing, Hare-bear?" Severus asked, easily changing the subject from something that he'd rather not discuss with a 2-year-old.

"Werewolf, like Uncle Remus" he said happily, handing the picture to Remus who took it with hesitant fingers after a moment of shock. "They're my favowite."

Remus studied the picture for a long moment folded it up gently, and put into his pocket as though it was some sort of rare heirloom. He cleared his throat and held his arms opened for the toddler.

"Come here, love. Give me a kiss," said Remus. Obediently, Harry sprung up to his feet, clamoured up on to Remus' lap and kissed the man on the cheek.

"Are you excited to be a big brother?" Remus asked as the little boy settled into his lap. Harry nodded enthusiastically.

"Mhmm, I'm gonna be a good big brother. I'm gonna share," said Harry with a wide grin. Remus tousled the little boy's hair with a smile. At that moment, the door to the patient rooms slammed open, and James emerged looking white-faced and quasi-petrified. With a swoop of horror, Severus jumped to his feet, followed by Remus who was still holding Harry on his hip. There was a horrible moment of tense silence, then James grinned broadly.

"Amelia Louise Potter, born at 4:36 pm, 7 pounds 3 ounces. Full-head of unruly black hair, healthy as a horse, and as as gorgeous as her mother, who, by the way is doing wonderfully," said James, beaming at them. Tension drained from Severus' shoulders. Remus laughed and stepped forward to hug James who hugged him back tightly. After he hugged Remus, he turned his bright smile to Severus expectantly.

"Congratulations, Potter," Severus said formally, sticking his hand out to the man. James regarded the hand for a moment then raised his eyebrows incredulously.

"This is not a handshake time, Sev," said James, his lips quirking up in a smile. Without further comment, he stepped forward and hugged Severus tightly around the neck. Reluctantly, Severus brought his arms up to pat James on the back a few times.

"Is the baby here?" Harry asked excitedly from Remus' arms. James let go and turned to his son with a broad smile.

"Yes. Yes she is. Wanna go say hi?" Harry nodded and reached his arms out for his father who took him quickly.

"Alright then! Come on," James said walking toward the patient rooms. Remus followed right behind them, but feeling suddenly uncertain, Severus held back prepared to wait in the waiting room.

"Sev?" James said apparently realizing that a second set of footsteps were missing. "What are you doing? Come on." James, Remus and Harry all looked at him expectantly, with a sharp nod Severus followed the crowd past the doors and a couple patient rooms to Lily's single-patient suite.

She was sitting on her bed in a white, floral nightgown. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun and her face was pale and tired, but somehow still radiant as she looked down at the tiny bundle of blankets in her arms. When they walked in, she looked up and grinned.

"Mommy!" yelped Harry, wiggling down from James' arms to run over to her. Severus didn't follow the greetings, he was too busy trying to understand how a human being could be so small as to fit into the little space between Lily's arms.

James sat on the side of Lily's bed and pulled Harry up onto his lap.

"Harry, this is your sister, Amelia," Lily said, lowering the baby down so Harry could see her properly. Harry peered curiously at the baby, then raised a hand up to prod at her, which James caught quickly.

"Gentle, ok buddy? She's very little." Harry nodded seriously, leaned forward and gently kissed the baby on the forehead. It was sweet enough that even Severus found himself smiling. and James, Lily and Remus all aww'd in approval.

Remus, Harry and James fawned over the baby, but after kissing Lily on the cheek and offering his congratulations, Severus stayed on the opposite end of the hospital room. He knew if he went near it, he'd have to hold it, which could lead to dropping it, which could maim or kill it.

Harry was too little to be fascinated by the baby for long, and soon Severus was so embarrassingly immersed in reading him a story that he didn't notice James walk over from Remus and Lily holding the baby.

"Do you want to hold her?" asked James, jerking Severus out of the book. Severus looked up at James with wide-eyes.

"Uhmm…" James smiled understandingly.

"It's alright, put out your arms," James said, holding out the baby with unnerving ease. Severus had never held a newborn before, and he sure as hell did not want to practice with the Potters' child.

"Uh, I don't know, Potter…" muttered Severus, as Harry jumped off of his lap to make way.

"Come on, they're surprisingly durable. You won't break her," James said, moving to hand her over. As though James would ever drop his baby, Severus instinctively raised his arms to catch her. Without further warning, James lowered the sleeping baby into Severus' arms.

She weighed almost nothing and was wrapped in a knit, lavender blanket. A little black tuft of hair, already uncontrollable, stood up on her head and her skin was pink and new. One tiny, little hand grasped the blanket and was about as long as Severus' pinky. Her little nose was so cute that even Severus, who until then had never thought of a baby as anything but loud and annoying, sucked in a gasp of air.

"She's very little, you gotta be careful," whispered Harry looking over Amelia's face. He reached up and gently petted her head. Severus looked up and smiled at the little boy who was staring at the baby with a deadly serious expression. Protective big brother it was then.

"That's right," said Severus softly, smiling at Harry who looked him over for a moment, then nodded in apparent approval.

"Hare-bear, come give me a hug," Lily said with a smile. Harry ran over to the hospital bed and Remus lifted him up to cuddle with his mother. She pulled him close to her and kissed him on the head.

The baby began to fuss, bringing Severus' attention back to the light bundle in his arms.

"James!" said Severus in panic, holding the baby back out to him.

"They like to be held close," said James, not moving to take Amelia. "Right to your chest." Severus looked at James like he was crazy, but hesitantly shifted his grip to draw Amelia closer to him. Suddenly, the baby's eyes opened, and she blearily looked up at him. He froze and stared back.

"Don't be rude. Introduce yourself," James said after a moment, a hint of laughter in his voice.

"She can't understand me," said Severus defensively. James pulled up on the chair beside Severus and gently flattened Amelia's tuft of hair.

"She understand who loves her", said James softly. "Come on, you're gonna have to tell her your name soon enough."

"Potter," grumbled Severus. He wasn't going to fawn over a baby like some crazy person. James smiled placidly back, and Severus rolled his eyes.

"Severus Snape, pleased to meet you," muttered Severus, with a hint of a smile on his face. The baby googled up and him, her eyes not entirely able to focus. Because he had been leafing through some of Lily's pregnancy books, panicked in the knowledge that he was going to live with a newborn, he knew that Amelia was too young to smile, but he swore he could see her trying as she stared up at him.

"Lily, told me she asked you to take Harry and Amelia if anything happens to us," James whispered, looking over to where Remus was fussily pulling blankets up over Lily. Severus turned his attention away from Amelia's little nose and looked at James' eyes. The man had the same deadly serious expression Harry had on a few minutes earlier, except it was incredibly more intense. Clearly, Potter didn't want Severus to raise his kids, which was perfectly fine with Severus, especially thinking the whole thing was ridiculous and melodramatic. Screw the war. Noone was dying.

"Potter…she was upset," muttered Severus, adjusting his grip on the baby who was starting to fuss again. "I was just trying to make her feel better. I don't think she actually expects you to agree to that." James looked Severus critically.

"Why wouldn't she expect me to agree?" asked James. Severus gave James a look, there were many reasons he could think of. Not the least of which was the fact that they had hated each other for years. They may be friends now, but that was a far cry from being the person to raise his children.

"Well, I do, but if you don't want to do it, that's ok," James said. Severus looked away and studied a crack on the floor. It was absurd to think that he was actually considering agreeing to raise Potter's child. It was even more absurd to think that he wasn't really considering it. He had already given his word, the decision had been made the second Lily had asked him. She hadn't phrased it in terms of wanting to take them though. Saying that seemed to admit more than he was willing to. Severus swallowed and looked back at James.

"If you want me to, then yes, of course," Severus muttered. James smiled and clapped him on the shoulder. The motion gave him the sickening feeling that he was about to drop the baby, and he curled forward protectively, scowling at James.

"Well then it's settled. Meet your goddaughter," said James, wiggling a finger over Amelia's face. "You and Remus are splitting the honour by the way, for Harry as well, if you're willing." The baby's eye's started to flutter shut, and Severus nodded, wondering how he could feel so much for such something so tiny and non-communicative.

"She's beautiful, James, really," Severus muttered as the baby dropped deeper off into sleep.

"Alright, alright," said James reaching his arms out for the baby. "We're not dead yet! I want her back." With a laugh, Severus carefully deposited the baby back in James' arms, feeling a little gratified when she started to cry.

XXXxxxxxXXXXXxxxx

Living up in the quiet country suited Severus beautifully. Ottery St. Catchpole had a pub to share a pint with James and Lily, a park for the children to run around in and an abundance of space and solitude. Still, sometimes one needed the bustle of the city, and new books, and had to make their way to Diagon Alley. This brilliant train of thought was what made Severus decide to drag Harry and Amelia down to the crowded, hot Diagon Alley at the end of summer when all the children were buying their books and supplies for Hogwarts.

Amelia, at four months, was strapped into a cumbersome stroller, beginning to cry and fuss. Harry, who had enthusiastically ran around the toy and book store had immediately started to flag when Severus dragged him to the apothecary, and by the time he had taken them out of Flourish and Blotts, both children were holding on to their tempers with tenterhooks. Amelia was sobbing in her stroller and Harry was grumpily stomping behind.

Finally, Severus knelt down and lifted Amelia out of of the stroller and held her on his chest.

"Come here, love. You're ok," Severus soothed, rubbing her back. Her tears started to quell to hiccups almost immediately.

"Uncle Sev, I'm tired," whimpered Harry, tugging at Severus' pant-leg. They were all hot, tired and completely over their limit for the day.

"Alright," he said gently, ghosting his hand over the toddler's head. Mercifully, a bakery sign caught Severus' eye and he turned to the one thing that never failed to cheer Harry up.

"Do you want some cake, monkey?" he asked. Harry's face brightened, and he nodded enthusiastically. With extreme difficulty, Severus navigated the bulky stroller, one-handed to the cafe while still carrying Amelia, and keeping Harry, who had run ahead excitedly, in his sights.

"Harry, wait," Severus said, catching the wheel of the stroller on the sidewalk. The second he said it, Harry turned to look at him and ran full-force into the doorframe with a dramatic splat and ended up on his backside on the entrance. Severus' heart jumped to his throat, and he quickly put the baby in the stroller and ran the few paces to where Harry was slowly sitting up. Harry turned his bloody nose and red cheek to Severus with wide-shocked eyes, then the realization that he was in pain hit him and he started to wail.

"Let me see. Let me see," Severus said trying to sound both firm and comforting as the boy's hands flew up to his face. Amelia was crying now too, and aside from being completely petrified Harry had just lost all his teeth, Severus was vaguely aware of all the attention he was drawing on himself from the other people in the bakery.

Pretending not to notice, Severus dragged them towards the nearest table and pulled Harry up onto his lap. Harry continued to sob with the voracious insistence that only a toddler could manage, and Severus conjured a washcloth, and pressed it against the boy's nose.

"It's ok," he muttered, cuddling Harry closer and kissing him on the head. After a moment, Harry's sobs quieted to sniffles and the bleeding stopped.

"It hurts," whispered Harry. This was not the kind of thing Severus excelled at. He was far better at playing games and reading stories than actual comforting, but Harry was at that age where every other step seemed to involve an injury of some kind, so he had gotten some practice.

"I know," said Severus, stroking a thumb over the bruising skin, thinking of the look on James and Lily's face when he delivered them a black-and-blue swollen mess where their son used to be.

"You are very brave," said Severus gently as the toddler buried his wet nose in Severus' collarbone.

"Are you alright?" a feminine voice asked. Severus had been so busy trying to calm Harry that he didn't notice the pretty, fine-featured waitress knelt down in front of them. Harry looked up shyly from where he had buried his head in Severus' shoulder to look at the owner of the voice.

"Did you hit the door?" she asked Harry gently, handing Severus a package of ice. Harry nodded, wincing as Severus pressed the ice to his face.

"Well, just so you know, girls are all about the tough guys, the more blood the better" she said earning a confused look from Harry.

"Why?" he asked softly.

"That is a very good question," she said with a tinkling little laugh. "Now, do you want a piece of cake? Everyone who runs headlong into the door gets a free slice." Harry smiled and nodded enthusiastically as the woman made a large slice of chocolate cake soar through the air with a flick of her wand.

"You look like a chocolate cake fan," she said with a smiling, catching the plate and handing it out to Severus. He reached out and accepted it, blushing as their pinkies grazed one another. Another plate followed right behind and she caught it and handed it out to him as well.

"For you," she said with a half-smile.

"Oh I don't - I'm not really a cake person," he said, too surprised at her handing him a piece of cake to respond normally.

"Everyone's a cake person," she said with a laugh. "You look like the sort of person who would like peppermint." Severus blinked at her over the top of Harry's head. She smiled at him and look a large bite of licorice.

"How does one look like someone who would like peppermint?" asked Severus with a bit of a smile playing at his lips.

"I don't know. I have a sense about these things," she said. Reluctantly, Severus took a bite of the cake. He really did like peppermint. It exceeded his expectations: sharp and sweet, the perfect combination.

"It's very good," Snape said through a bite, getting some of the crust on Harry head. He brushed it off in a quick, embarrassed motion, causing Harry to turn and look up at him quizzically. For some reason, this conversation was making him feel exceedingly anxious. The baby started to fuss a little, and he happily jumped on the excuse to look away and conjure a bunch of twinkling stars over her head. She giggled and batted aimlessly at them.

"You're a good father," the waitress said. He blushed furiously for some reason and looked back at her.

"Oh - they're not mine. I'm - they're - I'm their Uncle," Severus said, sputtering the most incoherent sentence of his life. She smiled again.

"Then you're a good Uncle."

"Thank you," Severus said lamely, feeling more heat rise up his cheeks. There was a moment of silence between them, then she thrust out her hand.

"I'm Pauline Walker," she said suddenly. "My friends call me Polly." He returned her surprisingly firm handshake.

"Severus - Severus Snape." Her lips quirked in to a smile.

"It's nice to meet you, Severus Severus Snape," she replied with a smile before turning around and sashaying back to the kitchen.

"She's pretty," Harry whispered in approval.

"Eat your cake" said Severus, earning an impish little grin in response.

XXXxxxXXXX

"I don't think this is a good idea," Severus said again as he walked across the highly polished marble floor of the Ministry beside James.

"You never think I have good ideas," James replied with a little smile. Severus wouldn't go that far, but they were currently walking towards the bowels of the Ministry to watch Peter get his soul sucked out. No one but James thought this was a good idea. Remus had refused to so much as be in the country while it was happening. Lily, who had seen the Dementor's Kiss performed more than once during her time as a prosecutor, admitted she couldn't go, and had so strongly objected to James going that the two of them had had a row. Severus didn't want to go, but knew James well enough to not send him alone.

Only a few other people were sitting in the small courtroom: Gideon, staring fixedly at his notes, a few lookey-loos, Rita Skeeter. When they entered, Dumbledore, who was sitting with the rest of the Wizamagot caught Severus' eye and frowned slightly. Another person who knew this was a bad idea. A golden throne sat imposingly in the middle of the room.

"Ladies and Gentleman," said Gideon the moment Severus and James sat down. "The accused Peter Pettigrew has been sentenced to the Dementor's Kiss this March 13th, 1983. Anyone who does not wish to witness the Kiss should leave the vicinity immediately." Severus observed James out of the corner of his his eye, hoping he would come to his senses. The man's jaw remained wound in tight determination, and his hands clenched together.

The doors opened and two Dementors entered, dragging Peter between them. He had lost a significant amount of weight and his skin had taken on an odd, yellow colour. Skin and wasted muscle hung of off him like rags. He whimpered and begged, but his pleas were so desperate, they were virtually non-sensical. Severus blinked and looked away to consider the detailing on the wall.

"Peter Pettigrew, you are hereby sentenced to the Dementor's Kiss, in punishment for your crimes against Muggles and Muggle-borns. Do you have anything to say for yourself?" Gideon asked. The man's professionalism wound around his skin like a thick blanket, and he was the only person in the room unaffected by Peter's pleas.

"Do you have anything to say for yourself," asked Gideon again harshly after the coils of the chair wrapped themselves around Peter's arms. Peter's eyes flickered all over the room.

"I'm sorry," he whimpered. "Please, don't - please, I'll do anything -"

Severus felt James stiffen besides him. As though Peter could sense it too, he found James' eyes and latched onto them desperately.

"Please Prongs, you can't let them take my soul," yelped Peter desperately. The Dementors were circling over head, whipping themselves up into a frenzy. James' mouth opened, and for a moment, Severus thought the man was actually going to speak on Pettigrew's behalf, but before anyone had a chance to do anything, the Dementors descended on to Peter's face.

There was a scream, but the intensity of it decreased horribly as Peter's soul and fight was siphoned out of his body. Finally, the Dementors pulled away. Peter's face stared back, his eyes were glazed with sightlessness, and his face was slack. Drool dribbled pathetically from the corner of his mouth.

They led Pettigrew away through the doors, back to Azkaban or St. Mungo's, Severus wasn't sure, but it wasn't pretty. The whole thing had been vaguely unsettling, and he didn't even care about Pettigrew. Hesitantly, he stole a glance at Potter out of the corner of his eye. The man was chalk white and his jaw was tight, but besides that, he showed no emotion. They exited the courtroom in silence, and Severus turned to follow the crowd towards the elevator so they could floo home, away from the Ministry and end this horrible day. Potter, however, turned the opposite direction and stumbled down a small, rarely-used corridor. Severus' forehead creased in concern, and he followed a few paces behind.

There was a small rubbish bin half-way down the hall, and Potter walk-ran to it. The moment he touched it, he puked. This was exactly why no one thought it was a good idea for him to come to this stupid thing. As though watching Pettigrew get his soul sucked out was really going to do anyone any good. With a sigh of frustration, Severus strode over purposefully and handed the man a handkerchief. James was clinging to the garbage can, but he took with a low murmur of thanks and wiped his face, still breathing heavily.

Despite his years with the Potters, Severus still was still not overly comfortable with dealing with emotions unless those emotions came from one of the babies. Still, if the roles were reversed Potter would be hugging him saying all sorts of over-supportive things, and although Severus wasn't much of a hugger, it was wrong to do nothing. He reached over and hesitantly put a hand between James' shoulder blades. James tensed, and for a moment Severus was certain he had done the wrong thing until he felt shoulders start to shake under his hand. With a mix of horror and uncertainty, Severus realized the man was crying. After a moment of hesitation, he squeezed James' shoulder.

"You were right," muttered Potter, finally letting go of the garbage can and standing up. "I shouldn't have come." He quickly wiped his face with his hands.

"He deserved it," muttered Severus, because 'I told you so' seemed insensitive.

"Does anyone deserve that?" asked James, leaning heavily against the wall and running a hand through his hair. For a moment, Severus thought about the snivelling weak fool who had almost killed Lily, almost cost Severus his redemption.

"Yes," Severus said simply. James looked up at him through a haze of pain and uncertainty. "Regardless of what Peter does or does not deserve, you are not to blame. James - it's done. It's over. Don't carry it around with you." James looked uncertain then kicked at the molding with surprising force.

"He is - was - my friend," said James angrily. "I can't just - "

"You aren't responsible for everyone, Potter. He made his own decisions," said Severus softly. The fire blazing angrily in James' eyes started to flare out, and a long moment, he nodded.

"Come on, it's time to go home." James nodded tiredly, and allowed Severus to lead him around the corner and up the stairwell to where the public floo was without another word.

XXXXXXxxxxxXXXXXX

James Potter was literally the most annoyingly person Severus Snape had ever met. Every morning, he greeted both Severus and Lily, neither of whom were morning people, with large cups of coffee and peppy discussion. This occurred no matter how many times he was woken in the middle of the night by one of the babies, regardless of the weather and despite any bad politics. When they came home at night, James always had dinner or the table, words of cheerful consolation for a bad day and jubilant celebrations for something as simple as a successful guilty plea. He was happy, and he clearly loved his life.

Severus didn't realize how much he admired, relied on, and slightly envied that quality until Pettigrew's soul was sucked out. After that, the James Potter he knew vanished. Gone were the early morning pancakes and the incessant flood of support. Instead of playing with the children, he snapped at them, his hold on his temper was shorter than Severus' and when Lily concluded a huge deal to ensure Malaysian wizards had access to functioning wands, James barely cracked a smile let alone a bottle of champagne.

The attitude had dragged everyone else down: Amelia cried more, Harry spent much of his time throwing spectacular tantrums, and when Lily was home she tended to simply observe James through narrowed eyes with pursed lips. It was not the happiest of times in the Potter household.

"Why don't you take him out for a pint or something?" Remus had suggested after Severus had divulged this unwelcome development.

"Isn't that what Lily's for?" asked Severus dryly. If anyone dragged anyone to get a pint, James dragged Severus. Their relationship was built on the fact that James was outgoing, personable and determined to insert himself into Severus' life, while Severus was content to allow the friendship to develop as long as he didn't have to do anything like take the man out for drinks and talk about his feelings.

"A man needs more than just his wife, Sev," Remus said. "Just talk to him. I'm sure that's all he needs."

Severus was going to dismiss this idea out of hand until the great World Cup debacle. It had cost James many favours and a load of Galleons to get him, Severus, Lily, Arthur and Remus tickets to the game. Molly was going to watch the children for the weekend, and they were going to have some adult time drinking Firewhiskey in China and cheering inappropriately loudly for England, who had made the finals for the first time in eight years. It was all anyone in London could talk about, and even Severus was excited, until the week before the match.

James, who had been particularly sullen all day and was now sporting the beginnings of a beard, sat by the fire reading across from where Severus was stacking blocks with Amelia. Lily, in a rare display of housewifery, was making what promised to be meatloaf but smelled more like old fish.

"I've never been Bejing," Lily said causally as she poked a boiling potato in the pot. "Do you think we'll have time to see the Great Wall?"

"See whatever you want," James muttered from his chair, turning the page on his book.

"Daddy - Daddy look," Harry said, running into the room proudly showing off a large dragon drawing. James raised his eyebrows at it, far from the usual cooing and exclamations of amazing artistic ability that even the saddest scribbles usually wrought, and went back to his book, leaving Harry to blink stunned.

"Let me see," Severus said, taking pity on the poor toddler who looked at though he was about to cry. Harry despondently walked over and handed Severus the picture.

"That's a very scary dragon, pet," Severus said patting his lap for the boy to sit on. Harry sat down in his lap with a lethargic sigh that suited him as much as James' was suited to his new ill-temper.

"James, honey, do you know if we still have that tent downstairs? Maybe we ought to get a new one. That one hasn't smelled right since Sirius took it fishing," Lily said taking the suspicious looking loaf out of the oven.

"I'm not going," James said not looking up from his book. Lily paused preparing dinner, and Severus looked up from Amelia's blocks.

"What are you talking about?" Lily said, sounding more like she did when discussing legal matters.

"I'm not going to the World Cup," Lily blinked back at her husband, uncomprehending.

"Why?" asked Harry curiously from Severus lap, asking what none else dared to.

"Because I don't want to," James said, throwing down his book, "I'm going out." Without further elaboration, he summoned his coat with the crack of his wand.

"James!" yelled Lily, "What - Where are you going?" She followed him out into the entrance way and Harry turned his wide-eyes to Severus. Blinking back his shock, Severus forced a smile for the little boy in front of him.

"It's alright, love. Why don't you go wash your hands for dinner?" Harry nodded and got to his feet.

When he was safely out of sight, Severus picked up the baby and slowly walked to the front door in search of either Lily or James. He only found Lily swaying back and forth on the front porch swing, her cheek resting on her knee.

"Lily?" he called softly from the doorway. "Are you ok?" She wiped her face quickly and offered an unconvincing, watery smile.

"Yes," she said, reaching her arms up for Amelia. Severus handed the baby over and the three of them sat in silence.

"I just want to know why he's being like this," she said finally after a moment. "He has bad days like anyone, but he's never been…he's always talked to me." She sighed and adjusted her grip on Amelia, who was looking at her curiously.

Severus nodded and cleared his throat.

"It's going to be ok," he promised lamely. She nodded absently, still lost in though. Reluctantly, Severus knew what he had to do. He got to his feet and started to walk towards the garden gate that connected the Potter Estate to the rest of the village.

"Sev? Where are you going?" Lily asked.

"I'll be back in a bit," he replied, not turning back.

Finding James was an easy task. Severus found him in the most predictable position possible, sitting at the end of the bar in front of three fingers worth of Firewhiskey. With a sigh, Severus walked over and slid onto the chair beside him.

"Elf-made wine, please," Severus said to young woman behind the bar. She nodded and poured a large glass of wine in front of him. James looked up at him, then turned back to his whiskey. Apparently, Severus was going to have to start this whole thing.

"What's the matter with you?" Severus asked finally, unable to think of a way to subtly lead up to the main point of the conversation. James looked up from his drink.

"Nothing," he said defensively. Severus nodded and looked down at the bar.

"When I was eight, my father came home from a bar, completely drunk out of his mind," Severus started softly. James, who had been swilling his drink, stilled his hand and looked up at Severus, frozen. Severus looked back at the bar, knowing he wouldn't be able to continue speaking with James' intense stare on him.

"This wasn't an uncommon occurrence mind you, but he had just lost his job at the mill and was doing more and more often," Severus continued, taking a swig of his drink, noting that James still hadn't moved his.

"Two nights before, he had broken my Mother's nose. He had treated her so badly since he lost his job, that she barely got out of bed in the morning. So when he came stumbling in, I decided that this time, he wasn't going to touch her," Severus swallowed and looked back at the bar, an old pain flaring through his arm.

"Sev…" James said softly, sounding concerned.

"He started yelling at her, about something, I don't even remember. I told him to leave her alone, or I'd make him leave her alone," Severus gave a ghost of a smile to James, but the man was watching him with a serious, ashen face.

"He told me to give it my best shot. He broke my arm in two places, then put a cigarette out on the inside my elbow." James dropped his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, a sure sign of distress, and looked back at Severus.

"Fuck Sev," James said quietly. After a moment he groaned and put his head into his hands. "Merlin, I shouldn't have been such a prat when we were at school. I should've -"

"I'm not telling you this to elicit sympathy," Severus said silkily. He leaned closer and adopted a tone that was almost menacing. "Amelia and Harry are my Godchildren, Potter. No one mistreats them. Especially not their Father."

James raised his face to look at Severus. His expression was coldly impassive, a look Severus had never seen before and was almost frightening.

"I never have and never will raise a hand to my children, Snape," James said tautly, as though he was ready for a fight.

"There is more than one way to mistreat a child," Severus replied, stiffening up as well. He didn't want it to come to wands between them, but then again maybe Potter could use a good cursing.

"You've been ignoring them for weeks, dismissing them out of hand. Millie might be too young to notice, but Harry certainly does or have you been so wrapped up in your self-pity that you haven't noticed he's bending over backwards trying to get your attention." James opened his mouth to retort than shut it again, looking away guiltily.

"It won't happen again," James barely whispered.

"It better not." A long, not uncomfortable silence stretched out before them.

"Pettigrew's dead," whispered James softly. "Died last week". Severus sighed and sat further back into his chair. Peter Pettigrew was no great loss, but for some reason, James couldn't get that damned rat out of his mind. It would be useless to press the point.

"I'm sorry, Potter," Severus replied softly. James smirked and laughed a little harshly.

"No, you're not," responded James. Severus regarded the man's ashen face for a long moment. Dealing with Potter at the moment was like walking through a minefield, and Severus was fairly certain he did not have the social skills to make it through unscathed.

"No, I suppose I'm not sorry he's dead," conceded Severus, swilling his wine around his glass. This didn't get a reaction from James, who just continued to stare at the polished bar, in his own maudlin world.

"I am sorry that you seem to feel some misguided sense of responsibility for it and are now wallowing," Severus said, trying to keep voice light.

"I'm not wallowing!" James said indignantly, but there was hint of a smile in his face.

"You're wallowing," Severus responded. "You've been wallowing for a while." The smile faded from James face.

"When we were at Hogwarts, Remus, Sirius, Peter and I decided to raid the Slytherin common room," James said almost at a whisper. Severus raised his eyebrows in a spurt of indignity, and James looked up from the bar with the ghost of a smile.

"Relax, we didn't make it. Slughorn caught Peter, rounding the corner. The rest of us were fast enough to dive into a classroom, but Petey just stood there in the hallway. Slughorn was just railing on him. He got detention for a week, but he never said anything, never gave us up." James took a large swig of his beer. "You know the funny thing? He never wanted to sneak out in the first place. It was my idea." James' smile was twisted and bitter when he looked up at Severus and he was surprised to see the beginning of unshed tears.

"I'm going to say this once, because I honestly don't think I could manage to do it twice. You are a good person, very good, in fact. Pettigrew was an adult, he was responsible for his own decisions. You can't fix everything, Potter, no matter how badly you want to. It's not your fault." James sighed, still looking unconvinced.

"Have I ever lied to you, Potter?" Severus asked, peevishly. James reluctantly shook his head.

"Do you think I have tried to spare your feelings?" James lips quirked up, the beginnings of a smile.

"Perhaps once or twice," James replied softly. Severus smirked at that, and leaned forward.

"Let it go, forgive yourself, whatever you need to do, but you need to stop being an ass to Harry, Lily and Millie, Potter. That's not who you are." A flash of guilt, and almost indignation flashed across James' face, but then it fell off and just look defeated. Finally, he nodded.

"And if I'm going to the bloody Quiddich Cup, so are you," Severus continued. For the first time that night, James let out a true laugh and nodded.

"Thanks," James said, looking like he had returned to his usual state between happiness and exuberance, and as far as Severus was concerned, his job was done.

"Come on, let's go home." James nodded and threw down a few bills and they both turned to apparate into the living room.

"Daddy!" yelled Harry excitedly. The smile James usually got when he saw his children: wide and open, finally returned to the man's face and he knelt down and opened his arms"

"Bug! What are you doing up?" James said jovially. Happily, Harry ran into the embrace with a shrill giggle, wrapping his arms firmly around his father. James kissed the boy on the head, locking eyes with Snape over the toddler's tossled hair. A small flicker of approval passed across Severus' face as he watched Harry gleefully melt into his fathers arms.

"I wanna story," Harry said. James laughed and picked the boy up.

"Alright, let's go pick one out," said James.

"Can we read it in your bed?" Harry asked.

"Of course, pet," James said walking up the stairs. He turned around and smiled down at Severus.

"'Night, Sev," James said.

"Night Uncle Sev!" Harry chorused, waving at him.

"Goodnight,"said Severus smiling to himself as he watched them climb the stairs.

**Thanks for all your reviews! If you haven't reviewed already (or if you have) please do so!**


	9. Movin' On

I'm movin' on  
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me  
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone  
There comes a time in everyone's life  
When all you can see are the years passing by  
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

-Rascal Flatts "I'm Movin' On"

Winter had always been Severus' favourite season. The cold weather always provided a reasonable excuse for solitude and reading books by the fire. One could almost disappear for three months without anyone thinking anything of it. Of course, that all changed from the first Christmas he spent with the Potters.

Now Christmas meant presents, huge parties, and James dressing up as Santa, all of which required much more socializing, dressing up and planning. The big Christmas party was two nights away, which meant James had dragged Severus to Diagon Alley to get decorations and party clothes for Amelia and Harry.

"Daddy, I want a hot chocolate," said Harry, lumbering along in his big snowsuit and boots. James picked him up and put him on his shoulders.

"Ok, love," James said. "Can you say, please, please?"

"Please, please!" chorused Harry, the common response to a request for manners. Severus smiled at him before noticing where they were going to get hot chocolate.

Severus suddenly halted at the entrance to the bakery. James, Harry and Amelia all blinked at him, incredulously.

"What's the matter?" James asked. As much as Severus did not want to have to go through the awkwardness of seeing Pauline, he really did not want to go to through the awkwardness of having to explain that to James.

"Nothing," he muttered. James raised his eyebrows, but walked into the bakery without further comment.

The bakery was filled with people taking an afternoon break and little houseelves, all dressed up like Santa's elves, ran from table to table with cake and hot drinks. Thankfully, Pauline didn't seem to be anywhere in sight.

"Uncle Sev, do you think the pretty lady will be here today?" asked Harry as he clamoured onto the seat beside Severus.

"The pretty lady?" James asked, smirking at Severus. A faint blush started to creep up Severus' cheeks as Harry enthusiastically recounted the story to James who kept peering over at Severus with a look that was far too pleased for Severus' liking.

"This is an intriguing development," James said. "After all my efforts, it is going to be my three year old son that is your wingman."

"Don't be ridiculous, Potter," grumbled Severus.

"There she is!" Harry said, so loudly that Pauline, who just came out of the kitchen with plates of cake, started and looked at the table. "Hi!" Harry said waving brightly at her.

Severus willed the veins and capillaries in his face to close so he wouldn't blush a deep red, but he could feel the heat crawl up his neck. James was hiding behind his hand, laughing. Pauline smiled at Harry and walked over. When James didn't stop laughing like a schoolgirl, Severus kicked the man sharply in the shins.

"Hello Harry," Pauline said.

Pauline turned her glowing, perfect smile to the little boy, and crouched down to his eye level, making her shiny dark ponytail slide over her shoulder in a very appealing way.

"How's your nose?" she asked.

"S'ok," Harry said, with a shrug. "This is my Daddy." Harry indicated James with a jerk of his thumb.

"Otherwise known as James," said James with a smile, reaching a hand out to shake Pauline's over Harry's head.

"I'm Polly. Nice to meet you," she said. As soon as she shook James' hand, she turned her smile onto Severus. He wasn't prepared for that to happen so quickly and felt rather like a deer in the headlights.

"Hi," she said with an expectant bubbliness that he completely did not know how to respond to.

"Hey," he replied awkwardly, scrambling madly to get his thoughts under control. There was the briefest moment of awkwardness where Pauline continued to smile at him, and James blinked at him as well.

"I've heard great things about your cake," mentioned James, just as Polly looked like she as going to turn away.

"There not really mine, to be fair," Pauline said even as a proud blush came over her face. "They're Ed's, he's the owner. I just make them."

"That seems like the important part," James mentioned.

"Well, then I'll bring you a piece of strawberry cheesecake," Polly said with a wide-smile. James blinked at her in surprise, then laughed.

"How did you know I like strawberry cheesecake? I could hate all berries," James said in protest.

"You love berries," Harry said. "Berries are you favourite." Pauline ruffled Harry's mop of hair, with a smile and turned to head back to the kitchen. James gave Severus an urgent sort of look that Severus didn't understand. With a growl of frustration, James turned back to Pauline.

"Will you join us?" James asked, suddenly. Pauline considered them for a moment, then nodded, walking back into the kitchen.

The moment she was gone, James whipped around to Severus.

"Dude," he said in a disappointed tone. "You suck."

"Shut up, Potter," Severus grumbled. Harry gasped and gave Severus a look of deep horror.

"That's mean," admonished Harry. James nodded sagely, smirking at Severus the moment the little boy turned away.

"Let's just go," grumbled Severus, he was no mood to be made fun of.

"I want cake," protested Harry, looking precariously close to crying.

"We're getting cake, honey," James said, sensing the situation was about to devolve. "Sev, I'm sorry. Please, sit down." With a little grunt, Severus acquiesced, he was too nervous to pay James that much mind anyways. James checked over his shoulder and leaned little closer, covering Harry's ears.

"Talk to her," James said, his voice a little lower. At that moment, Polly came out of the back, balancing the plates of cake precariously on a serving dish. Instinctively, Severus jumped to his feet and stumbled the two steps to help her.

It didn't go as well as he planned. He took two steps then tripped and crashed directly into Pauline. There was an explosion of cake and limbs and screams, and he was on top of Pauline on the floor.

"Are you ok?" he whispered the moment he came to his senses. He scrambled off of her. She opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, a large aproned man with a grubby, little beard stumbled out of the kitchen

"What the hell?" he bellowed. Polly swore under her breath and scrambled to her feet. Severus' eyes briefly met Pauline's, and she looked away, embarrassed.

"Ed, I'm sorry, it was an accident," she said quickly, reaching down and picking up some of the broken plates. Severus followed, and James too stood up and moved to help.

"Maybe you should be less clumsy," the man said again. Severus scowled up at this unknown man, and straightened up to his full height.

"It was my fault," Severus said. Behind him, James swirled his wand and the plates all jumped back together. The man just sneered slightly, and looked back down to Pauline.

"Get in the kitchen," he said harshly.

"Hey, don't talk to her like that," said Severus, stiffening. Some of the other patrons were starting to look over.

"It's ok," Pauline said softly to Severus, taking the newly formed plates and standing up.

"Damn right, it's ok. This bitch breaks a damn plate every day," he said gruffly. James stood up now as well and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Severus took his wand out of his sleeve and took a menacing step towards the man.

"What did you just say?" he asked, in a dark, low voice.

"Buddy, you don't scare me. This is my damn restaurant. Get the fuck out," said Ed. Before he could move to curse the man, James stepped in between them.

"Hey!" snapped James he gave Ed one hard push, then turned back to Severus. "Calm down." Severus opened his mouth, but James flickered his eyes towards Harry who was watching the interaction from between the slats of the chair with wide-green eyes. Severus nodded, and they quickly exited the store.

"Well, I admit, that could have gone better," James said as they exited the store.

"What's a bitch?" asked Harry. James sighed and looked up to the sky.

"A bad word," James said.

"I'm going to wait and apologize," Severus said. James looked at him for a moment, as though he was going to say it was a bad idea, but he thought better of it then nodded.

They left the bakery, but Severus went to stand at the back door. Hours later, Severus was cold and beginning to deeply regret his stake-out when Pauline opened the back door and came out in a large pink coat, holding a cupcake. When she saw him, she smiled, which he took as a good sign.

"I am so sorry," said Severus, stepping forward from the tree had been leaning against for hours.

"Ed is a jerk," she said with smile. "But he gives me a lot of hours. I'm saving for my own bakery." Severus nodded and stuffed his hand in his pockets, feeling again at a loss again.

"Well good -" There was a moment of awkward silence, and he ground his teeth together before turning to walk away.

"Would you like to go out some time?" she asked, cutting him off. He blinked at her a couple times, and a slow smile spread across her face.

"With you?" he sputtered stupidly. She was all bubbly, well-adjusted, and happy. He was a four at best, she she was at least an eight. He didn't understand she was talking to him, let alone wanting him to take her out on a date.

"Yes, with me," she said cocking her head a little to the side.

"Sure - I mean yes that would be -" he trailed off his rambling a little helplessly, and she smiled.

"Great!" she said brightly, without the slightest indication of being nervous or otherwise flustered.

The date cascaded into another, and another and soon he and Pauline were kissing and laughing, and he was deeply, deeply falling for her, and soon he was doing things like eating dinner in a corner booth at a fancy restaurant.

"What are you thinking about?" Pauline whispered into his ear. She was wearing a short, delicate white dress that perfectly showed off her slim shoulders.

"Nothing," he said, kissing her on the forehead. The waiter walked by and glanced at them. He could see the spark of disbelief on his features as he walked by. Severus pulled away. He was just to go back to his dessert when Pauline swiped the last piece of cake out from under him and ate it.

Severus looked up incredulously at her and she giggled. Her eyes shone brightly and she hid her smile behind her hand. When he looked at her, his heart tightened. She was all sweetness and light, and he absolutely wasn't.

"Why are you with me?" Severus asked. Pauline stopped laughing and put her fork down, but the light and smile remained.

'Cause…I like you," she said with a laugh, going to kiss him again. He pulled away before she could.

"I'm serious -" snapped Severus, the insecurity that had wrecked him for weeks came bubbling to the surface. The smile fell off of her face at the change in tone.

"I - I don't know," she said. "Because I want to be?" She reached over and put her hand over his, looking concerned now. "Sev?"

"You're funny, attractive, smart. You're sweet," said Severus. "I've seen two different men look you over since we sat down." Pauline blushed and looked down at her plate.

"The only thing that makes sense, is that you're not with me because of who I am, but because of you are. You're a good person, and I'm your charity case, your way to feel better about yourself," Severus said, pulling his hand out from underneath him. For a moment, Pauline looked at him in stunned anger, then her features softened.

"You really think that little of yourself?" she whispered. He had been expecting anger, not pity which suddenly made him feel even more filled with self-loathing.

"You think that I'm so much better than you, that only reason I want to be with you is to have a charity case?" she said, sitting back in her chair.

"I want you to listen to me very carefully," said Pauline softy. "I like you because you are funny, attractive, smart, and I think you are very, very sweet." She leaned forward and touched his face, rubbing her thumb a long his cheekbone.

He stared back at her. There was no room for doubt. She wasn't lying, but still he couldn't believe she actually thought those things.

"I love you," she said leaning across the table to kiss him lightly on the lips. She wasn't even mad at him for exploding at her. He kissed her back as hard as he could over the table. He was at a romantic restaurant, with a beautiful woman who just said that he loved him. For some reason he started to laugh against her lips.

"What?" she said warily.

"Nothing, nothing." he said. "I'm just…I'm very happy."

"And that's funny?" she said, tucking a stand of hair behind his ear.

"A little," he whispered, kissing her again.

XXXXXXXxxxxXXXXXX

"Well, well, well, someone has some explaining to do." Severus froze at the sound of Lily's voice. It was 5 AM, she was supposed to be in bed asleep for at least another hour. He winced and turned to around to face her. She was smiling at him, already dressed for work at the kitchen table.

"I have no idea what you mean," he said walking over to the table and picking up a piece of toast.

"I mean, I know a walk of shame when I see one," Lily replied, pouring him coffee.

"How? You married the first guy you ever slept with," Severus said, earning himself a hearty smack across the arm. With a contented sigh, he leaned back in his chair and summoned a teacup with a lazy swish of his wand. He hummed a little tune he had heard on Pauline's radio last night as he fixed his tea, stopping short when he caught Lily watching him.

"What?" he asked, feeling suddenly defensive.

"Nothing, it's just that you really like this girl, don't you?" Lily said. A flush of embarrassment flooded Severus' cheeks, and he looked down at the table before he grinned like an idiot.

"I'm glad you're so happy," Lily said with genuine feeling, giving his hand a small squeeze. He was about to reply when a pure black, imperious looking owl flew the window and landed by Lily's toast. After she untied the message and read it, her face paled to a chalk white, and she stared at the paper for way longer than necessary

"Lily?" Severus asked in concern. She blinked away from the paper and turned a bright smile to Severus.

"Is everything alright?" he asked, nodding at the letter.

"Oh yeah, just boring law stuff," she said, stuffing the parchment into her briefcase hurriedly. Severus frowned, but quickly forgot all about the letter as Lily launched back into teasing him about Pauline.

The next few weeks, Severus was so busy preparing for the launch of his book that he barely noticed Lily's increase in mail or the headlines in the paper.

"International Wizarding Federation should stay out of Muggle relations or die?" James read over her shoulder one morning. Lily blanched and crumbled up the paper. The International Wizarding Federation was the wizard's equivalent of the United Nations, and clearly, the strong Muggle protection stance Lily and Arthur were taking within the organization was upsetting some wizards.

"Don't worry about it, honey. I get letters like that all the time," Lily said quickly, giving him a quick peck on the cheek.

"You do?" James asked, looking back down at the letter. "Somehow, that doesn't really reassure me." He looked at Severus for support who was also frowning.

"Lily…" started Severus in protest, but she cut him off.

"I'm fine. This is an important initiative, and you two need to leave it alone," she snapped, grabbing her briefcase and heading to the floo. The more negative press the Muggle protection laws got, the more James worried. He never said anything, but Severus could tell in the way his jaw-set every time he kissed Lily goodbye.

But Muggle protection was only vaguely on Severus' mind. People kept pre-ordering his book, which meant his book launch party was turning bigger and more extravagant. By the time it arrived, Flourish and Blotts was too small to host it so the entire thing had been moved to the Leaky Cauldron.

"This is so exciting!" Pauline said as they walked into the bookstore. His face stared imposingly back from a large poster, and it was awkward to look at. Everyone he walked by wanted to stop and talk him and Alan, his thin bald agent came who wore robes that were too big for him came running up.

"100,000 galleons my friend, and this is just the beginning!" he squeeked, so excited Severus was worried he'd fall over. 100,000 was more money then Severus had ever had in his entire life and he blinked a little incredulously at the man.

More people took pictures, he signed book after book, and the people he wanted to spend the day with the most, James, Lily, Remus, Dumbledore and Polly kept getting swallowed by the crowd. It wasn't until the publisher made a speech that he finally had a moment to sneak away. He found James predictably stuffing his face with appetizers.

"If you keep going at this rate, I'm going to need to publish another book just to pay for your food bill," muttered Severus as he approached. James stuffed a shrimp in his mouth and smiled.

"That's not what I hear, mate," James said. "It looks like it's a hit." Severus tilted his head in acknowledgement. He hadn't had enough success or privilege in life to know how to go about being humble. Compliments still felt odd to him.

"About that," Severus said "I wanted to give you this. Well not give you so much as repay you." He handed a pouch of galleons out to James who regarded it with disdain.

"That better be candy, Sev," James said wiping his hand on a napkin.

"No, it's gold."

"We've discussed this. I have no interest in your money," James said irritably.

"I appreciate that Potter, but I have no interest in sponging off of you. I live in your house the least I can do is give you some gold," Severus said. At least this way he'd feel like less of a burden. James seemed to pick up on what Severus was thinking because his features softened a little.

"It is your house too, Sev. You'll never have to leave it." James looked over his shoulder to make sure no one else could hear, then continued softly. "And you know money is not a problem. You don't need much, you're kind of like a pet gerbil."

"Well money isn't a problem for me either, so let me contribute," replied Severus. "Of course, I could just bypass you and put this straight into Millie and Harry's Hogwarts fund." James snorted at that and shook his head.

"Remus just pulled the same stunt," James said. "I got a letter from Gringotts telling me 50,000 galleons had been added to my account and would I like to invest them. It took three hours of my life to figure out it was Remus, because the git never bothered to tell me. He didn't think they'd write me a letter and that I'd just not notice the extra money."

"You are terrible with your money," Severus noted, "You'd give it away to anyone who asked."

"Why not, I have enough," James said with a laugh before turning a tinge more serious. "Is it important to you, to do this?" Severus's father never had any money, barely supported himself let alone his family, and Severus always vowed he'd be different. He did not need much, but what he needed he'd provide for himself.

"Yes. It is," he said simply. James sighed and held his hand out. With a smirk, Severus dropped the bag of galleons into the man's hand. It landed with a satisfying plop. James looked at it for a moment then shoved it in his pocket, hurriedly.

"Merlin Sev, how much did you put in there?" James hissed. Severus shrugged.

"30,000, about," Severus whispered back. James blanched a little.

"That's way too much., and I can't walk around with this much money. The Goblins are going to think I'm some sort of ganglord. I'm going to get robbed."

"You weren't expecting the money anyways, Potter. It hardly matters if you get robbed," Severus said blandly. James still had a look of distaste on his face. Severus sighed, rich people were so weird about money.

"If it makes you feel any better. You can think of it as a return on your investment in my book," Severus said. James smiled at that.

"It's a pretty great book," James said. Still adverse to compliments, Severus blushed and nodded awkwardly. He hadn't even known the man had read it. Lily spotted them and walked over with her hand raised. She was just about to say something, when there was a loud bang and she gave a funny jerk. Before Severus could process what was happening, she fell to her knees.

James was already yelling for her and running to her side.

"LIVE LIKE A MUGGLE, DIE LIKE A MUGGLE!" yelled a masked man from the crowd, but Severus barely heard him. He jumped over the table, arriving at Lily's side the moment James did. The crowd screamed and panicked.

"Lil? Lily?" James asked his voice was high and petrified, something Severus had never heard before. She blinked in shock, and her eyes connected with James. Severus quickly tore open front of her robes to find a bloody bullet hole in her chest. Cold fear went through him.

"What spell is that?" asked James, bordering on distraught. Without responding, Severus conjured a large roll of bandages and pressed them to the wound.

"Apparate her to St. Mungo's, now," Severus said tersely. "It's a gunshot." James' eyes widened a bit, and Severus wondered if the man had every heard of a gun shot before. Regardless, James obeyed without a further word.

Blankly, Severus stared at the bloody floor for a moment before realizing the maniac who did this was still out there. He growled in rage and raced through the screaming crowd toward the door. If Lily died, he would not be held responsible for his actions.

"Severus, stop," Dumbledore said, the only voice that could make him do so. Like a well-trained dog, Severus halted and whipped around. Dumbledore was looking at him in concern.

"The Aurors are already on their way, and Remus is out there," said Dumbledore firmly, before Severus could object. "There are children, I believe, who need you right now." Another swoop of horror filled Severus' stomach, he had been so concerned for Lily, he hadn't even thought of Harry or Amelia. He raced through the increasingly hysterical crowd calling for them.

"Sev!" Pauline called from across the room. She was standing by Amelia's stroller and holding Harry on her hip. Severus let out a sigh of relief.

"Are you ok?" he almost yelled as he approached them, peeking in the stroller where Amelia was fussing, but unhurt.

"Just a little shook up," Pauline said, looking at Harry who was still sobbing into her shoulder. The boy reached out for Severus the moment he approached, and Severus hurriedly took him from Pauline. Harry wrapped his arms around Severus' neck with such fervour it almost choked him, and he was shaking like a leaf.

"It's ok, love, shhh," whispered Severus, stroking the baby's messy hair. "You're safe, shhh." After a few moments, he calmed down to simple whimpers. As his concern with calming the child dissipated, his concerns about Lily and James returned.

"I'll stay with the kids," said Pauline, reading his mind. "Go." Severus nodded.

"Polly's going to stay with you ok?" Severus said to Harry. The boy whimpered a little then mashed his face into Severus' neck.

"Where'd Momma go?" whispered Harry. "She laid down and there was a bang." Severus' felt another moment of tension in his gut, and he lowered the baby to the floor.

"Don't worry. Everything's going to be ok," Severus said, squeezing his shoulder. He didn't quite know how to explain the attack to the child. He looked up to Pauline and she crouched down beside Harry as well.

"If you want cutie-pie, I can show you how to make a chocolate cake," offered Pauline. Harry nodded after a moment, then accepted the hand she was holding out to him.

"Ok. Monkey, I'm going to be back soon, alright?" said Severus, kissing the toddler on the cheek. Harry nodded bravely, before he could change his mind and throw a tantrum, Severus turned around and disaparated to St. Mungo's.

"Lily Potter!" Severus said running to the front desk. A harried nurse looked down at the list of patients.

"She's in surgery." he said Severus.

"How is she?" asked Severus.

"I don't know, sir," continued the nurse, flipping though more documents. "A Healer should be with you shortly." Severus huffed in annoyance and looked around the waiting room for James. There was an old witch rubbing her knee, and a tall boy in Quidditch clothes holding a broomstick and a black eye. No James. With even more anxiety now, Severus starting to madly roam the floors of St. Mungos.

He found James standing in an empty hallway, leaning against the wall as though it was the only thing holding him. Blood still covered his clothes There was such a naked look of despair on his face, that Severus almost retreated back to the waiting room, but some internal force propelled him forward.

"Potter?" he whispered softly. James looked up at him briefly, then stared back down at the floor again, looking absolutely decimated.

"Polly is with the children," Severus said softly. "Remus is on his way." James just nodded at the ground. Severus felt horribly inadequate as he stood silently beside the man unable to think of the words.

"She's going to be ok," continued Severus. James sucked in a harsh breath, and dropped his chin to his chest, giving another unconvincing little nod.

A noise, like a little sniffle, from the man cracked Severus' heart. Hesitantly, Severus reached up and squeezed James' shoulder, desperate to do something. Without further reticence, James pitched forward and let out a few broken sobs on Severus' shoulder.

"It's going to be ok," Severus muttered, because he couldn't think of anything else to say. Thinking about Lily made Severus want to burst into tears himself, and she wasn't his wife or the mother of his children. Still, he loved her enough he could empathize with the depths of James' despair. For a moment, he tried to imagine what life would be like with out Lily. Him, James and the kids, it seemed like a bad sitcom. He tightened his grip so that he was holding James properly, the man accepted it for a moment, then pulled away.

"Thank you for coming," muttered James as he looked down.

"Of course," Severus said, as they slowly started to walk back down the hall towards the waiting room. "Family, right?" James smiled a little, and Severus realized that it was the probably the first time he had called them that.

There was more tense silence as they waited. Finally, as Healer came through with an almost bored look on his face.

"Potter, Lily." Both James and Severus jumped to their feet, James' face the colour of cottage cheese.

"Is she ok?" he asked. before the doctor could get a word out.

"She's fine. We were able to shrink and remove the bullet and luckily it missed all major organs. I'd like to keep her overnight for observation and to manage any pain, but we should be able to let her go tomorrow," the Healer with a smile. James keeled over in relief and laughed a little hysterically. Severus gently laid a hand on his back.

"Can we see her?" asked Severus. They were led to a semi-private room. The other occupant, an Indian woman with horns coming out of her skull, was sleeping peacefully in the other bed, but Lily was awake, half-way sitting up on the pillows. She gave them a wide, beaming smile and the remaining anxiety Severus had was replaced with relief so desperate, he felt a little faint.

James had already run to her side to hold her and was whispering something in her ear that made her nod and tear-up as she clutched him back. It was such an intimate moment, Severus almost felt guilty for intruding on it, but Lily turned smiled at him and opened her arms.

"How are you doing?" he asked, stepping forward to hug her tightly.

"I'm fine," she whispered, sounding genuine. Finally, there was a lull in the conversation, and James leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead.

"I'm going to find whoever did this, and I'm going to kill them," James said with such force, Severus almost believed it.

"Honey," Lily said squeezing his hand lightly. "It's alright, everything's fine. Just let the Aurors do their job."

"I'm going to let the children, Polly and Remus know that you're okay," he whispered moving her hair behind her ear. "They're all worried about you. Sev, you don't mind staying?" Severus shook his head.

"I'm sorry I stole your thunder," Lily said, as soon as James left. "It was such a big day for you."

"I can't think of anything I care less about," Severus said, sitting on the edge of her hospital bed. She smiled and rested her hand on his.

"Thank you for taking care of James and the kids," she said, her eyes shining with tears. "I don't know what I'd do without you." Severus recalled with horrible clarity, the previous hour when he didn't know what was going to happen or how injured she was.

"Me neither," admitted Severus, squeezing her hand back. She smiled at him then motioned for her purse that was sitting on the chair.

"Anyways, on to more important things. People get shot everyday" she said riffling through her bag with a slightly pained expression. "But best-sellers are rare, so I was hoping you maybe put a good word in with the author. See if he'll sign this for me?"

She handed him her book with a smile, and he signed it with a smirk.

"Severus Snape," she said looking at it with faint disapproval. "That is what I get 'Severus Snape'? No note? I just got shot for Merlin's sake."

Severus rolled his eyes, took back the book and hastily scrolled "Love" on top of his name and handed it back.

"Much better," she said with a smile.

XXxxxxXXX

Pauline was warm and wet under the beads of water from the shower. Severus kissed her insistently, and her arms wound tightly around his neck, playing with his hair. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her naked body close to his. He kissed the side of her thin neck, and she gasped a little in his ear. He was going to keep kissing downward when the bathroom door burst open with a loud crash.

"Uncle Sev!" yelped Harry, hysterically. Severus immediately pulled away from the Pauline and gave her a panicked look. She clapped her hands over her mouth and giggled.

"Uh - uhm - what's wrong, monkey?" Severus asked hurriedly, summoning a towel and wrapping around his waist. He cast an apologetic look to Pauline and pulled back curtain just enough so he could step out of the bathtub. Harry was standing there tearfully with a piece of lego sticking out of nose. Severus tried not to laugh.

"Where's your Mommy?" Severus asked as he picked the boy up and sat him on the bathroom counter.

"Putting Millie to bed," Harry said softly. "I was just playing."

"It's ok," said Severus reassuringly. He pointed his wand at the boys face and shrunk the piece of lego so that it fell out of his nose. As soon as it fell out, he cast a cleaning charm on it, resized it and handed it back to the toddler.

"Legos aren't for your nose," he said sternly. Harry nodded gravely, but stopped when a chuckle came from the shower.

"Who's in there?" he asked curiously.

"No one's in there," said Severus hurriedly, lifting the boy off of the counter and sending him out the door. "Go play." Harry looked a little put out at being shuttled out of the room, but did what he was told.

As soon as the boy was far enough away, Severus pulled back the curtain. Pauline still had her hands over her mouth and she burst out laughing now that Harry was gone.

"I can't believe you laughed," Severus said, stepping back into the shower.

"Legos aren't for your nose!" she said, mimicking his stern voice and face. "You're no fun."

"That's not true. I've been told I can be a lot of fun," Severus whispered. Pauline pulled his towel off and kissed his ear lightly.

"Is that so?" He turned the water on, and was about to kiss her when the door burst open again.

"Have any toilet paper in here?" James asked, his mouth full of toothpaste. This time Pauline screamed and Severus jumped as well.

"Does anyone knock in this bloody house?" yelled Severus. poking his head out of the shower curtain to glare murderously at James, who looked ridiculous holding the toilet paper in one hand and his toothpaste in the other with an expression of complete shock.

"So sorry. Hi Polly!" he said backing out of the room. As he was about to leave he gave Severus a large thumbs up and mouthed 'nice'. Severus rolled his eyes and put his head back in the curtain.

The water was still running, but one look at Pauline's face told him the mood had totally died. Still she threw him such an adorably, embarrassed grin, he found he didn't mind.

"I'm starting to prune," she said with a laugh. Severus summoned a towel and wrapped it around her shoulders, kissing her lightly on the nose. She looked up to him, blushed then stepped out of the tub, and he could feel his heart hammer in his head chest insistently.

"I am so sorry," James said when Pauline and Severus came down for breakfast the next morning. Lily waggled her eyebrows, which got her a slap on the shoulder from Pauline. Severus just glared and accepted the pancakes James passed sheepishly to him.

Severus sat down on the nearest chair and jumped up when he landed on a set of lego. His hatred for this stupid Muggle toy was at an all-time high. Harry giggled at him deviously. Lily was trying to feed Amelia pancakes, but the baby was in the middle of the terrible twos and putting up an enormous fight involving a lot of screaming. Neither James not Pauline minded, both of them were having a loud conversation over it. Everything was so damn loud, that he almost missed the voice coming from the fireplace.

"Professor Dumbledore, sorry sir," Severus said getting to his feet when he finally saw the man's face in the fireplace. Dumbledore smiled graciously.

"Never mind my dear boy, a loud kitchen is a happy one," he said. All of the adults in the room regarded the fireplace with worried eyes. Unannounced visits from Dumbledore typically did not bode well.

"Is everything alright, sir? Would you like to come through?" James asked solicitously. "We have pancakes."

"Everything's fine James, and as partial as I am to your pancakes, I was simply hoping to borrow Severus for a moment," replied Dumbledore, smiling at Severus. Momentarily taken aback, Severus blinked in surprise but nodded.

"Wonderful, I'll see you momentarily," said Dumbledore cheerfully. With that, Dumbledore vanished from the fireplace.

Severus arrived moments later in Dumbledore's lush office. He hadn't been in it since he was a boy, and he blinked at all the curious portraits ands shiny silver instruments in curiosity before he realized Dumbledore was staring at him with a smile.

"It's rather overwhelming isn't it?" said Dumbledore with a smile, please sit down. Surprisingly, Dumbledore took the second visitors chair instead of sitting behind his desk.

"I was hoping to ask you a favour," Dumbledore said, there was a twinkle in his eye that worried Severus, but he nodded.

"Horace Slughorn is retiring at the end of this year, and I was hoping that you would consent to the post of Head of Slytherin House and come teach at Hogwarts," said Dumbledore with a bright smile. Completely taken aback Severus simply gaped for a few moments.

"Sir, I - I have not practiced Potions in years, and I certainly do not believe I'd be capable of adequately monitoring a hundred students," said Severus when his mind finally started to work again.

"Ah yes, I am well aware that you have not practiced Potions in years, that's why I would be offering you the post of Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor," Dumbledore said. "Professor Eagleton who currently teaches it is more than capable of teaching Potions, and has expressed his preference for doing so to me."

"I don't know that I'd be a good teacher, sir," continued Severus, his mind reeling.

"Severus, your Defence Guide has become a best seller. You wrote with knowledge and clarity. I believe you'd be a fine instructor," Dumbledore said with such confidence that Severus almost believed it.

"Would I live at Hogwarts?" Severus asked after a moment of consideration. There was a look in Dumbledore's eye that was all too knowing, and he gave Severus an understanding nod.

"Heads of House are required to live on campus so their wards may find them in times of need," Dumbledore said. Severus nodded vaguely.

His soul up until the night Voldemort almost attacked the Potter's had been a broken, fragile thing. When Lily and James took him into their house, it was like they had put that fractured soul in a firm, protective cast. They treated it with concern and care, and slowly it had begun to knit back together. Still, he was far from believing that he was ready to pull of the cast and walk alone.

"Think about it," Dumbledore said. "Take the week."

It was all he could think about, and both James and Lily could tell something was up. They kept sharing concerned looks and asking probing questions. Now when he went to bed in his little second floor bedroom he felt so safe in, he felt childish, and although Pauline never said anything and got on famously with both Potters and the children, bringing her to the Potters' felt a little bit like sneaking his girlfriend into his parents house.

Still, this was his home. The first place he had ever been loved, accepted and part of a family. It was easy to maintain that feeling when Lily was in the kitchen every morning, and James was barging in asking for toilet paper, but he wasn't certain that feeling would stay once he left. He was not a particularly pleasant man to be around, without that obligation they might just forget about him, and that thought was almost too painful to bear. Hogwarts, Severus reflected as he watched Harry and Amelia run around the kitchen, was just a job. This was his family, and he wasn't going to leave them.

He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts, that he almost didn't notice James' and Lily's huge smiles as they sat down across from him.

"Sev," Lily said softy. He looked up at their beaming faces, and frowned in confusion. "I'm pregnant." Behind her, James did a victory dance and whooped. Rapturous joy was clear on both their faces. His own heart warmed and leapt.

"Congratulations!" he said standing up and hugging them both. He looked at Lily's tear-filled eyes and James' proud grin and with sudden clarity realized that he wanted his heart to fill and rip the way their's were right now.

"I'm moving out," he said. The smiles promptly fell of their faces and he regretted the blunt delivery. When he apologized for stealing Lily's thunder, explained about Hogwarts and the job and reassured them that it was not the baby, they still didn't look particularly happy.

"So it's not cause there is going to be another baby running around here?" asked James uncertainly. As though the baby could suddenly be removed from the picture if that was the complaint. They were now on their fourth cup of tea, and both of them still looked vaguely disapproving.

"No, Potter," Severus said for the third time. "It's just time. Certainly you didn't think I was going to live here forever?" James and Lily exchanged a look that Severus couldn't quite decipher.

"Well not forever," said James. "Just until, you know, you died." Severus gave him an exasperated look, but James thew his hands up.

"What? I like living with you. I thought you liked it here too!" James continued petulantly, crossing his arms in front of his chest and looking very much like a sullen child.

"I do, Potter, really," said Severus. Both James and Lily were studying him carefully with almost identical looks of patient curiosity. "But I've got to make it on my own."

"Why?" said Potter. There was a touch of indignity in his voice. Lily gave him a quelling look. "No I'm serious. Why does anyone have to make it on their own? It seems to make a lot more sense to make it with your family."

"You really want to do this?" asked Lily gently, covering his hand with her warm one. In a real way, he didn't. He loved living in the Potter house more than he would ever care to admit to either of the Potters, and he was petrified to leave it.

"Yes," said Severus softly. "Positions at Hogwarts don't come around often, and I almost gave it up so I could stay here. Don't you see? I want to have a career, my own life, my own family even. If I stay here, I'll be so comfortable I'm afraid I'll never make that happen."

Lily squeezed his hand with a small, almost sad smile, and there was a slightly less defiant angriness to James' jaw.

"Alright then," Lily said. "We'll help move you out, anything you need." James grunted in agreement, which Severus could tell was the closest to whole-hearted support the man could get.

"Thank you," he said softly, knowing it was better to accept their help rather than upset them further.

Still, moving in to Hogwarts was supposed to be an easy process. Severus had never had owned more things then he needed, and he didn't need much. It would have taken only a few moments of taking boxes trough the fireplace, but James kept discovering things like kettles, towels and dish-soap that Severus didn't have because of his years with the Potters. That would have been fine if Lily hadn't then decided that the plain stone walls and Hogwarts-issued furnishings were 'depressing' and had to apparate all over London finding decorations.

By the end of it all, a process that was supposed to take a couple hours had taken the whole day and his formerly cold, drab apartment had a roaring fireplace, pictures and flowers on the mantle, a half-full bookshelf on one of the walls and thick, velvet curtains covering the floor-to-ceiling windows that took up a whole wall. The apartment was almost homey, and Amelia toddling around pulling things out of the drawers while James and Lily cooked made it even more so.

"Dinner's ready," Lily said, carrying over a large bowl of linguine and clam sauce. James followed, carrying Amelia, and Harry, who had been acting oddly silent, toddled behind. As Lily waved her wand at the pasta and made it obediently jump onto four separate plates, he felt a little morose. Most of his dinners would be eaten alone now, and they probably wouldn't involve clam sauce. Just then, a loud knock broke Severus would of his reverie. Sharing a look of confusion with James, Severus quickly hopped to his feet and strode purposefully strode over to the door and opened it.

Dumbledore, Minerva and Hagrid were standing at the door, smiling.

"Hello, Severus," said Dumbledore with a wide-smile.

"We wanted to give you a proper welcome to your new home. I didn't know you'd have company," Dumbledore said looking around at the Potters and the full dinner that was laid out on the table. "Please forgive the intrusion."

"Not at all, come in," said Severus. He recovered from his surprise with a blink and opened the door wider. Minerva gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and squeezed the top of his arm gently.

"I baked ya some rock-cakes, Professor," said Hagrid, handing over a small, dented tin.

"Just Severus, Hagrid. Thanks for these," Severus said, placing the rock cakes on the mantle. The last time Severus had eaten one of Hagrid's cakes, he had to have Lily repair his cracked tooth. It was not an experience he wished to repeat.

Soon, Dumbledore had multiplied the food and James had dug out some extra dishes and they were all squished around Severus' four person kitchen table. There was so many people in such a small place that he couldn't even consider that one day he may feel lonely.

"Come on, try one bite," Dumbledore said, attempting to tempt the youngest Potter into trying a clam. With a stubbornness only a toddler could manage she shook her small, dark pigtails from side-to-side and pushed away the spoon, spilling it everywhere.

"Alas, she is set in her ways," Dumbledore said with a laugh, cleaning the mess up with a swish of his wand.

"It took me awhile to like clams meself, something isn't right about slimy foods. This here is fantastic though," said Hagrid, as he look a large bite of the clam linguine. Lily smiled at him and put more food on his place.

"So Professor Snape, have you given any thought to how your going to run your house? You're about to have a hundred little Slytherins under your control," asked Minerva with a playful smile. From anyone else the question might have sounded accusatory, but from her it was an attempt to draw him under her wing.

"He's going to be so mean!" James said with a laugh. Severus snorted and rolled his eyes.

"I will not be mean," said Severus indignantly.

"I'm sure he'll be a very good teacher," said Dumbledore kindly. "The students will be lucky to have him." Hesitantly, Severus raised his eyes to meet Dumbledore's kind, twinkling ones. The older wizard would never know how much his support meant to Severus. Without it, he didn't think he'd ever be able to leave the Potters'. Suddenly, without warning, Harry jumped to his feet and bolted out of the kitchen to the bathroom. For a moment, the adults all exchanged bemused looks, but the boy's sullen moodiness started to suddenly make sense to Severus.

"Harry?" Lily said, standing to go after him.

"Was it something I said?" asked Dumbledore.

"I'll go," Severus said, waving Lily off. She sat down reluctantly and Severus walked over to the bathroom and knocked on the door.

"Harry?" asked Severus quietly.

"Go away!" yelled Harry, petulantly. Severus had known the boy ever since he could talk, had witnessed nearly every unsightly tantrum, and was barely fazed by the response. He opened the door to find the boy sitting on the side of the bathtub with his head in his hands. With a pang of sympathy, Severus strode across the room and knelt down in front the little boy. He could see thin lines of tears on the boy's flushed cheeks.

"What's wrong, Hare-bear?" asked Severus, putting a hand on Harry's knee. He just shrugged miserably in response.

"Why do you have to go?" whined Harry, rubbing at his eyes. With a sigh, Severus sat on the side of the bathtub and wrapped an arm around the little shoulders.

"Because I really would like to have this job," Severus said. Harry's lip trembled and more tears welled up in his eyes. "Oh now, come on. It's ok." Severus ran a hand up and down the boy's arm.

"But I don't want you to go."

"Alright, come here," Severus said, dragging Harry on to his lap. He was still young enough to melt against Severus' chest and cry earnestly into his shirt. Severus' large hand almost completely covered the boy's back, and when he pulled him close and kissed him on the head, it still felt like he was holding a baby.

"I don't want to leave you either," Severus said, stroking Harry's messy hair. "You can come visit me anytime you want, ok?" With a long sniff, Harry wiped his nose on his sleeve and stared up at Severus with big, watery eyes.

"Promise?" he whispered, wiping the last bit of moisture off of the pudgy cheeks. Severus nodded solemnly.

"I promise. Now, let's go out there and get some cake." Harry shook his head and wiped at his face.

"No. I'm blotchy," protested Harry. It was only the last few times Harry had cried that he had been embarrassed and concerned about being blotchy. He was growing up. Severus had been there for the majority of the baby's milestones, and it was oddly sad to think that he was going to start missing things.

He conjured a washcloth and turned on the tap to wet it.

"Let me see," whispered Severus. He pressed the wet cloth to the blotches on Harry's face. Tired from his outburst, Harry snuggled more completely into Severus' chest and started to suck his thumb. Soon the redness faded from the child's face and he smiled up at Severus.

"Now do you want cake?" asked Severus gently. Eagerly, Harry nodded and Severus picked him up, noticing again how much bigger the boy had gotten as he momentarily struggled to get to his feet.

"There they are!" Lily said, all the adults turned to look at Harry and Severus. The attention embarrassed Harry, who turned his head into Severus' neck to escape it.

"Hare-bear, do you want some cake?" asked James. The juicy slice of chocolate cake provided enough temptation for Harry to squirm down out of Severus' arms and ran to his father.

Soon the cake was done, Minerva, Hagrid and Dumbledore had gone to their own quarters, and both Harry and Amelia were fast asleep in Severus' guest bedroom. Severus had uncorked last bottle of elf-made wine and he and James were hovering somewhere between tipsy and drunk while Lily sipped tea and raised her eyebrows at their increasingly loud laughter.

"You guys are going to wake the children," she said with a chuckle, hitting James in the arm. "And it's late, we really should be getting back." James nodded and got to his feet with a groan.

"I'll get the kids," James said with a nod, disappearing into the guest bedroom. Lily looked at Severus, her eyes starting to swim alarmingly.

"Come on, don't cry," Severus said with a little groan.

"I'm pregnant, Sev. Everything makes me cry," she said stepping forward and hugged him.

"I'll still be around for babysitting, Sunday dinners, anything you need. I'm just across the floo." She smiled weakly up at him and wiped the tears away from her eyes.

"I know. You've got everything, right? Pots and pans - a strainer? Do you have a strainer?" Lily asked looking through the nearest box.

"I think so…" said Severus, watching as Lily started to riffle through the last box of kitchen stuff for the elusive strainer. James exited the guest room carrying a fast-asleep Amelia in one hand and dragging a bleary-eyed Harry by the other hand.

"Alright, we're off. Now you're sure you have everything" James said turning to Severus. Both James and Lily were looking at him the ways parents looked at their children before they boarded the Hogwarts Express for the first time.

"Yes, Potter, I'm fine. Funnily enough, as an adult I can suitably manage my own affairs," said Severus defensively.

"And you do it so delightfully, Sev, really," James said with a grin. "Alright, come on, give me a hug," He raised his arms and Severus returned the hug slightly reluctantly, squeezing Amelia in between them.

"I'll see you for drinks on Thursday, alright?" James said. Severus nodded and kissed Amelia on the forehead then bent down to Harry who was staring at the floor looking downcast.

"Bye Hare-bear," he said, gently tapping the boy's chin up. Harry pitched forward and hugged him tightly.

"Bye Uncle Sev," he whispered, before retreating back to his father. For a moment, Severus looked over the slightly depressed-looking Potter family and felt as though he ought to say something to make them feel ok. The words of thanks seemed inadequate and saying that they saved his life and his soul seemed melodramatic, even with all the wine.

"I…thank you," Severus said awkwardly. "Thank you for letting me into your home, your family." James smiled, and Lily's eyes filled with tears again. She stepped forward and gave him another tight hug.

"Come on now, this is see-you-in-four-days, not goodbye," James said reasonably, boosting Amelia up further on his hip as he watched the scene fondly.

"Oh, it'll be sooner than that won't it, Sev?" she asked with her wide, glittering eyes. Severus nodded with a laugh.

"Of course." With that, they stepped into the fireplace, leaving Severus with only the whispers of their presence. A few undone dishes, pictures on the wall, rumpled sheets where Amelia and Harry had slept. Somehow those whispers made the silence in his apartment even louder.

He had spent so much of his life alone, he'd just assumed that it would come back to him, but for a moment he stood stupidly in the centre of his living room wondering what to do with himself. To do something, he cleaned the dishes, unpacked the last boxes and straightened his bedroom. No baby cried, no footsteps tread reassuringly above him, and for a moment Severus missed it. Then he realized, that there was no baby, no footsteps, and no other people.

He took a pinch of floo power and through it into the fire.

"Polly?" after a moment, her sleepy- pretty face came into view as she regarded him with some concern.

"Sev? Is everything ok?"

"Yes. I have the place to myself, you know, and since you couldn't make dinner I thought you might like a private tour." said Severus, smiling as playfully as he knew how to. Her concern turned into a wide-grin.

"I'll be right over."

**Please Review if you have a moment!**


	10. I'll Never Drown

I'll carry the weight  
I'll do anything for you  
My bones may break  
but I'll never be untrue  
Oh what I wouldn't do  
Oh what I wouldn't do

Your love is like an ocean  
that always takes me home  
Whispering wind is blowing  
telling me I'm not alone  
Your love is like a river  
that I am floating down  
I've never been a swimmer  
but I know that I'll never drown  
I know that I'll never drown

- "What I Wouldn't Do" Serena Ryder

"You're being a girl," muttered Severus as James poured over the selection of bright diamond rings.

"You're lucky I'm taking this seriously, or you'd have bought that ghastly pear-shaped one a few stores back," muttered James carefully examining a huge, obscenely expensive ring.

"What about the princess cut?" asked a harried salesgirl who had pulled out nearly every ring in the store. She flicked her wand at it and it wound in circles around the air. "2 carats, platinum-setting…" James scrunched his nose in distaste, and Severus shook his head as well.

"I think I need to think about it," Severus said. The poor young witch forced on a bright smile and nodded.

"Of course," she said. Severus gave her an apologetic smile, muttered a few words of thanks and headed out of the door.

"Well, I am fairly certain that's every diamond in the London," said James cheerfully. "To Paris?" Severus couldn't tell if the man was being serious or not and let out a little groan.

"Oh come now, it's meant to be hard," James said clapping him on the back. "Have you thought about how you're going to propose?"

A knot tightened in Severus' stomach. Committing to Pauline wasn't the problem. He always fell fast and hard and from the first time they kissed he knew he was hers forever. The problem was that he now had to ask her to be his. He could not possibly fathom how a woman could commit to him for the rest of her life, especially a woman as wonderful as Pauline.

"One problem at a time, Potter," muttered Severus before exploding. "How hard is it to find a damn ring?"

"Maybe if you actually said what you wanted," James said patiently.

"Timeless," Severus said. "and perfect."

"Well, with perfect being in the criteria, we shouldn't have too much trouble," James teased. "What about your Mother's ring?" Severus scoffed.

"Ok, bad idea," conceded James. "Come on, you must have a vision." Severus was quiet for a moment.

"The old-fashioned claw holding the diamond," he muttered, feeling a little embarrassed. James looked thoughtful for a moment, then smiled. He grabbed Severus arm, and before he could resist they had apparated back to the Potter's house.

Potter disappeared up the stairs for a moment, then reappeared holding a small, battered blue box. He opened it and passed it to Severus. A large, square diamond sat delicately in a claw in the centre of a platinum ring, the type of detail-work that only could be accomplished by Goblins surrounded the band. It was gorgeous.

"Perfect, right?" James asked with a smile. Severus peeled his eyes away from the ring to look at James' bright face.

"It's my Great-Grandmother's, goblin-made," James said. Goblin-made engagement rings were exceedingly rare now, the creatures took it as a point of personal pride not to make Wizard 'trinkets'. The ring would be worth a fortune.

"You wouldn't mind me getting a jeweller to copy it?" asked Severus, running a finger over the engraving.

"Why get a copy, when you can have the original?" James said. Severus blinked at the man in disbelief, then laughed.

"Potter, I can't accept that, this - this is a -" he sputtered not bing able to find the words, and placed the ring on the table.

"A family heirloom," James said firmly. "It's for family." He took the ring and placed it back into Severus' hand.

"Potter, I appreciate this. I do, really. But you should save that for Harry or Millie or your other children," Severus said.

"They have lots of other stuff," said James, his smile turned a little sad. "My parents were wonderful, really wonderful. I mean I was their whole world. They completely doted on me. Especially my father, anything I wanted I could get from him with a smile and a kiss. That's the great part of being an only child."

James' parent's were never a topic of casual conversation in the Potter house. All Severus knew was that they died within a week of one another when James was eighteen, and that the second week of April James was irritable and morose. The scars clearly ran deep, and Severus didn't really know what to say.

"The downside, of course, is that when your parents die, you're all alone," James continued softly. "So I have all this wonderful Potter family stuff, and I want to share it with my family. They would want me to share it with my family."

Severus looked back down at the ring, then at Potter's reassuring smile.

"Are you absolutely certain?" he asked quietly. James' lips quirked into the beginning of a smile and he nodded.

"Though if you prefer, I also have a bunch of Black family heirlooms up in my attic," said James with a laugh. "I'm sure you could find a nice wedding ring in there, but it might bite off Polly's finger or something." Severus laughed, and shook his head.

"No, this is perfect," said Severus genuinely. "But look, you have to at least let me pay you for it." James rolled his eyes.

"The point of an heirloom, Sev, is to pass it down, from generation-to-generation," said James as though he was talking to someone very slow. Severus opened his mouth to protest but James cut him off.

"Buying it cheapens it, Sev," he said seriously, and that was not something Severus could argue with. "It's about family legacy."

"Thank you, James, really," Severus said softly after a moment, putting the ring in his pocket. "This means a great deal." It was the closest to a declaration of love or affection that Severus could get.

"It's not a problem at all. I'm happy to do it. Now, considering I just saved you a few thousand Galleons, I think you should buy me a beer," James said with a grin, clapping Severus on the back.

Now that he had the ring, he had to figure out how to propose. He was desperately trying to find the line between meaningful and over-the-top. Romance was not his forte. James, Remus and Lily weren't much help. James had proposed to Lily while bleeding out after a Deatheater attack, something which may work for nineteen year-olds, but seemed a little melodramatic now. Everything Remus came up with involved scented candles and poetry, and Lily's suggestion "give her the bloody ring and ask" seemed a little cold.

"Just speak from the heart, dear," Molly had said kindly when he asked for her advice. "You're a great man, you don't need to do any more than that."

So Severus decided to just wait for the right time to speak from his heart. He and Polly had dinner plans with the Potter's, and the entire night the ring weighed down his pocket like a stone dragging him down to the ocean. He saw the sun starting to set over the flower garden, and decided that the moment they finished eating, he'd take her down there and propose.

He was mentally going over his speech when there was a sharp rap at the door. Gideon, the same prosecutor who had gone after Peter and whom Lily worked so closely with, was standing at the door. Two Aurors stood beside him. The moment she saw them, Lily stood up in concern.

"Gideon? Is everything alright?" she asked. Gideon's intense stare met Severus' eyes, and a swell of anxiety cursed through him.

"I'm afraid not," he said softly. "I'm sorry to intrude on your dinner, but I have an arrest warrant for Severus Snape." Everyone at the table turned to look at Severus, who just stared at Gideon in blank confusion.

"Pardon?" James said, saying what everyone was thinking. Gideon took a step towards Severus.

"Severus Snape you are under arrest for crimes against Muggleborns and Muggles," Gideon said. Lily looked enraged, and James was still looking around as though he expected a Muggle TV crew to come in and say it was all a joke. Severus' eyes went to Polly, her face was completely bloodless, but behind the shock in her pretty eyes he could see hurt and accusation.

"Gideon you can't be serious," Lily said in a quiet whisper, her eyes shifting nervously towards Severus. He looked away from her to focus on the table.

"I'm afraid I am."

"Surely you can't forget all he's done for our side," James continued in a low voice.

"All the evidence will be considered at trial of course," said Gideon reaching around for Severus' arm. Lily's lips pursed as she stared at Gideon, then realizing she wasn't going to get any further, she grabbed her coat.

"Fine. I'll meet you at Azkaban. I want to see the specific charges" said Lily tersely, her lawyer-mode fully engaged. Gideon nodded his assent, and Lily turned to Severus.

"Sev," Lily said softly. Everything was an odd sort of numb. His lips felt fuzzy. It had been completely insane to think that those years as Deatheaters would not have caught up with him.

"Sev, honey," Lily said, touching his arm. Still in a daze he raised his eyes to meet hers. She gave him a small, encouraging smile. "It's going to be fine. Don't say anything until I get there, ok?" He gave a small nod in response, not quite able to hold Lily's gaze and slowly placed his arms behind his back.

"You have the right to speak to -"

"Uncle Sev?" spun around towards Harry's voice. The little boy was standing in the doorway watching him curiously in his pyjamas. All the adults just blinked at him for a moment.

"What's wrong?" he asked softly, walking further into the room. The hand that was holding Severus' arm behind his back released, and Severus let out a breath of thanks.

"Nothing's wrong, monkey," Severus said, forcing a smile and kneeling down to be in the toddler's eye-line. Harry could sense the anxiety in the room, and wrapped his arms around Severus' neck, casting wary looks at the unknown Aurors standing around the room.

"What are you doing out of bed?" asked Severus gently as he got to his feet with the boy on his hip.

"There's a monster under my bed. The floorboards keep creaking," said Harry as he laid his head on Severus' shoulder.

"There are no monsters, lovey," said Severus kissing the boy on the temple.

"Will you come check?" the boy asked in a whisper. Severus quickly looked at James who wiped the look of concern of his face and stepped forward to take Harry.

"Come on, love, I'll check," James said. Severus handed the little boy over, feeling suddenly cold and empty without the warm weight in his arms. James' eyes connected with Severus' for a moment then he disappeared through the kitchen doorway up the stairs.

Gideon grabbed his wrists against and a gold cord sprang around them. A hand firmly gripped his shoulder and a moment later he was sucked up out of the Potter's living room across the roaring ocean to Azkaban.

He was put all alone in a solitary cell. All he could see out the window was the ocean licking the sides of the brick building. He had never felt so insignificant, so worthless. He remembered how broken his soul had felt before the Potters, and he felt it shatter all over again. This time he was sure there would be no one to bind it for him.

Gideon had informed him of the atrocities he was accused of. The murder of a muggle family he had participated in, the torture of multiple Aurors and previous members of the Order, supplying devastating potions that undoubtedly killed more. One of the people his potions had been used to kill with Fabian Prewett. Molly had always been so kind to him, and he'd never be able to look at her in the face again.

The thought of Lily and James made his stomach roll. They may have been accepting of a lot, but now that his crimes were laid bare, crimes against people that they knew, were friends with, there was no way they could forgive him for that.

He wondered what they told Harry and Amelia, if he'd ever see them again. Thinking of the babies growing up, barely remembering him, and then only as a murdering Deatheater extinguished the last light in his soul and he leaned against the wall of his cell, and sobbed.

"Your lawyer is here," rasped one of the guards early the next morning. He was one of only three wizards who worked on Azkaban, and although he was black, there was something ghostly about him, like the Dementors had sucked the colour and life from his soul and his skin.

"I don't have a lawyer," whispered Severus.

"Yeah you do, pretty redhead," Severus jerked his head up and looked at the guard. He nodded and followed the man to a small mildewy room with a single desk. Lily was sitting at the desk studying the contents of a thick manilla folder.

The moment he walked in she stood up, ran over to him and hugged him tightly. He was so surprised he just stood still.

"How are you doing, sweetheart?" she asked, pulling back to examine his face. He didn't know how to respond to that, so he just looked down.

"Come, I brought you lunch. James made you chilli, and Pauline put in some cupcakes," said Lily brightly.

"No outside food," said the guard.

"Oh Roy, I brought you some chilli and cupcakes too," she said with a little wink. Roy grunted but took the lunch without further comment. Somehow the spread of food in front of Severus made him want to puke and cry and scream all at the same time.

"You shouldn't be here," Severus whispered, looking at her large belly, Dementors could not be good for the baby.

"Don't worry about me. I'm fine," Lily said gently. "How are you?" she asked again, reaching over and touching his hand. It felt wrong somehow, her touching him. He felt like he was going to destroy her and her perfect, little baby and everything else he touched.

"Honey, I wish you'd talk to me," she said gently after a few moments of his silence. He didn't respond, not out of petulance, but because he couldn't imagine what he could possibly say, or if he wanted to say anything. He just wanted to die of shame and grief and the awful unsettling feeling that came from Lily still sitting beside him.

"Alright, if you won't talk, at least eat something, ok" she pressed, pushing the food towards him. "I know this is hard, but Gideon is not as unreasonable as he seems sometimes. I'm certain we can work out a deal, and I'm going to be right here for everything, alright? You're not alone." Somehow, that made everything feel worse.

"You think I want you knowing all this?" Severus spat bitterly, motioning to the large folder containing God knows what. "Why are you even here? I don't need a lawyer. Just let Dementor's kiss me and be done with it."

"Over my dead body," Lily said, giving him a stare so fierce that he actually sat back in his chair. "Don't think for a moment I forgot what you did for me. You saved Harry's life. I saw Bellatrix's wand coming through the air and there was nothing, not a thing I could do for him. I thought he was going to die. And you saved him." Lily said tears in her eyes. She brushed them away as if embarrassed by her own weakness, then turned her hard eyes back to him.

"If anyone wants to cause you any pain, they have to go through me, and I assure you that is no easy feat," she said. "Now, you pull it together, right now."

"Just because I saved Harry, doesn't mean I'm not a monster," Severus said, trying unsuccessfully to keep his voice from cracking. Her eyes softened slightly.

"Sev, I've seen case-after-case of this shit. You know what stands out in your file to me? No rape, no dead kids, and considering your years as a Deatheater, very few murders, especially for sport. Voldemort kept you in the background, brewing, planning. He knew you didn't have an appetite for violence, and didn't want to push you." With a sigh she reached across the table to move the bangs off of his forehead. It amazed Severus sometimes, how quickly Lily was able to transition from fierce to gentle.

"You were never a monster, sweetheart." she said softly. "You made some mistakes, and people got hurt. You also were in a lot of pain, and you changed your life at great risk to your own. That means something, Sev."

"Not to the families of the people I killed," whispered Severus. Lily ran a hand through her hair and nodded.

"That's probably true," she conceded. "Some people will not be able to understand, or forgive…but James, Remus, Dumbledore, Pauline, me, we know your heart. We love you, and we understand."

He wasn't sure if the words were increasing the pain in his chest, or lessening them, but he couldn't stop replaying them in his head. He gave a brief nod.

"Now, let me do my job. Let's start at the beginning," Lily said, turning back to the file. They combed through every horrid thing he ever did in excruciating detail. Lily's matter-of-fact business like tone kept him from drowning in despair. The only time she showed emotion was when he described the Dark Mark being seared into his skin. She rested her hand on his tattooed forearm, somehow the contact made him able to continue speaking. Hours later, she stood up and smiled at him.

"You try and get some rest, ok?" she whispered, cupping his face and running her thumb along the cheek. "Harry misses you, you know? He wants you to teach him how to make a potion." Severus smiled briefly. She hugged him, and then Roy was escorting him back to his cell.

He spent the next days in there with the Dementors circling overhead, pulling out buried negative thoughts, every time he had ever felt sad or lonely. He couldn't cast a Patronus without a wand, but when the darkness got unbearable, he focused on other words.

_"If anyone wants to cause you any pain, they're going to have to go through me," Lily said with surprising fierceness._

"Love you," said Harry sweetly, kissing him on the cheek.

Pain tore through Severus' stomach, and the hand that he was grabbing desperately clutched back with with equal strength:"I'm here. I won't go," James promised.

"They like to be held close," said James "Right to your chest." Severus looked at James skeptically but drew the bundle in tighter. Amelia blinked at him, then stopped fussing.

"I came as soon as I heard," Remus said after Severus' Dad had died, not quite understanding why Severus was surprised to see him.

"Though I can only definitively speak for myself, I assume everyone is here because they love you," explained Dumbledore patiently as Severus looked around, confused that so many people had shown up at Tobias' funeral.

The thoughts were nearly as strong and warm as his Patronus, and he clung to them like a security blanket.

The trial was painful and humiliating. Gideon was a smart, talented lawyer. Even Severus could appreciate that as he dully sat at the defence bench with Lily. Everything bad thing he had ever done, every mistake, all of it was laid bare in front of the entire wizarding community. Dumbledore was there, Minerva, Remus, even Arthur and Molly, who dabbed at her eye with a handkerchief the entire time. The only blessing was that James was home with the children, and didn't have to hear about the Muggles Severus watched die, or killed, or tortured.

Lily herself was incredible. In all these years, Severus had never seen her in Court, but she was confident and smart and carefully cut through every argument Gideon made with a razor blade. Somehow she made Severus sound kind, smart, and compassionate, he didn't even believe half the stuff she said to the Court. But no lawyer was good enough to erase what he had done.

Gideon ended up only seeking 30 days, which was more than fair even though Lily argued for community work. The judge ended up siding with Gideon, and when the verdict went down, James and Remus were both in the courtroom, looking more distraught than Severus felt.

"You can have a moment to say your goodbyes," Gideon said. Two dementors waited in the back of the courtroom, filling the room with a deep coldness. James and Remus hugged him in turn.

"30 days. That's alright. You're going to be ok," James muttered reassuringly as he patted him on the back.

"We'll be right here when you get out," Remus added, clapping him on the shoulder.

The 30 days in Azkaban was not as bad as it could have been. Gideon seemed to have some belief that Severus wasn't a truly awful man, and had made sure to stick him in the lower levels of Azkaban, where the Dementor activity was limited. He was bored and a little depressed but mostly alright.

Still, when he got out Remus, James, Pauline, Lily and the kids were waiting at the Ministry as they promised, and Harry and Amelia both charged at him with shrieks of glee he realized how much he truly missed them, how lonely he had been. With uncharacteristic excitement, he swept both kids up into his arms, the cold despair the dementors had given him vanishing as he kissed their little foreheads.

"How are my little monkeys?" he asked as he carried them both in either arm.

"We're having a party," Harry said excitedly. Severus glared at James who gave a broad smile in return.

The party was almost all people Severus liked. Molly, instead of being repulsed by him, was one of the first people to hug him, and Dumbledore provided a steady feeling Severus hadn't realized he was missing. Still, there was someone who deserved his thanks and recognition more than anyone.

He found Lily cutting up cake in the kitchen, mercifully alone.

"Drink?" he asked hopefully. She smirked and pointed at her bulging stomach.

"Right," he said shaking his head at his stupidity as he poured himself a glass of wine.

"I never thanked you," Severus said pouring a glass of water for her.

"You don't have to thank me. That's what family is for," she said, squeezing his hand. He swallowed a ball of emotion and nodded.

"Are you doing ok? I know it's rough in there," she said, leaning against the counter. The cold dread that had followed him around since Azkaban was gone. No one looked at him with disgust. He had friends, a great girlfriend. He smiled.

"I'm fine, really," he replied. Lily was about to say something when Harry flew into the kitchen.

"Mamma, Mamma, I'm gonna fly," Harry yelped with excitement. Lily was too pregnant to pick him up but she crouched down and smiled at the toddler.

"Alright love, you tell Daddy to be careful with your precious self," replied Lily ruffling his already messy hair.

"Polly's on the balcony," she said as she summoned Harry's cloak and wrapped it tightly around his shoulders. "I'm sure she wants to see you."

"Hey," Severus said quietly, approaching Pauline from behind. She turned to giver him a weak smile, and he couldn't help but notice that her eyes were rimmed with red.

"Hey," she whispered, turning back to the party. James was streaking through the sky with Harry on the front of the broom. The four-year old shrieked with delight and giggled as James abruptly turned and streaked to the ground.

"I hate when he does that," Severus muttered as James straightened the broom out and started to loop lazily around a large tree. Pauline smirked, but there was still the ghost of some dark feeling on her usually jubilant face.

"When I was little, my father used to take me skiing…" she stopped and looked up at him. "Skiing is where -"

"I know what skiing is," said Severus. She nodded and looked back to the moon.

"Anyways he used to put my skis between his, hold me up and point right down the hill," she said with a faint smile. "I mean it was the bunny-hill so it probably wasn't that fast, but it felt like we were flying. I was never scared though, I knew he'd never let anything bad happen to me." Tears shone in her eyes, and Severus hesitantly reached out to touch her shoulder.

"You never talk about your parents," Severus replied softly. In all their dating and late night conversations, all he had learned about her parents was that they had died a few years ago.

"My Dad was a financial planner, my Mom stayed home with me until I went to Hogwarts, then she tried to make it as a painter," she said with a sad smile. "They were brilliant." Severus didn't know what to say to that, so he just gave her a half-smile. She bit her lip.

"They were Muggles," she continued softly. A cold feeling went through Severs' veins and he knew what was coming next. "They were killed by Deatheaters." She wiped a tear off of her cheek, like she was frustrated with herself, and turned back to look at the Moon.

"I'm so sorry," Severus said softly, not really sure if he was apologizing for his own actions or simply offering a lame condolence. She was always so bright and peppy, that seeing her cry was absolutely heart-wrenching. She bit her lip and looked away.

"After they died it was just me. I mean, I went from having this really close family to being all alone. I started to hate Holidays, and I spent almost all my time inside, baking," she said with a sniffle. "Then I met you, and you are so smart, and kind, and handsome, and I loved you so much."

The use of past tense was not lost on Severus, and the familiar cold feeling began to spread.

"I know how important James, Lily and those kids are to you. You have something special there and you could have been protective of it, but you never hesitated to bring me in, and that meant so much to me. And I thought… " she continued. The tears were beginning to fall thicker and faster.

"Just say it," Severus said tightly, looking away from her blotchy face. She started to cry harder, and a traitorous part of Severus' heart took pity on her.

"You can't date a Death Eater," he said for her. She looked uncharacteristically small and meek standing there with her shoulders shaking. The cold horror had spread all over his limbs, and he wondered briefly if this was how people died of a broken heart.

"I know you've changed. I know what you've done for that light, and I know you are a great man, please know that," she said brokenly. "But I can't date someone who might have had a hand in the death of my parents. I'm sorry. Maybe I should have told you earlier, but I wanted to be there for you through the trial and Azkaban."

Her being there for him had made this entire thing worse. When he got her letters, saw her face at the trial, heard her words of reassurance, the unconditionality of her affection, he never dared call it love, made him believe that he was worth something, that he was going to be ok. It was as though she had promised to fix a well-hidden wound, and the moment he revealed it, she poured acid in it.

She looked up at him with guilty, distraught expression, and he knew at that moment, he could completely cut her down with a couple well chosen words. Instead, he stepped forward, took her shoulders in her hands and gently kissed her on the forehead.

"Don't be sorry," he said, deliberately deepening his voice to prevent it from cracking. He let go of her, turned around and walked back into the party. She let out a little sob, and it took everything he had to continue to walk away from her.

The walk through the party felt surreal. All the talking and levity seemed to mock him. With a surreptitious look around, he apparated to the nearest bar with the intention of getting absolutely hammered.

He sat down at the edge of the bar and nursed his firewhiskey. The moment he ordered it, he wished he was at home. The bar was smokey, and the din of other people's laugher and conversation made him feel even more alone.

After a few moments, a cloaked figure slid onto the stool next to him. Severus knew that messy hair, and he sighed. He supposed that it was something he had gotten twenty minutes alone.

"Hey," said James gently. Severus nodded and took another swallow of the foul liquid.

"Pauline told me what happened," James said after a few long moments of silence. From the look on James' face, he knew exactly how much of a blow this was, and Severus suddenly couldn't handle hearing anything he had to say. He shook his head sharply, clutching his glass hard. Embarrassingly, tears started to build up in his eyes. He knew if James so much as patted him on the back, he'd break.

"Just leave me alone," he grumbled.

"Let me take you home first," James said lightly, not the least bit put out by Severus' harshness. "Lily's put fresh sheets on the bed, chilli is on the stove, I found you an extra toothbrush."

"I'll be fine at Hogwarts," muttered Severus, at least there'd be plenty of Potions ingredients to kill himself with.

"Please. Look, I'm asking you. We miss you. The kids miss you. The baby's about to be born, we could use an extra set of hands," cajoled James. "It's almost Christmas. Stay for the Holidays at least."

Severus looked hesitantly at James. Between Azkaban, Pauline, the humiliation of the trial, it had been an appallingly rotten few months. He was so tired, and honestly after Azkaban, the thought of being alone in his apartment all holidays was awful.

Numbly, he put his head in his hands. At that moment, they both knew James had won. A hand rested between his shoulder blades.

"Come on, I'll make you a cup of tea," said James softly. "It'll all be ok."

"Yeah, alright," Severus muttered softly. James threw a few galleons on the counter and clapped Severus on the shoulder. He felt like he was walking through water as James guided him to the doorway, but the arm leading him through the crowd kept him afloat.

XXxxxxxxxXXXXXX

It was amazing how full the Potters' huge estate could feel. With a two-year old toddler and a four-year old there was constant shrieking, tears and laughter. James was getting ready for the baby, and Lily was on bed-rest, so everyone was around all the time. But Severus liked the noise and the bustle, it kept him from thinking of Pauline and the empty apartment he now only occupied when he was on duty.

Severus was stretched out on the bed beside Lily, enjoying the brief moment of silence, as James took the children to the park.

"Ok, spicy peppers." Severus said, holding the peppers out to her. The baby was two weeks late, and Lily was doing everything she could to move things along, including eating spicy food.

"You have to eat some too!" she whined, pouting in a way he couldn't resist. He rolled his eyes, and popped a pepper in his mouth.

"Nothing is working!" she groaned.

"It'll happen when it happens," Severus said in as soothing of a voice as he could.

"Ugh that tone," she said. "You get knocked up with an asshole alien and I'll tell you it'll happen when it happens!" Severus raised his eyebrows, and her face softened.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean -"

"It's alright," he said. "Come on, let's try walking again."

She grudgingly let him help her up.

"This always looks so much more fun on TV," Lily said. "I miss Muggle TV."

"Me too," Severus said as they walked slowly around the room.

"Remember when we were kids, and we watched all those hours of I Love Lucy?" Lily said with a smile. Severus remembered that most times he went to the Evans' house his father had whipped the skin off of his back. Even though she never knew it, her place was always his refuge. The one place he was treated with compassion. He never reflected that that held true as he became an adult.

"This kid is going to be trouble," she said. Severus smirked.

"All your kids are trouble," he said. "This morning Harry threw cereal at me."

"Cause he likes you," Lily said with a laugh, hitting him on the shoulder.

"I can't believe you're having another one," Severus said. "This place is going to be a zoo."

"You aren't going to go, are you?" she asked suddenly. "Cause if you're not here, Harry's throwing cereal at me," Severus shook his head.

"I want to play with the baby." The second he said it, Lily pitched forward and grabbed her stomach.

"You're going to get your wish!" Lily said, gripping his arm painfully hard.

"Now?" he asked anxiously. Of course his would happen the one time James left the house.

"Now!" she said.

"Alright come on," he said, pulling her up. "I've got you."

The baby was born so quickly that James, who Severus had to send a Patronus after, nearly missed it. Severus had just sat down in the waiting room with Harry and Amelia when James came striding back into the room with a smile.

"A boy!" he said holding his hand out to give Harry a high-five which the toddler did happily.

"You have to be careful now that you're a big sister," said Harry importantly to Amelia. "'Cause babies are small and they don't know anything. But don't worry, I'll help you."Amelia nodded, looking at Harry with big awed eyes. James smirked at Severus over the children's head and ushered them into the room.

After all the congratulating and the hugging, both the baby and Lily were clearly tired, so Severus had taken tiny little baby back to the nursery. He had almost forgotten how small brand new babies were, and he contented himself with watching his newest godson sleep peacefully. Of course, being a Potter, the peaceful slumber only lasted for about fifteen minute before the baby blinked awake and started to fuss.

"Oh it's ok," soothed Severus, rubbing the baby's tiny belly. With a quick swirl of his wand he conjured a group of butterflies to fly around the baby's head. The crying slowed to muffled sounds of discontent to droopy-eyed sighs.

"Trouble-maker already, I see," Pauline said from behind him. He was so surprised to hear her voice, that he whipped around without taking a moment to hide the naked shock on his face. She wore her usual cheerful high ponytail, and a short salmon dress. Somehow she looked more breathtaking than he remembered her, though she had a painfully hesitant expression on her face, as though she expected Severus to yell at her.

"Was there ever a doubt?" Severus said, turning back to the baby, though his heart was beating in his ears so loudly he was barely able to focus on the child. Footsteps entered the room, and Pauline walked to the other side of the crib.

"Aw. He looks just like James," she said, stroking the fat baby cheek, with a smile. Severus nodded in agreement. There was a long moment of awkward silence, then Severus stood up fully. Not even the prospect of sitting with the baby, something Severus had been looking forward to for a while, was enough to keep him standing in the room with Pauline in awkward silence. It was too painful.

"How have you been?" Pauline asked as he turned away from the crib. When he turned back to her, there was an odd urgency to her expression he couldn't quite place.

"Fine," he said neutrally.

"Good," she said, sounding genuine. He nodded shortly again, and placed his hand on the doorknob.

"You're well?" he asked shortly, before he could stop himself.

"Great," she said with a smile. Somehow that made him feel worse. He wasn't proud of it, but he was sort of hoping for her to be as much of a mess as he currently was. He gave her a tense smile then exited the room, his hands clenched in fists.

He went back to Lily's room to find her fast asleep, surrounded by the insane amount of flowers Remus had sent in recompense for not being able to come to the birth. James was sitting beside her, entertaining Harry and Amelia with picture books and a large stack of blue cupcakes that surely were brought by Pauline.

"You could have warned me," Severus said, just as James bit into a cupcake. The man blinked up at him innocently.

"Warned you about what, Sev? She didn't come here with a weapon," said James.

"She doesn't need a weapon. She's perfectly able to rip out my heart and stomp on it without one," Severus grumbled a little melodramatically. James opened his mouth then shut it again.

"Ice cream?" Severus asked the two toddlers, eager for an excuse not to see Pauline again. They both nodded enthusiastically.

"I want chocolate," Amelia announced reaching her arms up. Severus swung her up on his hip easier and gave his other hand to Harry who also grinned broadly.

"Me too!"

"Well, no points for originality, but whatever suits," Severus said, leading the children out of the room to the cafeteria. Soon, both Harry and Amelia had their fill of chocolate ice cream, and Severus was scrubbing a particularly stubborn patch of chocolate off of Harry's face as the boy sat on his lap.

"Uncle Sev?" asked Harry innocently. "Are you gonna marry Polly?" Severus raised his eyebrows and pushed away the part of him that had planned to do just that.

"No."

"Why not?" Harry asked, Amelia looked at him curiously as well. Before today, Severus had found Harry's increasing curiosity about the world cute and indicative of intelligence. Right now it was just plain annoying.

"Because you marry people you love. She doesn't love me," explained Severus a little curtly. Harry continued to look at him with curiosity.

"Are you gonna have a baby?" he asked. Severus laughed.

"No," Severus said. "I already have you guys." He said, kissing him on the top of the head. Harry beamed back up at him and hugged him tightly around the waist.

"I love you," Harry said into Severus chest.

"I love you too, monkey," Severus said, planting a kiss on the top of hi head. "And I love you too!" Severus said to Amelia who took her thumb out of her mouth to smile. At least the children cared that he loved them.

"Come on, let's go see your Mommy," Severus said, pulling Harry up with him. Amelia was walking so it was a slow dawdle up the stairs to Lily's room, and Severus carefully checked over his shoulder and around the corners like an escaped convict to make sure they did not run into Pauline. Thankfully, the hallway was clear.

"There you all are!" Lily said happily the moment Severus opened the doors. Severus deposited the kids onto Lily's bed.

"I can take them home, if you want," offered Severus, as both kids scrambled to her side.

"That would be great if you wouldn't mind. I think someone is in need of a nap," Lily said with a smile as Amelia cuddled up to her side. "Would you mind getting James for me first though? He went to see the baby and hasn't come back yet. The little guy is probably getting hungry."

Severus nodded, and walked out the door towards the nursery. Sure enough, James was sitting in the chair holding a little bundle of blankets. Severus opened the door quietly, surreptitiously looking around for Pauline before he entered.

"Don't worry, she's not here," James said, still not taking his eyes off of the baby.

"Is everything alright?" Severus asked, thinking that the man looked rather morose for someone who just had a baby. Nothing seemed wrong with the child, but Severus wasn't an expert in these things. James nodded.

"Of course. He's perfect," James said, finally smiling a little as he rocked the baby.

"I'm just thinking about all the things the original Sirius is missing out on." James said softly. "Having a family, growing old…his life was always so stressful, you know?"

Sirius was one topic that James and Severus both avoided by tacit agreement. The wound was clearly still raw for James. In four years later, he had never mentioned Sirius' death to Severus, and although intellectually Severus knew he would probably have come to care for Sirius the same way he cared for Remus and James, he hadn't had the time and had trouble imagining the man as anything more than the high school bully.

"I'm sure this would mean a lot to him," Severus said quietly. James smiled down at the baby.

"I just wish he could be here to meet him," James said, resting Sirius on his lap and pulling a funny face for the baby, that didn't quite cover the sadness in his expression.

"I know, Potter." James sighed, then looked up to Severus with a smile. Clearly, that was all the Sirius talk he could handle.

"Now the important question. Do you think you can stomach being godfather to a child named Sirius?" Severus laughed and held his arms open to take the baby. James passed over the blanket wrapped bundle. Sirius looked almost angelic: fast asleep with rosy pudgy cheeks. Even with that damn name Severus was already in love. Gently, he pulled away the bit of the blanket that was slightly covering the baby's mouth.

"I think think I can manage," Severus said with a smile.

XxxxxXXxxxxxX

"Severus!" Severus sat bolt upright in his bed to find James and Dumbledore, both looking pale as the moonlight staring at him. Feeling extremely discombobulated, he pulled himself to a sitting position, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. It was 3 am in the middle of the week, and Severus had permanently moved back to his apartment in Hogwarts three weeks ago. There was no reason why they should be there.

"What - what's happening?" muttered Severus.

"Voldemort is back," Dumbledore said matter-of-factly. They must have missed a Horcrux.

"We need to go now," added James throwing clothes at Severus.

"Go?" Severus said, only half-understanding what was going on as he got to his feet. Neither Dumbledore nor James took the time to elaborate further. James just pulled him towards the fireplace and moments later they were flooing through to the Potters' kitchen.

They charged down the cellar steps and James locked the door securely behind him, muttering spell after spell at the ceiling. Lily was sitting in the far corner, clutching Sirius who was just barely old enough to sit up her arms, while Harry, all of four, wrapped a protective arm around Amelia. They both stared at him with wet, fearful eyes, and Severus felt a huge lurch of sympathy.

"Hey loveys," Severus said, smiling as genuinely as he could at them. Harry got to his feet and ran towards him and James pulling Amelia with him. Severus picked Harry up and was about to say something reassuring when he heard footsteps on the ceiling. He shared a look of pure panic to James, who was holding Amelia, and they both ran to the corner to huddle with Lily and Sirius.

"I thought you said they'd be here?" It was Voldemort's voice, and Severus felt cold dread pour over him as he pulled Harry closer and grabbed his wand.

"Forgive me, Master," said a nasal, feminine voice Severus did not recognize. "Someone must have told."

There was the sound of an explosion and an angry scream. Amelia squealed as James held her closer and kissed her hair.

"Search everywhere!" Voldemort said.

Severus flinched and looked up at the ceiling as another boot trod heavily. Harry buried his head in his shoulder and Severus held him close, partly to muffle any cries and partly to comfort the child. Harry gripped his back so tightly, Severus was sure it was going to leave marks.

"It's ok," murmured Severus into the child's hair. "Shhh." There was the sound of of footsteps and spells, but whatever spell James and his ancestors had placed on the old Estate held.

"They've gone into hiding," Voldemort said finally. "I want to find out who told them. Go to everyone they know. I want the boy dead, by morning." Instinctively, Severus arched a little further over Harry, as though he could hide him from harm. He made eye contact with James who was trying futilely to calm Amelia. When Voldemort mentioned wanting Harry dead, James squeezed his eyes shut, as though the comment had physically hurt him. After a few moments, there was the sound of people leaving the house.

"I have to go. I have to find Pauline," whispered Severus. James was already shaking his head.

"Sev, it is way too dangerous," said James urgently, but Severus was already standing up and putting Harry on the ground.

"I'm going," said Severus drawing his wand.

"Alright, then I'm going too," James said, putting Amelia down as well.

"Potter, you can't leave," muttered Severus jerking his head to where Lily was trying to comfort Amelia and Harry while Sirius slept in a sling off of her chest. James looked back at them, and his fierce resolve waved.

"Sev, this is suicide," James hissed, realizing there was no way he could leave his family.

"It's Pauline," Severus said lowly. "Tell me you wouldn't go for Lily." Any response James had died on his lips, and he nodded tightly.

"Hey," said James, grabbing Severus' arm. "Be careful." Severus looked up at James, prepared to make a glib comment, but he stopped himself at the dark look of concern on James' face. He nodded, and headed out the cellar door.

Pauline lived in a small, one bedroom apartment just off Diagon Alley. When Severus walked down the street towards it, he felt the same way he had the night he had gone to get Sirius to save the Potters, out of his mind with fear, and so focused.

He placed a hand on the gate, but before he could open it, a hand was on his shoulder. He turned around, only to see Voldemort's demented smile. Before he could scream, before he could anything, Voldemort grabbed him, and he aparated through the air.

After that there was no conception of time, just pain. He was locked in a cold cement room, not given food or water. Voldemort did not want him dead, which Severus supposed was a good thing, but he did want to know where the Potters were. Every once in a while, someone would come in and try to find out.

A familiar black, tousled head of hair entered the room.

"James," whispered Severus.

"Hey buddy," James said, running to his side. "Hey, I'm here. Let's get you home."

Severus grabbed his arm, relieved. James reached forward, and pulled him up to his feet, and Severus was about to ask about Pauline when suddenly James' face morphed into Voldemort's.

"No!" Severus said stepping back and falling.

"You want to see what really happened to your rescue party?" asked Voldemort harshly, nodding at the door. A cold dread filled Severus' stomach. Two masked Deatheaters dragged in James and Remus, but it wasn't really them, it was their corpses. They were horribly pale and waxy, like bloated ballons.

"No," whispered Severus. "No!" He told James not to go anywhere. He had specifically told James to stay in the cellar. Remus was supposed to still be in New York.

He scrambled as best he could towards the bodies that were callously discarded on the floor.

"James," whispered Severus, pushing his hair out of his face, before turning to place his fingers in Remus' throat. There was no thumping of the pulse. A tear fell from Severus' cheek on to James' blood-stained shirt.

"Where is Harry?" Voldemort asked. "Unless you want his mother to end up like his father." Severus' straightened Remus' shirt, trying to blink back his tears.

"I don't know where Harry is," said Severus through his clenched teeth. With a flick of Voldemort's wand, Remus and James' bodies vanished, just like that. Like they were nothing of import. Severus clenched his fists and held back a sob.

"Dorri, White, see that Severus sees reason," Voldemort said, speaking to the Deatheaters.

Nott raised his arm and a green light burst forth from his wand. Intense pain shot up through Severus' body and he collapsed against the wall with a wail.

The Deatheaters went at him until he had been under so much pain that he no longer could form sentences. Every once in a while, they pretended to be James or Remus, or Dumbledore. At first it was horrid, but now Severus knew that no one was coming for him, and he simply ignored the James and Remus look-alikes dying.

For what seemed like weeks but was probably only days, they blasted him with cold water, tortured him with the Cruciatus Curse, and left him with a broken arm, starved him and forced him to drink foul-tasting potion that made him crazy. Still, Severus refused to speak so they left him, freezing and coughing in the corner of his cell.

There was a loud crash from outside the doors and the sounds of screams and curses. Instinctively, Severus pulled himself further into his corner. The door to his cell open and Goyle pointed a wand at him.

"Incarcerous!" he yelled. Thick ropes bound Severus neck and body, cutting off his supply of air.

"We gotta go," he said in a lumbering low voice.

Goyle reached down to grab him, but without a wand or any other form of weapon, James appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, and pulled Goyle off of Severus with an almost feral scream. Severus collapsed to the ground.

"Diffindo!" yelled someone who sounded like Remus. There were bursts of light and screams but Severus could barely follow what was happening, as he collapsed to the ground. Someone was on top of him, but they weren't hurting him, it was almost as though they were protecting him from the screams and the blasts.

Suddenly, there was silence, and the body pulled away.

"Severus? Fucking hell, Remus get over here. Sev? Buddy, can you here me?" said someone in James' voice. Quickly, Severus reminded himself that James was dead and clamped his eyes shut.

A hand touched him, causing him to flinch violently before it rolled him over.

"Hey buddy, it's James, it's just me," soothed not-James gently as he pulled the ropes away from Severus' neck and propped him up against his chest.

The cool hand on his forehead felt like James, and the chest he was propped up against smelled like James. Severus closed his eyes tightly and groaned. Not again. He couldn't see James die again.

"What hurts?" not-James' voice asked gently, mistaking Severus' groan for one of pain. If he kept his eyes closed, Severus could almost indulge in the idea that he was still alive. When Severus didn't answer, a hand ran over him looking for injuries, and when he looked under Severus' shirt to where all the burns and lash marks were, he hissed and swore.

"Look at you, you're freezing," he muttered, more to himself than to Severus now. With a flick of James wrist, a thick blanket materialized out of thin air, and he wrapped it around Severus' shoulders.

"Ok, you're alright," the voice soothed. "It's done. I'm gonna take you home." The words felt like burning lava being poured into his soul.

"Fuck off," Severus growled, finally looking up to glower at not-James who pulled away looking extremely concerned, and Remus who was peering intently over James' shoulder.

"You can't fool me anymore. James is dead." not-James sat back on his heels and wiped a hand over his mouth, looking distressed now that he didn't have a way to fool Severus. There was a bang from outside and not-James froze to look at the door in fear, then turned back to Severus.

"Sev it's me, I swear. Remus is here too," James said softly.

"We have to go!" Remus said quickly as someone pounded on the door. Severus noticed the incapacitated Death Eaters lying on the floor, as though they were in the midst of a fight. James looked at the door desperately as well, then rested a hand gently on Severus' shoulder.

"Hey, hey buddy look at me. You're drugged, you're tired, you're hungry and a little confused. Let me take you home, ok?" not-James said softly.

A lot of the time, James' affability made him seem like the younger, careless brother, but, underneath the joviality, James was a rock. Anyone who knew him well wanted him there when they were ill, frightened, or genuinely distressed. Severus hated that Voldemort was using that to manipulate him.

"Sev, drink this, alright?" said Remus, bringing the vial to Severus' lips. Severus tried to move his head away, but not-James held him down tightly. Severus was still weakened from the drugs, starvation and incredible amount of pain and was no match for fake-James. Still he continued to kick feebly and almost managed to get up when Remus dumped the liquid down his throat.

"I'm sorry, buddy. I know this isn't helping with the whole trust thing," James said, oddly gentle, considering he was actually Voldemort. "You're going to be ok, I promise." It was so very like James, that if it wasn't for the potion slowly killing him, he might have been comforted.

He didn't think he would die like this. He didn't think his killer would look like James. That would tear James up if he ever knew, and Severus hoped he never would. The burning went up his throat and a moment later everything faded to black.

It felt as though a man with a small but effective hammer was beating the inside of Severus' forehead repeatedly. A sliver of light made its way through his tightly shut eyes and his mouth tasted like how imagined week old seafood salad tasted.

"Sev, sweetheart," a voice said gently. He opened his eyes to see a drawn, pale Lily staring down at him. She reached forward and raised his head up. He felt almost boneless.

"Swallow," said Lily, pouring something into his mouth. He gagged a little on the nasty liquid, but obeyed.

"Good," she said softly. "Go back to sleep." Before Severus could acknowledge her, his eyes fluttered shut again, and his head landed on the pillow.

When Severus woke up three hours later it was a completely different experience. Pain radiated through his stomach and made him wake up quickly. and curl into himself. A hand rubbed a gentle circle on his back.

"Who are you?" grunted Severus.

"It's Remus." Severus felt his shoulders tensed and he scowled.

"Remus is dead," bit back Severus.

"Well, that's news to Remus," the voice replied lightly. "You need to eat something." The thought of food was absolutely disgusting.

"Why are you doing this?" whined Severus as Remus forced him to roll over. Severus blinked up at the hallucination. Remus sat in front of him holding a bowl of soup.

"My end game is to get you to eat something," he continued, a touch of an ironic smile on his face. "Sit up." It was better to just play along with whatever Voldemort wanted then to resist, so Severus reluctantly did what he was told.

"A few bites," cajoled not-Remus. holding a spoonful of soup. Food was hard to come by, so keeping his eyes fixed on Remus skeptically, Severus consented to take a few bites. The few bites were all it took for him to start to drop off. Remus grabbed the bowl off of his lap.

"Good, get some rest now," Remus said, pulling the blankets further up his shoulders. After a few moments, Severus drifted back off to sleep.

A few hours later, Severus was sweating through his clothing with a fever, headache and cramping stomach. Even though he was barely awake, the first thing he had to do was throw up. A cool hand rested on the back of his neck.

"Whatever drugs he was giving you, you're coming off of them now," muttered James as he rubbed Severus' back. Severus groaned and spat the last of the bile out of his mouth. He was shaking like a leaf, and James' hand was pressing sweat-soaked shirt into his back.

"Here, this will be better," James said, flicking his wand at Severus' shirt and drying it completely. Severus leaned back against the pillows, and James pressed a cold washcloth against Severus' sweaty forehead with a frown.

James eyes were narrowed as he looked over Severus, exactly the same as when his children were sick and he was trying to figure out what to do with them: thoughtful, worried, and more than little stressed. Voldemort didn't have the compassion, the empathy, to be able to come up with that expression.

"It is you, isn't it?" asked Severus softly. James' frowned dissipated, and he smiled.

"Yeah, mate," James said, planting a hand on his shoulder. "It's really me." Severus blinked and looked around the room again. He was in the same bright blue room he had been in when he first came to stay with the Potters. They had put him there so he wouldn't have to deal with stairs and so they could keep an eye on him. It was the first time in his life anyone had showed him that much consideration. Suddenly the feeling of relief turned into a boiling swirl of nausea. He turned away from James and vomited in to the bucket.

"Oh Sev," James said in soft sympathy, patting his back and handing over a glass of water. "Drink this."

The night went on like that: dry-heaving, sweating, and shaking. It didn't feel much different than being in the cell with the one big exception that James tried to make him comfortable. A shooting pain went through Severus' stomach again, and he groaned and rolled onto his side.

"Try to relax," soothed James placing a cold hand on his forehead and frowning. "Your running a fever. I'm going to call Healer Harris again."

"No," Severus said, shivering. " 's just from being in that cell. I'm fine." The fever must not have been very high cause James just nodded. His face was so papery and tired. He looked completely wasted.

"You should go to bed," Severus said, shifting uncomfortably.

"I'm not going anywhere," James said, summoning a vial from the bureau. "Here have some pain reliever."

"How much have I taken?" groaned Severus, even though he drank it down with no complaint.

"You let me worry about that, alright?" James said gently. The pain dulled almost immediately..

He was home. Voldemort was nowhere near him. No one he loved was dead. The relief he felt made a harsh pressure build-up behind his eyes. Severus grabbed James' wrist tightly. The surprise on James' face immediately turned to sympathy, and before Severus could do anything, James reached forward and hugged him.

"You're ok," whispered James. "I'm here. I've got you." Even though James was a hugger, this was usually the type of thing that Severus resisted, and he instinctively stiffened at the contact. James didn't relent, just drew him in tighter and rubbed a thumb soothingly along the base of Severus' neck. The desire to pull away was overcome by the need to be comforted and deep feeling of relief running through him. A few seconds was all Severus could handle, the moment they pulled apart, Severus quickly wiped the moisture from his cheeks, a fact James thankfully pretended not to notice.

"Here," James said, handing Severus the glass of water. He chugged it down as quickly as he could and leaned back on the pillows, shaking suddenly from the cold.

"I know you're uncomfortable, but try and get a little more rest, ok?" James said, pulling an extra blanket over the bed. "You'll feel better in the morning, when it's all out of your system."

Eventually the nausea subsided enough that he was able to sleep. When he woke up in the pitch black room hours later he thought he was back in Voldemort's lair, but he abruptly realized he was far to comfortable and that James was snoring on the chair beside his bed.

"James," hissed Severus, the man grunted and continued to sleep. "Potter." Groggily, James opened his eyes and focused on Severus.

"What is it?" he asked trying to sound awake. Everything about him down to his skewed glasses looked awful and tired.

"Go to bed," Severus ordered. James closed his eyes and shuffled back down in the chair.

"S'ok don't worry 'bout me," muttered James.. He rested his head on the arm of his chair and Severus could tell he was just about to fall back into sleep.

"If you're going to stay here, you should at least transfigure that chair into a cot," muttered Severus, rolling over. James' back wasn't as young as it once was.

"I'll break it. This stupid wand," Severus turned around to see James holding a long, pale wand, different from his typical mahogany. Severus frowned.

"But you killed Voldemort," Severus said, he had learned as much from snatches of conversation he had heard.

"I know, right!" James said with a gleeful smile.

"You didn't have a wand?" Severus continued.

"He broke mine, bastard," James grumbled. "I'm using my Dad's, Aspen, Dragon-heartsting, 13 inches, firm as friggin' rod of steel. It feels like I have my thumb over a powerhouse. I've broken three plates, and don't even get me started on trying to cook with this thing. No wonder he never did any housework."

"You killed Voldemort with no wand," Severus said dryly.

"Yes, well, for all his delusions of grandeur, he can still get stabbed with the broken leg of a chair just like anyone," James said, still looking at the wand with distaste. Severus blinked incredulously at the man. James must have felt Severus looking at him, because he looked away from his father's wand with a smile.

"Trust me, the moment you are well, you won't be able to shut me up about how awesome I am, but right now you just need to focus on getting some rest, alright?" James said kindly.

"You should have called back up. You should have left," Severus said a little angrily.

"He had you," James scoffed, almost offended at the idea. "I wasn't going anywhere."

"It's a miracle you didn't die coming after me. Are you that arrogant? That stupid?" Severus spat out harshly. Surprisingly, James laughed.

"I suppose I just care about you that much," James said, curling back into his chair "Now get some sleep. If you have any further need of my arrogance or stupidity, I'll be right here." Severus glared at the ceiling, and after a few moments James soft snoring filled the room.

With an angry flick of his wand, Severus shot a blanket across the room to rest on top of James, then turned around to glare at the opposite wall. It had been completely reckless of James to go after him, even more reckless for him not to have retreated. On principle Severus couldn't condone that level of stupidity, but as he drifted off to sleep, he couldn't help but feel incredibly touched that that stupidity was directed towards him.

The next morning, Severus was able to eat the eggs and bacon Lily had managed to not screw up, and Remus decided Severus wasn't going to die and reluctantly returned to America. Unfortunately, Severus was still only able to stay awake for small chunks of time and was almost falling asleep playing chess with Lily.

"Just move already," said Severus testily as her hand hovered over her rook.

"I'm thinking," she snapped back, retracting her hand. Severus rolled his eyes, playing chess with her was like watching grass grow, and she always won. Mercifully, at that moment James poked his head into the door.

"Sev, I know you aren't feeling well, but there are some people out there who want to see you. Are you up for it?" He was sick and shaky and probably smelled gross. A large part of him was a little scared of traumatizing the kids, but the larger part, the part that thought nothing would be as comforting as the feel of little pudgy arms around his neck, made him nod. James smiled and opened the door.

"Uncle Sev! Uncle Sev!" Harry yelled excitedly as he raced towards the bed. Without hesitation he clamoured up on top of the covers. Amelia followed hesitantly, her wide eyes taking in the sick-bed and containers of potions. Before Severus could reassure her, Harry threw his arms around Severus' neck with surprising strength.

"Harry, give him some space," James said, moving to pull the boy off with the arm that wasn't holding Sirius. But seeing those kids, feeling their warm, solid, alive weight, made him feel better than anything had and he shook his head at James.

"Oh loveys, I've missed you so much," said Severus, hugging and kissing the children as hard as he could. "How have you been?"

James, lowered Sirius into Severus' arms. The baby smiled at him and giggled and Severus pulled a funny face for the baby getting giggles from Amelia.

"Good, but Uncle Sev, Mom says everyone dies like Uncle Sirius and Grandma and Grandpa? Are you going die?" Harry whispered. Severus snapped his head up from the baby to look into Harry's grave green eyes. This was precisely why it was not a good idea for the kids to see him like this.

"We have just learned about the concept of death," James said apologetically. "It has made for some truly delightful conversations."

"I'm going to be just fine," Severus said, cupping Harry's little cheek. "I'm not going anywhere for a very long time." The worry dissipated from Harry's face and he reached up and kissed Severus on the cheek.

"That's good, but Uncle Sev, Daddy doesn't read Where the Wild Things Are like you," Amelia said lying on his chest. "He doesn't do the voices."

"I do to do the voices," James protested with a laugh, picking Sirius back up.

"I'll read it to you," offered Severus, kissing the little girl on the forehead.

"Maybe later," James said gently, pulling Amelia off. "Come on, this was just to say hi, Uncle Severus needs some rest." Both kids protested but James cut them off.

"Out, out, come on. It's nearly dinner" James said over their whines.

"There's someone else here," James said as soon as Harry and Amelia left. Severus looked up in confusion and turned towards the doorway. Molly and Arthur had come by earlier. The only other people he could think of who would visit him would be Minerva or maybe someone else in the Order.

"She's been asking about you ever since we brought you home," James said softly, just as Pauline stepped into the doorway. Her face was pale and her features were drawn. She was wearing a sweatshirt Severus recognized as Lily's. The sight made Severus' heart jump to his throat. James patted Severus on the shoulder and walked out the room with a smile at Pauline.

"Hi," Pauline whispered, the moment the door closed behind her. He was too surprised to say anything in response, and she took a few more tentative steps into the room.

"I wanted to see if you were alright," she said, twisting her hands together. "I was so worried." He continued to blink stupidly at her, and a faint blush started to crawl up her cheeks.

"Next time though, don't come after me. I couldn't stand the thought of you going through this again," she said, with a weak smile.

"I'm sorry, you probably don't want to see me. I just wanted you to know that…" she trailed off and sniffed back her tears, then forced a bright smile. "I am so glad you are ok." With another forced smile, she turned to the doorway.

"I'll always come after you," rasped Severus, just as she reached for the doorknob. She dropped her hand down from the doorknob and turned back to him with tear-filled eyes. She walked over to the bed and they both studied each other uncertainly for a moment.

"I'm so sorry," she said shaking her head despondently. He shook his head and blinked up at her.

"No. Don't cry…" Severus said shuffling to sit up. The action caused one of his muscles to squeal in agony and he collapsed back on the pillow with a little gasp.

"Oh Sev, I'm sorry. Stay still. Do you need me to get a pain reliever?" she asked hurriedly sitting on the bed beside him. Her former reticence was gone and she was looking at him with a naked look of panicked concern. He recognized the expression on her face. It was the same expression Lily had years ago when she had seen James after he had almost been burned alive at Malfoy Manor. That expression was love.

"It's not so bad," he whispered with a crooked smile.

"You were always too tough for your own damn good," she said, reaching out like she was going to brush the bangs off of his forehead, before dropping her hand.

"I have to confess something," she said with a quirk of her lips. Severus raised an eyebrow in response.

"When Sirius was born, you asked me how I was. I said I was doing well," she said. "I may have lied just a tiny bit." Severus' lips quirked.

"I may have been miserable," she continued. Severus felt himself smile.

"That's funny, I might have been miserable too," he said.

"Perhaps, and I'm just throwing this out there, we'd be slightly less miserable together," she said, making his heart leap. He swallowed down the chalky taste of anxiety in his mouth and smiled.

"That definitely sounds like it could be possible," he said, not daring to do more than whisper. He shuffled over and patted the bed. She looked at him for a moment, then gave him a watery smile. Then, as though no time had passed she curled up beside him and rested her head on his shoulder.

"I'm not hurting you, am I?" she asked. The idea that she was hurting him was absurd, nothing felt as good as her lying on his shoulder. Instinctively, as though nothing had ever changed between them, he started to play with the ends of her ponytail. Her cool hand drifted under his shirt and rested on his sternum. The drugs, injuries and emotion were beginning to make him exhausted and without him thinking about it, his eyes began to slowly drift shut.

"I should have told you everything," he continued running a hand over his face tiredly. There was no time like the present. "I was sixteen and it seemed-"

"Sh," Pauline said, more gently than she usually spoke. "It's ok…"

"No," muttered Severus. "You should know everything. You should know…" She leaned down and planted a soft kiss on his forehead. His heart flipped over in his chest.

"I know, and you can tell me everything later," she whispered. "Right now you just need to rest, ok?" Severus opened his mouth to protest, but she shushed him again.

"Just close your eyes," she whispered again gently. "You can tell me anything you want in the morning. I'll be here." He peeled his eyes open to look at her. She was look at him again with that same expression of soft concern, the one he'd always equate with love.

"I love you," he said, barely audibly. He hadn't meant to say it, and for a moment he was sure her face was going to freeze in horror. Especially after Azkaban, it seemed insane that she loved him. Before he could truly regret it, she pressed her lips gently into his.

"I love you too,' she said as she pulled away, pulling the blankets up further over the both of them and leaving him breathless.

"Sleep," she said again, nuzzling her head against his shoulder to find a comfortable spot, the same way she used to when they slept together and her hand slipped back under his shirt to rest on top of his heart. He closed his eyes and let his head droop down on top of hers. Moments later, he was sleeping more deeply and peacefully than he had in weeks.

**Thanks for all your reviews last chapter! **  
**I hope you're enjoying the story. I'd love, love, love to hear what you have to say if you have a moment.**

**I'm like Tinkerbell, except instead of applause I need reviews to live!**


	11. Like I've Been There Before

You're still in bed at ten and work began at eight  
You've burned your breakfast, so far things are going great  
Your mother warned you there'd be days like these  
But she didn't tell you when the world has brought you down to your knees and

I'll be there for you  
(When the rain starts to pour)  
I'll be there for you  
(Like I've been there before)  
I'll be there for you  
('Cause you're there for me too)

No one could ever know me  
No one could ever see me  
Seems you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me  
Someone to face the day with, make it through all the rest with  
Someone I'll always laugh with  
Even at my worst, I'm best with you, Yeah!

-The Rembrants "I'll be there for you"

Despite a few muted objections from Lily and James, Severus left the Potter Estate for Hogwarts as soon as he had gotten a semi-firm grip on reality. His students were all adorably concerned for him, they had even made him a card and gotten him a large supply of his favourite Liquorice Bites. The staff all offered to help him with his classes, and poor Minerva had taken over caring for the Slytherins as well as the Gryffindors. With all of this, during the days he quickly found a sort of comfort in the routine of teaching classes, and managing his students.

To make things even better, Pauline was now dating him again, and it was like the beginnings of love all over again, which meant they were basically in a cycle of sex, long conversations and eating the new goodies she was always coming up with in his kitchen. Falling asleep with her for a couple hours was easy. She slide up next to him, put her perpetually cold hand on his chest, and this incredible feeling of safety and security came over him that he had never felt before, and he'd fall asleep immediately.

Unfortunately, the late nights did not work particularly well for Pauline, who had to get up to work at the bakery at the crack of dawn almost every morning. Which meant that she couldn't spend every night being his security blanket, and alone, away from the routine of the day and Pauline, he couldn't sleep.

Every sound made him jerk upright in bed, then he'd lie there, his heart thumping in his chest. Pauline had been away for days, and he watched the sun rise without sleeping for the third time. But he had to get up and go to the Potter's. With a sigh, he rubbed his eyes and got dressed.

"Potter Estate," he muttered, getting thrown through the floo. If he didn't show up for Sirius' birthday, James would call in the entire Auror service to come looking for him, not that he was actually considering missing the day.

"Uncle Sev! Uncle Sev!" yelled Harry the moment Severus stepped out of the fireplace. No matter what, seeing Harry run to him with that big, goofy smile on his face always soothed Severus' frayed nerves.

"Hey monkey," Severus said, sweeping the boy up in his arms. A bunch of one-year olds, including Sirius, were crawling around on the mat with Remus, while the parents chatted. One year old birthdays were the oddest thing Severus had ever seen. The baby clearly didn't know what was happening, and preferred the box to the gift inside the box, but he adored the attention and laughed and giggled. As he did so, the unsettled feeling in Severus' gut seemed to drift away.

"Sev, sweetheart, could you grab the veggie platter from the kitchen. I don't want these kids to just have sugar to eat," Lily asked conjuring a large pile of paper plates with her wand. " He nodded and slid Amelia off of his lap. Just as he stood up Lily touched his hand and look at him intently.

"Are you ok?" she asked softly. He nodded and forced a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Just tired." Lily gave him a knowing smirk.

"Ah yes, the early stages of lovesickness. There's coffee in the kitchen if you want some," she said, giving his hand a fond squeeze.

Severus practically slept-walked to the kitchen and summoned the large plate of carrots and broccoli that was hiding behind the fantastic, sugared cake Pauline had made. With a sigh, he summoned a mug that declared him World's #1 Dad, and poured himself a cup. He moved to slice a piece of carrot cake from the platter.

A child shrieked from the living room, and Severus started, slicing the knife through his finger instead of the cake. Blood spurted everywhere, and Severus jolted at the pain. Everything suddenly hurt. Someone screamed again. His knees gave out and he crashed on the cold cement floor. He had been so stupid to think he'd ever be safe. That James could have killed that monster without a wand.

He could feel someone coming towards him, and he pushed himself back into the corner. He knew without a doubt it was Voldemort coming to finish him off. Pain burst through his chest. He was going to die. It seemed like someone might by talking to him, but the ringing in his ears prevented him from fully hearing.

A hand handed on his should and he flinched. He didn't care if he died, but he couldn't be hurt anymore. He just had to stop the pain.

"Sev?" whispered James' voice, but James would never hurt him. It wasn't real. His breath came in short panicked spurts. Was the entire thing a lie? Had he been with the Voldemort version of James the entire time?

"Sev, no one's hurting you. You're safe." he said. "Can you open your eyes and look around?" Severus squeezed his eyes shut, not trusting it. He didn't want to see James' face on Voldemort again. The hand that was on his shoulders moved to the back of his neck. Severus' eyes snapped open to focus on James who was peering down at him with heavy concern. When Severus made eye contact, he forced a smile.

"Take a deep breath, now. It's ok," fake-James said softly as he pulled Severus closer. Shakily, Severus obeyed. There was the familiar smell of laundry and cologne as Severus nose landed on James' shoulder.

"That's it, and another," instructed James. He didn't realize how little oxygen he had until he breathed. The more his breathing slowed, the more he realized what had happened: he was at Sirius' birthday party, having a panic attack over an injured hand Then, with horror, he realized he was resting his head on James' shoulder and that the man was holding him like a child. Still disoriented, he immediately pulled back.

"Let me see your hand, Sev," James said, picking up the bloody hand from the tile. He hissed in sympathy. For some reason the sight made Severus' stomach roll, and he looked away and closed his eyes with a groan.

"It's alright," soothed James, taping the sliced up finger with his wand. "That's alright, it looks worse then it is, see?" Severus looked down to the finger that James was now wrapping in gauze. With a flick of his wand James summoned a small vial of pain reliever and held out to Severus. Reluctantly, he drunk it down.

"Do you know where you are?" James' voice asked calmly, cutting through the fog that had wrapped around his mind as his hand wrapped around Severus' wrist.

"Uhm - I - " Severus swallowed and looked around. He was sitting against a brightly painted cupboard, on familiar tile, in a kitchen that smelled like gingersnaps.

"Home," he whispered, before he could think better of it.

"That's right," said James, kindly. Severus looked around him, he was surrounded by the broken pieces of James' mug.

"I broke the mug," Severus whispered stupidly, reaching to broken pieces of ceramic with the hand that James wasn't restraining.

"That's alright," James soothed, in a tone that was more suited to his children than to Severus, and he gently took Severus' other wrist to prevent him from reaching for the broken dish. Awareness came back to him more forcefully, and with it came a rush of embarrassment.

"I'm fine, Potter," grumbled Severus, moving to stand. James jumped up as well, his arms hovering to catch him if he fell.

"Sev, maybe you should sit for a moment," said James, touching his elbow. "Let me make you some tea, ok?" Severus' heart was still beating a million miles a moment, and the moment the words came out of James' mouth, the fear and horror turned to anger.

"I said I'm fine, stop hovering!" snapped Severus. He pushed James' arm away with an exceptional amount of force and stormed off.

He avoided James after that, which was easier said then done, considering the man continually tried to call him, and even blackmailed him by sending pictures the children made for him. Lily even tried to contact him multiple times, which meant that James had told her what was going on. Severus knew that the only reason the Potters weren't bursting through his doors was because he couldn't avoid them forever.

Pauline was trying to save up to open her own bakery and had entered into the annual Hogsmeade baking competition. He couldn't very well not show up, and the Potters had given the children to the Weasleys so they could come in a show of support.

The Leaky Cauldron had been magically expanded to contain over 100 bakers and their wares. He sat, slumped in the chair as Pauline fussed over her table which contained a vast chocolate cake, pumpkin cheesecake, and enough cupcakes of various colours and flavours to send anyone into diabetic coma.

"Do you think I should use a preservative spell?" she asked anxiously. "I mean they're best when they're all moist, but I find it gives it a bit of an after-taste."

"Yeah," he muttered half-heartedly in response. He knew how important this contest was for Pauline, the 10,000 Galleon prize would be enough for her to start her own bakery, and he really did care about whether or not she used the preservative spells. Unfortunately, last night had not been one of the nights where he was able to grab one or two hours of sleep, neither was the night before. The nightmares now played in his head whenever he let his mind wander and he could barely walk around let alone deal with conversation.

"Honey? Are you alright?" she asked softly, appearing in front of him all the sudden. Her eyes were crinkled in gentle concern and she had a spot of pink frosting on her nose.

"Just tired. You're going to be wonderful, I've never had cake as good as yours," he said pulling her on to his lap by the back of her knees.

"You're just saying that," she said, even as she blushed a little with pride. He reached up and kissed the bit of frosting of the tip of her nose.

"I'm most certainly am not," he said. It was true. He never had much of a sweet-tooth but he could never resist her baking.

"Do you get extra points for PDA?" said James from where he was standing in front of the booth with Lily. Pauline whipped around so fast that her hair smacked Severus in the face. James reached for one of the cupcakes on the display.

"NO!" yelped Pauline, at the same time Lily smacked his hand away.

"The strawberry ones are my favourite," whined James, practically salivating at the sight of all the treats. They had chosen to leave the children at home so they wouldn't become unbearable machines of sugar, it seemed like leaving James at home might have been a wise decision as well.

"Oh go on then. Just one, and take the one from the back that looks a little sad," Pauline said. James obeyed and stuffed it gratefully into his mouth.

"Mmmm," he said, with his mouth full. "If you don't win, Lily will sue someone for you." Lily smirked a little at that.

"You're going to do great, Paul, really," she said, leaning over to squeeze Pauline's hand. Pauline smiled nervously and squeezed Lily's hand back tightly.

"Attention everyone I am Dedalus Periwinkle, one of the judges here today. Each of you were given three slips of parchment on the way in. Your job as guests is to try as many cakes and pastries as possible. On your way out, you will write your top three bakers on the parchment and place it in here," said Dedalus, a portly man with a handle-bar moustache. He tapped an old looking stove with his wand and it started to roar with flames. Severus started involuntarily at the sight.

"Contestants are reminded that only one baker is allowed behind the stand at all times, and to have a good time. Let the eating begin!" Severus pulled himself out of his chair from behind Pauline's chair and kissed her quickly on the forehead.

"You're going be wonderful," he whispered, getting a nervous smile in response. James and Lily hugged her and wished her well and pulled away from the booth, allowing it to be swarmed by hungry witches and wizards.

"Oh treacle tarts. I'm going to grab one for Harry," said Lily immediately getting lost in the crowds and leaving Severus alone with James.

"How have you been?" James asked after a moment.

"Fine," Severus said turning around.

"You haven't returned any of my calls, or owls." James said softly when he was close enough to talk in a low tone.

"We're not dating, Potter," Severus muttered sourly in response. "I am not obligated to keep you updated on the goings on in my life." Instead of stiffening the sharp words, there was a softness to James' expression that looked an awful lot like pity.

"I'm just worried about you. I don't like the thought of you having an attack like that all alone," said James, touching Severus' arm in an attempt to keep him from moving through the crowd.

For some reason, Severus remembered that day on the grounds after he called Lily a Mudblood and James had taken off his trousers. Not the attack itself, he had long reconciled Hogwarts-James and this James, but the walk back up to the castle afterwords. The dreadful loneliness that had set in then and hadn't lifted until after Voldemort's death. It washed over him again now.

"I have been taking care of myself since I was a child. I certainly don't need you to fix everything for me," snapped Severus, feeling a mad desire to shove James. There was a flicker or fear and surprise on James' face, as though he too had seen the consideration of violence, and he nodded tightly. With a savage feeling of satisfaction, Severus shoved through the crowd, leaving James in his wake.

For a while, it was fine. He checked on Pauline's booth, which already had a large line-up, and went in search of the candy-makers to find some liquorice, but the crowd was just getting thicker and thicker.

It was like they were purposefully trying to converge on him. As person after person knocked into him with Voldemort's face, Severus felt his tenuous hold on his sanity slip and all he wanted was to go home. He didn't even care about the baking contest anymore. He'd find a way to force Pauline to take his money for the bakery if he could just leave.

He tried to apparate, but between his ragged breathing and the building panic, he couldn't focus his magic enough to summon a teacup, let alone fly through the air. The tiny bit of his mind that was clinging to rationality knew that he was fine, he was at baking competition having a nice time, and Pauline was there and everything was fine. Unfortunately, this tiny part was being rapidly taken over by blind, irrational panic. He had to leave. No matter what he had to leave. A hand landed on his shoulder.

"Sev?" James said softly.

"I can't - I -" Severus trailed off, his breaths coming in short, panicked bursts as he tried to find the words. James gave him a cursory glance, then nodded in understanding.

"Alright, that's alright. Come with me. I've got you," said James calmly, placing a hand on Severus' back to lead him through the crowds. For once, Severus was more than happy to give over control, and didn't offer a word of protest as James hustled him through the crowd to a small utility closet.

The cupboard was damp and smelled like mildew, and Severus saw Voldemort's lair every time he closed his eyes. Someone touched his shoulder and he flinched violently.

"It's me, Sev," James said. "Open your eyes and look at me, ok?" Severus did what he was told and found himself sitting on an overturned rubbish bin, James crouched in front of him with a look of concern.

"Do you know where you are?" James' asked, taking Severus' wrist to check his pulse.

"Bake show," he muttered, squeezing his eyes shut in embarrassment. When he did so, a roll of nausea passed through him, and for some reason he smelled his own burning flesh. "I smelled…"

"It wasn't real,' James soothed. "You're alright." The words had just started to calm him slightly, when suddenly the door swung open. Severus started so badly he nearly fell off the garbage can.

"It's alright, it's just Lily," said James hurriedly.

"Pauline is - Sev -What the hell is going on?" Lily asked her voice shifting from anger to concern. James whispered the afternoons events to Lily, but Severus wasn't listening. There was a bigger concern on his mind. Polly - Polly couldn't see him like this. He'd ruin this huge, important day for her.

"Sev, sweetheart" whispered Lily softly, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

"She can't know," Severus said suddenly. Her big green eyes stood out like a radium dial in the closet, they creased in sympathy and she nodded.

"Alright. Don't you worry about that," she said gently. She exchanged a few more words that Severus couldn't quite follow with James and left the cupboard.

"As soon as you calm down enough to apparate, I'll take you home, ok?" James said, taking Severus' wrist again. "Just take deep breaths. You're safe, alright? I promise I won't let anything bad happen."

"You won't go?" Severus asked before he realized how childish the words were.

"No, buddy. I'm right here with you," James promised, taking Severus' other wrist as though he was trying to prove the point.

" 'm sorry, for being a jerk," muttered Severus. He had dodged the man and blown off his concerns for days and now the poor guy was stuck sitting in a smelly cupboard with him.

"You've had a rough few days it seems," said James gently. "I'm just worried about you, mate."

"'It's stupid," Severus said, the calm awareness was able to take over his brain and he could almost filter what he said.

"Hey - hey it's not stupid, alright? You were tortured, drugged. It's normal to need some time to get over that. Anyone would," James said firmly squeezing Severus' shoulder.

Severus just shook his head negatively, but as he did so his shoulders started shaking. With a sigh, James rested his hand softly between his shoulder blades.

"Everything's going to be ok," James whispered, not removing his hand. They sat in silence for a long few moments.

"I just wanna go home," Severus whispered finally.

"Alright, hold my arm," James said. Severus was about to protest at the indignity of having to apparate with assistance, but he found he didn't have the energy. He grabbed James' arms tightly, and they sailed through a tight hole in the air. When they hit the ground in the middle of the Potter's living room, the force of apparation plus Severus' general shakiness made him stumble badly, but James' arm held him up firmly and steered him to a chair.

"When was the last time you actually slept?" James asked in that same kind, concerned voice that grated on Severus' nerves so mercilessly. Without bothering to reply, Severus scoffed and dropped his head to his hands.

In a few minutes, James was pressing a hot cup of tea into Severus' hand. Mindlessly, Severus sipped at it.

"Sev, if you want, you can talk to me about it," James said]. For the first time that night, Severus' black eyes met James' concerned hazel ones. "Or we don't have to talk about it, we could just sit and talk about something else. I just - I feel like you think I'm going to think less of you or something because of this. And that's just not true, you've been through hell. No one expects you to be ok, or to deal with this alone. You're not alone."

"I'm not some broken down pathetic thing," Severus said, the embarrassment beginning to turn into anger.

"We're all a little broken," James seriously. "There is no shame in that, Sev. Let us help you get through this"

Severus didn't have that thing that James did. That confidence built from years of loving parents and good friends had made him so secure that he never took emotion as weakness.

Severus had seen the man cry openly over a book without the slightest hint of embarrassment, and whenever Harry, who was just getting old enough to care about his tears, was upset, James always assured the little boy that there was no weakness in tears.

Severus was the opposite. He still remembered his father smacking him across the face, sending blood everywhere after seeing him cry. He learned early that revealing emotion was simply showing someone a way to hurt him.

"Sev, are you alright?" James said gently, after a few moments. The hot tea had cut through the remaining fear from the attack and anger at James, now he just felt deeply tired and weary.

"I can't sleep," he grumbled, finally. This all felt like an oppressive weight on his chest. "Even with Dreamless Sleep. Every time I close my eyes…" He trailed off.

"You're safe," said James. "And you can stay here for as long as you want. You know that right?" Severus started a little at that. He hadn't even realize that when he said he wanted to go home, James took him back to the Potter Estate instead of Hogwarts. Severus' face flushed red.

"That's completely unnecessary, Potter," he muttered.

"Yeah, I know," James said with a little smirk. "But you should stay anyways."

"You look done in, Sev," James said before Severus could protest, waving his wand to summon a potion. "Here's some Dreamless Sleep. Go take it and get some sleep. I'm going to get the kids, pick up some dinner, when I come back, we'll figure something out, alright?" said James, with that same odd tenderness in his voice that made Severus feel somehow both ten times better and worse at the same time.

"I -"

"Sev, go to bed," James said firmly. Severus scowled at James, but James just smiled back and jerked his head towards the guest bedroom door. There was no arguing with the man, finally he nodded.

Two hours later, Severus had showered, changed into sweatpants and was lying on top of the covers desperately trying to fall asleep when there was a gentle knock at the door.

"Come in," he muttered. The moment he said it, the door sprang open and Harry and Amelia bolted to the bed.

"Uncle Sev!" they exclaimed in unison. Faintly, Severus smiled and hugged them each in turn. Avoiding James meant avoiding them, and it was good to see their happy, chubby faces.

"Are you sick?" asked Harry. Before Severus could reply, he pressed his hand to Severus' forehead with an extremely serious expression that mirrored James' perfectly.

"I'm fine, monkey," Severus said softly. Harry pursued his lips in disapproval.

"You look tired," Harry said softly, pushing the hair off Severus' forehead like a worried parent. "Are you tired?"

"A little, but I'll be ok," Severus said, cupping the boy's small cheek. "Did you have fun at the Weasley's?" he asked. Harry nodded and proceeded to cuddle up on Severus' shoulder.

"Uncle Sev, can you read me a story?" Amelia asked, curling up on Severus' other side. Severus yawned and summoned a book with a flick of his wand. Just as he was about to open the book, the door swung open to reveal James standing with a large bowl of chilli.

"Hey! What did I say?" James said, looking genuinely angry.

"To leave Uncle Severus alone," muttered Harry.

"Exactly, out, now," James said sternly, throwing an apologetic look to Severus.

"But Daddy - but Daddy, I wanna story!" said Amelia.

"No -"

"It's alright, Potter," Severus said, just as the other man opened his mouth to explode at the children. James pursed his lips for a moment then levitated the chilli over to Severus' lap.

"Alright, compromise, you let Uncle Sev eat, and I'll read you the story, ok?" The kids nodded, and Severus happily started to munch on his overly-large bowl of chilli.

The story was some silly thing about a duck and a river. The kids had settled themselves comfortably at his side with their thumbs in their mouth.

He was still groggy from the dose of Dreamless Sleep he had earlier, and after a few moments, they were snoring and he was fighting to keep his eyes open. He didn't even realize James had stopped read until he felt him slide the tray of chilli off his lap. He blinked his eyes open. Harry's mop of hair was tucked under Severus' chin and Amelia was snoring with her hand clutching his shirt.

"Sorry," James whispered, sending the tray away with a flick of his wrist.

"S'okay," muttered Severus. James reached down to pick up Harry, but Severus found himself unwilling to let the little warm weight on his chest go. James didn't pull the boy away again.

"I wish you'd have told me things were this bad," whispered James. Severus blinked awake and looked at James' heavy serious face.

"Yeah? What'd you've done?" slurred Severus. James shrugged and smiled.

"I don't know. I'd have made you feel better. I do it all the time," he said with a smirk. Severus rolled his eyes, unable to stop himself from chuckling.

"Sleep well," James said, pulling the blanket up over Harry's shoulders and pushing Amelia's hair behind her ear. Severus was warm from the chilli, comfortable under the thick blankets and felt more secure than he would ever admit under the Potters' roof. Before the door closed behind James, Severus had already drifted off to sleep.

XxxxXXXxxxxXX

Severus hated being late. He was one of those men that believed that you should be five minutes early for everything, including grabbing a beer at the Leaky Cauldron, so running ten minutes behind to see his Godson off for his first day of school made him extremely anxious.

"Potter!" Severus said running through the crowds of parents to where James stood with Harry, Amelia and Sirius. Harry was wearing a neat little school uniform with a blue sweater, blue and grey stripped tie and grey pants. He looked like a little tax accountant. Severus couldn't help but laugh as the boy ran towards him.

"Look at you, monkey," said Severus, opening his arms just as Harry jumped at him.

"I'm going to school!" Harry said excitedly. With a smile, Severus boosted the child further up his hip and walked over to James and the other children.

"Are you excited?" asked Severus a little unnecessarily. Harry nodded vigorously, looking as wired as he did the time he and Amelia ate a dozen of Pauline's cupcakes. With an approving smile, Severus pressed a kiss to the mop of errant hair.

"Morning Sev," James said with a smile, clapping him on the back.

"Sorry I'm late," Severus replied as they walked into the classroom.

"Uncle Sev," Amelia said blinking her big eyes at him. "Are you the smartest man in the world?" James rolled his eyes, and Severus grinned inwardly, suddenly remembering why he loved these grubby little children so much.

"Why do you ask?"

"Cause you're a teacher," Amelia said reasonably. "You gotta know everything if you're a teacher cause you gotta teach people stuff."

"I know a lot about a little," he explained, taking her hand and walking towards Harry's classroom.

The school was just for Wizarding children, and a feet away Molly Weasley was fussing over Ron, who too was a neat, new uniform.

"Millie stay close," James yelled as she ran over to where Ginny was standing beside Ron and his mother. Behind them, Narcissa Malfoy was kissing her pale son, the carbon copy of his father, goodbye. Severus met her eyes and a deep coldness went through him, and he instinctively held Harry a little tighter.

"Daddy! Look at all the toys," Harry said squirming out of Severus' arms. James allowed himself to be pulled to the nearest, bright table. Severus and James sat beside him and watched while the boy giggled and played with the magical toys. James flicked his wand at a dragon that flew around Harry's head. Sirius reached up for it with his pudgy arms and giggled. With another wave of James' wand the dragon disappeared.

"Ok pet, Uncle Sev and I are going to go now, alright?" James said, smoothing the back of Harry's hair. Both Severus and James watched Harry tightly for the first sign of upset, but he just happily started scribbling on his drawing paper.

"Ok, Daddy," he said brightly, not even looking up. James looked at Severus, a little startled, then back down at his son.

"Are you sure you're alright? You have everything you need?" James asked. Harry just nodded again.

"And Mommy will be here to pick you up," James said in a soothing tone.

"Mhmm, Daddy, can I go play with Ernie, now?" Harry asked pointing to where the chubby McMillan boy was stacking blocks in the corner.

"Sure, of course. Go have fun," James said. "I love you, monkey."

"Love you too Dad. Love you, baby" Harry said pulling at Sirius' hand with a little laugh, Sirius giggled and smiled a gummy smile up at Harry. Harry hugged James fleetingly, than hugged Severus. There was an odd sort of nostalgia as he took the small boy in his arms. It seemed that he was far too young to be left with strangers.

"You be good," Severus whispered. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Harry said pulling back. He looked at them both, then smiled sweetly.

"Don't worry, Daddy. I'll be home soon," he said, giving James another kiss on the cheek. This made James laugh and he nodded the boy in the direction of Ernie.

"Thanks, lovey, I'll be fine. Go play," he said. With a final broad smile and a wave, Harry skipped off to the corner without a backwards glance. Severus and James sat and watched Harry with identical gapping expressions. It wasn't supposed to be this easy.

"Ready, Potter?" Severus said after a few moments. James nodded, a little bemused and boosted Sirius further up on his hip

"Yeah, alright, let's get Millie," he muttered. Molly was still in the back of the classroom, talking to Ron who was having a much more difficult time with the separation than Harry had.

"Really dear, it'll be nice. Don't you want to go play with Harry?" Molly cajoled. This was the sixth time she had seen her children off to school, and she gave James and Severus and unfussed smile as they approached.

"Don't want you to go," said Ron stubbornly, sticking by his mother's side and winding a hand into her robes. Molly patted his hair gently.

"Hey Ron," said James kneeling in front of the boy. "I was hoping you could do me a favour." The boy sniffed but unstuck his forehead from his Mom's robes.

"Well, Harry doesn't have any big brothers like you do, and I was kind of hoping you'd keep an eye on him for me and make sure that he's doing ok?" Ron rubbed his eyes and blinked back at James warily. After a moment, Ron nodded his assent, and let go of Molly's robe. Molly smiled at him and gently pushed him further into the classroom beside Harry.

"Daddy can I go play with Ginny?" Amelia asked. James blinked, taken aback for a moment because Amelia never asked to go anywhere but home or the library, then nodded.

"Sure, pet, if it's alright with Mrs. Weasley," James said.

"We'd be delighted. Well come along then, let's make sure Fred and George haven't swapped identities again," said Molly taking both girls' hands and leading them away. It was just James, Severus and the baby, and James looked more than a little lost.

"Come on, Potter, time to go," Severus said clapping him on the shoulder.

"Just a moment," James said pulling Severus by the arm into the cloak room. Between the slats of the cubbies, they could see the new kindergarteners at work. Ron and Harry were sharing crayons and giggle. There was no hint of the redhead's earlier worry.

"Are you serious?" hissed Severus.

"I just want to make sure he's ok," James said peering with one eye through the opening. "He might not really get that I've gone."

Severus refrained from mentioning how bad two men spying on a bunch of little children looked, and huffed. Minutes passed, and Harry continued to play contentedly and soon, only the parents of the most shy and distraught children remained.

"I'm going," Severus said finally. James nodded a little morosely, his eyes still on Harry. Severus sighed, he couldn't just leave the man standing in a cloakroom like this.

"You can't tell me you honestly hoped he'd throw a tantrum," said Severus.

"Maybe just a few tears," James muttered.

"Potter, he's not upset, because he knows you'll be there when he needs you. This is a good thing," Severus said, gentling his tone slightly. James sighed and conceded the point with a nod of his head.

"Polly needs help at the bakery, now are you going to stay in the cloakroom like a creep, or are you going to come help?" asked Severus. James threw one more furtive look in Harry's direction, then nodded.

They apparated to Pauline's little stone bakery to find her bursting out parts of the wall in anger. The wall shattered near them as they entered, and James immediately turned the stroller to protect Sirius, and ran over Severus' foot.

"Oh I'm sorry!" Pauline said as Severus glared at James. "How was Harry's first day of school?"

"He was fine. What the hell is going on in here?" James asked marvelling at the disaster of a space.

"Apparently, there is a problem with the plumbing!" she said, throwing another curse at the wall. "And I'm trying to fix it."

Pauline had used the money she had won in the baking competition to start a bakery, she had found the perfect, charming stone shop. It was right off of Diagon Alley, and had been Wizard Owned since 1101 when Claudious Wright had set up a blacksmith shop. Unfortunately, the character came with a price.

The previous owners - a high-end apothecary - had sold because the building was on its last legs, falling down and in need of a complete remodel. Pauline had been so wowed by the hundred year old walls stone and creaky wooden floors, that she had happily taken on the challenge. She had bitten off more than she could chew. The industrial sized oven she needed could barely fit, the floor was rotting and needed to be pulled up and the place needed new paint, new windows, not to mention a counter top and seating. Even with magic it was taking forever.

"Well here, let me help," offered James, giving the baby and the stroller to Severus. The plumbing problem turned out to be minor, and was fixed as soon as Pauline found the damaged pipe, but James seemed to be actually interested in the bakery. He helped debate oven sizes, worked out cost-benefit analysis on hiring numbers. and asked a lot of questions about the bakery that Polly only had vague answers to. Severus got to play with the baby, which was a lot more fun, and he was currently making snakes appear from his wand for Sirius to crawl after.

"How do you know all this stuff?" Pauline asked.

"My Dad mostly," said James. "Look you're doing great. It isn't easy."

"I just wanted to bake, and sell what I baked," Pauline said, running a hand through her long hair. "The rest of this stuff, I'm not sure if it's me. When I got my first pay-check at eighteen, I spent it all on clothes and didn't have money to pay my rent."

"It's just a matter of organization, and planning," offered James. "You'll be fine. You have a great product." Pauline looked at James thoughtfully for a long moment.

Severus levitated one of the snakes in the air and Sirius giggled and reached up for it on his knees. Then without warning. he stood up and took his first hesitant step.

"JAMES," Severus yelped in excitement. James turned around from the table to see Sirius shakily standing on his two feet. One hand was in his mouth like he was blinking around as if confused by what the big deal was, and James and Pauling were already clamouring to their feet.

"Come on," Severus said extending his arms to the baby. It was only about two steps, but Sirius unstuck one foot from the ground, as though it was in glue, then another. He reached his chubby little arms out for Severus and promptly stopped trying to hold himself up the moment Severus had a good hold on him. With a laugh Severus swept him up into the air over his head.

"What a big boy," Pauline cooed.

"Good job!" said James, reaching his arms out for Sirius. Severus passed him over.

"Look at you, you can walk!" continued James, sounding genuinely awed. Sirius just giggled and pushed his face into James' shoulder. With a smile, James kissed the boy on the head then turned back to Pauline.

"I'm getting in the way here, and he needs a nap," James said shuffling the baby up further into his arms.

"James," Pauline said "I have a proposal for you." James raised an eyebrow and looked curiously over Sirius' head.

"How would you like to be my partner?" she asked opening her arms a little as if to showcase the little stone room. James blinked, stunned.

"Uh - I have never owned a business before," James said. "And I have the children." Pauline shrugged with a little smirk. Severus turned around to follow the conversation.

"I have the never owned a business before either, and you can bring the kids with you whenever you need," she said.

"And they're growing up," Severus added softly, remembering the look on James' face when Harry ran into class brimming with confidence and independence.

"Alright," James said looking around the bakery. "Why the hell not?"

James buying into the partnership left the bakery with a considerable amount of galleons, and weeks later, James had managed to hire staff, fix the bakery and create a business plan that contained more than "bake cakes". Pauline had designed the entire bakery in robins egg blue and hardwood, and soon there was nothing to do but open the doors.

"Thanks for reminding me about my umbrella," Pauline said as she tapped her wand to the door and walked in. Severus just tilted his head in acknowledgement and entered into the room. His hand was clenched in his pocket around a small box. She skipped over to the umbrella holder and grabbed it out.

"I hope it goes well tomorrow," she whispered, wrapping an arm around her stomach and looking around the bakery.

"It will," he said with genuine feeling. "Look at this place it's incredible." She bit the nail of her thumb nervously, and continued to scan the bakery, as though trying to determine whether or not something was out of place.

"And if it doesn't, you'll still have me, always if you want," Severus promised, his heart thumbing in his chest as he pulled out James' great-grandmother's ring, which he had been carrying around for weeks. Her eyes widened and she clapped her hands over her mouth.

"Will you marry me?" Severus whispered. The floor felt extremely hard underneath his knee. Her eyes flooded with tears and for the briefest moment, he didn't know whether it was because she was happy or sad. Then she nodded and threw her arms around his neck nearly knocking him on the floor.

"Yes," she said, more ecstatic than Severus expected. "Of course, yes!"

XxxXX

"Now, can anyone explain to me what the difference between a ghost and a poltergeist is?" Severus asked, scanning his eyes over the little second-years, a few of them dropped their eyes, some shrunk back in their chair. Severus sighed.

"What is a ghost?" he asked, breaking the question down into smaller pieces for them. Hesitantly, Madeline, one of his brighter students, raised her hand half-way in their air.

"Yes, Miss Brewer."

"A ghost is an impression of someone's soul," Severus nodded, and turned towards the board.

"Close. A ghost - " A knock on the door stopped him, and he and the entire class turned around in surprise. His fifth-year prefect, Annabelle Grunning, was standing at the door, anxiously.

"Miss Grunning," Severus said in surprise. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, sir. It's only -" She trailed off and gently pulled Harry by the hand into the doorway. For a moment, Severus could just stare at the little, red-faced five-year old, and Harry stared back at him, his lip quivering.

"Harry?" Severus said in surprise "What -" He looked around at the entire class of second-years who were watching the interaction with growing interest.

"Class, read pages 23-47. Any talking or trouble-making and you will lose 20 points for your house" Severus said with a scowl, already walking over toward Harry.

"He came through the floo," Annabelle said as Severus approached. Harry continued to stare at the floor. A gnawing sense of unease started to rise up through his gut.

"Thank you Miss Grunning. 15 points to Slytherin. I can take it from here," Severus said, kneeling down in front of Harry. She nodded and walked back to class.

"Harry?" The little boy still didn't look at him. "Hare-bear?" Severus continued softly, raising the boy's chin. His eyes, newly magnified under his wire-rimmed glasses that looked exactly like his father's, were red, and his face was pale.

"What's wrong, lovey?" Severus said, beginning to feel quite genuinely worried at the look on the boy's face. For a moment, he had a horrid image of James or Lily dead on the floor of Potter Manor.

"I ran away," said Harry tremulously, jutting his chin out. Severus blinked at the little boy in front of him.

"You ran away?" he asked blandly. Harry nodded a little proudly, even as his lip continued to quiver.

"Did you happen to tell Mommy or Daddy that you ran away?" Severus asked softly, his stomach dropping when Harry shook his head negatively. With a sigh, Severus reached down and picked the toddler up. He rested his head on Severus' shoulder with a large sniff.

"Shhh," he said, rubbing Harry's back. "It's ok, love." He turned around to the rest of the class.

"You all are dismissed for the rest of this period," he said, trying not to roll his eyes as the students immediately burst out in excited whispers while they packed up. Without another word, he walked down the halls to his quarters.

When he brought the children to Hogwarts, they stayed mostly in the Slytherin dorms getting fussed over by the students while Severus worked. That plus the fact that his high standards and disdain for mediocrity made many of the students wary of him, caused a few students to look at him curiously as he walked through the hallways carrying a small child.

The door to his quarters came into view quickly and he whispered the password and carried Harry inside, who at five was beginning to get quite heavy.

"Do you want some cookies?" asked Severus. He never indulged in them himself but they were useful bribes for upset students. Surprisingly, Harry shook his head no and buried himself further into Snape's arms.

"Ok, I've gotta tell your Daddy where you are. He's going to be missing you," Severus said, setting Harry down on the couch.

"NO!" Harry exclaimed, looking as though he was about to burst into tears again. Severus had no doubt that James was literally losing it already, but he had long since learned that Harry's tear-stained chubby cheeks had a massive manipulative effect on him.

"Why not? Don't you want him to know that you're ok?" Severus asked gently, sitting himself down on the coffee table across from Potter. The tiniest built of guilt showed in Harry's wide eyes, but he just gave a half-hearted shrug.

"He doesn't care. No one does," whispered Harry, tears starting to well up in his eyes again.

"Harry, that's not true," Severus replied, brushing a tear off of Harry's cheek. "What happened?"

"Daddy was supposed to take me flying but he didn't cause the stupid baby won't stop crying, and Mommy was supposed to read me stories but she doesn't read me any stories any more, she just falls asleep in Amelia's bed after reading her stories!" said Harry indignantly. "I want new parents."

Severus knew there was no point in explaining to Harry that Lily got up at five to go to work and argued all day so she was utterly exhausted by the time she got home, or the fact that James had to be just as concerned about Sirius' well-being as Harry's. Sometimes it just sucked to be the oldest child.

"Come here," Severus said sitting on the couch beside the little boy and pulling him on to his lap. Harry gratefully curled up into Severus' stomach and promptly stuck his thumb in his mouth, a habit Lily had been desperately trying to get him to kick. He should batt the thumb away, and let James know that Harry was still alive, but he knew that the boy likely had precious time to sit quietly on someone's lap as of late. The world could wait a moment.

Severus ran a hand over the boy's hair and kissed his head

"Your parents love you very much, Harry," Severus said as gently as he could. Harry sniffed and shrugged again miserably.

"Come on. I've gotta take you home," Severus said softly, standing up with the toddler in his arms.

"No," Harry whispered in vague protest, but Severus took them both into the fireplace anyways. "The Potters'." The spun through the fireplace and Severus tightened his grip on Harry, just to make sure he wouldn't drop him even though he never had before. Fireplaces whipped by them and a moment later they landed hard in the Potter's fireplace.

The living room was overrun with toys, and pasta was boiling over on the stove, no one was home and the door was open. James knew. Severus felt a sudden swirl of guilt for the moment he spent cuddling Harry. He swirled his wand at the stove, causing the pasta to stop boiling.

"James?" Severus called, nearly tripping over a doll as he walked out of the living room towards the stairwell. Realizing it was futile, he swirled his wand again, sending a Patronus out after James with the message that Harry was ok.

"Alright, we're home," Severus letting Harry down to the messy living room floor. He had never seen the Potters' house look quite this messy. Having three children under 6 was clearly taking their toll. Severus began to send dishes and glasses to the sink with a wave of his wand.

"Come on, let's pick up these toys," Severus said to Harry, picking up Amelia's pink doll and a bunch of blocks. Harry morosely joined in taking his action figures up off the ground.

"HARRY? HARRY!" yelled James suddenly from the back door. He came running in with Sirius in one hand while he dragged Amelia with the other. When he saw Harry, he quickly placed Sirius in the playpen and ran over.

"Harry!" James said, dropping to his knees in front of his son and grabbing his shoulders. "Are you ok? Are you hurt anywhere?" Harry shook his head, and James breathed in relief and grabbed him into a tight hug.

"He went to see you at Hogwarts?" James asked, looking up to Severus over Harry's shoulder. Severus nodded. James sighed in relief again and kissed the top of Harry's tousled head "Thank you."

"Anytime, Potter," Severus said, taking in the man's haggard expression. With a blink, James turned back to Harry, his concern giving way to anger.

"What were you thinking?" James said harshly. Predictably, Harry retreated further from the angry voice and dropped his head. Realizing he wasn't getting anywhere with the anger, James sighed and cupped Harry's cheek.

"Hare-bear, you can't just run off like that," James said gently. "Do you know how scared I was?" Sirius pulled himself up in the playpen and started to cry. Instinctively, James turned around at the sound. It would have crushed Harry if James went to the baby right now so Severus waved him back quickly and walked over to the playpen.

"Hi baby," whispered Severus. "What's the matter? Huh?" He picked the tiny one-year-old out of the playpen and turned to Amelia who was watching James talk to Harry with her customary serious expression.

"Come on, it's ok. Let's go play." Severus said trying to reassure the child. He had no idea how she got so serious living in a house with James and Lily, but she quietly walked over to him and gave him her hand.

Soon, Severus was lounging on the deck chair, half-asleep with Sirius dozing on his chest while Amelia ran around the yard chasing a magical frog. It was nice to escape Hogwarts and classes. Sometimes it was hard to remember that a whole world existed outside of those walls. He was contemplating never getting out of the chair when Harry sped by him to join Amelia in the garden.

"Is everything ok?" Severus asked as James sat down beside him and handed him a glass of mead. James smiled wryly.

"Aside from being the most negligent father in the world," he muttered, running a hand through his hair.

"Come now," Severus scoffed. "You're a great father."

"There's only one of me though. They gang-up on me. I swear they're trying to drive me insane," James said with a wry smile.

"Why don't Polly and I take Millie and Sirius this weekend?" Severus asked. "The students love having the little ones around and you and Lily can get some sleep, play with Harry, relax." James looked skeptically at Severus.

"You know Sirius cries all through the night. He is literally programmed to go off the moment you close your eyes," James said.

"I have spent many a night with your children and all of us survived," said Severus "And you clearly need a break," Severus said looking at James dishevelled appearance. "Let me take them. I want to."

"Alright," James conceded swigging his meed. "We're lucky to have you." James summoned a small, blue blanket and laid it gently over Sirius, resting his hand on the baby's head for a moment. After a moment James chuckled and sat back in his chair.

"What's funny?" asked Severus.

"Lily's pregnant," James said. Severus blinked at him in surprise, then burst out laughing.

**A/N: Thanks so much for all of your reviews. I read them over-and-over again, seriously they help so much. Also - I'm probably going to be posting all the rest of the chapters tonight so stay tuned!**


	12. Lean on Me

Lean on me when you're not strong  
And I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on  
For it won't be long  
'Til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on

You just call on me, brother, when you need a hand  
We all need somebody to lean on  
I just might have a problem that you'll understand  
We all need somebody to lean on

- "Lean on Me" Bill Withers

The wedding day approached quickly, and as it did, Severus oscillated between overjoyed and petrified. He kept waiting for Polly to change her mind, but she just kept planning the wedding with a brighter smile than he'd ever seen her her wear. The day came and still there was no objection, so Severus just sat, waiting in the dressing room for the other shoe to drop, because in his experience things just did not go this smoothly.

"You ready?" James said from the doorway. His hair had been somewhat calmed and he was wearing contacts and dress-robes for the occasion. He looked comfortable and handsome while Severus looked like a vicar.

"Fine, yes," he grumbled. James entered the room with a smirk.

"I'll be sure to relay your enthusiasm to Polly," said James. "Who, by the way, I've seen." Severus looked over from the mirror to James' face. He raised his eyebrows with a smile the bordered on lecherous and whistled.

"Dude…just dude…" James said, clapping Severus on the back. "You are a lucky man." Severus' throat felt like it was starting to close up.

"What? We've always had the same taste in women," James teased. Severus spared a moment from brooding to scowl at James before irritably throwing the bow-tie he was failing to tie on the ground.

"What's the matter?" asked James after a moment, picking up the bow-tie and cleaning it quickly with his wand. "Are you getting cold feet? Did you forget the rings? Because I, as the world's best best man, have prepared for all those scenarios."

"No, I'm not getting cold feet. And Remus is giving the rings to Harry now," muttered Severus. James sat himself on the bureau and looked intently at him.

"You saw Polly?" Severus finally asked lowly. James nodded. "She seemed…happy?" James looked at Severus a little curiously, and tilted in his head.

"It's her wedding day. She can't stop smiling." James said softly looking concerned. "You're not planning on running out or something are you? Cause I love Polly, and since she doesn't have a brother or a father to say this: I will kick your ass if you break her heart." There was a moment where it looked like James was legitimately considering punching him.

"Of course not," snapped Severus, crossing his arms defensively. "She's not having second thoughts?" The angry look on James' face dissipated, and he sighed.

"Alright, sit down." Grumpily, Severus sat heavily on the arm of the couch. James walked over and silently upturned Severus' collar.

"You're much harder on yourself than other people are, you know?" muttered James as he looped the bow-tie around the collar "I think we're all a little like that, but you especially have a talent for it." The words began to replace Severus' self-pity with indignation.

"Polly could pretty much have any man she wanted," continued James, frowning in concentration as he started to tie the bow-tie. "She wants you, Sev, and you deserve her. Personally, I don't think she could have picked better," he said, clapping Severus on the shoulder.

Any other moment, Severus would have brushed off James' sentimentality with a joke, but it was a sentimental day and the words seemed to smooth over a rough place on Severus' heart. James tightened the bow-tie, looked at it critically, then smiled down at Severus who was fighting not to smile as well.

"Now, let's get you married," James said, giving himself a cursory glance in the mirror before heading out the door. Severus looked at himself in the mirror. His robes were still a little formal for his taste, but his hair wasn't so bad, and when he stopped scowling at the mirror, his reflection looked less angry. If James, Lily and Polly could see something worth committing to in him, then maybe it truly did exist.

It was a small wedding, and the moment Severus stepped to the alter of the picturesque church with James and Remus, he could see everyone clearly in the audience. Arthur was holding Sirius on his lap. Molly sat beside him, already mopping at her eyes, with Ginny and the other Weasleys around her. They were half the guest-list. Polly's Aunt and Uncle sat in the front row chatting quietly with Minerva and Dumbledore. There weren't many people there, but there were all the people that Severus cared to have. The music began and everyone turned their attention to the back of the aisle.

Harry, dressed in formal robes proudly carrying the rings on a pillow with one hand and holding Amelia's hand with the other beamed at the crowd. While Amelia, who was just a little over three stared back at everyone, petrified in her puffy pink dress. Still, she allowed Harry to lead her down the aisle and the entire audience oohhh'd and ahhh'd at them. When she was close enough she broke out into a smile and ran straight for James who knelt down and opened his arms for her.

"I did it!" she said gleefully.

"Wonderful job, pet," he whispered, picking her up and tucking her long, dark hair behind her ear.

"Uncle Sev, I didn't drop the rings," whispered Harry as he stood beside Severus, his eyes almost crossed with the effort of staring at the two gold rings.

"Good job," whispered Severus, dropping an arm around the child's shoulder and pulling him to lean against his thigh even though the boy was meant to stand back with his father. The door opened again and Lily walked out wearing a short purple dress that just showed the start of her baby bump. Her red hair cascaded down her back and excitement radiated off of her. Behind him, Severus swore he heard James inhale sharply.

But before Severus had the time to truly consider how beautiful Lily looked, the music changed and the audience stood up. The wedding march hit him like a bolt of lightening, and he stood at tense attention. James took Harry's hand and gently pulled him back a few paces, Severus missed the warm reassuring weight. His throat went dry. Then the door opened.

She looked perfect. She had abandoned her ponytail for long curls and she wore vintage-styled dress with capped-sleeves, a tight waist and a short skirt that was as bouncy as her personality. The audience collectively gasped. Severus was vaguely aware that other people in the room but he couldn't pull his eyes away from her. He didn't remember blinking the entire time she was walking down the aisle, and his eyes were burning when she stepped up to him.

"Hey," she whispered, winking at him as she handed Lily her bouquet.

"Hi," he breathed, still gaping like an idiot. When he didn't move, she reached across and took his hands in hers. His palms were sweaty and his hand trembled but hers were warm and steady. He looked into her warm, glowing eyes and every anxiety, every fear, every last piece of self-doubt vanished as the pastor spoke and they recited their vows.

"The rings, please," said the pastor.

"Uncle Sev," said Harry importantly, stepping forward with the rings. Severus bent down to Harry's eye-line.

"Thank you, lovey," whispered Severus, taking the rings from the pillow. Harry reached up and kissed Severus wetly on the cheek. Gently, he brushed a hand over the Harry's head and stood back up to face Pauline.

"Repeat after me," said the pastor. "With this ring, I thee wed."

"With this ring, I thee wed," Severus said, embarrassed that his voice was starting to shake as he slid the delicate, diamond ring on her finger.

"Pauline," said the Pastor.

"With this ring, I thee wed," whispered Pauline, her voice shaking the same way Severus' did as she pushed the ring on to his finger. At that moment he truly realized that this was as important to her as it was to him, that she loved him as deeply. He looked up at her serious eyes and felt as though she was reading his thoughts. A lump rose in the back of his throat, and she ran her thumb soothingly across the back of his hand.

"You may kiss the bride," the Pastor said after both James and Lily signed the marriage certificate with wet eyes. He kissed her deeply, pulling her towards him. She ran a hand through her hair and gripped it lightly. Loud whoops rang out from the crowd and they pulled apart, laughing.

"Daddy, why are you sad?" asked Amelia sweetly from behind him. Severus turned around to find Amelia batting at James' wet cheeks. James laughed and grabbed her hand and kissed it.

"No, Daddy's very happy. I know, pet, it's confusing," he said off Amelia's confused face.

Across the aisle, Lily had tears trailing down her flushed face.

"Seriously, Lily? And Potter, I expected more from you," said Severus, his arms still looped around Pauline. James shrugged with a happy smile on his face, still sniffling.

"Walk down the aisle already!" said James, playfully pushing him down the aisle.

Like the wedding, the reception was a small, quiet affair with dinner and drinks in the Potters' backyard. Flutes of champagne floated around the guests and faerie lights glittered as the sun set.

Lily and James were holding each other close and swaying on the dance floor while Harry danced with Pauline, both giggling madly. Ginny and Amelia were happily playing at Molly Weasley's feet as she leaned back into her husband's arms.

Dumbledore was sitting on a bench seat, Sirius' head lay on his lap and snored peacefully as Dumbledore patted his arm vaguely, a serene smile on his face as he watched the party. Severus sat next to him.

"I can take him inside," offered Severus. It was a little funny to see a baby happily sleeping on the legs of one of the world's greatest wizards.

"Oh no, he's fine. I was hoping to discuss the particulars of the alphabet with him, but he dropped off immediately after I took him, which I tried not to take offence to. I didn't want to disturb them," Dumbledore said nodding his head in the direction of James and Lily. James whispered something into her ear and she giggled before looking up at him adoringly, her eyes never leaving his.

Severus chuckled in a agreement, and they lapsed into companionable silence.

"It was truly a beautiful wedding, Severus," Dumbledore said, sitting down on the empty seat next to him.

"Thank you, sir," said Severus.

"Your happiness, brings me so much joy," continued Dumbledore, squeezing his arm gently. The older wizard's eyes glistened with unshed tears, and Severus nodded, touched but a little uncomfortable at Dumbledore's show of emotion.

James turned around and put his wand to his throat.

"Ladies and Gentleman, I'd like to make a toast," James said raising his glass. Pauline sat on the chair beside Severus, pulling Harry onto her lap.

"In deference to the groom, I'll keep it short and not too sweet." Severus smirked and raised his glass in acknowledgement. "Now, you all know Sev and Pauline of course, but what some of you might not know is that Sev and I weren't always the bosom buddies we are now."

Everyone in the audience chuckled and groaned, the tale of their star-crossed friendship was one James regularly whipped out after a few glasses of firewhiskey. James smiled at Severus, who rolled his eyes indulgently.

"I am grateful that that changed, because you are great friend and person who has made my life, and more importantly my family's lives, infinitely better, for that I am forever indebted to you. I am also truly happy that you found Polly, because she makes you significantly less grumpy, which is important because, I don't know if you know this about yourself Severus, but you're scary when you're mad."

Severus couldn't resist smirking, and the crowd laughed appreciatively.

"More important Polly has made you so happy, and has brought so much to this family, plus she bakes, which is a major bonus. We love you guys so, so much. Here's to a lifetime of happiness for you both." James said raising his glass and smiling.

The audience clapped and Pauline hopped to her feet, still holding Harry, to hug James. After a second's hesitation Severus got to his feet and walked over to James who smiled as he pulled away from Polly. Severus found the words getting stuck in his mind as James stepped towards him.

"You're not indebted to me," Severus said harsher than he meant to, causing James' smile to falter for a moment. "What I mean to say is - there is nothing more you owe me. No that you ever did owe me anything. The owing isn't the point. You have made my life better too, is all." James smiled and patted his arm, but Severus could tell he was not getting the full point of what he was trying to say.

"Before today, you all were the only real family I had. Saving someone's life it - it's easy, really it's a one time thing. You gave me a family." James eyes were wet and before Severus could stop him, the man stepped forward and hugged him.

"Merlin, Potter, get a grip," Severus said harshly, tapping him once on the back, in an irritable sort of way.

"What percentage chance do you think it is that our husband's run off together?" Pauline asked Lily. With a faint blush, Severus pushed James away who was completely non-pulssed. Lily looked at them critically.

"I don't see it. They're too similar," she said, getting an indignant huff from James and a glare from Severus.

"We'd be friggin adorable," James said petulantly.

XXXxxxxXXX

"I know that this should get less exciting, but it just doesn't," said Remus over Amelia's head, his knee bouncing with excitement. Severus sometimes wondered why Remus, who so loved children, had yet to have any. The publishing company was doing well and Remus seemed be flourishing in his life in Muggle America, but he lived there with only a few people knowing he was magical, without any serious relationships, and he always beamed so brightly when he came back to England, that Severus couldn't help but wonder if his life was a little lonely. Still, even with Wolfsbane and the repeal of Anti-Werewolf legislation, Remus never spoke of leaving New York.

"Do you ever think of having any?" asked Severus softly. Harry, who was reading in the chair beside them looked up for the answer as well.

"Lord, no!" Remus said with a laugh. "I can't imagine loving anyone as much as I love these little ones." He reached out and ruffled Harry's messy hair. "That's more than enough for me."

"Come here, Sirius!" Pauline said, chasing the little 2-year old around the chairs. The toddler had walked early and was now a perpetual spring of energy that no-one was quite able to keep up with. As he ran past Severus, Severus scooped him up and threw him over one shoulder. The baby shrieked in delight.

"Well, I certainly hope you're not planning on holding the baby like that," James said, leaning on the doorway with a smile. Remus was right, even though this was the third time he had sat in this room waiting for James to walk out, it wasn't an iota less exciting or terrifying.

"How is he? she? Is it a he or a she?" asked Pauline hurriedly. James laughed.

"A girl. Grace Marie Potter," said James with a smile. "She's perfection." Pauline's eyes filled with tears and she pressed her fingers to her mouth.

"Am I perfection?" asked Amelia, a little anxiously.

"Of course you are, princess," James said with a laugh. This reassurance soothed Amelia's concern, and she allowed James to pick her up.

"If we do this again, we're going to need a bigger room," James said as they all squeezed into the Lily's hospital room. Lily was holding a tiny bundle of blankets looking exhausted and sweaty, but happy.

"Honey, savour these moments, cause Little Grace is the last one," said Lily with a good-natured smile. There were the usual hugs and congratulations and adorable questions from Sirius who was very concerned that Grace was unable to talk or sit-up. Finally, it was Severus' turn and James slipped the baby, who already had so much red-hair she might have been mistaken for a Weasley, into his arms. She was awake and not crying, a rare state for a newborn, and when she blinked her big eyes at him, his heart completely melted. Briefly, he wondered how many people he could love this much. Every time he thought he was at capacity, someone seemed to slip a perfect little baby in his arms.

"Look at her! She's precious," said Severus softly. The baby fuzzily raised a hand towards him and he playfully reached down and bit her hand. When he turned back to James the man was looking at him with his eyebrows raised incredulously.

"What?" said Severus defensively, looking back down to Gracie's chubby little face. "I like children."

"Yes, you just don't usually use words like precious." James said with a smirk, leaning casually on the doorframe.

"Yes, well if the shoe fits, right Gracie-bell?" whispered Severus, looking down at the baby girl who was now fast asleep.

"My turn, my turn!" said Pauline reaching out her arms. Carefully, Severus deposited the sleeping baby into his wife's arms. As their arms met, she looked up at him and smiled, then looked down at the baby.

"Oh Lily, oh look at that little face," said Pauline walking over to Lily's hospital bed where she was cuddling with Amelia and Sirius. Severus smiled at the scene for a moment until James' voice broke him out of his reverie.

"So just to be clear, if something happens -"

"Yes, I'll take this one too," Severus said, rolling his eyes. "Though, do try and stay alive would you? Five kids is a little much."

"I have four children, Severus," James said with an eye-roll, pointing at the children. "See: that one's Harry, that's Amelia, that's Sirius and Baby Grace makes four."

"Yes," conceded Severus with a nod. "_You_ have four." James blinked at him for a moment, then his eyes widened.

"Pauline?" he gasped excitedly, stopping when Severus hurriedly hushed him.

"She doesn't want anyone to know yet, she's only two months along, but I couldn't keep it a secret," said Severus. "Really, it's lucky the war ended when it did. I would have made a terrible spy."

"I'll act surprised. I promise," James said brushing Severus' guilt off and smiling up at him.

"This is so exciting! You're excited, right? You're making that face so I can't really tell," hissed James. Severus' lips twitched involuntarily upwards and he crossed his arms before nodding affirmatively.

"A baby, Sev. This is fantastic!" Severus nodded again, a smile on his face, but he couldn't quite shake the feeling that it wasn't fantastic. He knew that he was a fine teacher, none of the little Slytherins were more scared of him then was necessary, and he had dispensed his share of wisdom and dried some tears, but as much as he cared for the students, he wasn't their parent.

Even the Potter children, who he honestly loved with all his heart, had their parents to swoop in, whenever the children they were extremely sick or scared or naughty. With his child, he'd be the one swooping in, the one truly responsible for keeping the child healthy and happy. He wasn't entirely certain he was capable of giving a child a good life.

"Oh my god. The baby's going to be born in summer," said James with a wide smile. Severus nodded, uncomfortably aware that summer was only two seasons away. "Sev, they'll be in the same year at Hogwarts! They'll be best friends. What if they get married? I can't decide if that would be cute or creepy. Thoughts?"

"What are you doing over there?" Lily asked, saving Severus from having to respond to James who looked like a child who had had too much sugar. Clearly, James needed his happy news in small doses.

"We have a little while before we have to decide that, Potter," Severus said with a smirk clapping James on the back. "Now, come on, today is Grace's day," Severus said, walking back over to his family.

XXXXXXXX

"I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU!" James bellowed from the upstairs bedroom. Severus had just floo'd through the fireplace in the kitchen, but he could hear the man as clearly as if he was standing in the next room.

"ME?" Lily screamed back. "YOU ARE A COMPLETE ASS, JAMES POTTER!"

"Oh dear," said Polly as she stepped out of the fireplace right behind him. Severus winced, the Potters almost never fought, but when they did, it was the verbal equivalent of Grindelwald and Voldemort duelling for world supremacy.

"I'm an ass? I'M AN ASS? What the hell does that make you" yelped James in response. Severus cringed, and Pauline turned her big, wide eyes to him, looking somewhere between amused and scandalized.

"Uhm - just give me a minute," muttered Severus. Pauline nodded.

"A WOMAN MARRIED TO AN ASS!"

"I'll just deal with this here," Pauline said, pointing her wand to where the dinner was burning on the stove. Severus nodded and walked quickly to the stairs. Harry, Amelia and Sirius were standing at the foot of the stairs, peering up towards the fight. The image made Severus' stomach clench.

"Hey," Severus said, the children all turned their tear-streaked faces towards him. Sirius ran towards him. Severus caught him easily and kissed him on the temple.

"It's ok, love," whispered Severus.

"OH THAT'S RICH!" yelled Lily, elevating their conversation back to a screaming match. Harry flinched, and Amelia started to cry. Severus knelt down in front of them, still holding Sirius.

"Adults fight sometimes. It's nothing to worry about, love, alright?" Severus said softly, placing Sirius on the ground.

Harry didn't look completely comforted, but he nodded. Amelia just grabbed Harry's hand.

"Hare-bear, you take your brother and sister and go help Aunt Polly in the kitchen, ok?" he said, motioning the children towards the kitchen. Harry gave him a skeptical look but did has he was told.

With a reluctant sigh, Severus climbed the stairs, hearing the screaming getting louder.

"This could get you killed, it almost has already, and I can't believe you just don't care," James said in a harsh, angry tone that was somehow worse than his screaming. Even though it was James and Lily's bedroom, a place that Severus had rarely gone and only with explicit invitation, he pushed the door open.

It was a large bedroom with maroon walls, thick beige curtains, and massive mouldings. That old- world elegance was diminished by the explosion of the laundry on the bed, and James and Lily standing nose-to-nose yelling at one another.

At the front of the room was an old-fashioned sitting room which had been converted to a nursery for Grace who was still young enough to sleep in her parents' room. Grace sat lay in her crib, fussing slightly.

"Are you quite finished?" Severus said silkily, the way he might if he found a couple of second-years getting up to trouble. He walked over to Grace's crib, and picked up the baby who goggled at him for a moment, then smiled a drool-filled smile. James and Lily stared at him in shock. He scowled at them, and patted the baby's back.

"Lily, is travelling to China and Japan to try to restart talks for the IWF's Muggle Protection Service," James said accusingly. "Because apparently, getting shotted once was not enough."

"You don't get shotted, James, you get shot. Learn the terminology," Lily snapped back. James threw his hands up in exasperation.

"And what do you think, Sev? Do you think I should just let Muggles, like my sister, get killed because there are a bunch of pure-blood wizards with their wands up their -"

"Hey!" Severus said sternly. They both looked at him with slightly guilty expressions. "I think, you need to go downstairs and tell your children that everything is going to be alright." The guilt on their faces increased, but this seemed to only anger Lily more.

"I suppose lying to them is acceptable now," she snapped storming out the door, and down the stairs. As she stormed out, James looked more concerned than angry, and he ran a hand through his hair anxiously, making it all stick up.

"She didn't mean that," Severus said softly, after a few moments. James shook his head and shrugged.

"I am this close to not caring," he said with such surprising harshness that Severus' stomach clenched uncomfortably. As dramatically as Lily, James pushed past Severus leaving him alone with the baby.

It was not one of the better Sunday night dinners. Neither James nor Lily spoke, the children were sullen and edgy, and it was mostly Severus and Pauline forcing conversation. Considering Severus wasn't great at that to begin with, it was mostly Pauline, who struggled valiantly to start a happy conversation multiple times, and finally gave up to eat her burnt chicken quietly. They left as soon as they could.

"That was one nasty fight," Pauline said as she crawled into bed beside him hours later. Severus looked over the top of his copy of _Dead Souls_ and shrugged.

"They'll be fine," he said.

"They sounded really upset," Pauline said softly. "You don't think - I mean you think it'll blow over, for sure?"

"They're the Potters," Severus said with a smile he truly felt. "They'll be fine."

"Let's never fight," she said, curling up beside him and pressing her hand to his chest. Severus put his book down and kissed her on the tip of her perfect nose.

"Never," he agreed with a smile.

His assumption that the fight had blown over was promptly disabused the next night. Pauline at six months pregnant had turned into a hot, sweaty, snoring machine while she slept, and Severus, was lying on the couch reading in an attempt to put-off sharing a bed with her for as long as possible. He was half-asleep himself when the floo flared green. He jerked awake and got to his feet wand raised to find an irate-looking James standing in his fireplace. Severus blinked in confusion for a moment.

"Potter?" Severus said, not quite recovering from the shock, "What's the matter?"

"Nothing's the matter. Everything is fine. Do you mind if I sleep here tonight?" James asked, something not quite right with his blank face.

"What the hell is going on?" Severus burst out, perhaps a little unsympathetically.

"Is that a no?" James asked with a little quirk of his lips.

"Of course not," Severus said softly, feeling a horrible sense of anticipation that changed his anger to a sense of defeat. "Potter, you can stay here as long as you like." James nodded and walked to the guest bedroom with his duffel bag. Feeling completely blind-sided, Severus followed.

"Does Lily know where you are?" he asked finally. James just laughed a little harshly at that.

"I'm sure my ex-wife isn't too worried about where I'm sleeping," James said bitterly. Severus wondered if he got dropped into a cartoon, because it felt as though someone had just crashed two metal garbage can lids on either side of his head.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Severus snapped back.

"I told her she could go to China and do her IWF work, or stay married to me. She made her choice," James said simply, with way too much calmness. Severus continued to blink at him incredulously, not able to find the words or straighten out his feelings.

"We'll be amicable about it, don't worry," James said.

"Can I make you some tea?" Severus said finally, when his mouth seemed to remember it could form words. James smiled and shook his head.

"No thanks, Sev. I'm just tired," James said. Severus frowned, but nodded uncertainty.

"Alright, goodnight then," Severus said, confusion clear in his voice as he closed the door.

Everything he felt he knew about the past few years suddenly shifted. James and Lily had fought of course. No couple was perfect, Lily had a famously short temper and James had an unfortunate habit of goading her on occasionally. Still, they were happy and loving far more than they were angry. Or at least, Severus reflected, it seemed that way to him. Thinking that he was wrong about that made him suddenly extremely insecure, James and Lily knew everything about him and suddenly there was this. Had he missed the signs? Been a poor friend? Did they fake their happiness around him?

These questions swirled around his head over and over again until he finally was pulled into a restless sleep. He woke up and hour later to the rustling of students in the common room outside of his room. Mixed in with the students' conversation he could hear James' laughter. With a frown, Severus went and opened the door.

James was sitting on a couch, letting go of a snitch and catching it.

"The trick, is to anticipate where it's going to end up," James explained to Anderson Rose, the Slytherin seeker who was watching James with rapture along with several other students. "Watch the wings. Go on, you try."

Anderson did it successfully and smiled broadly back at James as his mates clapped.

"Good job," James said. "Only don't tell Professor McGonagall I taught you that or she'll have my head." The students laughed and murmured their agreement. James looked up at Severus and smiled.

"Morning, Professor," he said brightly. Severus frowned.

"My office, now," he said sternly.

"I'm in trouble," James said in a stage-whisper to the group of students before getting to his feet. Still, James followed him obediently to his office on the other side of the common room.

"What are you doing?" Severus asked.

"For some reason, I am teaching Slytherins how to play Quidditch better," James said with a smile.

"You should be at home making breakfast for your children," Severus said crossing his arms. The smile fell off of James face abruptly.

"Lily is spending the morning with them before going to China. I'm getting them in the afternoon" James said a little defiantly. "Assuming she doesn't get shot and killed, we'll tell them and work out some sort of joint custody when she gets back."

Severus' fear that he had imagined the Potter's being happy when they really weren't suddenly disappeared and the situation came into sharp focus.

"You are a fool," Severus said calmly. "Let me guess, one of you, I'm going to guess Lily given her temper, said something a long the lines of well maybe we shouldn't be married, and you, being an insufferable ass, said fine if you go to China we won't be, and before either or you knew what was happening you were making visitation schedules for the kids because you are both too god-damn stubborn for your own good."

"Why am I the ass?" James asked crossing his arms defensively. "She said it first. I thought just maybe she'd choose her husband over a bunch of random Muggles in another country."

"No, you didn't," Severus roared back. "You knew if you gave her an ultimatum, she'd have to break it. That's the woman you married. You know that better than anyone. You don't want to leave her, you're playing chicken. Seeing which one of you will back down first."

"You know, I at least attempt to support you when you're having a rough go of it," James said after a moment. "It wouldn't kill you to try to do the same."

"You've had too good of a life to get this, Potter, but happiness is a fragile thing," Severus said. "You are not entitled to it. You have to protect it, and since you are too dense to get that, I'm protecting yours for you. Now, you are going to pack your bags, go home, beg Lily for her forgiveness, and you will never pull a stunt like this again. Do I make myself clear?"

James looked away with a scowl and crossed his arms.

"I'm still mad at her," he said, softening a little.

"You still love her, you shouldn't have made her doubt that, Potter," Severus said softly. James caught his eye and looked down guiltily. Finally he nodded.

When they approached Severus' quarters, there was the sound of soft female voices, and then the sound of a child shrieking. Lily was sitting at the kitchen table with red-rimmed eyes and a cup of tea. Polly sat across from her, talking lowly and patting her arm as the kids played in the living room.

Any remaining anger dissolved off of James' face the moment he saw Lily.

"Daddy!" Harry said happily from the living room.

"Hi bug," James said vaguely, still staring at Lily. Her head jerked up, and she looked at him, her eyes filling with tears as she stood. Immediately, James was hugging her tightly.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "So sorry. I didn't mean a word of what I said."

"No," Lily said shaking her head through her tears. "No, it was my fault, I'm sorry." Pauline smiled at Severus with her own unshed tears.

"I told them I couldn't go to China," Lily said softly. "I'll put in my two weeks notice on Monday." James was already shaking his head.

"No, this is important, and it's important to you. I can't be the reason you give up on saving the world," James said with a little smile, pushing her hair behind her ear. Lily launched herself at him and kissed him so passionately that his glasses flew up to his forehead. James returned the kiss with equal fervour.

"EW!" yelled Harry from the living room. "That's gross." Amelia looked out as well with a vaguely disapproving look. Sirius just sucked his thumb obliviously.

"Hey - you and Polly wouldn't mind taking the kids for two nights, would you?" James asked. "I'm going to go to China." Pauline was already smiling and nodding.

"Please, Uncle Sev! I wanna see Bill and Charlie!" Harry said. Amelia nodded eagerly along with him, as though they ever had to convince him to let them stay. James kissed Lily again, and Severus rolled his eyes.

"Alright, let's go and pack your bags then, this is becoming rapidly inappropriate for you to be seeing" Severus said with a long-suffering tone he didn't really feel. He would never admit it, even to Pauline, but the Potter's being happy was a firm foundation he counted on. Regardless of what happened in his life, they were always meant to be there, the both of them, ready to swoop in with familial support. He had a new sense of sympathy for children of divorce.

He looked over his shoulder just as he was about to exit the kitchen. Lily had her arms wrapped around James' neck and was giving him the same doe-eyed look she had given him as an seventeen-year old. A small smile came to Severus' face, and he shut the door behind him, all was right in the world again.

XXX

It was one of those weeks. The unseasonably cold winter had left the campus slushy and wet even though March was starting. Aside from the general gloominess, the winter also brought with it a flu which passed from student to student with such ferocity that the entire hospital wing had been filled with the worst cases.

Severus had put the one healthy first-year in with the three healthy second-years and converted the first-year door into a sick bay for the thirteen puking, fevered children. He had been on his feet for the past two days on about four hours of sleep.

With a heavy sigh, he sat down on the plastic chair beside Rose Greene's bed. The little first-year's typically rosy cheeks were pale and sallow and her dark hair hang limply around her face. When she turned to look at him, her eyes were dull and red.

"How are you feeling, Rose?" asked Severus gently. He placed the back of his hand against her hot, sweaty forehead and frowned.

"Not worse," she muttered.

"Alright, drink this," said Severus bringing a fever reducer up to her lips and lifting up her head. She drank it all down in a two swallows, and laid back down with a little cough.

"Thanks," she whispered curling up miserably. Severus touched her shoulder sympathetically, and was about to tell her to get sleep when the sound of vomiting caused him to turn around. Rob Bates, a reserved, soft-spoken redheaded boy in second-year, was getting violently ill all over the floor while Fern Dawson watched him with disgust from the bed beside his.

"Eww," she said looking away.

"Alright, Fern, that's enough," muttered Severus, coming up to Rob who was still keeled over.

"I'm sorry, sir," he said through his coughs. Instinctively, Severus reached out to put a hand on his back, but the boy flinched as though he expected to be hit.

"That's alright. It's not your fault. Drink this," Severus said, already turning his attention to George Ferguson at the other end of the dorm who was starting to wake up from his fitful nap and needed medicine. It went on like this for the next few hours. He rubbed backs, wiped noses, vanished vomit and held the students who were sick enough to be reduced to tears.

Eventually, he had fallen asleep in the chair beside Laurel Fitzpatrick's bed, whose fever had gotten so high he was debating dragging Madame Pomfrey down here. He was exhausted and slept so deeply that he didn't notice someone was trying to get his attention until he felt someone shake him roughly. Dumbledore's glasses were mere inches from his face.

"Whass'it?" muttered Severus unhelpfully.

"Severus, Severus, wake up," ordered Dumbledore so insistently that Severus was immediately at attention. The man was looking at him with almost hyper-active attention, and by Severus' watch it was only 2am.

"Severus. Pauline had the baby," Dumbledore said, causing Severus to sit bolt upright in his chair. Pauline had gone to stay with the Potters, away from the germ-factory that at the moment was operating in Hogwarts, but she wasn't supposed to have the baby for -

"It's only 30 weeks!" said Severus stupidly. "The - it can't - it's not time." For someone who usually chose their words with meticulous precious, he sounded absolutely ridiculous and even as he protested, he was getting to his feet.

"The - uhm - the students," Severus said running a hand through his hair.

"I'll watch them," said Dumbledore, taking Severus' seat beside Laurel as assurance. "Go, They're at the Potters'." Blindly, Severus stumbled out of the dorm-room, down the stairs and over to the fireplace.

"The Potters'" he said quickly, the words like chalk in his mouth. He wasn't sure if it was the floo or the nauseous feeling of fear in his gut as he flew past fireplace after fireplace and nearly stumbled out of the living room.

The living room was dark and quiet and for a moment Severus wondered if Dumbledore was wrong. Pauline had planned to give birth in St. Mungo's. Then he had another horrible thought - at only 30 weeks maybe the baby was gone, maybe they were both gone and no one knew how to tell him. He hadn't even asked Dumbledore if they were ok in his hurry. Then, from the end of the hall he heard a voice singing a song he couldn't quite make out.

Walking towards a singing voice in the dark with his wand lit was creepy and for a moment he was actually scared some sort of demon had taken his baby. As he approached Severus realized that the singing was the old Irish lullaby James still sang to his own children, and he turned the corner of his old bedroom to find James Potter sitting on a rocking chair, moving back and forth lazily with a tiny pile of blankets in his arms. Pauline was sleeping on the bed. James heard the footsteps and quickly looked up. When he saw Severus looking at him, he smiled broadly, then looked back down at the baby.

"Do you want to meet your Daddy?" asked James, the blob shifted in response, and Severus walked towards him like a zombie, feeling like he couldn't take a proper breath.

"Is it bad?" Severus asked, not daring to look down at the baby. He could see just how tiny the baby was from how little space he took up in James' arms and couldn't bare to look closer.

With a heavy sigh, James eased himself out of the rocking chair holding the baby close as he did.

"Look, Severus," James said angling the baby as much as he dared so Severus could see. "He's absolutely perfect. And Polly's fine too, she was fantastic." Although his stomach momentarily declenched at the mention of Pauline, he still barely encoded a word James said. He could not understand how something that was the size of one of Amelia's dolls could be alive.

"He's so tiny. How can he be that tiny?" Severus whispered anxiously, reaching his hand partly wanting to touch the baby, but not daring too.

"He's fine. The magical support for premature babies is wonderful, Severus, really," James soothed. "He'll need magical blankets to help regulate his temperature, will have to have his food spelled into him, and the Healers want to monitor his breathing, but he has been doing beautifully so far. Haven't you, little man?" cooed James, giving his index finger to the baby who could barely wrap the his hand around it. Severus couldn't help but note that James was looking at that baby with the same tender expression he used when he looked at his own children.

"Come on, sit down," James said gently, holding out his arms. "This little guy wants to meet his Daddy. He's been waiting so patiently."

"I don't know, James. He's so small. I might do it wrong, and he's happy with you," Severus said quickly, taking an unconscious step back from the baby and James.

"It's always scary the first time," James said with a sympathetic smile. "Now, sit down and hold out your arms." Reluctantly, Severus did what he was told, but instead of being handed the baby, James took out his wand and waved it making Severus' skin tingle.

"Disinfectant spell," said James at Severus look. Instantly, Severus deflated. He had been around sick children all day and was about to hold a premature baby. Well, it only took him 5 minutes to almost kill his child.

"James, I -"

"Hold your son, Severus," James said in a tone that would have been sharp if James ever spoke sharply to anyone. He reached out his arms again, and James gently lowered the sleeping baby into them as though he was transferring C-4.

Registering his change of environment, the baby opened his eyes and reached up his hand. Severus studied everything, the little fingers, little tuft of black hair, the light eyes - so like Polly's and felt as though all the air had left him. He was so petrified and so happy he didn't know what he was feeling. All he knew was that he was impossibly in love with this little baby.

Suddenly the sound of another baby crying broke the moment, and James cringed and looked upstairs.

"Sorry. That would be Grace," he said. "I'd better fetch her before she wakes up Sirius who then would wake up the whole village." James turned to leave and Severus felt a sudden swell of panic.

"What do I do?" Severus sputtered looking down at the little baby. James gave Severus a slightly incredulous look.

"Severus, you have dealt with my babies before, you do remember that, right?" James said. "You know what to do, alright?" Severus nodded, barely encoding James' reassurances as he looked down at his son's pink little face.

"Hi baby," whispered Severus stroking the warm, fuzzy little cheek. The baby yawned and turned his head towards Severus' fingers. "I'm your Daddy."

"Sev?" whispered Pauline from the bed, opening her eyes blearily and smiling. Severus quickly scrambled to his feet and sat on the side of the bed.

"Paul! How are you feeling? Are you ok?" asked Severus as he grabbed her hand. She smiled tiredly and reached her hands out for the baby that was starting to fuss.

"Perfect!" said Pauline, cuddling the baby close with a smile. He sucked in a deep breath as he looked down at his family. The one he never thought he'd be able to have. He never imagined he'd be this happy, love something this much. Without him asking, Polly shuffled over on the bed to make room for him. He eased himself down and wrapped an arm around his wife with a relieved sigh. They sat in peaceful silence for a while, as the baby fell back asleep.

"What happened?" asked Severus softly. Pauline laughed and shuffled the baby up to lay across her chest.

"I couldn't sleep so James was playing cards with me and then my water broke, and I'm freaking out by this point. So, we're going to go to the hospital but there was just no time. The baby's coming like now. Then bam, I'm on the floor, James is boiling water and telling me to push. I'm telling him that there is no way I'm having this baby ten weeks early without you. God he must have thought I was so crazy. And poor Sirius and Amelia are sobbing and Harry is trying to calm them down."

Severus ran a hand through his hair and chuckled dryly, not knowing whether to be horrified or amused.

"And God, poor James. Everyone is screaming and crying, and he's as calm as can be, saying that it's all going to be ok and he won't leave. And you know James, he's just so damn earnest how can you not believe him. So out popped the baby - I mean the bus was really driving itself at this point. And I don't think James was really worried until the baby came out and there was this horrible moment where he wasn't crying, and James was bent over him, and I could tell he didn't want me to see. Then he cried and James bundled him up in a bunch of Gracie's blankets and wouldn't stop watching him until the healer came. He still was worried something would go wrong. But I knew he was alright the moment James gave him to me."

Severus leaned over Pauline with one hand and kissed her deeply, pushing her hair off of her face with the other hand.

"I am so glad you're both ok," he whispered, brushing a hand over the baby's head as he pulled away. Pauline smiled tiredly up at him.

"Go back to sleep," said Severus, taking the baby back.

"You aren't coming to bed?" she asked, even as her eyes started to close.

"I'll be back in a moment." He whispered placing the baby back in the basinet, brushing his cheek with a long finger.

He walked into the kitchen toward the sound of another baby fussing. An exhausted looking James was in the kitchen warming up a bottle with his wand with Grace on his hip. Lily was sitting at the kitchen table with a large pile of baby clothes, nappies and bottles in front of her and boxes of baby stuff around the kitchen.

"I know, I know. You've had a long day," James said to the little 6-month old who was slumped across his shoulder tiredly. They both looked up as he entered the kitchen, and Lily jumped to her feet with her arms open.

"Sev, congratulations!" she said, throwing her arms around his neck enthusiastically. More out of instinct than anything, Severus briefly returned the hug.

"I'm not sure what your congratulating me for. I certainly didn't do anything," mumbled Severus. Both James and Lily eyes him warily for a moment.

"Clearly you did something," James said, raising his eyebrows in an attempt to inject some levity into the conversation. It fell flat, and he stopped smirking at the dirty looks both Lily and Severus threw at him. Severus met James' eye and hesitated for a moment. There were so many things to say, so many debts owed, but he couldn't find the words.

"Don't mention it, Severus, really," James said gently after watching Severus struggle to for a few moments.

"Right, I should be getting back then," said Severus, turning to go. This was one of those moments where everything down to James' slightly skewed glasses made him feel manifestly inadequate. Everything always came so easy to James: school, socializing, fatherhood. Severus had rarely seen the man raise his voice to his children, let alone a hand, and he certainly never missed any of his children's birthdays.

"Wait," Lily said, getting up again and passing him over a large stack of baby stuff. "I've shrunken what I can. This should last you a while." Severus blinked down at the pile. He hadn't even thought of diapers. What if the baby's diaper was full right now and he didn't know it and the poor baby was just stewing in its own filth.

"Severus, you know he's going to be ok, right?" asked Lily gently, resting a hand on his arm. "Premature just doesn't mean the same thing in the magical world. Molly Weasley says it's lucky in fact."

"Yes, I know it's just…" Severus hesitated and looked up to Lily and James' concerned expressions. Even Grace seemed to be regarding him seriously. The gentle concern in their expressions broke the dam that had been carefully suppressing his roiling emotions.

"It's just the nursery isn't even finished yet, we were supposed to do all the shopping next week, and now were completely unprepared, and I wasn't even there for them when he was born. The boy's been alive only a few hours and I'm already a failure as a father," Severus spat out bitterly.

"I keep forgetting how melodramatic you can get," said Lily. Severus looked up, offended and slightly displeased at being mocked but Lily held his gaze with a gentle smile.

"Come on, mate. Sit down, want me to make you some chilli?," James asked summoning a plate from the kitchen before Severus could answer.

"You don't need to do that," Severus said, blushing as James handed Grace to Lily and started to summon beans and meat with such speed that it looked like the food was orbiting him.

"When was the last time you had a decent meal? A decent night's sleep? You've been going for days with those sick kids. I'm making you chilli," James said, point his wand at a knife which promptly set to work cutting peppers and onions.

"Then you're going to go smell that baby's head, then have a good sleep," Lily said, patting his arm. Even though they were the same age, it was one of those moments where the Potters felt like his parents.

"Nothing that happened was your fault, Sev," said Lily with a sigh. "Noone thinks their baby is going to arrive seven weeks early."

"Yea, and it's not like you were, you know gambling away his college fund while Polly was in labour," added James from the stove. The spicy smell of chilli wafted through the kitchen. A smell that Severus long ago had reluctantly associated with soothing comfort.

"You were helping a bunch of sick kids who depend on you. Which you have been doing for days. I mean if you need proof you are going to be a decent father…" James said popping a carrot in his mouth as he siphoned all the ingredients to a large pot and lit the stove.

"Everyone thinks they're the worst parent in the world at the beginning," Lily said gently. She picked Grace up and, without warning plopped her in Severus' lap. They both blinked at each other in surprise for a moment, then Grace smiled and started to babble happily.

"See, you great with ours. Amelia, Harry, Sirius, even little Gracie knows she loves you," continued Lily as she started to fold her pile of newborn baby clothes again. "You don't think we'd will you our kids if we thought you were going to be a shit parent, right?" Grace who had been grasping around, landed her little hand on one of the small circular burns that created a row down Severus' arm.

"I'm sure my Dad didn't think he'd be pushing cigars into his kid's arm and locking him up in cupboards for days either," muttered Severus, almost involuntarily. He almost never brought up his parents, but it was impossible to bring a son into the world without thinking of the father who had done so many years ago.

"If you don't want to treat your son badly, Severus, then don't," James said simply, spooning out the chilli on to a plate. Severus didn't respond to that, there had been too many tearful, drunken apologies from his father for it to be that simple. James sat down at the table and pushed the chilli towards Severus.

"Eat," James instructed, taking Grace out of Severus' lap and clapping him on the back. He didn't feel very hungry but took a few small bites anyways.

"Look, why don't you all stay here for a few weeks," asked James. Severus stopped his eating looking up at James incredulously, but he continued undeterred.

"There's a basinet, we have tons of diapers. We can help out." Lily nodded along with James. Severus sat back in his chair, already shaking his head negatively without even thinking through the statement.

"No - I -" said Severus.

"James is right," Lily cut in. "We have everything you need here and having an extra pair of hands really helps when they're new. This way you won't have to move the baby until he's bigger, and Polly can rest. I don't want to brag, but James and I, we're pretty good with babies."

James raised Gracie's little hands in the air and started to move them around excitedly.

"Please stay with us, Uncle Sev! I want to play with my new cousin!" he said in a baby-voice, getting the first hesitant smile from Severus.

"Severus, I'm home all day with the kids. I can be here for them when you go back to work," pressed James more seriously. At some point in Severus' life, after some torture or death in the family, the Potters' had become a secure base. There was always so many people, and so much happiness and love, it was impossible not to feel even a little safer in the house when when one was sick or hurt or lonely. The thought of crawling back to that safe base made Severus' throat ache.

"I can't ask you guys to do that," he rasped, thinking of the four small children already running around the house.

"Actually, you could, but you're not. We're offering," said Lily sitting back on her chair.

"Insisting, actually," James said, pushing the chilli back towards Severus. "I wanna play with the little baby." Severus smirked, but his forehead was scrunched thoughtfully as he took a few. large bites.

"It'll only be for a little while," he relented finally, sounding almost apologetic.

"You stay as long as you like. The children will be over-the-moon," Lily said, reaching across the table and squeezing his shoulder. "Now we have an extremely important matter to discuss." Severus looked up in surprise and a little apprehension.

"If you die in some sort of large fire, we get the baby right?" James said, Lily scowled at him than turned apologetically to Severus.

"That's not what I was going to ask," she said.

"If I died in a fire, I think it's fair that Polly gets to keep our baby, Potter," Severus said with a smirk. "But yes, Polly and I would like you to be Godparents, if you accept of course. Though your undisguised glee is a little concerning." Both James and Lily's eyes were shinning brightly, and Severus blinked at them in confusion.

"This shouldn't be a surprise…" he said looking between them uncertainly. Before he could protest further, they had both thrown their arms around him, squishing poor Grace unceremoniously between them.

"Oh alright," he muttered.

"Ok now that we have that out of the way…" Lily said pulling out a soft, knit blue blanket from the pile of baby clothes, the blanket Lily hand-knit all of her children. For a moment, Severus though it was one of the Potters' children's, but Sirius still slept with his and Harry's had been reduced to shreds with use. Both the girls had lavender blankets.

"This is for him?" Severus said, taking the blanket as though it was some precious object.

"Of course. I had to use magic, because not even I am anal enough to have a baby blanket knit that early," Lily said with a smile. "I wanted him to have it right away."

Severus continued to study the blue blanket in awe. He had no siblings, no parents, and neither did Polly. He had always expected that their baby would have his parents, and no one else. Considering how Severus felt about the Potters' children it was perhaps surprising but he never thought that there would be some sort of extended family for him. Severus never had Aunts or Uncle, it seemed his son already had more people looking out for him. Maybe Severus had given his child something after all.

"Now, it needs a name," Lily said. "Polly wanted you to tell us so you'd have some fun." Severus lips quirked at that and he ran the soft blue fabric between his fingers.

"Michael, after her father," Severus said. They both smiled their approval and James bent down to Gracie's ear.

"Can you say Michael?" he cooed. The baby gurgled in response, and James shook his head.

"Sorry mate, you're going to have to go with someone a little easier. How about Gababa?" James asked looking up from the baby. Severus caught James' eye, took a reluctant breath…he never thought this day would come.

"Michael James Snape," muttered Severus. He hadn't asked Polly, but he knew she would agree. The man had saved their child's life at only a few seconds in, likely saved Polly too, and though Severus would never be able to find the words to tell James how much that meant to him, how much he had come to rely on, care about and love that man, he hoped this would show something.

James' mouth was rounded in surprise, and he blinked at Severus for a few seconds silently. Shutting Potter up was a challenging task and Severus felt quite impressed with himself.

"After me?" James choked out harshly, still looking overwhelmed.

"I'm already regretting the decision," Severus grumbled in response. There was no need to have a soap opera about it.

"No take-backs!" yelped James delightedly Lily tapped the blanket with her wand and Michael James Snape appeared in silver cursive on the edge of the blanket. Severus smiled, at that moment, weak cries could be heard from down the hall. Wanting Polly to rest, Severus immediately got to his feet and nodded his head toward the bedroom.

"I'd better get him," he muttered getting up.

"Aw remember when we first had Harry and we were so eager to go running for every cry," Lily said with a laugh to James.

"Ah yes, so young, so naive, so energetic," James replied. Severus scowled at him and exited the kitchen.

"I bet he's going to stay up and watch him sleep all night too," Lily said, her tinkling laugh following Severus down the hall.

"You know, I kind of want another one," said James thoughtfully after a moment. Even as he said it, Severus could hear James pick little Grace up.

"The only way that's happening is if you get to go through labour this time," said Lily with a laugh. Severus smiled to himself as he opened the door to the bedroom. Polly was already sitting up but Severus waived her back down. Reluctantly, she accepted.

Michael's cheeks were rosy and his cry was insistent, most important, it seemed that he hadn't inherited Severus' nose. Cautiously, he picked the small bundle up out of the bassinet, spelled the food in that needed to be spelled in and changed the baby's diaper. When he was finished he wrapped the crying baby up gently in the blue blanket and sat on the rocking chair with him.

"It's alright. I'm here," whispered Severus. As if he understood him, the baby stopped fussing and looked up at Severus curiously. Briefly, Severus wondered if his own father had held him like this, if he had felt the same pressure in his chest when he stared down at Severus.

He thought back to what James had said back in the kitchen, that being a good, gentle father was all about deciding to be one. He rubbed the baby's tiny back, humming the lullaby he had heard James and Lily sing to the Potter children time-after-time.

"I don't think my father ever sang me a lullaby," Severus told the baby softly. The boy yawned widely and blinked his gold eyes up at the ceiling. Nothing bad had happened to this little human yet. He hadn't been hurt or scared, as far as he knew the world was a good place where people took care of him. Severus was determined not to disabuse the baby of that notion. Tenderly, he ran a finger across the baby's warm, pudgy cheek.

"Things are going to be different for us," Severus said gently. He put his finger in the baby's tiny hand and it curled to hold the finger tightly. Severus took that as a leap of faith and kissed the small fingers.

**A/N: **Please Review : ). I know I am posting a lot of chapters, but it would make me night if I could hear what you thought about each one.

I also meant to say this last chapter...I got a few question about the rings (you smart observant readers you) but the ring got taken to Azkaban, but the guards kept it safe with his other possessions, just like they would with our possessions here. I think Sev would have tried to give the ring back, but James would have refused, or if he did accept it, James would have given it to him again when the time came.


	13. I'll Be Your Soldier

I'll get it if you need it,  
I'll search if you don't see it,  
You're thirsty, I'll be rain,  
You get hurt, I'll take your pain.

I know you don't believe it,  
But I said it and I still mean it,  
When you heard what I told you,  
When you get worried I'll be your soldier.

-Gavin DeGraw Soldier

Sun streamed down on the wide open field that was currently covered in a variety of cloth booths. The International Wizarding Federation was sponsoring their first ever 'Muggle Life Day' with a variety of booths designed to show children how Muggle science inventions, like toasters and televisions worked. It had entertained the children for a while, but Harry wanted to go flying at the Weasley's with Ron and the twins, both Michael and Grace were grumpy and in need of naps and Sirius was getting bored, which meant he was dangerously close to throwing a temper tantrum.

Lily and Arthur were supposed to come out and introduce the event, but neither of them had appeared yet.

"Daddy, I have to go to the bathroom," Sirius whined, looking up at James.

"Alright, come on," James said, taking the boy's hand and walking off towards the tent near the stage that had the restrooms.

Michael, who had just learned to walk, was toddling ahead holding both Amelia and Harry's hands and walking a snails pace.

"They're so sweet with him," said Pauline, boosting Grace further up on her hip as she smiled up at him and wrapped an arm around her waist. He kissed her on the tip of her nose was about to comment on the sheer perfection of the day, when there was a loud bang.

The stage several meters in front of them exploded, sending debris everywhere. Without really thinking, Severus grabbed Pauline with one hand and ducked, trying to cover both Pauline and Grace with his body at the same time.

"KIDS!" he screamed, looking to where Harry was staring, frozen in shock at the explosion with Michael crying in his arms and Amelia screaming beside him. Severus followed Harry's eye-line. There was a huge fire roaring across the stage. Everyone was screaming and running. It was right where Sirius and James had gone.

He picked up Grace, who was screaming in fear, and ran them over to Harry and Michael.

"Are you ok?" Pauline asked, as Michael through himself into her legs. Harry nodded numbly. As she looked them over, Severus quickly ghosted his hand over Grace, making sure she had stayed clear of any injury.

"Is that where Daddy took Sirius?" Harry whispered. Severus exchanged a look with Polly.

"Take them home," Severus said, putting Grace in her free arm. "Whatever happened might happen again. I'll get James and Sirius."

"Sev…" Pauline said, uncertain and tearful. She stopped at the look on Severus' face. There was no argument.

He turned and ran opposite the crowd, towards the heat of the fire.

"JAMES? SIRIUS!" He yelled. The debris of the stage was everywhere, and Severus had to force himself to ignore the screams of other people. If James wasn't hurt, he'd have found away to get Sirius away from the flames and hysteria.

"Severus," Dumbledore was covered in soot everywhere but where his half-moon glasses still were perched on his nose. Thankfully, he looked unhurt as he kneeled by debris. Sirius, also soot covered, stood beside him crying.

Severus apparated the twenty feet to land right beside the sobbing boy.

"Are you hurt?" Severus asked hurriedly, roaming his eyes over the boy.

"My arm," Sirius said through his tears.

"Let me see, love," Severus said gently. The boy held out a clearly broken, bloody arm.

"Daddy pushed me and I fell, but …" he said through heaving sobs. Severus pulled the little boy towards him into a hug.

"It's alright, we'll fix you up, love," he breathed. Even though he was sorry the boy was hurting, he was just relieved it wasn't worse. The relief was short-lived, the moment he pulled Sirius towards him and was able to look over his shoulder, he saw what Dumbledore was doing.

He was in the process of levitating a large stone off of James' chest. James was unconscious, covered in blood and the broken glass of his glasses. In a trance, Severus stumbled the few feet towards the stone, carrying Sirius without even realizing the boy was still crying.

James' chest was still.

"Potter?" he whispered. Sirius started to turn around to look at the damage at the sound of Severus' voice, and Severus quickly held the boy's head to his shoulder so he wouldn't see.

Dumbledore laid his hand on James' chest and silver radiated out from his fingers as he pressed down hard over James' heart. James convulsed in a painful looking arch, then crashed back to the hard ground. He sucked in a sickly, rattling breath and Severus gasped in relief.

"We need a Healer over here!" yelled Dumbledore. One of the many Healers that had apparated in ran over and fell to her knees beside James. She took one look at him, and apparated away, pulling James with her.

Severus stood up instantly and turned to Dumbledore. The man's face was heavy and serious, which somehow brought home the horror of the situation more than James' still chest did.

"I want Mommy," Sirius sobbed into Severus' neck and another pound of horror fell on Severus' heart.

"Go," Dumbledore said quietly "I'll find her." .Without further prompting, Severus turned around and apparated to the lobby of St. Mungos.

The lobby was in more disarray than usual. Injured bloody people and their loved one's jostled for position. There were many ways Severus had become a better, more compassionate person over the past few years. But, he was forceful and intimidating and could get himself to the front of almost any crowd, and right now, there was nothing he wouldn't do to get the little boy in his arms looked at.

He made sure Sirius' arm sandwiched carefully between them to avoid it getting hit, and moved quickly through the crowd, pushing who he had to.

He grabbed the first nurse that approached.

"This child is hurt," he said.

"What's his injury?" she asked, harried.

"Broken arm." she looked up at him a little incredulously. There were people with bleeding headwounds. "And Merlin knows what else. He was in an explosion, there could be internal injuries."

"Did anything fall on you, pumpkin?" she asked Sirius, who had reluctantly turned his head out of the crook of Severus' neck to look at her. He shook his head and explained about the push and the fall.

"I'm sorry, he's low-priority," she said, looking back to her clipboard. Severus was about to argue when another woman raced up.

"My daughter!" yelled a young blonde woman not much older than Severus. "She was brought in after the attack. Mildred White! Please." The nurse waved her wand over her clipboard.

"I'm sorry, m'am," the nurse said. "You'll know something as soon as we do."

"You're number 67," she said, handing him a blue beeper. Severus looked down at the clipboard on her arm.

"James Potter," Severus said softly, "Is he..." _Dead._

"What's his status" he continued finding the words. The nurse waved her wand again.

"Potter, Potter…In surgery," she said. Severus opened his his mouth to ask when he'd be out but she beat him to it. "We'll let you know when he's out." Severus nodded curtly.

Between Lily and James, Severus was almost too anxious to sit, but he knew he had to remain calm for Sirius' sake, so he found one of the few empty seats, and sat down heavily with Sirius on his lap.

"It'll just be a little while longer, monkey," Severus said when the boy whimpered and rubbed his arm.

"Here, I've got a story," Severus said softly. He picked a grimy picture book off of the table and started to read.

He wasn't thinking about he words. He was thinking about James on the operating table, or Lily god-knows where scared, injured or worse, and he didn't notice Sirius was crying until the boy wound his good hand into Severus' sweater and sniffed.

"I know it hurts, sweetheart," Severus said, rubbing the tiny, shuddering back.

"Doesn't hurt," he said, defiantly. Severus conjured a napkin from the tip of his wand and gently wiped some of the tears, snot and soot of Sirius' face.

"No? What's wrong then?"

"Is Daddy, dead?" he whispered, his big green eyes searching Severus' face. Severus' stomach lurched, he had assumed the child was not perceptive enough to have noticed how injured James was.

"No, love," he said with a forced reassuring smile.

"Is he hurt bad?" asked Sirius. There was no way he could lie to the boy, so he just nodded, unable to say the words. Sirius' eyes filled.

Pauline joined him just as Sirius was brought into the exam room to have his arm healed. bringing with her the horrifying news that Lily was still missing. The day had been so stressful for the three-year old, that he had fallen asleep in Pauline's lap mere minutes after the Healer fixed his arm.

"You should go take him home," Severus said, as he ran a hand over the sleeping boy's head. She was about to respond when the door opened and Healer Harris, who had long been a member of the Order and still took a special interest when one of them was injured, entered.

"Is he ok?" Severus asked urgently. He could tell before Healer Harris opened his mouth that it was not going to be good news.

"He has suffered severe trauma," Healer Harris said. Pauline's clammy hand tightened in Severus' grip, and he felt his stomach turn."He's on a ventilator, and we're doing what we can for him, but you should prepare yourself for the worst."

Severus' knees felt like jelly, and he sat heavily back into the chair.

"Are you positive?" Pauline whispered.

"No one can be positive, but with his injuries, I doubt he'll make it through the night," the Doctor said softly. "I'm very sor -" Severus had already let go of Pauline's hand and whipped around to punch the wall. A very pleasing, painful sensation ran through his fingers.

"SEV!" Pauline called. Sirius jerked awake, met Severus' wide, enraged eyes and shrunk back into Pauline's arm. For her part, Pauline just scowled at Severus and rubbed the boy's back.

"It's ok, love. Uncle Sev just got upset," Pauline said in her liquid honey voice that always managed to soothe Severus' jangled nerves.

"Steve, would you mind if I had a word with my husband," she asked, giving Severus a quelling look. Healer Harris - Steve - as he was apparently known to his wife nodded and looked down at Sirius.

"I've heard you've been very brave. Here, brave boys get lollipops. Would you like one?" Healer Harris asked kindly. Sirius looked at Pauline and nodded hesitantly when she gave him an encouraging smile.

"Let me see your hand," Pauline said quietly when they left the room.

"I'm -"

"Show me your hand, this isn't a discussion," she snapped. Making sure to huff loudly in protest, Severus thrust his hand toward her.

"I think you broke two of your fingers. I'd heal it myself, but fingers are a little tricky with all the joints," she muttered. She ran her hand gently over the swollen fingers.

"I don't care," he muttered petulantly, realizing full well that he sounded like a child. Her scowl deepened.

"You very well should,' she hissed. "Do you realize that we are now responsible for four little people?" Severus clenched his teeth and looked away. "And as much as I hope Lily is ok, it has been hours and…and it's looking like there is a really huge chance that those four kids are going to be ours, forever." Her lip twitched and her eyes filled, and Severus had a horrible thought.

"You don't want them," he said in a cold matter-of-fact tone. She stiffened and regarded him with equal coldness.

"That is not even close to what I am saying, you ass. I love those kids just the same as you. I'm saying, until we hear otherwise, we now have five children. The fact that you feel sad and angry has to come second." Severus deflated slightly and looked away from Pauline.

"I'll take Sirius home and stay with the kids, at least until Remus comes, alright?" she said, with a softer tone and a watery smile. Severus nodded tightly and she touched his cheek.

As soon as they left, he was taken to James' small, private room. James was hooked up to a ventilator, and blood was being magically pumped into him from a suspended ballon. Along with the cuts and bruises, his face looked like half-dryer paper mache. Not knowing what to do or what to say, Severus sat heavily in the plastic chair besides James' bed, and didn't move.

It seemed like minutes, though in reality it was hours, until Pauline returned, this time alone. Her usual bubbly smile was gone, and horror crossed her face when she looked over James,

"Oh Jamie," Pauline breathed, racing to his bedside. She quickly sat by James' bed and started to fuss over him: straightening his blankets, stroking his hair, whispering calming platitudes he couldn't hear.

James didn't respond, and somehow the non-responsiveness was the worst. After everything, his last conversation with the man would have been about…god he didn't even remember what.

"Harry knows something is wrong, so does Millie. They're both too smart for their own good," she said after a moment. "How do we explain this to them?"

"They should all have a chance to say goodbye," he whispered. Pauline looked up and nodded her lip trembling. Severus took a step towards her and kissed her firmly on the forehead.

"I'll bring the kids," Severus said, looking over to James' still body.

"No," Pauline said shaking her head. "No. We need to tell them together." Severus swallowed and nodded tightly. For better or worse they were a family. A fucked-up, patched together family that had potentially just lost two of their happiest, strongest members.

"Remus should be here soon, we'll go then," Severus said softly, trying not to think too hard about how he was going to tell four children that they were never going to their parents again.

Remus, sooty from lifting rubble, came all too quickly.

"Any word about Lily?" Severus asked the second he entered the room. Remus shook his head.

"Nothing about Arthur, either. Dumbledore thinks it's possible they might have been kidnapped," Remus said. "Everyone's looking." Severus nodded, that assuaged his guilt somewhat.

"How's he doing?" Remus asked softly, easing himself to the chair beside James' bed. Severus looked away and Remus nodded in understanding. Pursing his lips, he leaned forward and gently brushed the bangs off James' forehead.

"Hey buddy, it's Remus." James didn't respond. "I'm right here." Remus took James' hand and watched every laboured breath intently. Severus knew there was no need to tell the man not to leave him.

"Come on, Paul," Severus said reaching his hand out to her. "Let's go."

Kids, Severus quickly found out, were a little odd with bad news. Sirius and Grace bounced back almost immediately, unable to truly comprehend what was happening, Amelia clung to her teddy bear and watched everyone with wide-eyed wariness, and Harry just kept talking about all the things he was going to do with James when he got better. By the time they got to the hospital room, Severus felt a deep wariness as he realized he could barely handle seeing James again.

"He's going to look a little different," Severus said, kneeling in front of them. "He's hooked up to machines to help him get better, and he's sleeping." They had figured it was best to prepare them. All four of them nodded their understanding, even though they looked even more wary than before.

"Alright then," Severus said, throwing one last uncertain look at Pauline before opening the door.

James looked even more gaunt and pale before, and Remus was sitting in the chair with his head in his hands. He looked up and forced a smile when he saw the children.

"Hello darlings," he said softly. The children entered hesitantly, and approached the bed in silence. It was like they were walking to a casket. The thought of that was too much to bear, so Severus busied himself with picking Grace up.

"Can he hear us?" Amelia whispered, as she slowly reached out and touched James' hand.

"I think so, pet," Pauline said as she wrapped an arm around Amelia. Sirius leaned against Severus' leg and he pulled the boy closer.

"Daddy," whispered Harry, pulling at James' forearm. James almost always gave his children the attention they demanded, and the fact that he would continue to remain unconscious when Harry was asking for him was unthinkable to the little boy.

"When's he going to wake up?" Harry asked, looking directly at Severus. Remus looked up to the ceiling and blinked a few times.

"We don't know, Hare-bear," Severus said softly. Harry blinked a little dazed, then looked at James with an oddly mature, blank look on his face. Before Severus could say anything, Sirius burst out into tears, pressing his face into Severus' thigh.

"What if he doesn't wake up?" Harry whispered. "And what if you can't find Mom?" Severus awkwardly knelt down in front of the boy so he could hold Sirius was one hand and take Harry's hand with the other.

"You would stay with us, love," he whispered.

"We wouldn't have to live in an orphanage like in the stories?" Amelia whispered. Severus ran a ran through his hair, trying to hold on to the last of his emotions and failing desperately.

"No, lovey. You always have a home with us, ok? Always," Pauline said, thankfully saving Severus from having to speak. Harry started to cry now, beginning to truly understand the seriousness of James' injuries, and Pauline took him and Amelia into her arms.

"And you always have a home with me too, darlings. You have so many people who love you," Remus said, stroking Sirius' hair as the boy started to reach inconsolable.

"It's my fault," Sirius said when Severus wiped the tears off of his cheek. Severus' heart torked at the pained, guilty look on the little boy's face. James, Severus knew, would never forgive him if he allowed Sirius to continue to believe that.

"No, no it's not, Sirius," Severus said sternly.

"But I had to go to the bathroom, and he pushed me. But if he didn't push me out of the way he'd be awake," Sirius said through his sobs. Grace confidently raised a hand to Sirius' face.

"Don't be sad," she said. "Daddy will wake up in the morning."

Severus didn't know how to respond that, so he just pulled Sirius into a hug.

"It's not your fault, love. It was someone else's fault. The person who made the rock fall in the first place, and I know your Daddy, he would push you out of the way every single time." Sirius looked up at him uncertainty.

Suddenly a patronus, shaped like a phoenix soared through the room.

"We found Lily," it said in Dumbledore's voice. "She's on a lot of potions, she'll be out the rest of the night, but she's fine."

The moment of good news felt like cool water on a hot day, until Severus realized one of them was going to have to tell her that her husband was dying.

"I'll go," Remus said quickly, getting to his feet. "Maybe she can come before…" He broke off looking down at the children.

"Can we see Mom?" Harry said quickly. The other children looked hopefully up at Pauline and Severus. They had a mother again. The relief made Severus a little dizzy.

"If we're allowed to, we'll go first thing tomorrow, I promise," Pauline said "But now, you and your Mom need rest. Why don't you all give Daddy a kiss goodnight?"

Harry leaned over and kissed his father softly on the head and stroked his hair, exactly the same way James would comfort one of his sick children. Amelia imitated Harry.

"Can I give Daddy my teddy?" Amelia asked Pauline softly after she finished.

"I'd think he'd like that," Pauline replied gently tucking the bear under James' arm. She lifted both Grace and Sirius up so they could give him a kiss.

"You should get some sleep too, honey," said Pauline softly, kissing Severus on the cheek.

"He's not dying alone, Paul," Severus whispered.

"I'm still holding out hope that he's not dying at all," she said in his ear so the kids couldn't hear.

Pauline looked down at James and stroked his errant hair back. After a moment, she kissed him softly on the forehead.

Hours later, James groaned and shuffled in his sleep.

"Is he in pain?" Severus whispered from the chair he hadn't moved from since the children left. The nurse shook her head and pressed her hand to James' damp forehead.

"No, his fever's coming down," she said.

"That's good right?" Severus asked sitting forward and straightening James' covers. She nodded again, and her fingers ghosted over his shoulders as she left the room. Alone again, Severus took James' clammy, papery hand in his and continued to watch the chest artificially inflate up and down. James shifted uncomfortably.

"You're ok," Severus muttered. For the first time, James' head lolled towards Severus' voice.

Sometime after whispering platitudes and continually rearranging James' covers, the exhaustion and tiredness of the past day pulled Severus to sleep. He awoke abruptly an hour later to the harsh sound of choking and rasping and the beeping of alarm. Severus was just able to encode James, lying on the bed looking like he was having a seizure when a group of Healers came in.

"What's happening?" demanded Severus.

"Get him out of here," Healer Harris demanded as he bent over and started to wave his wand over James. There was too much fear and numbness for Severus to protest so he allowed the nurse to pull him outside and began to pace frantically back and forth in front of the door. After a moment, Healer Harris opened the door.

"He's breathing on his own," Healer Harris said immediately, "He was fighting the intubation."

"W-What does that mean. Is he going to be ok?" Severus asked hurriedly.

"I don't want to get your hopes up," Healer Harris said seriously, turning back to where James lay on the bed. "But his vital signs are improving, his temperature is almost normal. His pulse is nice and strong. It's exceptional. The next few hours are critical, but if he keeps improving at this rate, I think he has a chance." Severus wiped his mouth with his long fingers and stepped back into James' room. A large, blue oxygen bubble rested where the intubation tube had been, and James' grey skin was flecked with sweat. Discomfort radiated off every fibre of his body.

"Excuse me, I have other patients," Healer Harris said, tapping Severus gently on the arm before heading out the door. It was ridiculous to Severus that other patients existed, that people had concerns outside of James and Lily. He sat back down and picked up the copy of _Moby Dick_ he had grabbed off of James' side-table and started to read.

"The sea had jeeringly kept his finite body up, but drowned the infinite of his soul. Not drowned entirely, though. Rather carried down alive to wondrous depths, where strange shapes of the unwarped primal world glided to and fro before his passive eyes; and the miser-merman, Wisdom, revealed his hoarded heaps; and among the joyous, heartless, ever-juvenile eternities, Pip saw…" Severus sighed hours later and looked from the book to James. "How do you read this crap, Potter?"

James' brow furrowed at Severus' voice, and he turned towards Severus with a groan. He eyelids fluttered, the very beginning of consciousness. Severus' stomach dropped to the bottom of his gut. Severus swallowed thickly and squeezed James' shoulder.

"James," whispered Severus .It looked like it took an obscene amount of effort, but James' eyes cracked open to reveal confused, pain-filled hazel eyes.

"Jamie," Severus breathed, not even remotely embarrassed at the heavy emotion in his voice. James frowned and reached a shaky hand up to the blue oxygen bubble that covered his mouth.

"No, no, leave that," Severus said, taking James' hand in his and bringing it back down to the bed.

"You're going to be ok. You're at St. Mungo's" said Severus gently off of James' confused look.

"Siri's?" James slurred.

"He's fine. Lily's fine. Everyone is fine," said Severus, pressing the button for a nurse. Fine was perhaps an exaggeration, but James didn't need the extra stress. James closed his eyes in relief, then forced them back open.

"Mr. Potter," Healer Harris said coming in with a genuine smile. "You gave us all quite a scare." Severus moved from the bed and watched with tense anticipation as the Healer examined James. After a few moments he nodded in approval.

"It looks good," he said pulling Severus into the corner. "He's still in critical condition, but this should be the worst of it." Severus nearly fainted in relief.

A plaintive moan came from the bed as James shifted uncomfortably and grabbed at the covers.

"Sev?" James whispered. Severus nodded to the Healer and raced back to the bed to grab James' hand.  
"Hey, I'm sorry. I'm right here," Severus said. Some of the anxiety on James' face smoothed out, and he nodded.

"Don'go, ok?" he whispered, clutching Severus' hand with the little strength he had left.

"I'm right here. I'm not going to go anywhere," Severus said, trying to soothe the prickle of fear he could see in James' eyes.

"Look, Millie gave you her teddy," Severus brought the teddy bear down from where it rested under James' arm to his hand. Convulsively, James squeezed the bear's head with an attempt at a smile, before opening his mouth to try and speak again.

"Don't. Just rest right now, alright?" Severus soothed, pulling James' covers up more securely around his shoulders. James nodded and blinked at him tiredly.

"I thought I told you to try and stay alive," Severus said with a tense smile. James was only half-conscious, his eyes opened in little slits, and his breathing slow and laboured under the mask, but his lips curved slightly upwards at the comment.

Severus leaned forward to rest his elbows on his thighs and dropped his head into his hands so that his forehead was almost resting on the hospital bed. He had his fill of close calls for a lifetime, and he couldn't get over the image of seeing James completely still without his chest rising and falling on his own.

A deep sob rose up through Severus, then another and another until he was crying with pathetic exuberant relief into the duvet. After a moment, a hand landed clumsily on top of his head. James was attempting to comfort him, after everything that had happened this week, James was attempting to comfort him. James was too exhausted and sick to continue patting Severus' hair, but his hand rested there, warm, comforting, and alive as Severus sobbed.

XXXXxxxXXXX

The only thing worse than watching James almost die, was dealing with him while he recovered. Yappy lap dogs had less energy and after a month out of the hospital, he was almost impossible to keep still. Lily was the only person he listened to, but she hadn't been able to get out of a Muggle Protection conference in Texas and Polly was at the bakery with both Grace and Michael, so Severus was stuck trying to keep James healthy all by himself, which was a rather Herculean task. It was six in the morning when Severus could hear the tell-tale signs of cooking and scrambling around the kitchen.

With a heavy sigh, Severus got out of bed and walked into the kitchen. Sirius was running circles around the table chasing a flying airplane, Harry was organizing his new school supplies at the table, and James, stupid, reckless James, was holding Amelia on his hip while flipping sausages on a frying pan.

"You're supposed to be lying down," Severus said when he stepped into the kitchen.

"Lying down?" James said with a broad smile. "It's Millie's first day at school, I had to make some pancakes." His face was pale and his jaw was set with pain but the smile he beamed at Amelia was genuine. Scowling, Severus walked over and plucked Amelia out of the other man's arms.

"Sit down." Severus seethed in his most intimidating voice. James relented, and all but collapsed in the chair. His lung capacity was still extremely limited, his muscles weak from all the time in the hospital, and he wasn't supposed do anything that exerted himself, let alone chase after 5 children.

"Told you you weren't supposed to," said Harry from the table. With a thin scowl, Severus finished flipping the pancakes, and sent them all soaring to the table with an angry crash. They ate in stoney silence that was only intermittently broken up by Sirius asking questions.

"Get ready for school," Severus said curtly to Harry and Amelia as soon as they were finished. Amelia looked at him with her perfected, baleful look, and he immediately felt guilty. This was her first day of school, Lily was sick she couldn't be there, Severus had a responsibility to not make the entire experience horrible for her.

"Do you want some help, love?" he asked gently. She shook her head negatively and followed Harry up the stairs.

"You're meant to be resting," Severus said to James irritably as he sent a pile of dishes to the sink.

"Not tired," James replied, unconvincingly. Severus scoffed and summoned a clean shirt and a pair of trousers for Sirius and quickly changed the boy.

"You should listen to him," Sirius whispered.

"Hey, whose side are you on?" Potter said playfully. Severus was about to continue his lecture when James broke out into a fit of loud, wet coughs. They were completely normal according to the Healer, but every time he heard them Severus could feel all the hair on the back of his neck stand up.

"Potter?" Severus said worriedly, summoning him a glass of water. "Come, drink this." James waved him off mid-cough.

"'m ok" he sputtered unconvincingly, forcing a smile for a chalk-white Sirius. "Honey, it's ok."

"Go get your coat, love," Severus said. The moment the child obeyed Severus turned back to James and pressed a hand to his forehead.

"Daddy?" Amelia said worriedly. She was wearing a pretty blue jumper, with the ties hanging down, and a white collared shirt. James smiled gently at her.

"Wow, look how grown-up you look, pet," James said. "Come here, let me look at you." Amelia crossed the kitchen, still regarding her father with wary eyes. When she approached James turned her around to tie up her sash and immediately started coughing again.

"Daddy, are you ok?" she asked softly. James tied the sash of the jumper in a neat bow around her waist then turned her back around to face him.

"I'm fine, sweetheart. Just a cough, nothing to worry about, alright?" He bobbed her on the nose, and she smiled uncertainly back at him.

"Are you excited for school?" he asked kindly. She looked down, and James observed her carefully. After a moment she reluctantly nodded yes.

"Good. It's ok to be nervous too, you know," James pressed, clearly picking up on the little girl's hesitancy. Amelia raised her eyes to meet his and shrugged.

"Why can't you teach me?" she asked, barely at a whisper. James sighed and pulled her on to her lap, ignoring the warning look Severus sent to him.

"Well, I don't know as much as your teacher does," James explained, moving her long, dark hair behind her ear.

"What about Uncle Sev? You know everything," Amelia said eagerly looking up to Severus. He couldn't help but smile slightly at the child.

"He'll teach you when you're a little bigger," said James gently. "Why do you want us to teach you?" Amelia shrugged, but curled further into her father's arms.

"What if noone likes me?" she whispered after a moment. "What if I'm stupid?" Amelia was the type of child to fret over everything. At James' bedside she was the most observant, the most concerned, and Severus knew both James and Lily were already concerned about her being so anxious at so young an age.

"Well, I already know you aren't stupid," James said reasonably. "And I already know that people like you. Ginny and Harry will be there, you can play with them at lunch if you want." This seemed to mollify Amelia somewhat and she nodded.

"Why don't you go on and get your backpack," James said giving her a gentle push. She nodded and ran back up the stairs to her room. "Tell your brother to hurry up!"

"I'm coming with you," James said suddenly.

"No you're not," Severus said, just as insistently.

"Sev, you're a father. Your kid starts talking about how they think they're going to be stupid and have no friends, you go with them," James said fiercely crossing his arms.

"You can sit on the couch and wait for me to tell you that she was fine," Severus said. Eventually, after much argument and James repeatedly telling Harry to look out for his sister, Severus and the children shoved themselves into the fireplace and, after a few minutes of uncomfortable jerking, landed at the school foyer.

They dropped Harry off first, with absolutely no drama. He gave Severus a quick hug, then gleefully ran over to where Ron and Ernie were colouring.

Amelia was a little more troublesome. By the time they left Harry in grade two, her eyes were swimming with tears and the moment they got to the kindergarten, errant tears continually escaped and she sniffed loudly. With a heavy sigh, Severus kneeled down in front of her, balancing Sirius on his knee.

"What's wrong?" he asked softly, wiping away the freshest tears. She started to cry a little harder, which started to upset Sirius and he drew them both into a fairly awkward hug.

"It's alright, love," he whispered, kissing her on the head. "You're going to have a lot of fun, and I won't go until you're ready, ok?" She pulled away and nodded, jutting her chin out a little defiantly.

"Come," he said holding his hand out for her. She hesitated for a moment. "It's ok." Reluctantly, she took it and allowed Severus to lead her into the bright, loud kindergarten class. He introduced her to the teacher, a rather friendly, plump woman named Mrs. Burnstrom, then quickly pointed out the large stack of books at the back of the class. This overcame her shyness and she excitedly pulled Severus and Sirius to where the stack of books were.

Another girl was sitting there and looked up from her book as they approached. She had slightly unkempt blonde curly hair and grey eyes that observed them warily as they approached. Her own school uniform was identical to Amelia's, but different in that it was clearly second-hand and not well-mended. In short, she looked exactly how Severus got sent to school. Many of the other children's parents were milling around but this girl was all alone. Severus felt a sharp pang of sympathy for her.

"Say hello," Severus whispered to Amelia as he let Sirius down to play with some discarded blocks.

"Hi," Amelia whispered softly. "I'm Amelia."

"Claire." the other girl said. Both children observed each other, uncertain what to do next.

"Go find a book, love," Severus said to Amelia who happily complied. She brought him some story about a big red dog - the day Severus never had to read another children's book would be the best day of his life - and he obediently started reading it. Half-way through, he noticed that Claire was watching them from over top of her own book. The book was upside down, so she clearly couldn't read and was trying to surreptitiously listen in on Clifford's adventures.

"Would you like to look at the pictures?" Severus asked her. Her eyes widened, like she though she was being rebuked for listening, but when no punishment followed, she gave a small nod.

"Come here then," she slid over to look at them, and Severus continued the story. When he finished it, other parents were starting to leave and Severus could tell the teacher was getting ready to transition to more structured activities.

"Do you like to colour?" Amelia asked Claire unexpectedly. After a moment's hesitation, Claire nodded.

"Come on," with an assertiveness more suited to Sirius, Harry or even Grace, Amelia took the girl by the hand and led her to the nearest table. Soon the two children were scribbling and laughing, and Severus felt an odd sort of heaviness in his heart. It seemed like yesterday she had taken her first steps.

"They grow up so fast don't they," Severus said grabbing Sirius and tickling him.

"You're not going to grow up that fast, are you?" Sirius just continued to laugh madly, as Severus tickled him.

"Come on, let's say goodbye to your sister," Severus said picking up the boy and carrying him over to where Amelia was colouring.

"We're going to go now ok, love?" Severus said gently. Her head snapped up and she looked at him with big eyes, bordering on distraught.

"It's ok," he soothed. "If you need me, I'll come back. I promise." He cupped her cheek and she nodded bravely, maintaining her stiff upper lip.

"That's my girl." He kissed her on the forehead, then left quickly, not wanting to draw out the separation. He nodded to the teacher and headed to the front door then, when neither Amelia nor the teacher were watching him, he slipped into the cubbies where he could watch Amelia play undetected.

She looked up for him, as though she had never really expected him to leave, and started to cry, which made Severus want to run back to the table and reassure her that all was well, but he resisted.

"Uncle Sev," whispered Sirius. "Uncle Sev, Millie's sad."

"Shhh," Severus said immediately. Uncharacteristically, Sirius obeyed and Severus continued to watch. Claire pushed more crayons in Amelia's direction in an attempt to calm her, and soon the teacher came over to attempt to soothe her. One agonizing minute passed, then another, and another, and the tears were still flowing. Severus was just about to go over there when James' voice hissed at him.

"Well go to her!" Severus nearly jumped out of his skin, and James' head popped out from under his infernal invisibility cloak. A rage Severus hadn't felt in a very long time swept through him. Sirius laughed in delight, still at the age where invisibility was amusing and not creepy.

"Look how upset she is. I'm going over there," James said, shrugging off the cloak. His face was grey, and he was partially hunched over.

"Did you apparate?" Severus asked, absolutely livid. James had the audacity to throw him a charming, devil-may-care smile and shrug.

"Do you know how dangerous that is in your condition?" Severus hissed. "You aren't even meant to be out of bed."

"I had to make sure she was ok," James said nodding over to where Amelia was still crying. The second he did, he dissolved into a horrid coughing fit that left him gasping for breath.

"Sit, sit," Severus said, conjuring a chair, all anger momentarily forgotten. The coughing went on for so long that Severus was legitimately worried he was going to pass out, and Sirius was starting to get upset.

"Potter, relax," Severus muttered, rubbing his back. "Take a deep breath." James struggled to follow his instructions, but soon caught his breath somewhat and even though he looked like a sweaty mess, his eyes were able to focus on Severus'. He pressed his fingers to James' throat.

"Your pulse is racing," Severus muttered in disapproval after a moment. James grit his teeth in annoyance and scowled back at Severus.

"Just check on my daughter, alright? I'm fine."

"You're not fine!" Severus exploded, resisting the urge to slap James across the face. "Your heart is racing at 160 beats per minute, you're starting to get a fever, your lungs are in an extremely fragile state, you keep pushing it like this, and you're dead." Severus was so involved in his rant, that he hadn't noticed Sirius start to cry, but James had and he glared at Severus before turning to his son.

"Oh shhhh, lovey it's ok," James said opening his arms. "Uncle Sev didn't mean that, ok? He was just worried, come here." Sirius threw himself dramatically against James' chest and started to cry.

Severus immediately felt a rush of guilt. Sirius had seem James' dying body, and of all the children he was the one who truly understood how close he had come to losing his father. He had not meant to devastate the child all over again.

"Your Dad is right, monkey. I'm sorry," said Severus softly, kneeling down in front of the child. James held Sirius tighter, but Severus could clearly see the tight lines of pain on the man's face. He could tell that James was hurt when he allowed Severus to pull Sirius off of him.

"Is it your stomach that hurts?" Severus asked finally, softening ever so slightly. James nodded shortly, then threw a playful wink in Sirius' direction to try and reassure the boy. Without preamble, Severus knelt down and lifted James' shirt, fine red lines were appearing where the Healers had magically healed the deep wounds on James' midsection.

"James," Severus hissed, half as an indictment, half in sympathy. "Come on, home."

Severus picked up Sirius with one arm and pressed a kiss to his temple.

"See monkey, he just needs some rest. It's all ok," he said softly, helping James to his feet with his other hand.

"Millie?" James ground out before they could disapparate.

"Honestly, James?" Severus spat.

"She's so shy. I'm not shy. I don't - I just want to make sure she's ok," James said hissing as a spasm of pain hit him.

"Daddy, if you want, I can go play with Mille. I'll even play Barbie," whispered Sirius conspiratorially.

Severus peered out from the cubbyhole relieved to find that Amelia was now happily scribbling and chatting with Claire.

"Alright, everyone, she's fine. She made a friend," Severus said. There was a flicker of a smile on James' face and he nodded his approval, even though he was still doubled over and looking like unfinished paper mache.

"Home," Severus said sternly. "Now." He grabbed James' wrist and apparated them through the air, feeling a large pang of sympathy for the man who was not supposed to be doing anything remotely strenuous.

Sure enough By the time they landed at the Potter estate, James was flagging fast, and he stumbled hard when they landed in the living room. Quickly, Severus put Sirius down and grabbed James around the waist to prevent him from face-planting onto the wood floor.

"Sirius, go play," Severus said shortly as James' knees started to give out.

"I wanna help," Sirius said.

"Uh - ok monkey go grab a blanket then, alright," Severus said wanting to get the boy out of the room before James collapsed. Sirius obeyed quickly.

"Alright," Severus said the moment Sirius left. "It's alright, Jamie. Come on." James groaned in response. There was no way James was going to make it up the stairs, so Severus quickly dragged him to the living room couch and dumped him down without ceremony.

"I'm fine," muttered James unconvincingly.

"Of course you are," Severus snarled. The man was absolutely insufferable.

"I gotta -" groaned James.

"You don't have to do anything," Severus said angrily, pushing James onto the couch and lighting the fireplace with his wand. "Lily is going to pick Millie up. For once, you need to stay still! Stay there" There wasn't much more that James could do beside lie in a miserable heap on the couch anyways, but Severus was sure he'd try.

He walked into the kitchen, summoned a pain-relieving potion and dumped the entire container into a glass of water. Severus walked back into the room to find James struggling to sit up. With a sigh of frustration, Severus strode across the room and pushed him back on the couch.

"Do you ever do what you're told?" grumbled Severus. James doubled over and started to cough loudly. Severus jaw tightened with worry and after a moment's hesitation he gently rested a hand between James' heaving shoulders.

"Come now, it's alright," he said with a touch more hostility than James would have. "Drink this." Before James could protest Severus forced the cup up to his lips and tilted it so that James was forced to drink it in a good few gulps.

With as much gentleness as he could muster under his irritation, Severus pulled James' feet up on to the couch and pushed him back onto the pillows.

"I'm fine. I don't need -"

"Shut up," snapped Severus, pulling a blanket over James' with a sharp yank.

"You're a really mean nurse, d'ya know that?" James asked starting his hacking cough again.

"I know," Severus said, slithering his hand up James' head and sliding another pillow underneath him. There was a thin layer of sweat on the man's face and when Severus pressed his fingers to the inside of James' neck, his pulse throbbed far too insistently. He gave James a sour look of displeasure, which was returned with such a defeated, bleary-eyed look that Severus couldn't very well get mad at him. James blinked up owlishly at him, the drugs clearly taking effect.

Sirius came running back into the room holding his firetruck-covered blanket.

"Here you go, Daddy," Sirius said gently.

"Thank you, love," James muttered as Severus took the blanket and spread it over him. Sirius looked over his father critically.

"Alright go play," whispered Severus "I'll be there soon." Sirius looked at him hesitantly but went to the playroom.

"You put something in my drink, didn't you?" James slurred accusingly as he fought to keep his eyes open. Severus smirked.

"I did," Severus said, reaching out and checking James' pulse again. It had returned to a much more languid, satisfactory pace, his breathing had slowed, and despite James' best efforts, his eyes were fluttering shut.

"Thank you," whispered James, so softly Severus almost missed it. Any remaining frustration dissipated at the thought of how much pain James must have been in for him to be thanking Severus for drugging him. Severus nodded, and feeling an unwonted swell of sentimentality, squeezed James' shoulder in commiseration.

"It's alright, Potter. You just need some rest." Severus said softly extinguishing the gas lamps in the living room with a quick flick of his wand. He had planned to leave right away, but lingered until James' breathing deepened into a slow, reassuring rhythm.

XXXXX

"Sirius, honey, how many times have I told you, you can only play Gobstones with one set or this happens," James was saying to Sirius just as Severus stepped out of the fireplace into the kitchen.

The five-year old was sitting on the counter completely covered in goop that James was patiently siphoning off.

"Hi Uncle Sev," he said brightly.

"Hey monkey," Sirius said, trying not to laugh at the goo-covered child.

"Is it 7:30 already?" James asked looking at his watch. Severus nodded.

"Daddy I'm hungry!" Grace said, running into the kitchen and grabbing James around the leg.

"Alright, new plan," James said taking Sirius off of the counter and kneeling in front of both children.

"Go up to the playroom and play whatever you want and leave Daddy alone for ten minutes," James said.

"Even Harry's toys?" Sirius whispered conspiratorially.

"Yes, even Harry's toys. Though if I were you I wouldn't advertise that to him," James said handing some crackers to Grace. Sirius smiled and grabbed Grace's hand running towards the playroom with excited whoops.

"Your finest parenting moment," Severus said with a snicker as the feet ran towards the playroom.

"Lily is going to be home in five minutes, so she can deal their lovely, grubby little fingers. She didn't get to see the kids much this week so she is not coming with us tonight. You know that means?" James said gleefully. Severus blinked back at him.

"Polly is with Michael at her Aunt and Uncles. Lily is with the kids. We can do whatever we want!" James said. "A night of no responsibilities. We are going to go out, have way too much to drink and say nothing about our little darlings," James said with a smile. A night with no responsibilities. These days, that was like finding a unicorn in a Muggle forest. Theoretically possible, but mostly the product of naive fantasy.

"We could drop in on Remus," James said.

"Unannounced," Severus said skeptically. "Have we not learned our lesson?" Last time they did that, they ended up apparating into the middle of Remus' living room while he was having a threesome. It was an image Severus was sure he'd never recover from.

"Point well taken, but can we at least manage the good pub in London? We need some fun," James said a little desperately.

They did go to the good pub, loud without being obnoxious, and snagged two chairs by a roaring fireplace. They did not mention the children once, and were currently loudly debating Fantasy Quidditch.

"That's your problem, Potter. Your too loyal," said Severus with a laugh. "Gaulbunkin is getting old."

"If not wanting to trade a Seeker who has brought home 3 conference championships in the past 7 years is stupid, than I don't want to be smart," James said, taking a large swig of his beer.

"And that attitude is why I always…" Severus trailed off. There was a very familiar-looking, curly-haired body slouched over one of the chairs at the bar. Severus jumped to his feet and strode over purposefully, leaving James so stare after him in confusion.

"Mr. Klein, what in the world do you think you are doing?" Severus said, staring down at his fifth-year student who looked up guiltily.

"Uh-oh," James said with an amused laugh. "Busted!"

"Er…hello Professor Snape," he said bashfully.

"You are a smart boy Jason, so I am assuming you know that you are underage," Severus said.

"It's winter break, technically, you don't have to do anything," Jason said with a hopeful little smirk.

"Jason, we have known each other for five years now, what can possibly make you think that I wouldn't do anything," Severus said, crossing his arms.

"Potter, I'm afraid I have some Hogwarts business to take care of," Severus said motioning for Jason to get up. So much for their night of no responsibility.

"So official!" James said with a wide, bright smile. "I'll come. We'll start our night of no responsibilities after, yeah?"

Severus nodded and walked Jason out of the bar.

"There is a reason for the drinking age Jason. You could have been mugged. You could have been arrested," Severus said as they walked down the street to Jason's house.

"Oh Sev, be nice. It's Christmas," James said, smiling a little at the student. Severus rolled his eyes, the two were exceptionally similar.

"I'm sure he'll be in enough trouble as it," James said. Jason snorted a little at that.  
They arrived at a block of cement row houses, older and slightly run down. Jason saw Severus looking at the houses and blushed a little.

"I can go in myself," he muttered. Severus sighed and nodded towards the door.

"Let's go, Jason. It'll be alright," he said.

Reluctantly, Jason walked up the path to the door, flanked by Severus and James, and knocked.

A thin woman with equally curly hair opened the door. She barely looked surprised.

"Jay?" she said. "Are you the police?" she asked turning to Severus and James.

"No. I'm Professor Snape, Jason's professor," he said. Surprisingly, she smiled.

"Oh Professor Snape, Jason's told me so much about you!" she said, shaking his hand earnestly. He smiled back, trying not smirk when he noticed Jason was blushing.

"Well, I found him…out. I just wanted to bring him home for you," he said softly. Now that the child was home, there was no need for sanctimony. Jason was a good kid, and he certainly wouldn't have been the first underage student to sneak out to a bar.

"Oh dear," she said, the smile vanishing off of her face.

"Mary, what's going on," a loud male voice said. Her face paled in a way that suddenly reminded Severus of his mother.

"Nothing, just -"

"In trouble again?" the man said to Jason who stared at the ground. "Get upstairs." Without another word, Jason obeyed.

"Thank you," Mary whispered, shutting the door in their face. Severus nodded.

"Poor kid. I remember when my Dad caught Sirius and I drinking his Firewhiskey. I think he screamed at us for like an hour," James said with a laugh. "I think he was more mad that he was out of Firewhiskey to be honest."

Severus frowned at the wall, barely listening to James. He could hear the sounds of raised voices coming from within the house.

"Severus?" James asked, moving to walk down the stairs. Severus just shook his head and stared at the door. There was a cracking sound that Severus knew all to well. He pushed open the door.

"Sev?" whispered James. "What the fu-"

"Shhh," hissed Severus in response.

Severus crept up the stairs, followed by James.

"Ungrateful piece of shit," said a voice lowly. There was a loud smack followed by a muffled scream. Severus paused, inwardly debating how to approach the scenario, but James, who never had much foresight ran past Severus and threw the door open, making Severus' decision for him.

Jason was shirtless with his hands braced against the wall. His father was standing behind him with his belt raised.

"Get off of him!" James said, running over and tackling the man.

"Jason!" Severus said quickly running over to the boy and pulling him back from where James was rolling around on the ground with Jason's father. James punched him hard on the face then pointed his wand at him.

"Get up," James snarled, flicking his wand at the man's wrist.

"Get out of my house!" the man said. James shot him a look of pure loathing just as Mary ran into the bedroom. All four adults stared at each other, uncertain how to proceed.

"Jason, let's go" Severus said softly. The boy looked at him with wide, surprised eyed and nodded numbly. "Come on, it's ok. Come with me." Severus took of his clock and wrapped around the boy's shoulders and led him out of the room, trusting James to keep the parents upstairs.

"I don't feel so good," whispered Jason the second they got outside. The blood drained from his face. Quickly, Severus whipped out a bowl and held it in front of the boy's mouth. He puked violently, his shoulders still shaking. As soon as he was done, Severus conjured a water glass and filled it from the tip of his wand.

"Sorry," whispered Jason as he took the water.

"That's alright," soothed Severus, feeling bad that the boy was apologizing for anything

"We're going to take you to St. Mungo's, get you all fixed up," Severus said gently. This was meant to comfort the boy, but it didn't. He snapped his head up and looked at Severus a little desperately.

"No, no I'm fine. Please, I don't need the hospital," he said. The night and the alcohol had clearly made a jangle of the poor child's nerves, and he looked on the verge of tears. Severus looked up at James, who had just exited the house, a little desperately. James cleared his throat and knelt down in front of the boy.

"Alright, how about you come to my house with Professor Snape. We can get a Healer to look at you there," James said. So much for James' night of no responsibilities, Severus though a little wryly.

"I-I don't need a Healer, and I can stay here," Jason said defiantly.

"You know there is no way I can leave you here, and even if I could I wouldn't," said Severus. Jason looked up at him sharply but resignation came over his handsome features. They floo'd quickly to the Potter's house.

"There you guys are. I was beginning to get worried," Lily said from where she was scribbling notes in front of an open file folder. She looked up at them with a smile, then froze when she saw Jason standing between them. Jason blushed and looked back to the ground.

"Lily, this is one of my students, Jason," Severus said. She blinked once in surprise, then smiled.

"Hi, I'm Lily, James' wife," she said, extending her hand to Jason. The boy shook it, bashfully.

"Are you hungry? We have lots of left-overs," she asked. Jason shook her head. "Are you sure? It's no trouble." Jason hesitated and Lily smiled broadly.

"Alright, I'll send some food up with Professor Snape," she said.

"Come on, we'll get you set up upstairs," James said, gently directing the boy out of the kitchen the stairwell. As soon as they were out of earshot, Lily turned to Severus with raised eyebrows.

"Explain," she said. After he finished explaining the situation with Jason's parents, Healer Harris arrived, and Severus left Lily in the kitchen with her head stuck the fireplace, brow-beating Child Protective Services, to bring the him up to Jason's room.

James was laughing with the boy who was lying stretched out on the bed. Severus could see the scars and welts from were he stood in the doorway and winced inwardly.

"Hey, the Healer's here. I'll leave you be," James said before smiling down at the boy. "The bathroom is two doors down the hall. Help yourself to any food or anything else you need, and Lily and I are right at the end of the hallway if you need us, ok?"

"Yes, sir. Thank you," Jason said, observing the Healer as James left.

"Alright, let's take a look here," Healer Harris muttered, his customary no-nonsense approach in place. Severus pulled the chair up beside the boys head and smiled at him when he looked up warily.

"I'm sorry about all this," he whispered, hissing when the Healer started to spread and anti-septic potion on the newest lashes.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," Severus said seriously. The boy nodded weakly, his chin starting to tremble.

"What's going to happen to me now?" he whispered after a few moments.

"Well, we're going to have to work that out together," Severus said gently. "But I promise no one is ever going to hurt you like this again."

The Healer hit a particularly sore spot and Jason flinched and let out a little yelp.

"Almost done," said Healer Harris kindly. Severus reached out and rested a hand on the boy's head.

"Has your Dad been doing this for a while?" Severus asked softy. Jason swallowed thickly then looked away.

"For as long as I can remember," he whispered after a moment. Severus nodded, about to respond when he felt a pair of eyes on him. He frowned and turned around to see to small green eyes watching him from behind wire-rimmed glasses. The second Severus turned around, the door shut.

"And does he hit your mother as well?" Severus asked, turning his attention back to the boy in front of him. He shook his head.

"Just me," he whispered, a tear sliding down his cheek.

"Oh kid, it's not your fault. It's not about you," Severus whispered, taking the boy's hand. After a moment, the boy squeezed back and started to cry in earnest.

It had been a long day for Jason and the alcohol, pain-reliever and stress had knocked him out almost as soon as Healer Harris was finished. Despite the late hour, there was another child Severus knew without a doubt would still be awake.

He opened the door to Harry's bright, blue room and walked inside. The light was off and Harry was tucked in under the covers, but his fake snores were unconvincing to someone who had seen him sleep many a night, and his glasses were still on his face.

With a smirk, Severus sat down and gently pulled the glasses off of the boy's face.

"If you want to fake sleep, you should take your glasses off," Severus said, putting them on the side table. Harry kept his eyes shut and tried valiantly to hide in a smile, but was unable to.

"How much did you hear?" Severus asked, pushing the boy's fringe back off of his head. Harry opened his green eyes to look at Severus, and Severus lit the nightlight with a flick of his wand.

"Did his Dad really do that do him?" Harry whispered. Severus sighed.

"That's Jason's private business, Harry," Severus said seriously. "It's not polite to listen in. You wouldn't feel good if someone listened in on one of our private conversations, would you?"

Harry shook his head guiltily and looked down.

"But why would his Dad do that?" Harry asked. There was no point in trying to brush this off.

"Ok. Shuffle over," Severus said with a sigh as he squeezed himself on to the bed to sit beside Harry and wrap an arm around him.

"There are a lot of reasons, sometimes parents get overwhelmed, or they don't know how to talk about their feelings, or they get upset, and some people just aren't meant to be parents," Severus said softly. "It's hard to explain."

Harry nodded sagely.

"Is Jason going to be ok?" he whispered. Harry had seen Jason more than a few times at Hogwarts, and Severus could see the genuine concern on his face.

"Yes, he's going to be ok," Severus said.

"Dad says it's wrong to hit kids," Harry said seriously. "He says it can make them think that they aren't loved for their whole life. Is that true?"

"Sometimes, but a lot of the time kids who were hit grow up to find people who love them, and have their own family, and they feel loved again," Severus said, wanting to soften the harsh reality of the world for the 8-year old in front of him. Harry looked at him intently for a moment.

"Did your Dad hit you?" Harry asked in a tentative whisper. Severus blinked at the boy for a moment.

"A very long time ago," he said in as light of a tone as he could manage.

"But now you have a family and I love you, and Amelia loves you, and Gracie and Sirius and my Mom and Dad and Auntie Polly and Mike and Uncle Remus and Dumbledore and even the Weasleys, so you don't feel unworthy anymore, right?" Harry asked innocently. Severus cleared his throat, it had never been laid bare quite like that before.

"Right," he said, not knowing if it was true. "Now, it's very late, snuggle down," Severus said, getting out of the bed and tucking the blankets around Harry's shoulders as the boy shuffled down obediently.

"Goodnight monkey, I love you," Severus said, planting a gentle kiss on the boy's forehead.

"I love you too," Harry said before yawning and turning onto his side. Severus smiled down at the child then tiptoed out of the room.

He softly closed the door to Harry's room and leaned back against the door. He had always identified as being slightly miserable and he hadn't even really considered that he was happy and content until Harry had said it so bluntly. He could not put a finger on why it made him feel so fragile, but it did.

"Daddy!" yelled Grace from the bedroom across the hall. "Daddy, I'm thirsty!"

Severus straightened up from the wall and was about to get Grace a glass of water when the door to the Master bedroom opened, and a bleary-eyed, shirtless James shuffled across the floor, shrugging on his housecoat and yawning.

He blinked in shock at Severus, the tiredness and his lack of glasses making it harder to process.

"What are you still doing up?" he asked finally. "Is Jason alright?"

"He's asleep. I was just having a chat with Harry about domestic abuse," Severus responded.

"Oh," said James. "I usually just read him Lord of the Rings." Severus smiled at that.

"You alright?" James asked, squinting hard in an effort to observe Severus' face without his glasses.

"Yeah, yeah I'm good," he replied honestly.

"DADDY!" yelled Grace.

"Coming princess," James said, running a tired hand through his hair and conjuring a glass. "'Night Sev." He walked past Severus and went to open Grace's door. Suddenly, Severus had a stupidly strong desire to set the record straight.

"Hey Jamie," Severus said. James whipped around, surprised at the use of the nickname which was typically only brought out in times of great distress.

"How you feel about me, how much you care, you know I feel the same, right?" he asked.

"Merlin, Sev, of course I do," James said, stepping forward. "Are you sure you're alright?"

Severus just smiled and nodded, surprisingly, he was. He had a life he was happy with, people who he loved and who loved him, and aside from feeling the tiniest bit shocked with the realization that he had ended up content, everything was good. He had somehow healed.

"Daddddy, I can hear you," whined Grace, Severus and James smirked at the girl's precociousness.

"I'm great. Go give Gracie her water before she files a human rights complaint," Severus said, nodding towards the child's door with a smile.

"Alright, see you tomorrow, Sev. Sleep well," James said with a smile before walking into Grace's room.

Jason ended up spending the rest of Christmas break with Severus. There were no other Slytherins staying for Christmas, and Severus didn't want to send the boy back to the dorms alone so Severus had let him stay in his house.

He played with Michael, and immediately got on with Pauline who was showing him how to cook. In a surprisingly fast amount of time it felt like routine. When he brought Jason to the Potters' for Christmas and the boy smiled at him over top of James' large, stuffed turkey, Severus realized that he didn't want this routine to end with Christmas break.

"I could take him," Severus said softly to Dumbledore over a glass of firewhiskey. Dumbledore raised a silver eyebrow at him.

"He is my ward for eight months out of the year as is," Severus continued.

"This would not just be extending your wardship duties for a few months, Severus," Dumbledore said seriously. "A child needs love, family, commitment -"

"I know," Severus said intently. "I can provide that."

Dumbledore looked at him for a moment longer.

"I want to provide that," Severus continued softly. "Polly too, we've spoken about it." Dumbledore nodded, a smile coming to his face.

"We'll see what we can do then," he said.

It turned out that Dumbledore couldn't do much. Severus was about to approach Jason about the idea when Dumbledore came to their door with a serious expression to tell them that Jason's mother had left her brute of a husband and wanted Jason back.

"Alright, you call us if you need anything, alright," Pauline said maternally, shoving a box of cupcakes in his directions. "Those are for you and your Mom."

"Thank you, Mrs. Professor," he said with a smile hugging her quickly. Mrs. Professor has started out as a joke but the nickname had quickly stuck, much to Pauline's chagrin. She smiled at the name, a little misty-eyed now.

"Bye Mikey! We'll play some more when I"m back at school, ok?" Jason said bending down in front of the toddler. With a very serious expression, Michael handed him the blue car they had been playing with.

"Is this for me?" Jason asked.

"I have lots. I don't know if you have one in your place," whispered Michael shyly.

"Thanks, buddy," Jason said hugging the little boy.

"Thank you, Professor, for letting me stay," Jason whispered as he picked up his bags. There was a moroseness in his face that Severus felt deep in his heart.

"Anytime, Jason," Severus said. Jason nodded tightly, then stepped forward and hugged him. Snape hugged him back and was surprised to find tears in the boys eyes when he pulled away.

"You know we're always here, if you need us," Severus said seriously. The boy gave a watery smile and nodded.

"Alright then," Severus said. He apparated the boy to his mother's new home, making sure he was settled in before heading to the Potters. Lily and Pauline were going out, and her Aunt and Uncle had Michael. It wasn't quite the fantastic night of no responsibilities that he and James had planned, but at least there were only four kids to deal with.

Severus could smell the tell-tale spicy smell of chilli the moment he stepped out of the fireplace and sat down at the table with a smirk.

"You made chilli?" asked Severus.

"You like chilli," James said, sending a loaf of bread into the oven.

"You only make chilli when you think I'm upset," said Severus. James handed him a bowl with a smile.

"That's not true, I also make it when you're sick," James said, sitting on the chair across from him. "Oh and when Moony makes me watch American Football." James looked at Severus seriously from the other end of the table.

"I'm fine, Potter, really," Severus said. "It all works out for the best this way. Jason gets to stay with his family, and taking on an abused teenager would have been a huge responsibility, anyways."

James nodded thoughtfully and ran a hand through his dark hair before summoning a large plate of garlic bread from the oven.

"Yeah, except as much as we gripe about that responsibility, there's nothing better. You would have been great with him," said James, cutting the bread into neat slices with a wave of his wand.

"If this is you trying to cheer me up, you're failing miserably," Severus said taking a bite of his chilli.

"He'll still need you, even if it's not the same," James said. "And unfortunately there are a lot of kids out there like him who need a home. If that's -"

"Uncle Sev!" said Sirius happily, climbing onto Severus' lap like it was a jungle-gym. Severus sat back in his chair to make way for the bony little boy to squeeze himself between Severus' lap and the table.

"I didn't know you were coming for dinner," Harry said. He ran over an hugged Severus around the neck, which was unusual for the 8 year old who had now decided he was mostly too old for casual hugs and cuddles.

"Well, your Dad made chilli. Resistance is futile," Severus said.

"Well since you're here, can you help me with my Math homework?" Harry said with an almost pleading grin on his face. The hug suddenly made a lot more sense.

"I could look over your homework!" James said indignantly

"You don't understand it either," Harry said, getting a playful cuff on the head from James.

"I understand some of it," James muttered when Severus raised his eyebrows at him.

"Of course monkey, what don't you understand?" Severus asked, serving some of the chilli up on to a plate for Sirius.

"All of it," Harry said with a bright smile. Severus snorted.

"Alright, we'll work it out together. Go get Millie and Grace for dinner," Severus said, tucking a napkin into the front of Sirius' shirt.

"MILLIE! GRACE!" yelled Harry.

"Uncle Sev could have done that himself," James said. "Get them nicely." Harry rolled his eyes, but jumped out of his chair obediently and ran up the stairs calling for his siblings.

"Uncle Sev it's hot!" said Sirius, who had taken a bite of the chilli while Severus wasn't paying attention.

"I'm sorry, love, here," said Severus, blowing on another spoonful and blowing on it before he brought to the boy's mouth.

"I mean really, Sev, you have a bunch of people here who are in desperate need of you. Look at us, we can't even get through a meal without your supervision," James said with a smile, summoning two bottles of Butterbeer and handing one out to Severus.

Severus smirked at that, and moments later Harry came back in the room, holding Grace's hand with Amelia trailing them.

"Alright, quasi-family dinner. Let's eat," James said, passing around the plates.

**Please Review :) It means the world to writers to see what you guys think. **


	14. Stay With You

Oh I will stay with you through the ups and the downs  
Oh I will stay with you when no one else is around  
And when the dark clouds arrive  
I will stay by your side  
I know we'll be alright  
I will stay with you

And there will be heartaches and pains, yes it will  
But through it all, we will remain  
In this life, we all know  
Friends may come, and they may go  
Through the years I know  
I will stay

- John Legend Stay with You

XxXXX

Things had all been going so well. James had returned to usual effervescent, healthy self, Pauline's bakery was doing so well she was considering franchising, and Lily had returned with Arthur to the International Wizarding Federation to help draft Muggle protection legislation.

Most importantly, Michael had grown into a healthy, happy two-and-a-half-year-old who, while having Severus' height and hair, had inherited Pauline's slender nose, darker complexion and dark gold eyes. He was adored everywhere he went. The Slytherin students in the common room indulged him with games and colouring, Dumbledore always slipped him treats, and he had been subsumed into the Potter family as another one of their own.

They had all settled into a routine with happy Christmases, loud birthdays and Sunday dinners, and Severus was deeply happy. Really, he should have anticipating disaster.

James was more competent than a house-elf and adored Michael, so when Severus was teaching and Pauline was baking, Michael spent a lot of his time running around the Potter estate with Grace and Sirius. They literally ran, and screamed and squealed all day so Severus was surprised when he entered the Potter residence to find silence.

"Potter?" he called, kicking off his shoes.

"In the playroom," called James. Severus frowned in slight confusion. It was a perfectly sunny day, and it was odd that the kids would want to be inside.

He walked to the playroom, which was the back of the house behind Severus' old bedroom and heard the soft sounds of giggles, from behind the door. Grace, wearing a crown and a boa, was pouring fake tea into a fake cup for Sirius who also was wearing a crown. Michael, on the other hand, was sitting in James' lap on an easy chair in the corner holding the Adventures of Winnie the Pooh.

"Uncle Sev!" squealed Grace, getting to her feet and hugging him around his legs as did Sirius. That was the kind of reaction he was used to getting from Michael and he looked over at his son in concern as he picked Sirius up.

"What are you wearing. You look ridiculous," Severus said with a laugh, taking off Sirius' tiara.

"He's a princess," Grace explained as they walked across the room to Michael. Sirius gave Severus a look that was clearly displeased and laid his head on his shoulder.

"Mikey?" Severus said, in concern when the boy buried himself in James' neck.

"He has a stomach-ache," James said softly. Immediately, Severus placed Sirius on the floor and placed a hand on Michael's forehead. It was a little warm and the eyes that looked back at him were tense with pain.

"Did you eat something odd?" asked Severus as Michael opened his arms and allowed Severus to pull him off of James' lap.

"We just had spaghetti for lunch," James said summoning Michael's teddy bear with a flick of this wrist.

"Alright, we'll get you home then," Severus said, giving the little boy a kiss on the temple.

"I gave him some magnolia," James said, patting the back of Michael's head softly. "Call me if you need anything."

It had seemed to just be a stomach ache. Despite the early hour, Severus tucked Michael into the couch back at Hogwarts and after a few sips of tea he had happily started colouring his drawings, and by the time Pauline burst through the door, anxious and concerned, he had already developed enough of an appetite to eat dinner. Pauline put him to bed early and that was supposed to be the end of it.

Hours later, Severus was pulled out of a dead sleep by the sound of Michael shrieking with tears in a way he hadn't done since he was a baby. Pauline had woken too, and they shared a brief moment of panicked eye contact before running across the living room to Michael's bedroom. Michael was sitting up on the bed sobbing and with vomit all down his front and on the bed.

Pauline vanished it with a quick wave of her wand, but not before Severus saw specks of red blood in it.

"We have to take him to the hospital, now," Severus said quickly, his mouth dry and tight. He summoned their robes and coats, simply pulling Michael's around his pyjamas as he continued to sob. Pauline looked she wanted to protest, but she snapped her mouth shut and quickly picked Michael up.

"Alright," she whispered, rubbing Michael's back as he continued to cry. "Let's go."

Hours of paperwork and wand work later, Severus was sitting silently beside Pauline watching Michael's chest rise and fall in a small hospital bed. The only thing that kept him from loosing his mind was Pauline's hand firmly clenched in his. A soft knock came through the silence like a shot.

"Sev? Polly?" James said from the doorway. Both he and Lily looked around the room in confused horror.

"What happened?" James asked, lowering his voice to a whisper so as not to wake Michael.

"Liver failure," Severus said hoarsely. James' eyes widened to about the size of his glasses and he ran a tense hand over his mouth, while Lily gave a little gasp of shock.

"It's not uncommon in premature infants. Michael was older so we didn't think…" Severus trailed off.

"I am so sorry," Lily whispered, squeezing Severus' arm gently. The voices finally pulled Michael awake, and he blinked blearily at the room.

"Momma?" he whispered. "My tummy hurts."

"I'll get the Healer," Severus said, scrambling to his feet as Polly went to Michael's side.

"No!" Michael said starting to sob. "Daddy."

"Alright, shhh, it's ok," Severus whispered sitting on the bed and wrapping an arm around both his son's shuddering shoulders. Michael pressed his forehead to the crook of Severus' neck and continued to cry.

"I'll go," Lily said quickly leaving the room. Despite both Severus and Pauline whispering calming platitudes, the boy didn't calm down.

"'m gonna be sick," Michael whispered. Before Severus could react, James conjured a bowl and placed it under Michael's mouth. The boy threw up violently. James' concerned eyes met Severus' as he pet Michael's hair soothingly.

"'m sorry," Michael whispered softly.

"It's ok," James said, sounding a little upset himself. "Don't be sorry, monkey."

"Hello," Healer Harris said as he entered the room. "Let me see what's going on." James obediently stepped aside and the Healer prodded, pocked and ran his wand over Michael before taking out a small vial of pain reliever.

"Alright, drink this for me, Michael," he said softly. Michael obeyed, and after a moment, his eyes drifted shut, and he fell asleep on Pauline's shoulder.

"How is he?" Severus asked instantly. The Healer gave the same sigh he did when he said that James was about to die, and Severus' stomach gave an awful flip.

"It's not good," Healer Harris replied. Pauline gave a choked sob and pressed her lips to Michael's hair. Severus was too stunned to speak or even think. He felt blank.

"What exactly is wrong, and what can be done?" Lily asked, talking in her lawyer voice but looking significantly more pale and drawn than usual.

"If we can find someone with the same blood-type, we can then duplicate them and bind them to Michael's liver," the Healer said. "If that's successful, he should be fine."

"What's his blood-type?" James asked immediately.

"B negative," Healer Harris said. Lily shook her head sadly and turned to James.

"I don't know my blood-type," James admitted with an embarrassed smile.

"AB positive," Severus ground out with a scowl. He had spent enough time sitting by James' bedside as he fought for life to never forget that. There was a moment of silence, then Lily spoke.

"Gracie is." James blinked for a moment then turned back to the Healer.

"Right…right. She's with the Weasley's. I'll go and get her," he offered, even as Severus started to shake his head.

"No way, Potter," Severus said. Little Grace was precisely that, very little. There was no way Severus was letting some hack with a wand take part of her liver. Someone else would be able to help Michael. James was already on his feet and he laid a hand heavily on Severus' shoulder. His brown eyes bore into Severus with a burning determination, reminding Severus of just how sick Michael was.

The arguments Severus were forming died on his lips and he looked down to his lap. Grace was his godchild and he felt a horrid sense of shame that he was allowing this to happen to her. James squeezed his shoulder gently then walked out the door.

The concerns Severus had about Grace started to dramatically fade into the background as Michael got steadily worse over the next day. If he wasn't sleeping, he was crying or getting sick, and the worse part was that he was completely terrified and hurting the entire time and there was nothing Severus could do about it. Even the fact that Lily had filled Michael's rooms with balloons and an absurdly large talking teddy bear did little to cheer the boy up.

By the middle of the next day, Grace was confirmed as a match and James, Lily, Pauline and Severus were all sitting in the waiting room in thick, tense silence.

"I have a fireplace, you know," Remus said breaking the silence from behind them. All of them turned around. As always, he was well-dressed in a handsome wool coat and dark jeans but the calm, happy expression he usually wore was placed with one of deep concern.

"Moony!" James said with a laugh jumping up and hugging him. The hug Remus bestowed on him was perfunctory, and he quickly pulled away to look at Lily who flung he arms around him childishly.

"How are they?" Remus said looking over Lily's head to find Severus' thought that Remus felt the need to come all the way from America where he was extremely busy made Severus even more anxious, and he looked away.

"They'll be fine. Everything looks good," James said softly. A few of the deep wrinkles on Remus' face smoothed out as he kissed Pauline on the top of the head.

"I can't believe you came," she said.

"I'd come for a scraped knee if anyone ever remembered to call me," he said lightly. Still concerned with the fact that Remus had felt the need to come, Severus didn't have the heart to jump up and hug him. Remus seemed to understand, because he approached Severus and sat on the empty chair beside him silently.

"Anything I can do? Anything at all?" asked Remus softly. Severus shook his head sharply and continued to stare at the floor. Remus nodded and rested his hand on Severus' shoulder.

"Thank you for coming," whispered Severus after a long moment. Remus just squeezed his shoulder silently in response.

Then the double doors opened to reveal Healer Harris looking as severe and businesslike as ever. There was a collective hush over the group, and Severus could almost feel the anxiety pulsing off of every person.

"Grace is fine, she's being taken to recovery now," Healer Harris said. "Michael is doing very well, he should be finished in the next 10 minutes." A collective sigh of relief dissipated through the group, and Severus quickly took Pauline in his arms.

"Can we see her now?" Lily asked, already picking up her bag and coat.

"Go see her," Pauline said when Severus hesitated. "I'll wait for Mike." Remus stayed seated in the chair, knee-to-knee and shoulder-to-shoulder with Pauline, the look he gave Severus promised that he wouldn't leave. Severus nodded and followed the Potter's, who had already run down the hallway to the small hospital room.

Grace was still little enough to have rails on her hospital-bed, and she looked like a very sad, clown doll with her bright pink cheeks, red hair splayed on the pillow and big, brimming brown eyes. The second she saw Lily, her entire face crumbled and she started to cry.

"Mommy!" she demanded holding her arms out. So quickly that Severus could have sworn Lily had apparated, she appeared at her daughter's bedside and took her as much into her arms as she could.

"It hurts," Grace said between sobs in a desperate sort of way that cut Severus right to the core. Lily pulled Grace closer to her and looked a little desperately up at James, who rested a comforting hand on the baby's head.

"I know, sweetheart," Lily soothed, petting the girl's short bob.

"What can be done about her pain?" Severus asked, feeling too horribly guilty and responsible to even walk over to her.

"We've given her the maximum amount of pain potions, I feel comfortable with. Other than that, we'll keep her overnight for observation, but she should be fine," said the Healer.

"Overnight?" Severus said suddenly, causing everyone in the room to stare at him. "You said that this spell wasn't overly invasive. You said she would be fine." Belatedly he realized how angry he sounded and flushed when Grace stared back at him with wide, frightened eyes. He hadn't meant to scare her.

"She will be fine," said Healer Harris calmly, "We just want to keep her for observation." Severus jaw tightened as he looked over to where Lily was tucking Grace into the small hospital bed and he nodded tightly. The little girl looked absolutely miserable, and Lily was trying to prop her up on pillow so she wouldn't hurt her back. It didn't quite work and she started to cry again.

"Oh Gracie-bell," Severus said softly, feeling an incredible amount of guilt. Even though both of her parents were already there to comfort her, he stepped over to the bed. "I'm so sorry."

"Why?" she asked bemused. Severus shook his head took the girl's tiny hand in his.

"He's just being silly, sweetheart," Lily said, sitting up on the bed with Grace. "None of this is your fault, Sev." Lily's warm hand covered his and squeezed.

"Grace will be fine, Sev," James said. "She already is, right goose?" Grace sniffed but nodded bravely, there was no doubt what house this little girl would end up in. He gave her a gentle hug and kissed her hair.

"I love you, sweetheart," Severus whispered, rubbing a thumb over her damp cheek.

"Love you, too," she replied with an easy smile.

"Professor Snape. We're ready for you." Healer Harris called from the door. It felt as though he had just been cursed. His entire body tensed.

"I'll come." James said patting him on the back. "Come on." Because he knew he had to he straightened up.

"I'll be back. Get some sleep, ok, Gracie-bell?" James said, kissing Grace, then Lily on the cheek.

"He did wonderfully," the Healer said with a smile. "A day or two of observation and he'll be back to normal. He'll be a little groggy and feverish, all that's normal."

"Can I see him?" Severus asked, the words not enough to undo the knot in his stomach.

"Yes, but family only."

"They are family," Severus said. Healer Jones raised his eyebrows skeptically but nodded and the three of them all but raced to the small, private room at the end of the hall. Polly was sitting on a chair by the bed stroking Michael's hair.

"Paul?" Severus said softly. She turned around in surprise at seeing them, then her face absolutely crumbled and she began to bawl.

"It's ok, he's ok," Severus said holding her tightly and peering over his shoulder to wear Michael was sleeping more or less peacefully. After a moment, she pulled away and raised her red-rimmed eyes and blotchy face to Severus.

Severus swallowed and looked over to Michael who was so small he was completely swallowed by the covers. Aside from Pauline's dainty nose, he looked exactly like Severus did as a young child, and now he had the sallow complexion and pained face to match. He never wanted his child to go through the types of things that would make him look like that.

"Grace? Is she…" Pauline trailed looking uncomfortable.

"She's fine, Paul," James said hugging her. A fresh batch of tears came to Pauline's eyes as she hugged James back.

"I don't know how to thank you," she whispered.

"Don't thank me," James said heavily. "This is what family does. If the roles were reversed, you'd have done the same."

Trying to hide his own swell of emotion, Severus busied himself with flattening the corner of Michael's sheets, but the talking in the room and the touch caused Michael up and he blinked at Severus blearily, then smiled his sweet smile that made Severus feel like he was not the world's worst father.

"Daddy?" he whispered. Severus leaned over and hugged him with as much verve as he dared, and Michael's small arms hugged him back.

"Uncle Remus!" Michael said, because apparently Severus was not the most exciting thing in the room. "Why are you here?"

"Hello darling," Remus said, hugging the little boy tightly as well. "I'm here because I wanted to see you. Look how much you've grown!" Michael beamed back at him.

"Did you bring American sweets?" Michael asked hopefully.

"Of course, but you have to wait until the Healer says you can have them," Remus said, kissing the boy on his forehead.

"And what about me!" James said indigently from the foot of the bed. "No 'Hi Uncle James' for me?" James tone was clearly playful, and Michael loved James so much that sometimes it made Severus downright insecure, so when Michael shrunk back into the pillows at seeing James, everyone blinked in surprise, and James looked downright shocked.

"You're not going to say hi to Uncle James?" Severus asked softly. "He's been worried about you."

"I brought you a present," James said with a gentle smile, holding up a stuffed lion.

"You're not mad at me?" asked Michael softly. James sat on the foot of the bed, his brow wrinkled in genuine confusion, which made sense cause James rarely got made at anyone let alone the children.

"Why would I be mad at you, lovey?" asked James, brushing Michael's hair out of his eyes.

"Cause I got sick and then Grace got hurted," Michael whispered. Severus' heart leapt out to him and he was about to correct this faulty assumption when James stepped in.

"Oh, no, no. That was not your fault love. Grace is fine, I'm just glad you're ok. Now, come on, I want a kiss, you've been driving me out of my mind with worry." Michael gave James a small smile and kissed him on the cheek when the man pulled him into a hug.

"How are you feeling?" Severus asked softly as James laid Michael back on to the covers. The little boy just shrugged miserably, looking precariously close to tears now that the excitement of seeing Remus wore off.

"Alright, you get some sleep it will help you feel better," Pauline said straightening his blankets. Michael looked between them skeptically.

"Will I have to have more magic?" Pauline shook her head with tears in her eyes. Michael was already fading with tiredness and it was only moments before he fell asleep, leaving the four adults watching him. Finally James leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead.

"Alright, I better go see Grace. Lily will be worried if I don't let her know Michael's ok."

"Paul, you need some sleep," Remus said, noticing that she her own eyes were closing. She had stayed awake with Michael all of last night while Severus had gone home and was in even rougher shape.

"Let me take you home." Remus said. Reluctantly, Pauline nodded her head and they all left, leaving Severus alone to stare at Michael, who was already starting to look a little better.

The child slept on peacefully for a few hours and didn't even wake when Lily came check on them, bringing food and insisting on making up a cot for Severus, as though he could sleep. He had gotten through half a Dickens novel before the child spoke.

"Daddy?" whispered Michael tiredly from his bed. Severus quickly shuffled his chair to the side of the bed and grabbed his hand tightly.

"What is it?" Severus asked urgently.

"I want ice cream," Michael announced, his eyes already drooping shut. Severus laughed in relief and took his hand.

"Alright, monkey. Whatever you want," Severus said gently, smiling as Michael slid back into sleep as easily as the sun slides behind a cloud. Miserably, Severus tried to sleep which involved napping for fitful fifteen minute periods, waking up every time Mike's hand moved.

"Sev?" called James softly from the doorway. Two steaming plates of meatloaf were precariously balanced on the tray he was holding.

"How's Grace?" he whispered.

"She's doing great, the nurses are all doting on her. She loves all the attention. Lily's staying the night with her, Remus is staying with the other children," James responded sitting on the chair beside Michael's bed with the tray of food on his lap. Tension drained from Severus' stomach, thinking of little Grace sobbing her heart out on Lily's shoulder had made this horrible two days worse.

"You have to eat something," James coaxed.

"I'm not hungry," Severus said curtly, wishing James would just disappear.

"I know," James said softly. "But you need to eat anyways. You need your strength, for Michael's sake. Come on." There was no arguing with that statement, he hadn't eaten in over 24 hours, he couldn't keep it up. Reluctantly, Severus sat down beside James and started eating. The meatloaf tasted like chalk. James was usually not able to shut up, but now he simply sat in quiet solidarity.

"Uncle James?" Michael said sleepily from his bed. James quickly swallowed his meatloaf and sat forward urgently with a smile plastered on his face.

"Hey bug! How are you feeling?" James asked softly, wiping Michael's long hair from his forehead.

"My tummy hurts," he answered sadly, making Severus' stomach constrict. He already had the maximum amount of pain killers James leaned forward and kissed the boy softly on the forehead.

"I know, lovey," James said gently. "You're being very brave." Michael, who idolized James, lit up at the praise and smiled broadly back at him.

"What can I do to make it better? Do you want a story?" James asked. Michael nodded enthusiastically.

"Make one up!" Michael demanded "Another toaster man story". Reading stories from books was apparently too basic for James and all the children now clamoured for their own individual stories. Severus smirked at James, who laughed, leaned forward and started to detail the latest adventures of toaster man in a soft whisper.

"Sev? Sev?" Severus jerked awake instantly at the sound of James' voice. Michael was now fast asleep again, curled up to face James and Severus.

"How long was I out," Severus asked. The last thing Severus remembered was falling asleep to the not-so-interesting adventures of toaster-man. With a yawn he sat up and straightened Michael's blankets before running a tired hand over his face.

"Not long. You look done in, Severus," said James gently. "Go get some sleep. I'll sit up with Mike," James said, sitting down beside Michael's hospital bed. Severus looked over to where Michael was sleeping peacefully in the bed, Lily's blanket tucked under his chin. It seemed wrong somehow to leave him, but Severus hadn't done more than doze in a plastic chair for the past two nights.

"Sev, he's my godson. I love him," James said firmly. "Let me stay. I want to stay." Severus swallowed and looked over to where Michael lay. Ever since had held Harry all those years ago, Severus had loved the Potter children. He had never assumed he'd have children of his own, so he had always looked on the Potter children with adoration and tenderness. For some reason, he always found it hard to believe that James' feelings for Michael could possible equal Severus' feelings for Harry, Amelia, Sirius and Grace.

"Alright," Severus said, standing up on creaking knees. He rested his hand on his Michael's head, not quite ready to leave.

"I'll take good care of him," James said "If he needs you, I'll call you, ok?" Hesitantly, Severus nodded his assent and walked out of the room. Briefly, he looked over his shoulder, but James' attention had already turned back to Michael.

Before he could talk himself out of it, Severus turned on the spot and apparated, landing in the middle of his living room. Pauline hadn't even made it to bed. She was stretched on the couch, still in her jeans with her long, black hair in her face. He couldn't bear to wake her, so he walked up the stairs to his bedroom alone.

He was so tired, he expected to just fall asleep the moment his face hit the pillow, but instead he continually tossed and turned. He was used to have Pauline curled up next to him and even Michaels sharp toenails cutting into his shins. When he did manage to close his eyes and drift, off, he'd wake up in about fifteen minutes with a burning ball of anxiety in his stomach. After a few hours of this, his room seemed oppressively small and quiet. With a huff he got out of bed, kicked off the covers, changed into his robes and apparated back to the hospital.

Going straight to Michael's room seemed like he was doubting James, so instead he walked down to the second floor, where he knew Grace was recovering. He eased open the door to her room and tiptoed in.

There were three children in the four-person recovery room: a teenage boy with an awful, green complexion, a pale little girl who had yet to be visited by a parent, and Grace in the closest bed to the door. She was immediately identifiable by her flaming auburn hair that vividly contrasted with the pillow and the fact that her bed was made of two lumps: one for her, one for Lily.

With her big, warm personality and red hair, it was hard not to see a little Lily when he looked her, more so when Lily was curled up next to her, highlighting their identical bone-structure. Seeing them was somehow soothing, and he gently placed Grace's hair behind her ear before sitting back in the chair, watching her and Lily sleep for a moment. His heart slowed and a calmness he hadn't felt in days came over him. Finally feeling ready, he pulled himself up and walked up to Michael's room on the fourth floor.

He pushed the door open, but stopped at the scene in front of him. James was fast asleep under the covers with his arms around Michael, who was using James' chest as a pillow. Evidently, they had fallen asleep while reading because James' glasses were still on and the Adventures of Winnie the Pooh lay open on top of the covers. The first true smile Severus had in days came to his face, and he felt a surprising swell of tenderness rise up through him.

"That's technically against the rules, but it's too cute," said a tall night-nurse Severus hadn't seen before. Severus smirked at the scene and stood up from where he was leaning on the doorframe.

"How's Michael doing?" he asked softly.

"Good, we'll probably be able to let him go tomorrow afternoon," she replied. Severus sighed in relief and ran a hand through his hair.

"Your husband's been great with him, stayed up and watched him all night, read him stories when he woke up," the nurse said.

"He's just a friend," Severus said automatically.

"Oh sorry, I just assumed he was a father," she said, blushing. Severus waved off the apology. She placed the chart back on the door.

"That's a really good friend you have there," she said with a smile.

"I know," Severus said walking into the room. It was covered in darkness and the only sound was James' light snoring. A duvet lay bunched up at the bottom of the bed, and Severus gently pulled it up over both Michael and James. Registering the change in environment, James shifted a little in his sleep, turning to curl more protectively over Michael. There was no real need for Severus to stay, not when James was here treating him like this.

Gently, Severus leaned over and kissed Michael on the forehead.

"Goodnight, monkey," he whispered, smiling as the boy shuffled further onto James shoulder. Since there was no one to see the moment of softness, Severus leaned over and pulled James' glasses of his face.

"Night, Jamie," whispered Severus, taking the glasses and the books and placing them on the side table. James snorted in acknowledgement and continued to sleep. With a final smile at the scene, Severus turned on the spot and apparated back into his living room.

"How is he? I was going to go see him," Pauline said quickly, the moment he landed. Her face was as lined with worry as his was and he immediately regretted not waking her up.

"He's fine," Severus said stepping into hug her. "Come on, let's go back to bed."

"But-"

"He's just sleeping right now, Polly," Severus said, kissing her on the forehead. "If we sleep now, we'll be able to be there for him in the morning when he actually needs us." Polly looked at him skeptically, and gnawed her bottom lip.

"He's ok, Paul. James has him," Severus whispered.

XxxxxxXXXXX

Severus apparated on to the cement of the school-yard with such purpose that he nearly fell on his face and jogged up to the school house. A few Slytherins had taken it into their heads to attempt to swim with the Giant Squid, and Severus had been so busy giving them a lecture and taking points that he had nearly forgotten that he had promised to pick up all the children from school. Now he was late, and he personally had just taken so many points from Slytherin there was no way they'd be able to win the House Cup. He was in a black mood that only slightly dissipated when he saw Ron, Harry, Ginny and Sirius racing around the playground.

"Kids," called Severus, getting all their attention.

"Uncle Sev! Come play," called Sirius from where Harry was spinning him and Ginny round and round on a tire swing. He let out a howl of laughter as the tire swing spun off like a space ship and raced around for a moment before landing back where it was started from. Severus smiled, he could play there was no reason not to have some fun before having to monitor two hours worth of detention.

"Alright," he stepped onto the playground before halting and looking around Ron, Harry, Ginny, Sirius…four. "Where's Amelia?"

"Library," Ron and Harry said together before bursting out laughing.

"Alright, I'll be back in a moment. Stay here." The four children went back to their game, and Severus pushed open the doors to the schoolhouse. The small school was only for wizarding children and was consequently into only two schoolrooms, one for primary school and one for intermediate school. A large, well-stocked library took up a third room and Severus more than once had to pull Amelia out of the stacks of books, just as his mother had to do with him.

With a yawn he pushed opened the door and was about to call out for Amelia when he heard the sounds of raised, harsh voices.

"Give it to me!"

"Stop it," said a gentle voice that unmistakably Amelia's. Severus frowned and quietly followed the sound of the voices.

"What are you gonna to about it?" said a young boy's voice that sounded somewhat familiar to Severus, all though he couldn't quite place it.

"I thought you Potter's were all supposed to be brave, but your just a baby. I bet even your own parents think you're a baby," Severus rounded the corner to see Draco Malfoy, towering over Amelia. Each of them were tugging one half of the Secret Garden, a book Amelia hadn't put down in days. Two larger boys Severus wasn't sure of stood behind Draco, laughing.

"You're going to rip it," Amelia said tearfully as Draco tugged firmly on the book. Before Severus could do anything, Amelia's prediction came true and the book split down the middle, sending Amelia back into the stacks and paper pages flying everywhere. Draco burst out laughing and stepped on one of the pages as Amelia reached out to grab it, almost stepping on her little fingers.

Severus strode across the room and pulled Draco's arm with perhaps slightly more force than he was proud of.

"Enough," Severus snarled, staring Draco down with a look he knew from experience would make Lucius quake. "Go." Draco's two bodyguards ran and Draco was about to as well but Severus caught his arm again.

"You bother her again, I'll be much less forgiving," Severus snarled releasing the boy's arm forcefully. Draco scowled but didn't have the courage to do more then ran away. The moment the boy turned, Severus turned to Amelia who was still picking up the pages from floor, not looking at him.

"Millie?" said Severus softly, kneeling down on the floor with her. She hesitantly raised her head and looked at him, a little fear and embarrassment in her hazel eyes.

"Are you alright?" he asked, even though she clearly wasn't. Tears filled her eyes, but she nodded affirmatively, and Severus felt his heart crack for her. He loved all the Potters, but Amelia, with her studious nature and quietness, was the one who reminded Severus the most of himself before he developed all his sharpness. The sharpness had developed from years of being treated exactly how Amelia had just been treated, and he hated the thought of her experiencing that pain.

He tapped his wand to the ripped pages and they all jumped obediently back into the book, then handed it to her. She drew it to her chest protectively.

"Thanks," she whispered, still not looking up. He hated the fact that she was embarrassed and tried to search for the words to say.

He wanted to hug her, but he could tell she didn't want him to. She was still gripping the vestiges of her shattered pride, a feeling Severus knew well.

"Many smart, kind, successful people have been bullied including many of those writers you love, including me," Severus said gently. Her eyes widened in surprise at the revelation. Severus smiled at her and cupped her cheek.

"I get how it makes you feel like you should be ashamed, but this has nothing to do with something be wrong with you and everything to do with something being wrong with Draco," Severus continued. The crippling shame had always been the worst part about being bullied. In the back of his mind he could still hear his father mention with disdain how little friends he had. Her eyes filled with tears, and she nodded bravely again, an act which broke the last of Severus' ability to hold back.

"Come here, love," he whispered hugging her close to him. She allowed him to hug her, but kept her arms at her side and sniffed loudly in an attempt to restrain tears.

"It's not your fault. We'll figure out how to make it stop, ok?" Severus whispered to her. She nodded into his shoulder, and the last of her resistance faded. She wrapped her arms tightly around Severus and started to sob quietly onto his shoulder.

She was crying so hard, and Draco was so rough, that Severus had a feeling this was far from the first time she had been treated like this. His heart ripped again, and he stroked her long, dark hair.

After a few minutes she calmed down and lifted her raw, tear-stained face to look at Severus. He grabbed a handkerchief out of his pocket and gently wiped away the last of her tears with a smile.

"I love you, monkey."

"I love you too," she whispered with the first smile he'd seen from her all day.

"Are you ready to go home?" she nodded. He draped an arm around her shoulder and steered her out of the library. The walked silently down the small hallway until Amelia stopped in her tracks looking out to where the other children were playing outside.

"Millie?"

"Are you going to tell them?" she asked nervously, turning her wide-eyes to Severus.

"Not if you don't want me too," he said hesitantly.

"And you won't tell my Mom and Dad?" she asked quickly. There was a desperateness to her expression that made Severus want to find Draco and pummel him. He hesitated and knelt down in front of her.

"Why don't you want me to tell them?" he asked softly. She shrugged miserably and looked away. If this was happening to Michael he'd want to know, and Severus knew that James and Lily would respond with concern and understanding that might go a long way in making her feel better. Still, if he told them, she might lose the one person she felt like she could talk to, and that seemed especially cruel.

"You're parents love you very much. They'd want to know and help you," Severus offered, in a paltry attempt to change her mind. "There is nothing to be embarrassed of." She gave him another pleading expression, and Severus felt himself relenting.

"Alright monkey, but I want to know if he gives you any more trouble, ok?" She nodded quickly and hugged him again around the waist.

"What took you so long?" asked Harry jumping off the swing and soaring through the air like Lily used to.

"I'm hungry!" yelled Sirius running up and throwing himself around Severus' legs. He picked the little boy up, then looked imperiously between Ron and Harry.

"Why was Amelia alone in the library?" Severus asked, with more anger in his tone. The boys blinked at each other in confusion.

"Cause she's always in the library," Harry said.

"She's your little sister, Harry. You're meant to be looking out for her," Severus said. Still confused Harry looked from Severus to Amelia.

"Are you ok?" Harry asked taking a step towards his sister, looking at her critically. "Millie, have you been crying?" Amelia tensed beside Severus, and continued to look at the two oldest.

"She's fine," Severus said curtly. "That's not the point. I'm asking why she was there alone in the first place."

"She likes it in there. Dad says to let her do her own thing," said Harry defensively.

"They didn't do anything wrong," Amelia said softly, when Severus opened his mouth again. He deflated a little, both Ron and Harry were both clearly oblivious, and it wasn't their fault. Still, he gave Harry a hard look.

"Keeping an eye on your sister means keeping an eye on your sister, got it?" Harry, and Ron for that matter, nodded. Severus softened, looking at their expressions.

"Alright, let's go home," he said, boosting Sirius further up onto his hip.

He kept his word to Amelia and didn't tell James or Lily about her unfortunate encounter with Draco, but he did make sure that he was never late again whenever he picked up the children. Still, there were no other incidents to speak of, and he had almost put the event out of his mind until he went to dinner with the Potter's three weeks later.

Harry was sitting at the table with a large black eye that Lily was applying bruise salve to, while James chopped carrots with considerably more force than necessary.

"Uh oh, what happened here?" Polly said, as they entered the kitchen.

"Harry is fighting now," James said, displeasure clear in his voice. Severus raised his eyebrows at Harry, who simply turned to glower down at the table. Clearly, they entered in a fight.

"Did you win?" Polly asked, winking at him. Harry smiled a little at that, and nodded even as Lily huffed indignantly.

"Who are you fighting?" Severus asked crossing his arms in front of his chest as though he was talking to a troublesome first-year.

"It's not fair I have four people to lecture me. Most people just have two parents to nag them," snapped Harry, crossing his arms and pouting.

"Hey! Do not talk to your Uncle that," James said from the kitchen, pointing his spoon and throwing an uncharacteristically dangerous look at Harry. Surprisingly, Harry glared back.

"Apologize and answer the question," Lily said with equal firmness. Apparently, it was bad-cop, bad-cop in the Potter house.

"Sorry," muttered Harry disingenuously, "and Draco Malfoy." Harry held his eye for a moment and Severus instantly knew why this fight broke out. Draco hadn't heeded Severus' warnings to stay away from Amelia.

"And why were you fighting Draco?" Severus asked, just to make sure he was right.

"Oh come now, leave the boy alone," Polly said, giving Harry a kiss on the head. Finding that he had an ally, Harry gave her a bright smile and leaned into the hug.

"Cause Draco pissed him off" James said, placing air quotes around pissed him off. Severus could tell the injustice of James being mad was beginning to wear on Harry's nerves, and he sent James another glare.

"Alright, honey, he knows he's in trouble, that's enough," Lily said patting Harry's cheek affectionately.

"Fine," James grumbled, still a little put-out. "Go get your siblings for dinner." Severus followed Harry out of the kitchen.

"Harry," He turned around and crossed his arms.

"What?" snapped Harry. This new adolescent attitude was getting old very fast. Severus took a step towards him and gently raised his chin. Harry was not supposed to have black eyes.

"That looks painful," Severus commented lightly. A bit of the anger fell off of Harry's face.

"Was he pushing your sister around?" Harry looked at him for a moment, then nodded shortly.

"She made me promise not to tell," Harry said softly. Severus sighed, it was a promise he shouldn't have kept in the first place. The other children had heard voices in the hallway and, spilled out in torrents of giggles, only Amelia trailed behind silently. She warily looked between Severus and Harry, as though she was caught doing something wrong.

"You said you wouldn't tell," she said accusingly to Harry.

"I'm sorry, Millie," Harry said beseechingly, taking a step towards her. Her eyes filled with wounded tears, and she looked between them like a trapped animal.

"Oh love," Severus said softly. "It's -"

"What's going on?" James asked, poking his head into the hallway. He saw the tears in Amelia's eyes and instantly stepped forward into the group.

"Honey, what's wrong?" James asked in surprise. For a moment, Amelia looked to Severus, assessing whether-or-not he was going to spill her secret. The look on his face told her that she was out of luck. It was another disappointment on a clearly rotten day, and she ran to James in tears.

James was so surprised that he barely had time to open his arms to hold her, and he looked over her head to Severus in shock.

"It's ok, sweetheart," James said gently as he hugged her back. When she didn't calm down, James frowned and knelt down to hold her more completely. Harry raced over too and pet her head.

"Millie, don't cry," Harry pleaded, sounding upset himself. Amelia sniffed, looking a little wary now that her tears were ending. Severus had the distinct feeling she would have liked to keep crying just to avoid the conversation, and indeed she buried her face in James' neck as though she wanted to disappear. James looked up at Severus, still flabbergasted.

"What's going on?" James asked.

"Draco's been bullying her," Severus said softly. "That's why Harry got into a fight." James' eyes widened in surprise and he pulled back to look at Amelia's face, still shocked. Whatever expression he saw there confirmed Severus' story, and he pulled Amelia into another hug.

"Oh honey," he said softly, holding her head to his shoulder and closing his eyes, clearly feeling her pain. He kissed her on the cheek and smiled at her.

"You know, when I was in second year Draco's Dad knocked me off my broom and broke my nose, blood everywhere," James said, pushing Amelia's hair behind her ear. "Then know what? Mommy put Draco's Daddy in jail." Amelia giggled, and James winked at her, before looking at her seriously again.

"What happened?"

As Severus and Harry added detail, Amelia, with her eyes on the kitchen recounted the entire table in front of Lily, who, Severus could tell was becoming apoplectic with rage, and Polly, whose face was heavy with sympathy. James had his arm draped gently across her shoulders and was listening with simmering anger as well.

Draco, apparently, had started on Harry first, but wasn't able to get a good enough rise out of him, who almost always had Ron and Ernie hanging around him anyways. Amelia, on the other hand, was quiet and independent and preferred to spend her time with her books in peace in the library. There was a hesitant gentleness in her, clearly inherited from latent gene and not from either of her parents, and she never stood up Draco who was older and intimidating. So he continued to needle her, make fun of her and even physically push her around, making her feel awful.

Harry, who had kept a closer eye on her on Severus' instruction, saw Draco make her cry and punched him in the face.

"How could you not have told me about this?" James said, turning furious eyes to Severus the moment Amelia went up the stairs to bed.

"She asked me not too," Severus said coolly. He had expected James to be upset, but he didn't expect him to be like this.

"She's eight!" James spat out indignantly.

"I didn't want you to be disappointed in her," Severus said before he truly thought the statement through. James recoiled as though he had just been slapped across the face and stared at Severus. Immediately, a deep guilty feeling came over him.

"Daddy, I want a story please," Grace called from the top of the stairs.

"Alright, pumpkin, go pick one out," James said, taking a step up the stairs.

"Potter-"

"I'm not fifteen anymore, Snape," James said tightly. "And I don't treat the people I love like that, which I thought you knew." Without waiting for a response, James turned and headed up the stairs.

Severus and James rarely fought and it made Severus feel awful, and he sincerely wanted to avoid seeing the man. Still, Amelia was Severus' goddaughter and he wasn't going to let anyone push her around, so he arrived at the schoolhouse on Monday ready to tear Draco limb-from-limb.

It seemed as though he was already too late. James was walking out of the schoolhouse beside Lucius Malfoy. Severus just about thought their argument was mediated when James suddenly whipped out his wand and pushed Lucius against the schoolhouse.

One thing Severus knew about Lucius was that he actively like being cruel and had no problems maiming or killing James, with that horrid thought in mind, Severus disapparated with a loud pop beside the fight.

James had his wand pressed against Lucius' throat and his words were almost a growl.

"- touches my little girl again, I swear on Merlin's wand I will personally ruin you," James snarled in a feral way Severus had only heard when James rescued him from Voldemort.

"You think I fear a housewitch?" Lucius said contemptuously. Severus drew his wand, but James smirked coldly.

"Try me. Look what happened to Voldemort when he messed with the people I love," hissed James. Severus saw the flicker of Lucius' wand before James did, and James flew back into the snow. Lucius raised his wand again but this time Severus was too quick for him.

"Expelliamus!" Lucius' wand sailed through the air. Severus caught it one-handed as James clamoured to his feet behind him. Lucius looked horrified, then angry.

"Snape," he spat out. "You blood-"

"Yes, yes, enough with the pleasantries," Severus drawled, pointing his own wand at Lucius. There was a tightness to Lucius' jaw as he fought down a wave of nerves at being caught disarmed by two formidable wizards.

"Flippendo" Severus said, causing Lucius to fly onto his back. The man was Severus' prey, and he approached with his wand trained on him, ready to attack should he move a muscle. He remembered the pain he felt being mercilessly tortured by him and loved the thought of returning the favour. But Harry, Sirius, Amelia and the Weasley children were inside, and what kind of Father would Severus be if he tortured and killed someone on the schoolhouse steps. Certainly, Michael would need to find other means of education when the time came.

With a sigh, he snarled at Lucius, than snapped the man's wand over his knee. Lucius' mouth dropped in horror.

"Draco doesn't go near Amelia again. The Potters are out-of-bounds," Severus hissed in a way he hadn't since he was a Death Eater. Lucius snarled contemptuously, then nodded. Severus withdrew his wand and allowed the man to struggle up to his feet.

"Getting soft are we, Snape?" said Lucius, trying to clutch the remnants of his dignity.

"Yet somehow, I'm the one with the wand." Lucius raised a lip at that, then turned on the spot leaving Severus and James alone.

"I had it covered," James said without looking up at him.

"Potter, I'm sorry," Severus said softly. "You don't get it. You don't know how it feels to torn down all the time, to have to try to explain that to your father, to know that he's starting to think you're a loser as well." James was still looking away, but Severus could see him soften a bit.

"I just didn't want her to be hurt anymore than she already was if you expected her to be something else, something more like you" Severus said softly. "I know what that can do to a child."

"I love Amelia, Sev," James said again. "Frankly, Lucius Malfoy's son hating her, kind of makes me love her even more. I think it's great she's sweet and smart and I just want her to be happy." It was too late, but Severus had long realized the honesty of those words. He never once companied about the books or asked why she didn't have more friends. He loved her without reservation, in a way Severus' father could never love a son like Severus.

"I know, Potter. I'm sorry," Severus said.

"Amelia told me that you said how Draco acted was more of a reflection of Draco than of her," said James after a long moment of silence. Severus nodded.

"The same goes for you and your father," continued James.

"I know, Potter," Severus said a little defensively. "I'm not fifteen anymore either." Though sometimes he did still feel like he was.

"I know," James said lightly, mercifully leaving it at that. They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, waiting for class to get out. James reached over and squeezed the back of his neck lightly. Somehow, Severus found that gesture immediately eased some weight, though he wasn't sure what that weight was. Before Severus could assess it more, parents started popping up to pick up the children and the bell rang, sending a barrage of happy kids to their parents.

"Daddy! Daddy! Look I made a drawing," Sirius called through the crowd holding up some scribbling for James.

"It's wonderful, love. We'll have to hang it on the wall," James said, taking it as though it was a Monet.

"Hi Dad, Hi Uncle Sev" Harry said, Amelia right beside him.

"How was school?" James asked, leaning over and ruffling Harry's hair.

"Good, Harry and Ron let me eat lunch with them, now Molly thinks I'm cool," Amelia said returning the hug. Molly sounded like a bitch to Severus, but he smiled at her.

"She wanted me to come over to her house, but I said I wanted to read my books instead. Is that ok?" she asked James. He laughed and kissed her on the head.

"You do whatever makes you happy, alright love? That's all I care about." Those were the only words Severus had ever wanted to hear from his parents, and sometimes he felt that if he had heard them, everything would have been different. Amelia hugged her father, and James smiled at Severus over the top of her head. He nodded his head slightly in approval before turning his attention to Sirius' drawing.

XXXXXxxxXXXxX

Severus was in a bit of a blind panic. He knew nothing about women, absolutely nothing. Polly loved him against all logic, he still assumed she would come to his senses at some point and leave him for someone more fun, more compassionate, more easy-going. Now he found out he was going to have a daughter. A daughter. What the hell was he supposed to do with a daughter?

First, he was walked aimlessly around Hogsmeade buying pink tutus, lacey dresses and ribbons, until he started to be concerned that buying all that stuff would send the wrong message to his daughter so he had to go return it all. Instead he went to the bookstore and bought every book that had to do with raising witches, and empowered women and he was considering whether or not he should go apparate to Muggle bookstore in case his daughter was a Muggle and Muggle girls were different, when he realized he was horribly late to meet James at the Leaky Cauldron.

The man was sitting at the end of the bar, drinking a butterbeer and reading the Daily Prophet, looking uncharacteristically old and wise with the grey flecks in his hair, glasses, crinkled forehead and paper. They were all getting older, Severus reflected with a little smirk.

"Solving the world's problems, Potter?" he asked, sliding into the stool beside him. James put down the paper with a smile, seeming 20 again.

"Where have you been?" he asked.

"Shopping," said Severus with a sigh. James peered into the bag curiously, then looked up at him with a shocked smile.

"A girl!" James said with a gasp.

"You realize that it could only have been one or the other, right?" asked Severus with a sardonic smirk that he didn't quite feel. Embarrassingly enough, all he still could think of was pink nurseries and lacey dresses, and James flipped through the books with the faintest beginning of a smile. As soon as he was finished, he turned back to his beer quietly. The barrage of teasing he was expecting didn't come.

"No comment?" Severus asked. James shook his head with a little snort.

"A few nights again, Grace poured Lily's blush all over her face and walked around in her heels for hours. This apparently is fun," James said. "Amelia on the other hand -" James broke off and shook his head with a little laugh.

"Yeah, you got lucky there," admitted Severus.

"Though she asked me if she was pretty enough to be a princess the other day, so I have feeling the days of flying with my little tomboy are fast coming to a close," James said. That was undoubtedly a vast underestimation of Amelia's character. Still, he reached into his paper bag and handed James a copy of Raising Wonderful Witches. James took it with a smile.

"You're gonna be great with her, Sev, really," he said motioning for the bartender to pour Severus a drink. The din in Severus' mind seemed to calm somewhat and he nodded after a moment.

xxxxxxx

As a general rule, Severus hated King's Cross. He hated the fact that it was so filled with tourists, that the trains were almost always late and that the entire magical community could not come up with a more efficient way to usher hundreds of children to a train then by making them go two-by-two through a single barrier.

"Daddy, a penny!" Michael yelped. His mop of dark hair disappearing between the legs of the crowd. However much he hated King's Cross, it was infinitely worse trying to walk through it with a young child.

"Mikey-love, come here," Severus said, picking the boy up and placing him on his hip before he could get trampled.

"Where is everyone? It's quarter-to," snapped Severus, looking around the crowd impatiently. "Am I the only one in this family who is ever on time?" Michael laid his head down on Severus' shoulder.

"I'm on time, Daddy," said Michael said with a smile.

"Yes, well, you're perfect," Severus said with a smile, kissing him on the forehead.

"Sev! SEV!" yelled Lily from across the station. She was in her work-robes and running with Grace on her back who was howling with laughter. James ran beside her pushing a cart full of trunks, Harry's brand new snow-white owl, and Sirius. The owl was hooting indignantly, Lily was screaming and Sirius was loudly demanding James charge faster into the crowd, and James was pushing the cart erratically because his other hand was holding Amelia's. Needless to say, they were attracting a lot of Muggle attention, and Harry jogged beside them looking embarrassed.

"Sorry we're late," Lily said breathlessly as she approached. "Hi Mikey." She leaned in and hugged them both, planting a fat kiss on Michael's cheek.

"It would have been foolish of me to expect any different," muttered Severus accepting her hug and looking around at the Muggles. "Did you have to wear your robes? Everyone is staring."

"I have court in an the afternoon," Lily said indignantly.

"Auntie Lily, I found a penny," Michael said, holding the coin out for Lily to examine. Recently, he had become obsessed with Muggle coins.

"That, love, is a very fine penny," she said, before turning to Severus. "Where's Polly?"

"Getting something called Starbucks. I don't know, she has this thing for Muggle coffee," replied Severus.

"Alright, she'll meet us in there, we're blocking the Muggles," James stage whispered, jerking his head towards a group of Asian tourists who were taking pictures of Harry's owl.

"Uncle Sev did you know that the Snowy Owl was first classified in 1758 by Carolus Linna?" asked Amelia as she poked her fingers through the owls cage. The bird looked distinctly unimpressed with the factoid.

"I did not," Severus said as he led Michael through the crowd, taking Amelia's hand with his free one. They walked towards a bushy-haired haired girl standing close to her two bespeckled parents who were clearly in Muggle attire.

"Just run at it?" The man said anxiously, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know Hermione, dear. This all seems rather…" As he saw Severus and the Potter's approach he cleared his throat and looked away awkwardly.

"The train from Edinburgh should be here soon," he said with exaggerated loudness. James, easily the most outgoing of the group, observed them for a moment than stepped forward with a small smile.

"Excuse me, do you need some help getting on the Platform?" he asked.

"Potter!" hissed Severus, about list all the magical decrees he could potentially be breaking at the moment.

"Yes!" the man said at almost the same time. "I'm Howard Granger, this is Patricia, my wife, and Hermione my daughter." James shook their hands enthusiastically.

"James - James Potter. This is Harry, he's starting Hogwarts as well." Harry awkwardly nodded at the bushy haired girl, but she immediately brightened.

"That's wonderful!" she said stepping towards him. "What reading have you done for the start of term? I tried to get through all the textbooks, but my parents couldn't bring me to London until last week so I'm still behind on History of Magic and Herbology but I think I can catch up. Have you read Hogwarts a History? It's brilliant." Harry's eyes widened.

"Uhmm-"

"Hermione, darling, come on," her mother said, apparently having received confirmation from James that she was supposed to run at the barrier. Hermione waved brightly and grabbed the trolley. The three of them walked purposefully towards the barrier and disappeared after a moment.

"Come on, you lot," Lily said extending her hand to Amelia and Sirius. Just as a large man passed by, the three of them disappeared into the barrier.

"Ready, Hare-bear?" asked James walking toward the barrier, and slinging and arm over Harry's shoulder. Severus was about to follow with the cart, but the boy didn't budge. The separation was becoming real, and Severus could see the uncertainty start to take over Harry's eyes. James did too, because he knelt down to be eye-level with Harry and smiled up at him.

"It's normal to feel scared you know. This is a big thing you're doing," James said gently.

"I'm not scared," Harry said defiantly.

"When are you gonna come home?" Grace asked from the front of the cart, blinking her big, hazel eyes up at Harry.

"Christmas," said Harry softly. Grace's eyes filled with tears.

"Which isn't that far off," James cut in gently, brushing Harry's bangs off of his forehead. "Together, ok?" James said nodding his head towards the barrier. Resolutely Harry nodded. They took a few steps and a disappeared through the barrier.

Severus quickly followed with the two youngest in tow, nodding at some of his students as he passed them.

"Where's Ron?" Harry was asking anxiously looking around the steam filled corridor.

"He'll be here," soothed Lily. A few feet over, James was attempting to shove Harry's large trunk into the small luggage container. After a few moments of exasperated pushing, he flicked his wand at the trunk and it shrunk to fit perfectly.

"I'm here. I'm here!" Polly said from behind them all. Her slight baby bump causing people to clear out of her way instantly. "The line up for these things is ridiculous!"

"You are going to have so much fun, Mister!" Polly said pulling Harry into a tight hug. Harry offered his first tentative smile of the morning and hugged her back.

"Come on, kiddo. I'll help you find Ron, then you can say goodbye. I think he's already on the train, I saw Percy's trunk in there. Gold crest on it that says Prefect - Gryffindor House," James said with a smirk.

"Hey! I got him that," said Lily defensively getting looks from all the children and adults.

"What? I think it's cute." James rolled his eyes and motioned to Harry. At that moment, Jason saw them and walked over with a warm smile.

"Mikey! You're starting at Hogwarts then?" teased Jason. Jason reminded Severus a lot of James as a student. Handsome, popular, Head Boy, Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team, who had just recently grown-out of his talent for trouble.

"No!" Michael said with a laugh. "I'm FOUR!" Of all the students, Michael looked up to Jason the most, and Jason doted on him. Severus suspected that he had figured out walking around hand-in-hand with a toddler made him popular with the girls.

"Are you? Oh no! I was hoping you'd be our Seeker this year," Jason said, ruffling the boy's hair.

"Hello Professor," Jason said. "Mrs. Professor." Polly smirked at that and hit in on the arm.

"So Harry, do you think you'll be in Slytherin like your Uncle?" he said, peering down at Harry who, though he had known Jason for seven years, was still clearly intimidated by the tall, confident boy. Severus smiled to himself, remembering full-well that Jason had cried himself to sleep for almost the entire first month he was at Hogwarts. It seemed like just yesterday.

"Ah, no, Gryffindor, like his, Mother, Father and Grandfather," James said, as Lily smacked him across the arm. Jason grinned. Severus rolled his eyes.

"No, Hufflepuff!" Polly said. Everyone, even Harry, blinked blandly back at her.

"Uh oh, family rivalry, I see. You'll do well wherever you end up," Jason said with a smile. "I saw the Weasleys just a moment ago, I'm sure Ron is on the train already. Do you want me to help you find him?" Jason asked.

"Oh no, that's ok," Harry said quickly, clearly wanting to look mature. Jason nodded and smiled.

"Alright, I'll be in the first carriage with Percy. Come find us if you need anything," Jason said kindly. He said his goodbyes to the other children, and sauntered over to where a group of his friends were putting their trucks in the storage.

"Alright, come on, let's get you a seat," James said moving towards the train.

"You can't go on with me!" Harry said aghast, still looking at the group of cool, confident seventh-years Jason had just joined.

"Yeah, you really can't," agreed Polly.

"Right, right. Of course," James said, more to himself than to Harry. Severus felt a pang of sympathy for the man in front of him who forced a smile. "Well then kiddo, it's time to say goodbye."

The mood suddenly seemed to darken slightly, and Lily stepped forward to straighten Harry's sweater, blinking back tears.

"You have everything you need? Books, clothes, pocket money. James give him pocket money," Lily said. Immediately James pulled a hunk of galleons out of his pocket.

"Dad, you already gave me - "

"Just take it," said James with a smile. Harry took the coins and put them in his pocket.

"I don't want you to go!" Grace said suddenly, no longer interested in running in circles with Michael. As her large eyes filled perfectly with tears, Severus thought of taking this girl to Disney so they could use her for inspiration for small, musical woodland creatures. He had not met a heart she couldn't melt with that look.

"It's ok, Gracie-bell," Harry said softly. "I'll write all the time." She and Michael quickly threw their arms around him.

"Will you write about your lessons?" Amelia asked anxiously. She had just started to be able to slightly control her magic. If she kept going at this rate, she was going to outclass Lily.

"Sure," Harry said with a little grin. He turned to Sirius expectantly, who only scowled, about as talented as his namesake at dealing with emotion. Harry opened his arms a little hopefully and the scowl faded a little from Sirius' face. After a moment, the boy walked over and hugged Harry tightly around the waist.

"Uncle Sev, if Harry's in Slytherin are you going to make him write lines?" asked Sirius gleefully.

"Only if he misbehaves," replied Severus with a smile. Harry took a step towards him and Severus reached out and hugged the boy gently, wondering how he had gotten so big all of the sudden.

"I haven't read anything," Harry whispered urgently into his ear. Severus pulled back to look at the boy's wide, guilty eyes. It was as though he had just admitted to some terrible crime.

"Oh Harry, that's ok. No one is expecting you to have read anything yet," Severus said, hoping to sound reassuring. "That girl you met was just - very keen." Harry swallowed thickly and still looked uncertain.

"What if a teacher asks me something and I don't know? I'm going to look stupid," Harry whispered again.

"Then say you don't know," Severus said simply, tousling Harry's hair. "And you are not stupid, you are very bright."

"And I can come and see you, right? Even if I'm not in Slytherin?" Harry asked hurriedly, checking over his shoulder to make sure that no one was close enough to listen. Severus smiled and hugged Harry tightly again, starting to feel oddly sad even though he'd see the boy in a few hours.

"You can come see me whenever you want," he said, whispering as the boy had. "I'll always be there for you, Hare-bear." Harry groaned a little at the nickname, but when he pulled away there was a smile on his face.

"Harry!" Ron's voice came from the entrance to the train, and he waved animatedly at Harry to get his attention. "Come on, I got us a compartment." Harry forced a smile and nodded.

"Be right there!"

"Hello Professor," Ron said with a cheeky smile to Severus. Another Weasley, thought Severus with a little shake of his head. It felt as though he spent half his life keeping Fred and George out of Filtch's office. Vaguely he remembered the expression of misery coming in threes.

"Mr. Weasley," Severus responded with a smirk. Ron roared with laughter and disappeared into the train. These kids were going to be trouble.

Harry turned to look at Lily and James, both of whom were regarding him with swimming eyes. The looked oddly younger to Severus for some reason.

"You're going to have so much fun," Lily said she forced a smile for Harry, but when they hugged, her eyes met James' and filed with tears. She pulled back and sniffed, taking Harry's head in her hands.

"We love you, so, so much. Don't ever forget that." Harry, slightly embarrassed at the attention, blushed and shook her hands off.

"Love you too, Mom," he muttered. A tear slid down Lily's cheek.

Lily reluctantly released him and allowed James to step in and hug him. James squeezed Harry so tightly that for a moment Severus was worried he was about to crack one of his ribs. He kissed Harry on his head and whispered something that made the boy laugh and blink back tears at the same time.

"You better get on the train!" James said the forced cheer in his voice not quite distracting from his swimming eyes. Harry backed towards the train still waving at them, and hopped up. Lily pressed her hand to her lips and James wrapped and arm around her and started to wave.

The whistle blew. Harry's anxious, green eyes met Severus'. Severus gave the most reassuring smile he could in response and lifted his hand. A puff of steam blew from the train's chimney, and it slowly started to pull away from the station.

Even though he'd be seeing the boy in only a few hours, as Harry waved back to him, it felt as though it would never be the same. James had walked a couple steps with the train, but stopped as it picked up speed. Amelia, Sirius, Grace and Michael joined the other siblings in chasing the train until it turned out of the station, leaving a dull emptiness in its wake.

Severus walked the few steps up to James whose hand was still raised half-heartedly, while his other arm was wrapped around Lily who was crying quietly.

"Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on him," Severus said, placing a hand on James' shoulder. They turned to him, and Severus stepped back in shock. Their faces were different. They were about ten years younger. Lily was wearing the housecoat and pyjamas she had worn that terrible night when Voldemort had almost killed her. James' face was unlined and pale. Both of their eyes were filled with tears.

Severus looked over his shoulder at the rest of the platform, but everything was white. The children, Pauline, they had all disappeared. Panic quickly rose through him as he stared back at the young Potters in horror.

Disturbing memories suddenly started to mix in with everything he knew to be true. Lily's cold, dead body, Harry screaming his lungs out, the years of self-imposed exile and the thin, bespeckled boy, James' twin, that had nervously walked across the Great Hall months ago. A little boy that was so different, yet so similar, to the Harry that had just boarded the train.

The Ghangzhou. Severus felt as though he had just been shot in the stomach. None of it was real.

"It's time to go," Lily said gently, touching his face. The edges of her fingers were fuzzy. The vision was ending.

"It's going to be ok," James said reassuringly, although he had tears in his eyes. He looked so young that he looked more like Harry than himself. It was enough to make Severus' head spin.

He hadn't realized how much joy and love he was carrying with him until it started to sluff of him like dead skin cells. The feeling of contentment he had taken for granted for years was disappearing, leaving him as raw and exposed as he was at 21.

"I - I don't want to go," Severus breathed. The fake James and Lily, the ones he thought he had spent ten years of his life with, would never send him back, not if they knew the hell that was waiting for him.

"Please I have - there's nothing," he whispered. His voice cracked terribly, and James and Lily's foreheads were both creased in sympathy that would usually make his skin crawl. At the moment he willing to capitalize on it, to beg, to do anything not to go back.

"Please," he whispered again, but they were already starting to fade into white.

"That's not true," Lily said gently. "Harry is there, and he needs you so badly. and you need him. You're both hurting" Severus was already sinking to his knees feeling faint with disbelief.

"You can't just leave me," he whispered numbly. He knew he sounded pathetic, and he wasn't sure if he was speaking to ghosts, the Ghangzou vision or a dream, but he didn't care.

"We would never leave you. We'll still be there," James said gently, but when Severus looked up at him, he was blending into the all encompassing white background so much so that Severus could barely see him.

"Always," Lily whispered. All he could make out of Lily were her wet, brilliant green eyes and long red-hair, and he shut his eyes, unable to force himself to see them disappear.

**Please Review! Also please don't kill me. **


	15. The Beginning

I'll be there when the world stops turning  
I'll be there when the storm is through  
In the end I wanna be standing  
At the beginning with you

- "At the Beginning" Anastasia

**A/N This chapter is dedicated to all you wonderful reviewers. Without you, there'd be no story**

Severus blinked, confused and looked desperately around his room. The station was no longer surrounding him. He was in a cold, stone dungeon, looking at a half-drunk bottle of fire-whiskey and a weary Dumbledore. He remembered. It was just a dream, a stupid dream, that was so fucking real. He looked at his watch. 2 AM. Only three hours had passed. He could barely breathe.

"Severus," Dumbledore said softly. There was a buzzing in his ears, and Severus couldn't even look at the old man. Everything was just gone. Lily and James were long dead, the children, with the exception of Harry, did not exist. He couldn't even think about Pauline and Michael without wanting to cry or vomit or both. He had lost an entire way of life. There was only a gapping loneliness where the love of eight people had once been.

"Why would you do that?" Severus spat out, his hands shaking. "Are you trying to drive me insane?"

"No, I didn't show you that to be cruel, Severus," said Dumbledore after Severus hurriedly wiped the moisture off of his face. "When are deepest desires are unobtainable, it useless to dwell on them, but when they are obtainable, we must be open to it. I wanted you to see that you can forgive, be forgiven, be happy and live a life of extraordinary depth and meaning, and be completely, unconditionally loved." Severus snorted. Any idea of that sort had long since been abandoned.

A hand settled on Severus shoulder. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly. He hadn't cried in years. Since the night that Lily had died in fact. He certainly was not going to do so in front of Dumbledore.

"You aren't alone," Dumbledore said softly, causing Severus' heart to contract painfully. He moved his hands up to press the heel of his hands to his eyes. Before Severus could resist, Dumbledore pulled Severus into a hug. Although Severus has been hugged an obscene amount in his fake life, by James Potter no less, he still was not used to it in reality and stiffened when Dumbledore pulled him close. Still, he didn't pull away.

Dumbledore reached up and squeezed the base of Severus' neck in a way that reminded him of his mother when he was a small boy. His eyes burned more frantically then spilled over with tears. He let out a few stifled, choked sobs and Dumbledore held him firmly. There was enough of the dream Severus swirling around his mind he was able to endure the contract for a few moments longer than necessary before he pulled away and looked down, embarrassed .

"And as much as you lost Severus, you and Harry still have each other," said Dumbledore pointedly. Severus looked sharply at the man.

"Headmaster - "

"You loved that little boy, and he loved you, didn't he?" asked Dumbledore serenely. With annoying accuracy, Severus was able to remember Harry looking up at him like he was a God, running to him when he was hurt or scared, full of trust. And as Severus had said to Harry seemingly years ago in Dreamland. He remembered the exact way his heart had flip-flopped when Harry had fallen asleep in his lap for the first time.

"I'm not that man," Severus said, surprised he felt more than a little bitter about the truth of that statement.

"Ghangzou venom does not change out capacity for love, Severus," said Dumbledore. "You have a very big heart Severus, even if it is largely unoccupied." Severus snorted at that.

"At the very least, I hope than when you look at Harry's face and see James, you are reminded of an old friend, not an old enemy," said Dumbledore getting to his feet. "Harry has so little love in his life, Severus. If you can remedy that, you should, for both your sakes."

"I do not love the boy, Dumbledore," Severus said, finally finding some secure footing. As he said it, he felt a swooping guilt towards the four-year-old whose nightmares he soothed and to the parents who had made him Harry's godparent. "All I said, it was under completely different circumstances."

Dumbledore shrugged and looked across at Severus.

"Fate changed only one thing, Severus. That you got the Potters out alive. Everything else that occurred, the love you felt, that came from your own heart." Severus wasn't listening to the wisdom anymore. He leaned forward and grabbed Dumbledore's arm.

"Dumbledore, it wasn't just me who got the Potter's out. It was Black. He wasn't their Secret-Keeper. Pettigrew was. Black - Black is innocent," said Severus hurriedly. The colour and joviality drained from Dumbledore's face.

"Are you quite certain?"

"Yes, Sirius found out that Pettigrew was the spy. Potter's second son was named Sirius," said Snape, suddenly feeling desperately sad that the boy never existed in reality. He shook the thought off as soon as it came. Dumbledore looked down at his watch urgently.

"It's past-midnight. I'll write Azkaban first thing in the morning," said Dumbledore, getting out of his chair. "And you must rest Severus. I'll send a house-elf with your breakfast tomorrow. A lie-in will do you good."

The idea of resting didn't do Severus any good. Days later, he sat in his dark room with three fingers filled with whiskey. Ever since he had returned from the Ghangzou vision, sleeping was agony. Every time he closed his eyes, he dreamed he was back in the other world with his family. When he woke-up alone, in the bedroom that he expected to be painted lavender and gray, and saw the stone, bare walls, he felt as though someone was straining his heart through a sieve.

Whatever Severus was feeling, Harry clearly was feeling it to. The boy no longer took part in any of the holiday festivities, and as far as Severus could tell, he didn't even leave the Gryffindor common room except for meals. During those meals he would just sit alone at the end of the table, sullenly push his food around his plate for a few moments, take a few bites and leave.

Minerva and Dumbledore talked in worried tones about it all through dinner, quieting whenever he came, but tonight Severus was not watching the miserable little boy eat. He was watching another student. Jason Klien was sitting at the Slytherin table, his head buried in a Potions journal.

Severus tried to never think about the fantasy world or make comparisons, but he was completely incapable of not comparing this Jason with the bright, happy Head Boy he had dreamed about. Real Jason was kind and intelligent, but shy and and uncertain. He had few friends and no one would have seriously considered him as a candidate for Head Boy. In a way, he reminded Severus of himself as a child, which is why he was so fond of him in both worlds. He also likely had a father beating the crap out of him.

The Ghangzou had only changed one thing, Lily getting out of the house alive, and that had clearly snowballed to change many things, including the type of teacher Severus was. Teaching had always been a thing to do while Severus waited for Voldemort's return. He did it well enough, enjoyed the use of Hogwarts' resources to do his own research, and found it a tolerable profession. Far better than stacking beetle eyes at the apothecary anyways.

Still, he had never really considered it an impactful career choice. He never considered that he could shape the way a child felt about himself until he saw Jason scribbling notes into the side of his potions magazine. Somehow, he had been able to make Jason see something inside of himself that allowed him to be confident and outgoing, the fact that he hadn't done that now made Severus feel guilty and wonder how many other Slytherins had slipped through the cracks.

"Klien," called Severus when the boy stood up to leave. He almost jumped in shock and approached the staff table apprehensively. None of the other teachers were paying attention. Everyone called their students up from time-to-time to remind them of a detention or discuss a house matter.

"Sir?" the boy asked politely as he approached.

"You're a fair flyer if I remember correctly?" asked Severus. In the Ghangzou world, he was one of the stars of the Quidditch team. Jason nodded, his forehead wrinkling in confusion.

"I'm alright, sir," he replied.

"I want you to keep an eye on Harry Potter for me, maybe take him out to the Quidditch pitch, have some fun," Severus said with distaste.

"You want me to take Harry Potter flying?" Jason asked, not even attempting to hide his incredulity anymore. "Sir, he's a Gryffindor. And you don't even like -"

"I am helping out a colleague and am asking you as a personal favour," said Severus silkily. "Mr. Potter is a young student. As there are no older Gryffindors to do so, I would like you to keep an eye on him." His students knew there was no point in arguing with him, and Jason just gave a skeptical sort of shrug, and went off to follow Harry.

The next day, he was pulled out of preparing his syllabus but the sound of the common room door slamming shout and torrents of laughter.

"That was unbelievable," Jason said.

"I know, I thought you were going to break something for sure. Your eye doesn't look so bad though," commented Sandra, a third-year Slytherin. Severus frowned at that. If an eye didn't look so bad, something still happened to it.

He strode purposefully over to his door and swung it open.

Harry was sitting on the couch, laughing with Sandra and Jason. They were all wearing Quidditch robes, covered in mud, and Harry had a dark, black eye. When Severus came in, they all looked up and stared at him in fear.

It was the first time Severus and Harry had made eye contact since the Ghangzou, and the boy blushed a deep red and looked to the ground.

"What did you do to your eye?" asked Severus.

"Just a flying accident, sir," muttered Harry. It was weird that the last interaction he remembered with Harry was tearfully hugging him goodbye for school.

"Well - go to the hospital wing," grumbled Severus. Eager to leave, Harry hopped to his feet to run out the door. As he did so, the door opened from the opposite direction to reveal Dumbledore, with a rare look of genuine surprise on his face.

"Hello Harry," said Dumbledore.

"Good afternoon, sir," Harry said, still to embarrassed to stop. Dumbledore watched him run by, then turned a pleasant smile to Severus.

"May I talk to you for a moment," asked Dumbledore. Feeling embarrassed as well, Severus just nodded quickly and motioned to his office.

"Severus, I need to ask you a favour," said Dumbledore the moment Severus closed the door. He leaned against the door and crossed his arms. Long experience had taught him to be careful with agreeing to do favours for Dumbledore.

"I would like you to go to London," continued Dumbledore, ignoring the look on Severus' face.

"Why?" Severus asked suspiciously.

"I have convinced the Wizenmagot to rehear - or rather hear - the case against Sirius Black tomorrow. Although the have you Pensieved memories, the Wizenmagot may with to speak with you," said Dumbledore, pouring himself a healthy glass of pumpkin juice. Severus sighed and grunted in ascent.

"Fine."

"I also want you to take Harry," added Dumbledore, with a tone that suggested he wasn't asking any thing more of Severus than to take out the trash.

"No," Severus said, turning back to his food.

"Severus, the boy could use a trip out of the castle," said Dumbledore gently. "The Wizenmagot may want to hear from him as well." Severus crossed his arms and scowled at his mentor. Dumbledore returned the looking with a patient smile. At that look Severus knew there was no way he was going to get out of taking Potter to London.

"What am I supposed to do with him while we wait?" snapped Severus.

"Oh I'm sure you'll think of something," responded Dumbledore.

XX

Soon after the sun had risen, Severus collected Potter from the Great Hall and they trudged down the road to the gate, the silence punctuated only by Potter's heaving breaths. Severus figured the silence was best.

He was trying to pretend that Harry didn't exist, which was a lot harder when the boy was walking right beside him. Still he couldn't help but notice how different this Harry was. His glasses were over-sized, and although his school robes were new, the jeans and sweater he wore were patched and old, the coat he wore was not nearly warm enough for the weather, and his gloves and hat clashed. Neither James nor Lily would have allowed the boy to walk around like this. He would have been dressed well and warmly and would be wearing proper glasses, just like any child who was loved and well taken care of. Then again, Sirius Black would also be dead and they wouldn't be going to his trial, and Harry probably would be happy to have Severus' undivided attention instead of wary. _God this was weird_.

"Sir, where are we going?" asked Potter as they neared the gate, mercifully giving Severus a distraction from his own mind.

"London," replied Severus shortly.

"I know, but where is the Ministry of Magic in London? I mean, how can they hide it?" asked Potter again, running a few steps to come beside Severus. The boy looked up him with such a earnest expression, the same one that Severus' Muggle-born students gave him, that Severus couldn't summon an angry retort.

"It's underground. Grab my arm."

They landed hard outside of the London telephone box that marked the entrance to the Ministry of Magic. Severus held open the door to the telephone box and motioned the boy in. Potter gave him a long, skeptical look then obeyed. Severus squeezed himself in after Potter, who looked decidedly uncomfortable with the tightness of their quarters.

"Welcome to the Ministry of Magic, please state your name and business," a light, feminine voice said cooly.

"Severus Snape and Harry Potter, for Sirius Black's trial," Severus said into the receiver.

"Please take you badge and submit your wand for identification," said the voice. The lift lowered itself into the ground, and Potter pressed himself to the glass walls of the telephone booth.

"WOW!" said Potter as the lift hit the ground and opened to reveal the lobby of the Ministry. Severus looked at the high ceiling, large fountain and bustling groups of important looking people, trying to imagine what it looked like from Harry's perspective. The boy turned and gave him a wide, open grin, seemingly so overwhelmed with the Ministry's impressiveness that he forgot who he was grinning at. Severus fought the urge to smile back.

"It is rather impressive isn't it, Harry?" Both Harry and Severus looked up at the sound of Dumbledore's voice. The older wizard was dressed in resplendent plum robes and was regarding both Harry and Severus with a kind smile.

"Come alone, both of you," Dumbledore said, leading them past the wand inspection with a nod to the security guard. They walked down a long spiral staircase with a plush red carpet that seemed to move like grass in the wind. At the bottom, a large group of reporters and officials milled around the entrance to the largest courtroom.

"Well, Severus, Harry, I have to go on in now. You may be needed in about four or five hours," said Dumbledore cheerily.

"Four or Five hours?!" sputtered Severus indignantly. "You told me to leave at the break of dawn."

"Well, better early than late, right Severus?" Dumbledore said with a twinkle of his eye. "I'm sure you can find something to do. There is a lovely cafe on the second floor that I believe you'll enjoy immensely." With that, Dumbledore sashayed into the courtroom leaving Harry staring up at Severus.

After making Potter sit silently in a chair outside the courtroom for a two hours, Severus reluctantly realized he needed to feed the boy.

"Come on, Potter," he said following the signs for the Ministry of Magic Deli. As always, Potter followed without a word of complaint.

The little delicatessen near the Ministry of Magic was cozy, filled with mis-matched fabric chairs and small, round wooden tables. Potter looked at him uncertainly as they entered. A large display of pies and cakes stood at the front window, and Severus saw Potter eye them appreciatively as they walked in and made their way to a table at the back.

"Sir?" Potter asked in confusion as Severus started to make their way through the restaurant.

"You need food," Severus said, sitting down at a table. A waitress placed two menus in front them with a cheery smile.

"Shepard's Pie," said Severus shortly.

"Bangers and mash, please," added Harry quickly, looking at Severus as though he was worried he might anger the man. The waitress' smile faded slightly, but she nodded and skipped away with the menus. The silence between them was more awkward and acute now that they were sitting at a table across from one another, and Severus felt himself considering engaging the boy in casual conversation.

Instead, a discarded copy of the Daily Prophet sitting on the table beside them caught his eye, and he picked it up and started to read. Potter didn't say anything and Severus almost forgot the boy was there until the waitress arrived 20 minutes later with their food. When they were left alone again, Potter looked at him for a moment, then slowly started to eat.

"Professor, may I ask you something?" Potter asked hesitantly after a few silent bites. Snape felt his stomach churn uncomfortably, and the look on his face made Potter pale and look back down to his lunch.

"You may. Whether or not I answer is another matter," Severus replied after a moment, sincerely hoping that he would not regret his answer.

"Yes, sir. Of course," said Potter with that annoyingly endearing earnestness. "It's just - Professor why - why did my parent's being alive change your life so much. Were you friends - before they…" Severus stared hard at the boy, wondering how he could possibly think that was a question that would be answered. Potter blushed and looked back down to his plate of food.

"I'm sorry, sir. It's not my place," muttered Harry. Hardly able to breathe, Severus continued to stare Harry who was studiously avoided looking up. Dumbledore was right. When Severus dared to look at Harry, he didn't see an arrogant, pampered teenager. He saw a small, boy who was so distraught at realizing his parents were not real that he had cried in a hated Professor's arms, but who still had the strength to follow through on stabbing himself.

Even though he knew his memories weren't real, Severus grudgingly knew that the side of James he had seen was real, and he felt as though he had lost a friend. Now when he looked at Harry's face he saw as much warmth and kindness in James' smile as he did in Lily's eyes.

"We knew each other," Severus said simply, pulling himself back to reality. Potter's eyes flashed up from his plate and he stared at Severus urging him to go on. "Your mother and I were friends. Your father and I were on the same side in the first war." Severus continued, feeling that it would be a betrayal to the Ghangzou James to disparage the real one in front of Harry.

"And it was my fault they died," whispered Potter softly. "That's why you hate me so much." He looked as though he had just solved an extremely difficult puzzle and stared back at Severus with no malice or hatred, just understanding and a little sadness. Then he swallowed hard and looked back down to his plate.

Severus felt absolutely paralyzed. He never wanted to make the boy feel responsible for his parents' deaths, not when he hated the the boy and certainly not now when his emotions were continually pulled towards actually liking the child. Still, he had no idea what to say.

"Potter…no…" Severus started awkwardly. Harry refused to look up from his plate. There was a deep discomfort in Severus' gut as he searched for the words to say. It was laughable to him that there was a world where he might have the capacity to deal with this sort of situation. He thought back to the Ghangzou and how important it had been to him to comfort Harry that night, how easy it was to find the right words to say to the boy.

"Potter, it is not you fault that your parents died. You were an infant," Severus said, trying to inject a thread of reasonableness into the conversation. Unfortunately, Potter was only 11, and was already having a miserable Christmas, reasonable words weren't enough. Severus heard a small sniffle and felt utterly horrible.

"Look at me, Potter," Severus said with a much gentleness as he could muster. The boy quickly wiped at his cheeks and raised his head. His eyes were slightly rimmed with red and his jaw quivered slightly, but there was a defiant set to his face that Severus couldn't help but admire.

"I saw your parents when I looked at you, and I suppose I found that very hard," Severus said in that same gentle voice that sounded so weird to his ears. "But I never thought anything that happened was your fault. You are not to blame." Harry stared hard at Severus for a long moment, as though searching for deception. Another tear slid down the boy's face, and he brushed it away irritably with his hand.

"Do you want a piece of cake?" asked Severus, sweets often worked on the Slytherins when they cried. It was pretty much the only form of comfort he was capable of providing. Potter blinked those big green eyes up at him in confusion then laughed a little bit.

"I'm sorry sir, it's just I've never imagined you'd offer me a piece of cake," He said with a brave attempt at a laugh. Then his face fell again, and he looked back down to his plate.

"I'm sorry I brought us back," Harry whispered, barely loud enough for Severus to hear. Again, Severus' stomach clenched uncomfortably with pity. Losing that fake life had almost broken Severus' heart. Getting up the last few mornings had been nearly a Herculean feat given how lethargic and depressed he felt. This vengeful solitary existence he led now felt futile and wrong, and he had never hated himself more. He felt all this, and he was a grown man. Potter was just a child who just had everything he had ever wanted ripped from him unceremoniously after being left alone over Christmas.

"Oh Potter," Severus sighed, sliding his chair towards the child who was trying valiantly not to cry. "It wasn't real." Feeling a tinge awkward, Severus scanned the crowd at the diner. A few of the other patrons had started to notice the upset boy.

Feeling suddenly protective, Severus reached out and pulled the boy towards him as though to hide him from any potential on-lookers. Unlike most children his age, Harry cried completely silently, and Severus could only tell the boy was breaking down because of the way his shoulders shook.

Severus didn't really know what to do, so he tapped the boy's back awkwardly and sat in silence, hoping his discomfort wouldn't radiate to Potter. With no small amount of frustration, he remembered that, at one point, he did know what to do with the small weight on his chest. He was a favourite Uncle, a Father that was way better than his had ever been, a good friend who had looked his two best friends in the eye and promised to take care of their child if anything happened to them. He had somehow managed to become a worthy person and he would figure out how to do it again, even without James and Lily.

"It's going to be ok, Harry," whispered Severus. It wasn't a platitude. It was a promise. A responsibility. Harry pulled away and smiled weakly up at Severus. It wasn't the glowing trust and admiration of the Ghangzou Harry, but it was a start.

"What do you say to a fresh start?" Snape whispered, reaching forward and pushing a tear off of Harry's face. With the simple innocence of a child, Harry's entire face brightened, and he nodded. Even though he hated himself for it, Severus was secretly grateful for whatever it was that made Harry desperate enough for affection that he was willing to disregard four months worth of degradation.

All the sudden, Harry's expression changed. He was looking past Severus with a gaping mouth. With a frown, Severus turned around slowly. Pauline stood behind the counter, cutting a large chocolate cake into slices, looking almost as exactly as she did in Severus' dreams. He blinked a few times incredulously.

"You have to go talk to her!" Potter said, adopting a gravity that suggested this was a matter of national security.

"Potter, don't be ridiculous," snapped Snape as he turned his back on the image of Pauline. His heart hammered loudly against his eardrums. The shock of seeing Pauline was so much that he barely registered that yelling at Potter to not be ridiculous was probably not the fresh start the boy was hoping for.

"You said I could have cake," Potter said crossing his arms and smiling impishly. "I want a slice of the cake she's cutting…please, sir." The boy was truly like his father. Any resistance was futile. He thew another look over his shoulder at Pauline, who had bent over to inspect the size of the cake slices she cut, giving Severus a very appealing view of her chest. He whipped back around and scowled at Harry.

"I'm not going to go ask a woman on a date while I'm out with a student. That is completely inappropriate," Severus hissed at Harry leaning forward. The boy put his elbows on the table and leaned forward as well.

"I never said anything about a date, sir. I just want some cake." He gave Severus a smile that was way too self-satisfied to bode well. "Go on, she's leaving." Despite his posturing, and his honest belief that it was not appropriate to pick up women while babysitting students, the thought of not speaking to her when she was right there in front of him was unbearable. He rose from the table and walked over to the counter without a further conscious thought.

In an instant, she was a mere foot from him, separated only by the thin glass of the display case. There was no magic for Pauline though, who had yet to look up from the perfect cake she was slicing. Awkwardly, he cleared his throat.

"Hello," his voice came out somewhat squeakier than he would have hoped.

"You have to place your order at the front," said Pauline without actually looking up. Without thinking, Severus threw a desperate glance back at Potter, before realizing that the child's wingman abilities were likely not honed at age 11. The boy flashed him an encouraging smile and nodded back to the counter.

"See, the thing is I need a slice of that cake right there," said Severus, not quite able to exude the effortless confidence required for such an approach. _This you dumb bastard, is why Lily wound up with James_. At this, she looked up from the cake, her golden eyes narrowed. He found that his thoughts weren't quite as coherent as they were moments ago.

"It's a bit of a desperate situation, really," Severus said, not feeling the least bit guilty he was channeling as much of James as he possibly could. "See that little boy over there really wants a piece of that cake, and I'm afraid if I wait in line, everyone will see how good it looks at it will all be gone." Pauline's eyes flicked to the line where only three people waited.

"There are only three people in line," she commented dryly.

"I'm a very cautious man," replied Severus. The barest quirk of her lip encouraged him to continue. "I'm afraid he's had a bad day, and I can't risk making it worse. Personally, I prefer Peppermint Cheesecake to uh - Orange Chocolate."

"Peppermint, really?" she said cocking her head at him. He nodded and she looked him over, considering.

"I suppose I can see it," she said after a moment. She pursed her lips and spooned a piece of cake on to the plate. Their hands grazed as she passed it over.

"Thank you -" Severus said trailing off to allow her to give him her name.

"Pauline," she added after a moment's hesitation. A grin spread across his face without any warning, and he quickly rained it back in.

"Severus," he replied. With nothing left to say, he turned back to Potter.

"We have Peppermint Cheesecake the day after Christmas," said Pauline, causing Severus to turn around. She was half-smiling at him, the way she did when she knew she was being cute. With great effort, Severus sat on the urge to grin and merely inclined his head.

"I guess I'll see you then."

Harry was grinning with insufferable self-satisfaction when Severus made his way back to the table and Severus dumped the cake in front of the boy, trying to look put-upon.

"Did you ask her on a date?"

"That's none of your business. Eat your cake." grunted Severus. Potter's enthusiasm was barely dampened.

"She's really pretty," whispered Harry conspiratorially. Severus was about to rebuke the boy again for be impudent, but the boy's good mood was infectious. The stern look that was supposed to end up on Severus' face ended up as a kind of smirk. Harry giggled and took a large bite of his cake.

"And she makes good cake!" added Harry as though that should deal with any possible reservation Severus might have had. The boy had been picking at his food the last few days and it was good to see him whole-heartedly digging into the cake, even if it was pure sugar. Severus grabbed a fork, reached over and took a bite of the cake. It was dense, moist and fantastically zesty. Harry read the verdict on his Professor's face and pushed the cake into the centre of the table with a smile that Severus gladly returned.

In that moment, Severus truly felt that he could do it. Free Potter of that horrible home, raise him, love him as dearly as his own. It didn't matter that the promise he had made to James and Lily had been in a weird Dreamworld under different circumstances, he still found that he felt responsible. Worse, he found that the responsibility he felt made him feel more whole and satisfied than anything had in a long time.

"Cleared of all charges, rather quickly too," Severus jumped guiltily at the sound of Dumbledore's voice, as though the man had heard his thoughts. Dumbledore stood at the entrance, his eyes twinkling happily, but Severus' eyes were drawn to the man beside him. Sirius Black, looking much leaner, older and more haunted than Severus remembered. His chocolate coloured robes and green sweater were new and his face and shoulder length hair were clean, but somehow he still looked unkempt and ragged from his years in Azkaban. Despite this, his eyes were hungrily focused on Harry, like the boy was a famous painting he would never be able to see again.

"Harry, this is your Godfather, Sirius Black," said Dumbledore gently. The anxiety was clear on Harry's face and Severus couldn't help but wonder if the boy was anxious to give a good impression or simply anxious at the less than savoury look of Black.

"Hello uhm -Godfather," said Harry quietly. He got wiped his hand on his robes and held a hand out formally to Sirius. Sirius' eyes crinkled with amusement, and his face broke out into a more relaxed smile as he shook Potter's hand. The effect instantly made the man look more approachable.

"Just Sirius is fine," Sirius said gently, his eyes still roaming over Harry's face.

"I'm sorry. I've never had a Godfather before," Potter explained, abashed.

"You did, when you were very little," replied Sirius, a little sadly, the ghost of a smile on his lips. "You couldn't quite figure out what to call me then either, you had a bit of trouble with your r's." The memory made Sirius swallow down something that looked suspiciously like tears.

"Look at you. My God, you've grown so," whispered Sirius, reaching out a hand to touch Harry's cheek, as if to see whether or not he was real, then retracting it before it made contact. He clearly was concerned about spooking Harry, but he needn't have been. Harry was looking at Sirius just as hungrily, as though every single one of his dreams had just come true. Abruptly, Severus realized that it likely had.

"With the Ghangzou, my parents - they named my little brother Sirius, that was after you, wasn't it?" Harry asked urgently, as though hardly daring to believe it was true. A deep foolish feeling came over Severus. Even in the Ghangzou world, James and Lily would have chosen Sirius as their son's guardian if they had the option. With him alive, Severus was just superfluous. An appendix on Potter's family. He hated how depressed that made him.

"I suppose it was," Sirius whispered, tears filling eyes at the thought. "It's good to know I did right by them in at least one life." Harry didn't know what to say to that, but he didn't need to say anything. Sirius took a deep breath, apparently steadying himself.

"I'm sorry I wasn't around when you were little," said Sirius, crouching to be at Harry's eyeline. "But I'd really like to be around now, if you'd let me." This simple speech made Severus' stupid starting fresh thing seem horrifically lame and it had completely stunned Harry into silence.

"Do you mean live with you?" whispered Harry, not daring to believe what was happening to him. It sounded disbelieving in an incredulous way and Sirius quickly raised his hands, as though he was being accused of something.

"I expect you'd want to stay with your Aunt and Uncle, and I completely - "

"No, I don't. Really, I don't." cut in Potter, sounding as anxious as Sirius had been. Sirius' eyes flickered momentarily to Dumbledore, knowing, as did Severus, that that was not a typical reaction. Sirius hesitated a moment, like he was worried that touching Potter would somehow soil the boy, then took the boy's hands in his.

"We're family. You'll always have a home with me, Harry," said Sirius, easily summoning the words that Severus was unable to say. Severus did not get a chance to observe the boy's face because he immediately threw himself into his Godfather's arms. The hug startled Sirius, who probably hadn't been hugged since before Azkaban. For a moment. Sirius allowed his arms to hang at his side then, remembering what to do he wrapped them cautiously around Potter, blinking back tears. Harry was gripping Sirius tightly and after a moment Sirius too gripped Harry back hard, tears running down his face. After a few moments, they pulled apart.

"If it's alright with Dumbledore, you could spend Christmas with me. My parent's have an old flat in Hogsmeade that should be relatively livable. It won't be as impressive as Hogwarts though." Harry grinned and looked back pleadingly at Dumbledore who smiled down at the boy.

"I could not have thought up a more fantastic idea myself," replied Dumbledore.

"Hello Professor Dumbledore. Your usual?" asked Pauline.

"Not today, Polly. Thank you," Dumbledore said. Severus' stomach dropped, and he turned to glare at Dumbledore who smiled back calmly.

The shock of the revelation that Dumbledore knew Pauline, and the jealously he felt when he looked at Black was enough to make Severus' head split. He quietly went to the counter to pay for the meal, making sure Pauline had returned to the back so he wouldn't have to talk to her.

"Thank you, for what you did," said Sirius' voice from behind him, breaking Severus' train of thought.

"Trust me, it wasn't personal," grumbled Severus as he collected his receipt and put it in his pocket. Sirius laughed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Ah well, I know how you feel about me. You could have kept your mouth shut and didn't. I appreciate that." Severus crossed his arms and looked sourly at Sirius.

"You could have spoken to Dumbledore at any point. One word from you and he would have found the truth and released you." Sirius' eyes widened and he checked over his shoulder to where Harry was putting on a winter cloak out of earshot.

"Dumbledore insisted Harry be given to Petunia, my friends were dead because of me. I had nothing to live for," Sirius admitted quietly, saying more than Severus expected.

"You abandoned him for vengeance," Severus snarled, surprised at how angry he was getting. Sirius blinked a few times at the ceiling.

"I had no right to love that boy after I got his parents killed," whispered Sirius. "I thought he'd be better off without me in his life." Severus felt an uncomfortable burst of empathy for the man standing across from him and looked away.

"If you don't follow through on every promise you just made that boy…" Severus trailed off moodily, barely registering the change in Sirius' expression.

"You can be part of this family too, Severus," Sirius said in a soft, hesitant voice. Severus looked at him sharply.

"And what makes you think I'd want to do that?" snapped Severus crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Because of Harry," said Sirius "And because in a different world, we would have become very good friends. I think you know that's true." Severus narrowed his eyes, but conceded the point with a slight, involuntary twitch of his head.

"Maybe it's not too late for us in this world," Sirius offered with a faint smile. Before Severus could respond, Harry approached them. With an ease Severus could never manage, Sirius wrapped an arm around the boy.

"You're ready to go then?" He asked. Harry nodded eagerly, still looking up at his Godfather as though he was the second coming.

"Alright. Well Severus, you're more than welcome to join us for Christmas. Thank you again," Sirius said, holding his hand out. Severus regarded the scarred, tattooed hand skeptically for a moment then shook it firmly. A broad, satisfied smile spread over Sirius' face, as they dropped hands. Severus turned away from Harry and Sirius and started to walk away.

"Professor!" called Harry, almost desperately causing Severus to whip around. Before he could figure out what was happening, a small blur of black hair launched itself at his stomach. On pure instinct, Severus caught the boy, placing a hand on his hair.

"Merry Christmas, sir!"

"Happy Christmas, Potter." Severus replied, patting the black hair awkwardly. Sirius was watching the scene with an oddly gentle expression. When Sirius caught his eye, he gave him a knowing smile.

"We'll be having Christmas dinner at 7," he said. Harry pulled out of the hug and looked up at his Professor.

"Will you come?" asked Harry. From the wide, imploring expression on the child's face, Severus could tell that the boy actually wanted him to come. From as far back as Severus could remember, no one ever wanted to spend Christmas with him. The fact that Harry did made him feel embarrassingly warm and fuzzy. Sirius gave him an encouraging look.

"Fine. Yes, I'll come."

**The End. If you haven't reviewed this story yet and enjoyed it (or hated it but still read it all), I would really appreciate hearing what you have to say.**

**(though I might be persuaded to do an Epilogue if enough people are interested. Give me your thoughts!)**


End file.
